Marriage with no sex :(

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by D_Commonwealth Pottimouth, Aug 12, 2011.

  1. D_Commonwealth Pottimouth

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    Hi, I joined LPSG a while ago and have been posting pics, but I think the real reason I joined, and what I should have done first, is to write this post. I have an amazing wife - both gorgeous and a truly wonderful person, but she has real issues with sex. She is really scared of getting pregnant, and really averse to pain or health issues, so much so that the only contraception she has been comfortable with so far is abstinence. She is a sensual person, and we have enjoyed intimate times together, but she also finds the idea of oral sex really, I don't know, icky? I often perform oral sex on her, which she really appreciates, although she says she can't understand why I am so happy to play around with my tongue down there! I wondered about whether she might try anal, but that is even more gross to her. She has given me a few handjobs, but I think that can make her feel unclean as well, and she seems to get bored quickly, or get frustrated if I don't come quickly, whereas I spend hours on her. I love her very much, so I want to respect the way she feels. She has said that she would really like to have sex, but I think maybe the main problem is her fear of pregnancy combined with fear of side effects of the more effective contraception methods. I think she also afraid that the first few times I penetrate her might be a bit painful, though I think she knows she could get over that. So, as I love her, I'd really like to help her, but because I am so sexually frustrated, I find myself getting a little crazy. She also sometimes feels hurt when I am reluctant to have sexual intimacy with her, as if I were not attracted to her, but I find it very difficult when it ends with me being unsatisfied. I don't think I have used LPSG in a very helpful way so far, it doesn't help knowing that there are other people who would like me to fuck them or to suck me, although it might give me a brief thrill to read comments, it doesn't help my relationship with my wife, and is too much temptation. So what do I do?!
     
  2. D_Harry_Scholnga

    D_Harry_Scholnga New Member

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    Tell her you don't mind licking her pussy when it smells like an empty can of tuna in oil. If she won't blow you then, get therapy for you both. Frankly, I think your post is bogus.
     
  3. stoneten69

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    I so understand what you are going through. My wife is very similar except she isn't worried about pregnancy. She just doesn't like to have sex, etc. At least I know I am not the only one out there.
     
  4. Charles Finn

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    ok I am going to play Tyler Perry
    why did you get married then?
     
  5. HudyDelight

    HudyDelight New Member

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    maybe because marriage isnt about only sex.

    but in all reality I dealt with this for 5 years with my girlfriend. her problem was that she could never have sex literally. I'd try getting it in and no matter how hard I pushed it was like there was a wall there. took alot of lube and a little alcohol to finally get passed that point but she still says the pain is too much that it only last about 2 min before we have to stop and she still manages to freak out over being pregnant from pre-cum. And im with you when you say she wont blow you. mine only gives handjobs (and she sucks at hand jobs) and thinks a blow job is dirty. plus she is beyond grossed out by cum so she freaks when any bit of it gets on her. its just sexually frustrating being in one of these relationships but I know for me it'd be better to be in it with her without sex then it would be without her. good luck on your situation I think it's just a thing you have to talk about and work at.
     
  6. MickeyLee

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    doctors.... gyno, individual therapy, sex therapist, couples counseling. whatever your insurance will cover.

    i don't mean that in a negative you need help kinda way, this is the you need help from medical professionals to solve some of these issues kinda way.

    a gyno might be able to provide a form of BC she can work with. and check her out for any medical conditions, you mentioned pain with penetration.

    therapy can help sooth some of her anxieties related to sex or just about anything else making her sunshine less bright.

    couples, cuz ya clearly care about her.. but this kinda thing does put stress on a relationship. y'all can work this and anything else out.

    if insurance is a no-go there are heaps of places offering reduced/sliding/no-fee services.
     
  7. helgaleena

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    OP, this is not a healthy attitude to sex, although fear of pregnancy is rational. Sex itself is meant to give pleasure and to commune with your partner. If she is unable to do that, and it sounds like it is with Anyone, not just you, perhaps a psychiatric evaluation is in order.

    Meanwhile, insist on having her there when you masturbate. She cannot refuse to deal with this part of your life together. Unless, of course, she finds out she would be better off as a nun :rolleyes:

    Addendum: condoms are highly effective! Also they are not 'icky'. Especially for anal, I recommend you try to include them.

    The name for what hudy experienced with his gf is called vaginismus, and it's got to do with nerves. Both sexual partners need to have a high level of trust and patience.
     
    #7 helgaleena, Aug 12, 2011
    Last edited: Aug 12, 2011
  8. yoursgetsmine

    yoursgetsmine Member

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    I think I saw a movie once, "Boy in a Bubble" (John Travolta) because the kid couldn't be exposed to anything..........so does your wife live in a bubble? How does she get through the day with all the potential pain causing, accident potential in the world? Does she just shut down because basically ANYTHING we do.....even going to sleep, could be painful at some point?

    She's fucking Tyrone on the side.......and he's "taking" care of business and hurting her in a good way with his huge cock........and it's not that you could hurt her....it's that you're not measuring up and hurting her in that "good way" that a large dick can do for some women! At least that's my fantasy............no offense intended!
     
  9. helgaleena

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    Fantasy aside, 'sex is dirty' is a neurotic attitude and false!
     
  10. dolfette

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    1, you must accept the possibility that she will never change. can you live like this forever? if not, you may want to consider your future. will you grow to resent her?

    2, although some people are asexual, she just sounds messed up. she likes head, so she likes sexual pleasure from a partner. she might never agree to it but she really needs therapy.
     
  11. poultrygeist

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    I lived in a sexless marriage for 4 long agonizing years. It wasn't just a problem with sex, as there wasn't a lot of love either. We both knew we should not have gotten married, but for some reason figured that our problems would get better over time. It did not. We were both young and stupid. In the end, it was not the sex (or lack thereof) that caused the end. It was simply the lack of love. So the lack of sex was a symptom of a much larger problem. Married Mrs. Poultry out of love and there have been no problems in the bedroom at all. So maybe there are some deeper issues going on in her that need to come out.

    In your case, I think Dolfette is right with your range of options.
     
  12. Chaotica

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    Was she a virgin when you married her?

    Is she opposed to condoms (there are no side effects for her, right, so I don't see why a condom would be a problem)?

    With regard to the oral, I think it should be tit for tat. She should go down on you after you go down on her. If she thinks it's "icky" then maybe a post-shower oral would be better, or flavored lube?
     
  13. B_theaussieone

    B_theaussieone New Member

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    Think about it like this, if she gets pregnant and has the baby naturally, then she'd have no problem with your cock after.
     
  14. mako shark

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    Sounds like therapy might help, she has some definate issues if everything you say is true.
     
  15. Domisoldo

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    That makes no sense. Spermicidal condoms + timing + coitus interruptus would make pregnancy about as likely as the Moon getting out of orbit.

    What gives?
     
  16. dolfette

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    phobias aren't logical.
     
  17. MsThang

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    Honestly, if I was married to someone and we weren't having sex I would be a straight up bitch and Lord knows that wouldn't help the marriage. Sex should be the absolute last reason why people have problems in their marriage. Money, bills, the kids, your in-laws those are the strains a marriage has to juggle. But sex? I can understand if there is a physical condition preventing intercourse but that is not the case. The simple truth is that she is a selfish women. Yes, it sounds like she needs therapy to deal with her problem but the fact that she isn't doing anything to deal with it knowing that her husband isn't getting sex is crazy. And then making these ridiculous excuses that she is scared of pain and getting pregnant but won't use contraception. Come on. She is playing you man. I know she is your wife but that is pure bullshit.
     
    sudcalifornio likes this.
  18. B_Bjen2848

    B_Bjen2848 New Member

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    she's probably fucking someone on the side & you're completely clueless (most likely)

    orrrr she has some kind of mental issue/some deep rooted issue like abuse or a skewed view on sex that is unhealthy, etc. (also very likely)

    orrrrr she is just a selfish you know what that only cares about getting hers who doesn't care at all about your needs (i don't think this is likely, you married her for a reason, right?)

    either way, sounds like a shitty marriage, i would jump ship if i were you
     
  19. Frnkd213

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    Did you and her pledge to be abstinent until you were married? If not wasn't there clues while dating that she was not into sex. Like uh, "sorry I think sucking your penis is like, icky. But you can eat me all you want. I'm saving my self for mr right"

    Not to make fun but since you say you are married unless she experienced trauma(rape or abuse) and not tell you therapy may be in the future, either together or herself. Love can be blind and it's noble of you to value it over lust and sex, but it's going to where you thin in time.
     
  20. D_Commonwealth Pottimouth

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    Thanks for supportive comments - particularly useful to hear from those who have had similar experiences.
     
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