Marriage with no sex :(

D_GlennFeckless

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If she appreciates you giving her oral but doesn't understand why you do it, and doesn't want to do something to you that she considers "icky", perhaps there's something fundamentally wrong with her understanding of a "relationship". The doing of something that is pleasurable to their partner for their enjoyment, and their's alone, is a sign of caring. When both express that sentiment together the sex can be incredibly hot.

I agree with others' recommendation for either therapy, or your own re-evaluation of the relationship. How about if you bring those options up with her? If she does love you, then trying to objectively deal with this shouldn't be something to fear. If, on the other hand, you question her feelings for you...
 

docilej

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I was basically in the same situation (finally got divorced after 15yrs). You either have to accept that that is the way she is and you're not going to have a satisfying sex life, or build up the courage to finally end the marriage.

I even went so far as getting "snipped" to avoid pregnancy, and she wouldn't put out.
 

irox19

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This thread is depressing. I can't believe people stay committed to a partner they cannot be completely open with sexually. Pretty weird.
 

dolfette

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This thread is depressing. I can't believe people stay committed to a partner they cannot be completely open with sexually. Pretty weird.
really? i find it sad, but also heartening that there are people who will put this much effort into giving their love a chance.
 

Blorkin

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...you need help from medical professionals...

That should have been obvious, which is why I agree with it.

... fear of pregnancy is rational...

Helgaleena I agree with you except on the quoted point. Fear of pregnancy is only rational if you cannot follow simply directions. Birth control works 100% of the time (I am rounding) if you take it at the same time every day. This is not that hard, I have not been on birth control but I have been of medication that requires you too take it at the same time every day, to be specific it was a vitamin D supplement. Also I have a friend that has to take lots of pills at many different times through-out the day or she could die, but she also cannot drink, eat certain foods, etc.

But back to my point we have covered that she should not be scared of getting pregnant, you could also double up (birth control and condoms), do not get male birth control!!!

So for health side effects to my knowledge and my girlfriends knowledge, they are minimal. Her breasts are growing which causes her occasional pain
and her period is now a full week instead of 4-5 days. On a side note her period may be longer but it is less painful.

Lastly their is pain of sex. Yes this will probably happen, will she get over the pain, I would hope so. If she doesn't get over the pain after a while (say 14 times of sex) I would see a doctor and explain because, this could be a major problem. The body is supposed to adjust and her body is not adjusting. Please, I beg of you, see a doctor should pain persist.

... She also sometimes feels hurt when I am reluctant to have sexual intimacy with her, as if I were not attracted to her, but I find it very difficult when it ends with me being unsatisfied...

Have you talked with her about this specific problem. I agree with HudyDelight that marriage is not about sex, but the fact is that to me it sounds like she doesn't want to reciprocate, means in my opinion she doesn't understand
how you can be sexually frustrated. I see this a communication issue. Advice: talk about in bloody gory detail because you have to reach an understanding.

...says she can't understand why I am so happy to play around with my tongue down there...

Bring this up in explaining. The reason you do it is because you like to see her happy. And explain how you enjoy it when she does things to you. Also be very nice and understanding with her, you don't want to make it seem like an attack.

I am slightly sorry if I come up as total jackass but this is my way of helping. I do really hope it helps and that you and your wife are able to get through this.
 

lafever

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Hi, I joined LPSG a while ago and have been posting pics, but I think the real reason I joined, and what I should have done first, is to write this post. I have an amazing wife - both gorgeous and a truly wonderful person, but she has real issues with sex. She is really scared of getting pregnant, and really averse to pain or health issues, so much so that the only contraception she has been comfortable with so far is abstinence. She is a sensual person, and we have enjoyed intimate times together, but she also finds the idea of oral sex really, I don't know, icky? I often perform oral sex on her, which she really appreciates, although she says she can't understand why I am so happy to play around with my tongue down there! I wondered about whether she might try anal, but that is even more gross to her. She has given me a few handjobs, but I think that can make her feel unclean as well, and she seems to get bored quickly, or get frustrated if I don't come quickly, whereas I spend hours on her. I love her very much, so I want to respect the way she feels. She has said that she would really like to have sex, but I think maybe the main problem is her fear of pregnancy combined with fear of side effects of the more effective contraception methods. I think she also afraid that the first few times I penetrate her might be a bit painful, though I think she knows she could get over that. So, as I love her, I'd really like to help her, but because I am so sexually frustrated, I find myself getting a little crazy. She also sometimes feels hurt when I am reluctant to have sexual intimacy with her, as if I were not attracted to her, but I find it very difficult when it ends with me being unsatisfied. I don't think I have used LPSG in a very helpful way so far, it doesn't help knowing that there are other people who would like me to fuck them or to suck me, although it might give me a brief thrill to read comments, it doesn't help my relationship with my wife, and is too much temptation. So what do I do?!
I swear to you as god is my witness you sound like you're with an ex-girlfriend of mine.
Anyways, I went out with this girl for a year and a half eating her pussy every day like clockwork giving her 5 to 6 orgasms a day and I enjoyed it despite the fact that she didn't want to have sex or do anything to please me. She wasn't afraid of getting pregnant but said that my cock was too big for her because she was small down there and similar to what your wife said, she didn't like the pain.
The only time she was ever interested in having sex was when she was drunk, and this only happened like three times during our relationship. She once pulled my pants down at a party while drunk in front of like 30 people and started to suck my cock and instantly threw up everywhere when she tried to deep throat me and gagged.
She ended up cheating on me when she went on vacation with her family because she got drunk and I dumped her shortly after that.
It took some down time to take an honest look at our relationship but I finally concluded that she was either a lesbian or just could care less what I wanted as long as she was getting what she wanted.
What sucks is that I was very attracted to her, she could just look at me and my dick would get hard, I almost married her and probly would still be with her to this day because of the strange hold she had on me but when she cheated on me I looked at it as a way out and took it after much consideration. I'm glad I did leave her and I'll tell you why, while I was on the fense about leaving her after she cheated on me I had sex with several other woman who liked dick a whole lot and I'd have to say that they did contribute to my making up my mind of wether or not I was going to go through the rest of my life not being satisfied.
Don't know if that helps any but that's my experiencse with that type of relationship.
 

Kool888

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I so understand what you are going through. My wife is very similar except she isn't worried about pregnancy. She just doesn't like to have sex, etc. At least I know I am not the only one out there.
Hi, I am also a married guy whose wife does not like to have sex very often. It's good to know there are more people like this here.
 
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Been married twice. Sex has not been the problem. Can't help you.

Emotions never change, tech does, it is amazing how modern thinking comes from minds ruled by emotion. Bands always write their best at times, out of their brains.....;)
 

swingfun

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Typical selfish. My EX was this way...supposedly sex was only for reproduction. Of course I caught her cheating with another guy. I guess sex was great..with everyone but her husband. Personally...if she won't go to therapy I'd find elsewhere to be unless you're happy this way.