Married and bi.. with an urge to gay sex

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by f_try2, Feb 4, 2008.

  1. f_try2

    f_try2 New Member

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    Hi,
    I've been married for 12 years and during all this time I have been having gay sex with many other men... this used to be a once a year type of thing, but now it has become at least once a month..
    during this time I have not lost my sexual appetite at home.. quite the contrary, things are great..
    however the more gay men I meet, the more I want to meet others.. I am careful about protection, but I like exploring more every time... early on I was only a top, but now I enjoy more being a bottom.. after being fucked by some well hung guys, now I am lusting for double fucks, or fucking/being bucked at the same time, etc.. watching too many vids on xtube makes your imagination go crazy
    it's a miracle that no one has ever caught me cheating, but I fear this will one day happen...
    I'm sure there are many others like me... any advice or suggestions on how to curb the urge? I don't want it to go away, but I want to keep it under control..
     
  2. novice_btm

    Staff Member Moderator Gold Member

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    I don't know how to curb it, but you should know that you're not alone. I have several friends that have told me, almost verbatim, what you've just posted.
     
  3. rimmer9

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    Hi f, UK guy here almost same story except i generaly see a guy at least once a week. Like you, sex at home is great but i can't do without the pure physical conmtact with another guy/s. Never been tempted to sleep with another women.
     
  4. Thicktooll

    Thicktooll New Member

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    Yes same with me started about 10 years only by curiosity when i met 2 friends.
    I love playing and sucking big thick cocks I have 2 other friends one black guy with a 9" cock and we meet when we can most times on the weekend at a friend house and we have great sex doing every tihing
    It is a danger you take every time you go with a man that you family wiil find out ..
    My wife dose know about this friends but she dosen't know why we meet
    she dose know when I go to this freind place so she know where I am that way is easy and not so much denger ..
    It is very difficult to givw it up,but I enjoy as you say sex at home is even better and being suck by a man all the way deep is great which my mrs do not do ..
    #You will have to be very carefull and enjoy only you can decided what and how you go about buit how can you stop something so enjoyable and wow thwe best time i espend with my friends :tongue::tongue::tongue::eek::eek::eek:
     
  5. B_houugadunor

    B_houugadunor member

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    If your happy to continue on with the way things are now, then carry on regardless. If your worried about being caught cheating then logically the thing to do is to stop, but i hate logic sometimes.
     
  6. f_try2

    f_try2 New Member

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    great to know there are other in the same boat...
    whenever I meet with other guys it is usually when I travel ( I travel very often) and that makes it easier to keep it under my wife's radar.. however I think it is the same reason that I do it so much.. I think I can get away with it..
    when we lived in a 3 million people metro area, I used to go cruising for other guys in the same city I lived, but now that we live in a very small city (100 thousand) the risk of bumping into someone I met previously is greater.. that has made me more averse to local cruising, but has not eliminated the possibility..
    when I don't travel for a few weeks, i begin getting anxious for contact with other males,, and anything like underwear pics, someone running in shorts, a shirtless worker, etc makes me want to go home and either jerk off or fuck my wife... she has no idea what is on my mind at those times :biggrin1:
    thanks for all the comments..
     
  7. B_Italian1

    B_Italian1 New Member

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    1. Leave your wife unless you've been in an open relationship all of those 12 years. It's not fair to her, unless you're okay with her cheating on you.

    2. If you want to stay married, then try to stop cheating. If she finds out, she may leave you, which may make you happy and relieved that you didn't dump her.

    3. See a therapist. You could be a sex addict or on the road to becoming one. It sounds like you're out of control, and getting more extreme or you wouldn't be posting about it.
     
  8. elrond

    elrond Member

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    Is it the yummy massive cocks you want, or is it the thrill of "cheating" that keeps you playing?

    Everything from smoking to cross-dressing is more thrilling when it's forbidden.

    Pretend for a moment that you aren't married. Take some time to role play gay. Get involved in Gay Rights Politics and AIDS services and that hard-on for homos might shrivel like a used rubber.

    Or... what if your wife played Dom. and "forced" you to suck cock? Sex acts between men don't count as Gay when your girlfriend watches and supervises.
     
  9. SpoiledPrincess

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    You're married, either get out of the relationship or commit to it fully by being faithful. Sounds like the only person you care about in your marriage is you.
     
  10. B_Think_Kink

    B_Think_Kink New Member

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    I agree, you may love your wife, but she deserves to know where her man is sleeping. I mean if you catch anything.. she's going to figure it out. Without a wife you can do whatever you want, when you want. Just imagine how much it is going to hurt her when she finds out what you've been doing all this time.
     
  11. xemnasfury21

    xemnasfury21 New Member

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    I would hate for someone to do that to me in a marriage
     
  12. B_Italian1

    B_Italian1 New Member

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    And your wife is cool with this? Can she have sex with other men or women once a week?


    I've noticed a pattern. If a man posts that he's married but having sex with other men, everyone laces into him. Yet, when a gay or bi man says he has sex with married guys, everyone looks the other way.
     
  13. yngjock20

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    I don't think people look the other way.

    What I've found in my short time in being a gay whore, is that if you cruise, you can't really distinguish the married men from the out and single men. It's easy to hide a carseat in a trunk or leave your wedding ring in your gymbag. That's why when a guy says he has sex with married men, it's not as major. Unless he's openly soliciting sex from married men, then that's just as wrong as a woman doing the same.

    It's different for a man who is willing to blatantly say, "I'm married, but I cheat on my wife with men." I would personally hate to be cheated on, period. I can't fathom what it's like for a woman to be "happily married" only to find out that her husband has been taking big dicks up his ass for as many years as we've been married.

    I've met a few men who said that they went into their marriage to their wives with the the full knowledge that they were bisexual and the wife was content with that, but for the most part, it's the deceit that makes it pretty bad.
     
  14. SpoiledPrincess

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  15. biguy2738

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    I understand your feelings and desires and as you can see, you aren't alone. There are a lot a bisexual folk in the same boat as you, I can't profess to be in the same boat as you purely because I would need to have an emotional connection with a man in order for me to be willing to hand myself over to him intimately. However, I know how my emotional and sexual needs to be a man "scream" at me, so I am able to understand how it can be a thrill yet leaves you feeling torn at the same time.

    It's easy for some to stand in judgement before you when they aren't living out the reality, confusion and desires that we face every single day.

    However, with that said and done, there is one area where you stand to mess up BIG time and that is the fact that you are doing this behind your wife's back. You aren't considering her needs and how this stands to impact her should you ever be caught. Not only will she have to contend with the fact that you cheated on her, let alone that it was with a man...but what if she finds out through your contracting an STD or AIDS and passing it on to her? There's the sex, the deceit and possibly the sense that you have done this because there is something wrong with her. Would you really like to feel with the guilt of that? Is it worth an orgasm? I'm not suggesting that you quit or try to suppress your feelings or urges, but you need to let her know....and do so with the awareness that it may lead to divorce. Your wife has the right to make informed decisions about what's best for her just as you have done for you yourself behind her back.

    I haven't cheated on my wife with a man but I was made aware by a member on this site a while back that it can and most probably happen...at some stage I will most probably want to act out. I came out to her about a month or two after I realised that I was bi, however I came to realise that though she's been accepting and supportive, I lived in fear because "what if I end up needing to have sex with another man?" once that truth rears it's ugly head, would she be able to be just as accepting and open to my bisexuality. So there was only one option and that was to tell her that it can happen and if it does, I can't beat myself up about it because it is because of what I am...I am bi. Period. So I suggested that we look seriously at getting divorced in an attempt to protect her from the pain and devastation that it could wreak on her life should it ever happen.

    She's refused to get divorced and went so far as to tell me that if it ever came to it, then "I am to go for it and enjoy it".

    I thank my lucky stars for it today because I have in fact met a man and I am deeply in love with him. Where it could so easily have become a relationship of sneaking around behind her back, she knows about our love...in fact we spend a lot of time chatting to each other in front of her - it's a long distance relationship. She's encouraging and supportive of our relationship and has gone so far as to tell me that she's happy that I have in my life. She knows that if it were possible, I'd be by him in an instant...and that things could so easily have become very sexual by now.

    It's just so much easier when it's all out in the open. Yes, it may seem to be easy for me to say what I have because I am lucky to have the kind of wife that I do, however, even if she had rather opted for a divorce, I would have much rather had things go that way than to lead a double life - it's just too stressful and destructive.

    I wish you all of the very best with your journey and the decisions that you make!
     
  16. D_Percival Puddleford Pukehorn

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    I concur especially with point one. it's not fair to her.
     
  17. D_Percival Puddleford Pukehorn

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    I concur yet again.
     
  18. B_Italian1

    B_Italian1 New Member

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    I don't know why you're calling yourself a gay whore. Anyway, I have read quite the contrary, and how straight married men are in the bathhouses and cruising the restrooms, and how it's such a turn on to see a wedding band on his finger. Or how it's such a turn on knowing that you had sex with a married man.

    Nobody wants to be cheated on period, but they have no conscience when they're doing it.

    Yes, there are men that tell their wives that, but that doesn't give them a free pass to cheat. If she's okay with it, that's another story.

    I'm not talking about open relationships at all.
     
  19. biguy2738

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    Buddy, it's easy to stand in judgement of a reality that it isn't yours...please bear that in mind. You are not bisexual so you have no idea of what it's about or what one experiences as one. You have been raised with norms and standards that your sexual identity slots into very nicely...but what if that wasn't the case? What if you reality is contrary to it and there are no signposts or indications on how do make things work constructively. This is in fact the reality that we have to deal with on a daily basis: To try to establish our own norms and values because frankly put, we just don't fit in anywhere.

    If both of your legs are fully functional, how do you foresee the quality of your life being if you were forced to only use one? Would you live a life of ease or contentment - this runs so much deeper for us and on so many levels.

    In the case of bisexuals, it's not a case of being greedy but living with a reality where there are things that a woman can give me that a man never will; there are things that a man can give me that a woman will never able to..and I need both in order to be happy and to survive. Period. It is not out of choice...and if you try to live contrary to this truth, there will be an everpresent void in one's life.

    I have never cheated on my wife nor do I condone it...but I can understand why it happens...it's a catch 22 situation because one needs things from both men and women and if one partner can't live with it, then there is a void that screams out to be filled.

    To answer your question, if my wife were bisexual, then yes, I'd be the first to encourage her to have a meaningful and sexual relationship with a woman...because I know that it would come from a need and not simply lust. I have never been with another woman so I wouldn't accept her being with other men.

    "Hah, but she's straight so you're not being fair" you may be saying. This is where you are wrong. Since she is straight, her needs are being met by me...and she'll testify to that fact. However, in my case, there are needs of mine that she will never be able to fulfill...we can both stand on our heads till we're blue in the face or even consult a therapist, the fact of the matter is that she is a woman and I also need things from a man. She knows that there are parts to me that will ALWAYS be hers and hers alone - no woman or man can EVER take it away from her, however, there are also parts of me that can and never will be hers, regardless of whether I love another man or only love her...and it's not out of choice either. In fact, when I came out to her, I told her that I wished that I was gay because even though we would have gotten divorced, at the very least I would have been able to have a reality that I can make sense out of.

    The fact of the matter is that the more I love a man, the more deeply I love her as well because I am ever aware that the love that I experience with him is made possible by her being willing to allow it to happen...and the more that I love her, the more that I love him for being respectful of our marriage and his desire to never drive a wedge between us.

    Being bisexual isn't black and white and anyone who isn't bi has no right to attempt to impose that world on a reality made up of various shades of grey.
     
  20. ZOS23xy

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    I'm married; the relationship is open for a few things, but neither my wife or I have acted on it for over a decade. Flirting is fine. I have permission with a few people to do what I please, but I've never gone forward beyond a hug and a miss for those few.

    The big rule is " Don't come back with something you can't get rid of."

    I suspect the whole underlying emphasis is loyalty, even if I have the lustful inclinations.
     
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