Married bi guys, how do you handle it?

steel33

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I thought I'd start a thread on how we do this, or not, in our marriage. Perhaps it can help others.

Personally I am married and have told my wife. She accepted it way better than I could have hoped for. We are actively searching for a respectful bi guy for a MFM for both of us.
While she knows I have yet to play alone on the side even though she said it's okay. I would like too but don't really feel there yet. I don't want to hurt her feelings. Would rather have her actually see me play with a guys cock whe she is still the center of attention of a MFM.
 

Mybiside991

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I no longer tell women I'm in relationships with. I'm not married, but I've been in serious, long-term relationships and have made the mistake of bringing it up. Bisexuality ALWAYS ends up coming back to haunt me in some way. I prefer women to men, but I've decided that my sexuality is my private business.
 

runew2this2

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Steel33. . . I think it cool that your wife is open and willing to let you play with a guy in an MFM tryst. .my only advice is to take it slow. .remember once the scene is viewed the details will always be in her mind. . best to do mutual JO and frot (rubbing ur cocks) while both are orally servicing your wife. . .

She needs to be very comfortable if you will do oral on another guy let alone top or bottom. .

And you need to be comfortable swing your wife with another guy. .

If done right and over time, can be an awesome experience. .just remember the door only leads one way and once thru, no turning back!

Have fun and if ever in NY/NJ say hi!
 

Bigbozak66

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I thought I'd start a thread on how we do this, or not, in our marriage. Perhaps it can help others.

Personally I am married and have told my wife. She accepted it way better than I could have hoped for. We are actively searching for a respectful bi guy for a MFM for both of us.
While she knows I have yet to play alone on the side even though she said it's okay. I would like too but don't really feel there yet. I don't want to hurt her feelings. Would rather have her actually see me play with a guys cock whe she is still the center of attention of a MFM.
I no longer tell women I'm in relationships with. I'm not married, but I've been in serious, long-term relationships and have made the mistake of bringing it up. Bisexuality ALWAYS ends up coming back to haunt me in some way. I prefer women to men, but I've decided that my sexuality is my private business.

MyBiSide....I could not agree with you more! Safe & Respectful sexuality (very important) while is a relationship is perfectly fine (in my opinion). I don't ever put my wife and risk for disease while enjoying myself. (ie -never anal penetration - oral only)

I like you have messed up relationships and friendships... by telling my business to others! Now like you, my private business is no ones business by mine! Guy - Bigbozak66
 

Mellow

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I came out to my wife when we were teenagers, and had just began dating. At the time my experience was probably a bit more with guys, but having a few long term relationships with girls, I had begun to focus my attention on them. At the time I had felt that if I expressed a common interest we could explore it together and enjoy sharing our attractions for others. It ended up being way too complicated at our age to enjoy, and has in most ways remained a source of insecurity. It has been something that, after all this time, she has come to on her own over the last year. Nothing earth shattering, but questions, and conversations initiated by her, and she listens. It has been awkward mostly, but probably more so because I have a sincere fear of rejection. It has never in my life been a positive experience when relating my bisexuality with women I know. It has puzzled and even depressed me to be so misunderstood by women I felt close enough to share that private detail of my life with. I find it also to be frustrating that possibly the best general male advocate for a woman's sexual freedom, and experience is seemingly uninteresting, and unapproachable. I don't regret being honest with my wife, and I'd like to think that in most ways I represent myself in a way that can be honest and open with others. I guess though, being completely transparent, I have layers of protective admissions that are half measured attempts at revealing my sexuality to avoid the alienation and harassment I experienced as a younger man.

I try not to be envious of those like you and your wife, steel33. You two are lucky in this way, and that you have found it important enough to each other to go forward together is a beautiful adventure. I have those moments with my wife, it just has a different unifying reason. I can see now that the versatility that is an inherent part of me has long before I accepted it given me the tools I needed to draw happiness or wisdom from anything. It's always there for us, just gotta take it.
 
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I thought I'd start a thread on how we do this, or not, in our marriage. Perhaps it can help others.

Personally I am married and have told my wife. She accepted it way better than I could have hoped for. We are actively searching for a respectful bi guy for a MFM for both of us.
While she knows I have yet to play alone on the side even though she said it's okay. I would like too but don't really feel there yet. I don't want to hurt her feelings. Would rather have her actually see me play with a guys cock whe she is still the center of attention of a MFM.

I'd say be careful --- if my wife was interested in women, I don';t think I would want to see her playing with pussy -- even with me there, I think it would be painful once the heat of passion wore off
 
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steel33

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We are experimenting with swinging and have been going at it slowly, our pace. In Feb. we soft swapped in MX with another couple. I was surprised at how turned on I was watching her suck the other guy's thick cock. I was just too distracted to attend to his wife properly. She ended up using a vibrator on my wife while I started to fuck her (my wife). We ended with our own wife's.
My biggest concern before this was if I would be jealous. I wasn't but was really turned on. I have told her this many times. We continue to talk about it. She is so more open to the possibilities for recreational sex. Last weekend we were talking about sex with someone hung. She talked about how it felt and I could tell she was really getting turned on because she started flushing. Over a year ago we had a chance to hook up with As respectful single hung bi male but I was t ready and passed. Hopefully we can reconnect with him again or find another guy who has his credentials.
 

daftman

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We are experimenting with swinging and have been going at it slowly, our pace. In Feb. we soft swapped in MX with another couple. I was surprised at how turned on I was watching her suck the other guy's thick cock. I was just too distracted to attend to his wife properly. She ended up using a vibrator on my wife while I started to fuck her (my wife). We ended with our own wife's.
My biggest concern before this was if I would be jealous. I wasn't but was really turned on. I have told her this many times. We continue to talk about it. She is so more open to the possibilities for recreational sex. Last weekend we were talking about sex with someone hung. She talked about how it felt and I could tell she was really getting turned on because she started flushing. Over a year ago we had a chance to hook up with As respectful single hung bi male but I was t ready and passed. Hopefully we can reconnect with him again or find another guy who has his credentials.
I too am bi and my wife is very aware of it..though I am virgin bi and she is not ....

we are somewhat dreaming of another couple and a nude beach!
 

archetypal_mystic

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Good thread...I have two good buddies who could benefit from this thread...both admitted and acted on the bi feelings, the bi feelings have not gone away, and in one case I KNOW he wants to integrate it more fully....certain the wife does not know.
 

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I'm married and my wife found out by accident... it was a bad scene, but in the end she was only hurt because I didn't tell her. She's very open to me exploring that side of my sexuality because she too is Bi. There were moments of doubt where she asked if I was gay, which I understood her fears and we talked about it a long time. I don't flaunt my exploits with guys for fear of making her jealous. I also don't do anything that takes away from my time with her. All is good now, but it was very tense for a while.

For guys reading this that haven't told their spouse, I'm not saying run to her now and tell her. I'm sure there are women that wouldn't understand the difference between gay and bisexual, or they might consider this flat-out cheating on them. That said, just know that omission of truth is just as bad as lying. Try starting small... like there was a guy jerking off in the shower at the gym and you joined him. Make it clear she's the one you want to be with. If you have no intention on getting into a relationship with a guy, let her (and any guy) know this. Do concentrate on your relationship with her so she feels secure. Maybe in time she'll want to participate in a MMF scene, with her just watching, or more if you're into that.
 

Totan

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I thought I'd start a thread on how we do this, or not, in our marriage. Perhaps it can help others.

Personally I am married and have told my wife. She accepted it way better than I could have hoped for. We are actively searching for a respectful bi guy for a MFM for both of us.
While she knows I have yet to play alone on the side even though she said it's okay. I would like too but don't really feel there yet. I don't want to hurt her feelings. Would rather have her actually see me play with a guys cock whe she is still the center of attention of a MFM.
You are just so lucky men, I didn't even mention to my wife about my bi side. Sometime I just joking about that and she is kind of reject it right away, I don't know how to let she knows. How did you start with?
 

damnimbi

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My last relationship, my ex (we were engaged) knew I was bi before we got together (we were close work friends). She was actually very much into exploring together, but I was the one that eventually held back. We spent time looking for a guy to enjoy together, but I ended up getting cold feet, worried about how it would complicate our relationship. We eventually split for other reasons, but kinda regret I didn't jump at the chance....
 

Trott.lint

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My long term gf (20 years) knows I'm bi. At first, it was fine because I was happy that she knew & she was happy that I was monogamous. Over the years, my frustration built to the point that I was drinking a bottle of wine a night and blowing up over stupid, inconsequential things. She sensed it & we talked: I suggested more adventurous sex & maybe even a MFM, where the other guy was straight, but at least I could fulfil that side of myself, being naked with another man. She flatly refused - spicing up sex has been a torturous exercise, with me almost pleading with her to help spice up sex. And she flatly refused to entertain the thought of a third party, even in fantasy talk.

After 10 years, and to my eternal shame, I got involved in very brief flings with beautiful young men, everything I had fantasised about all my life. Both had incredible looks, athletic bodies and large cocks. Both of them left me so cold that I couldn't even raise the flag. I began to realise that my entire life has been built on an idea of myself that isn't necessarily true. It was a shattering discovery, but as you get older, you realise that things become much more matter of fact. I'm glad I did what I did - it has shown me that while I'm bisexual, primarily attracted to men, my emotional attraction to my gf is a powerful force that in some way helps define my life force and my sexuality.

I'm constantly reevaluating myself. I don't know where I'll end up. I hope it's with my gf - but I also hope that I can somehow find contentment within.
 

badger2395

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Been with my female partner for over 30 years; we're both bi, and we are comfortably non-monogamous. I'm more outgoing than she is, and we've had several different male and female lovers in the past. Honesty, good communication, and ensuring our relationship is solid have all made it work.
 

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My wife knows & has chosen to ignore. I got caught & her concern was that it could embarrass her. Before i got caught she entertained the idea. After she was out. Dont ask dont tell.
Her bff knows & plays w me. Wife knows a little about that, but ignores it.
 

Standard Deviant

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When I was first with my wife at the age of 22 (she was 19) SHE was the one who instigated my bisexuality. I had long acknowledged that I was visually turned on by seeing well hung males with beautiful women in porn and appreciated male physical beauty at a distance. When we were in college I was frequently cruised by men at the gym and pool locker rooms and told her about it. I was so naive I just thought the guys were playing a little flirting game. She finally said one day, "Why don't you try it?!" I did a double take, it actually took me a minute to realize what she was suggesting. That was the first time I did try it and it was a mind-bending experience.

We fantasized about finding "Our Third Person" for years and years before finally giving up. We had one great MFM partner when I was 24-25. He was 19 when we started and equally into both of us. But he was 4 hours away and eventually we threw in the towel for various reasons. Great sex, though, for all of us.

The last time we tried again, it was a married bi male who was 28 when I was 35. I was with him alone a few times first, which was something I really needed to try this time. He lived almost an hour away, again too far, especially since he was busy with his wife and kids a lot. First time we had a 3way it seemed like we were all making beautiful music together, but got very boring after a few more times. Partly he got sloppy with his hygiene, got too fat, just grossed us out. And he wanted anal, which I was not into.

I wonder if we would have found that Third Person in a world where there is the Internet. Didn't exist then. We were both very attractive, nice bodies, etc. but it is INCREDIBLY hard just to find ONE person that is compatible with ONE other person, so finding a person who is compatible with BOTH others and then being compatible in all the ways you would have to be to live together... wow, what are the odds! I suppose it can happen but I think your chances of finding it or creating it are astronomically low.