Married bi guys, how do you handle it?

[AHandfull]

Anyone have any interesting lines or ways to break the ice? Any interesting stories besides, I met him online or in the sauna? I have a friend who is divorced with a live-in girlfriend and I suspect that he would love to walk the bi side. Back when he used to drink, our conversations ranged all over the place and I found him to be very liberal and open-minded when it came to sexuality. Unfortunately I never had the guts to say or suggest anything as I wasn't gutsy in my younger years. He has a hot tub and we used to take turns naked while we were partying including his girlfriend. We weren't walking around naked but used the shadows at night to get undressed and slide in and out between beers. One night, it was just he and I and I slid my shorts off and climbed in. After ten minutes, I noticed him in his bedroom getting undressed and he came out and quickly jumped into a very small hot tub. After a few minutes of drunken conversation, I stood up and sat on the edge and complained that I was getting hot. He instantly agreed and then sat on his side. I got a bit gutsy and gave my cock a few tugs and he brushed his a bit (don't think it was my imagination). We both slid back in and resumed conversation. He has an outdoor shower and he climbed out eventually and showered off and disappeared into the sliding door off his bedroom. I got out and showered and worked up a semi and while I was rinsing off, I turned and saw him standing there through the screen watching me as we talked some more. He was really drunk but he didn't take his eyes of me while I was drying off. At one point, I heard him mutter Geez! under his breath. Couldn't tell if he was in a stupor or if he was trying to "communicate" with me. And that was it. Since then, he has given up drinking so I guess we haven't been in one of those private, carefree modes in a long while. Stumped as to how to make something happen without scaring him off or changing our relationship. He would be the perfect safe, hung friend that I have been looking for. Any stories out there would be appreciated.

 

[AHandfull]

OK. I have to acknowledge that was a very self-serving post. Apologize for that. After a few drinks, I relived a memory that is meaningless to everyone else. I asked the million dollar question that we are all looking to answer. The post did inspire me to call my buddy and we managed to spend a night in his man cave and I did disclose to him that I had a friend with benefits who also shared my sexual frustrations. The disclosure caused him to stare blankly at the hockey game we were watching and eventually hold out his fist for a fist bump. But that was it. He gave me an acknowledging look at one point and I was hopeful, but that was it. Sigh. I went home and indulged in my number one porn fantasy of massage porn and "took the edge off". So........still happily married, but increasingly frustrated by the lack of intimacy. So, bi-married guys, how do you handle it? Living it like the rest of you.........

 

[ret]

Anyone have any interesting lines or ways to break the ice? Any interesting stories besides, I met him online or in the sauna? I have a friend who is divorced with a live-in girlfriend and I suspect that he would love to walk the bi side. Back when he used to drink, our conversations ranged all over the place and I found him to be very liberal and open-minded when it came to sexuality. Unfortunately I never had the guts to say or suggest anything as I wasn't gutsy in my younger years. He has a hot tub and we used to take turns naked while we were partying including his girlfriend. We weren't walking around naked but used the shadows at night to get undressed and slide in and out between beers. One night, it was just he and I and I slid my shorts off and climbed in. After ten minutes, I noticed him in his bedroom getting undressed and he came out and quickly jumped into a very small hot tub. After a few minutes of drunken conversation, I stood up and sat on the edge and complained that I was getting hot. He instantly agreed and then sat on his side. I got a bit gutsy and gave my cock a few tugs and he brushed his a bit (don't think it was my imagination). We both slid back in and resumed conversation. He has an outdoor shower and he climbed out eventually and showered off and disappeared into the sliding door off his bedroom. I got out and showered and worked up a semi and while I was rinsing off, I turned and saw him standing there through the screen watching me as we talked some more. He was really drunk but he didn't take his eyes of me while I was drying off. At one point, I heard him mutter Geez! under his breath. Couldn't tell if he was in a stupor or if he was trying to "communicate" with me. And that was it. Since then, he has given up drinking so I guess we haven't been in one of those private, carefree modes in a long while. Stumped as to how to make something happen without scaring him off or changing our relationship. He would be the perfect safe, hung friend that I have been looking for. Any stories out there would be appreciated.

This is more of a "don't do it my way" story. I had a co-worker that I kept trying to find someway to break the ice with, but he didn't respond to any of my hints. Then we got to talking about going to Hoover Dam and take the tour down into the deeps - something neither of us could ever talk our wives into going on. So it was set - just us guys. He put up a provision - we had to share a hotel room! Awesome I thought! And a day or two later after making our plans, he started referring to me as "daddy" - I'm 18 years his senior and was his boss at the time. When I asked him about that term, he put it in terms of the job related advice I gave him. Well, ok but not what I was hoping for. So we finally go on our trip. I had it all planned - keep the room on the warm side to encourage sitting around shirtless and maybe just in boxers! We get to the room and he says he wants to try something new with keeping the room on the cold side; but I of course respond with no it's got to be warm. Well my plan did not work - he never shed his shirt and slept with t-shirt on and long shorts and no covers. Then the last evening, we were in the hotel room talking about all sorts of things. (He's a good looking hairy dude - which really gets me hot!) He asks me if I want to see his not so hairy feet, which doesn't do anything for me. So I say no. Month's later I realize I misunderstood him = he really asked me if wanted to see his very hairy feet! Now why would he have asked that if not to lead into some hot m2m fun! But I missed it and never found another opportunity to be alone with him in a setting that could have led to m2m fun. Bummer! Regarding his plan for the cooler temp, I've fantasized that he wanted to cool the room down to justify blankets on the bed and then "jumping between the covers with nothing on at all!" So the upshot of my experience is to suggest being open to and more aware about the guys around you so you can better read their cues. Hopefully that will help. (No it hasn't helped me yet, either, but I'm still hoping! )

In regards to your other posts about keeping yourself clean so you don't pass on something to your wife, that concern has also kept me from doing more m2m. Recently I learned about frot sex for guys. I had seen it in porn and was turned on by it, but at that time didn't know what it was called. I haven't yet had an opportunity to experience it myself, but sure hope to someday. Check it out. Also check out FROT The Man2Man Alliance Good info there about frot and other safe sex for guys. And there's some opportunity presented there to find similarly mind men in your area. I wish you well.

 

[779741]

This is more of a "don't do it my way" story. I had a co-worker that I kept trying to find someway to break the ice with, but he didn't respond to any of my hints. Then we got to talking about going to Hoover Dam and take the tour down into the deeps - something neither of us could ever talk our wives into going on. So it was set - just us guys. He put up a provision - we had to share a hotel room! Awesome I thought! And a day or two later after making our plans, he started referring to me as "daddy" - I'm 18 years his senior and was his boss at the time. When I asked him about that term, he put it in terms of the job related advice I gave him. Well, ok but not what I was hoping for. So we finally go on our trip. I had it all planned - keep the room on the warm side to encourage sitting around shirtless and maybe just in boxers! We get to the room and he says he wants to try something new with keeping the room on the cold side; but I of course respond with no it's got to be warm. Well my plan did not work - he never shed his shirt and slept with t-shirt on and long shorts and no covers. Then the last evening, we were in the hotel room talking about all sorts of things. (He's a good looking hairy dude - which really gets me hot!) He asks me if I want to see his not so hairy feet, which doesn't do anything for me. So I say no. Month's later I realize I misunderstood him = he really asked me if wanted to see his very hairy feet! Now why would he have asked that if not to lead into some hot m2m fun! But I missed it and never found another opportunity to be alone with him in a setting that could have led to m2m fun. Bummer! Regarding his plan for the cooler temp, I've fantasized that he wanted to cool the room down to justify blankets on the bed and then "jumping between the covers with nothing on at all!" So the upshot of my experience is to suggest being open to and more aware about the guys around you so you can better read their cues. Hopefully that will help. (No it hasn't helped me yet, either, but I'm still hoping! )

In regards to your other posts about keeping yourself clean so you don't pass on something to your wife, that concern has also kept me from doing more m2m. Recently I learned about frot sex for guys. I had seen it in porn and was turned on by it, but at that time didn't know what it was called. I haven't yet had an opportunity to experience it myself, but sure hope to someday. Check it out. Also check out FROT The Man2Man Alliance Good info there about frot and other safe sex for guys. And there's some opportunity presented there to find similarly mind men in your area. I wish you well.

Great story and I'm sorry things didn't work out for you. That had to be very frustrating. As for frot, it is indeed a possible alternate. However, you'd have to have a ton of willpower to avoid going all the way with a guy if you both are really into each other. I'm afraid I would not be able to stop, especially if I had a condom handy.

 

[AHandfull]

Great post ‘ret’. You learn something every day. A bit sheepish to admit that I had never heard of frot. Guess I am a bit sheltered up here in Michigan. Read quite a bit today, agreed with a lot of the tenets, disagreed with others. It stretched the brain a bit. All good.

It’s continues to amaze me how much the internet has impacted the broad spectrum of sexuality. A generation ago, this thread was not possible. Bisexuality was quiet and closeted and taboo. There were no resources available to us. We were alone and unconnected and relegated to purely chance encounters. Some of us had an early experience which influenced our actions and feelings, but we were still relatively alone in these thoughts. Now we can share and challenge our own line of thinking. Now we can see that we are a shade of gray, just like everyone else, and we can feel a lot more comfortable with who we are. So now I know what frotting is thanks to the internet and this thoughtful thread.

On the down side, I blame the internet for the towel dance and the generation that has grown up ashamed of being naked in front of other men. I grew up in a generation that shared a whirlpool naked and shared showers and walked the locker room. Now, I sit in the sauna and I am the only one with a towel around my waist. Everyone in that generation sits in board shorts and no one talks. The internet is rife with well-endowed men and big swinging cocks. It used to take a bit of work to obtain a picture of a naked man and there were fewer insecurities and pre-conceived notions. I think that the latest generation feels eternally inadequate and ashamed as if the eight-inch cock is the norm. There was a picture in the link that ‘ret’ sent of two men standing, one with his hand on the other’s shoulder. It was an incredibly sexy picture and both men had the standard 3-4 inch limp cock. It oozed manhood, yet they were clearly average. Awesome image. As my formal protest, I like to take the towel off my waist before I sit down in the sauna and spread it out and rewrap just to shake things up a bit.

The frot link really appealed to me and made me recall some of my most exciting encounters. There is nothing like a breathless face to face encounter, each stroking the other’s cock, pressed against each other, the swordplay, the inevitable comparison of manhood that come with that experience. I have never tried or pursued anal sex. I certainly understand the charge that comes with the dominance or submissiveness that is inevitable in such an encounter. However, the sanitary aspect of it is a turn off for me. To have to purge or prepare to receive anal sex takes the spontaneity out of the experience. If there is spontaneity and there is no preparation or assurance of a clean partner, again, the sanitary considerations would taint the whole experience for me. There was one time in the sauna when I had my arms wrapped around a guy from behind and I was stroking his cock while my cock was pressed downwards into the crack of his ass and I felt very powerful and dominant and excited. So I get it, I just don’t pursue it.

An aspect of frot that is a bit uncomfortable for me is the eye to eye contact and the inevitable close intimacy that comes with that. I am not interested or drawn to kiss men or be otherwise engaged. It’s just a cock thing for me, an exhibitionist thing. I am sure some will find that strange, just another shade of gray I guess.

 

[ret]

Great post ‘ret’. You learn something every day. A bit sheepish to admit that I had never heard of frot. Guess I am a bit sheltered up here in Michigan. Read quite a bit today, agreed with a lot of the tenets, disagreed with others. It stretched the brain a bit. All good.

There was a picture in the link that ‘ret’ sent of two men standing, one with his hand on the other’s shoulder. It was an incredibly sexy picture and both men had the standard 3-4 inch limp cock. It oozed manhood, yet they were clearly average. Awesome image. As my formal protest, I like to take the towel off my waist before I sit down in the sauna and spread it out and rewrap just to shake things up a bit.

The frot link really appealed to me and made me recall some of my most exciting encounters. There is nothing like a breathless face to face encounter, each stroking the other’s cock, pressed against each other, the swordplay, the inevitable comparison of manhood that come with that experience. I have never tried or pursued anal sex. I certainly understand the charge that comes with the dominance or submissiveness that is inevitable in such an encounter. However, the sanitary aspect of it is a turn off for me. To have to purge or prepare to receive anal sex takes the spontaneity out of the experience. If there is spontaneity and there is no preparation or assurance of a clean partner, again, the sanitary considerations would taint the whole experience for me. There was one time in the sauna when I had my arms wrapped around a guy from behind and I was stroking his cock while my cock was pressed downwards into the crack of his ass and I felt very powerful and dominant and excited. So I get it, I just don’t pursue it.

An aspect of frot that is a bit uncomfortable for me is the eye to eye contact and the inevitable close intimacy that comes with that. I am not interested or drawn to kiss men or be otherwise engaged. It’s just a cock thing for me, an exhibitionist thing. I am sure some will find that strange, just another shade of gray I guess.

AHandfull, my learning about frot was recent too. So I don't think you're necessarily sheltered up there in Michigan. You have some good insights. And since you've indicated you're only a little gay, I totally understand your feelings about the eye contact and close intimacy. That's one of the frot aspects that really appeals to me. For me, even outside of a sexual context, looking directly into another person's eyes just brings me closer to them, helps me connect better with them. And if that other person is a hairy dude with bright blue eyes, well then I sure hope the sexual attraction is mutual!

I totally agree with you about anal sex. Early in my adult life, I had two spur of the moment encounters that involved anal sex and they were hot at the moment. But afterward when I thought about what the other guy did, the sanitary issues really overwhelmed me and turned me off to it.

Your sauna encounters sound hot! Hope you have some more!

Here's to exploring those shades of gray!

 

[Hockeytiger]

I thought I'd start a thread on how we do this, or not, in our marriage. Perhaps it can help others.

Personally I am married and have told my wife. She accepted it way better than I could have hoped for. We are actively searching for a respectful bi guy for a MFM for both of us.
While she knows I have yet to play alone on the side even though she said it's okay. I would like too but don't really feel there yet. I don't want to hurt her feelings. Would rather have her actually see me play with a guys cock whe she is still the center of attention of a MFM.

I told my wife when we started dating seriously. I was still coming to terms with my sexuality and didn't want to hide that fact from her. We had 3 MMF's when we were dating which were fine but nothing to write home about. I'm not a big fan of group encounters as I'm all about the connection with the other person. When we got married she told me that it would be okay if I felt the need to be with another man, but that I had to tell her, had to use condoms for anal (if any) and both myself and my partner be tested but that if I took advantage of it she had the right to have sex with someone else (but she also had to tell me of it as well). For 17 years I didn't take advantage of it as there was no one I was really interested in. But a few years ago a work out buddy approached me after I had told him that I was bi. After giving it some thought for a few months, I decided to give it a try and the two of us meet up for a weekend once a year. My wife is invited but she has chosen not to take us up on it.

 

[the_gift2005]

I genuinely feel sorry for married guys who have any bi tendencies. I did the str8 relationships until mid 30's then ventured into swinging etc and found a community (probably the most important catalyst) that I could be open with and my life changed very quickly.

I would never again enter into a relationship not being free to who I am. I encourage you to do the same.

I understand it is difficult but the alternative is way worse, in my opinion.

 

[myhappypants]

I wish I could say being married and having told was easy. About 3months ago we started just opening up about ourselves from our pasts. I felt compelled to tell her that I believed I’m Bi at first she was ok with her we had a few threesomes and her being in the room with the other dude doing him was to hard for her so that stopped. She too had started seeking fun. Then all of a sudden one day she’s crying saying she scared and not sure if she could deal with it Now were sleeping in different rooms started counseling and are basically separated but still under the same roof
We did go through years of marriage issues and in her words Bisexuality was like the icing on the cake.
I’m torn over this and wish never would’ve said anything
I don’t want a divorce, any suggestions

 

[622675]

and her being in the room with the other dude doing him was to hard for her

Just to clarify, who was in the other room with the other guy, you or her?

Based on your post, it sounds like what your wife is looking for is monogamy and security. She is not so much conflicted about your Bi-side.

It takes a lot of work to keep a relationship together, and it is hard to invest that kind of effort in what is possibly seen as an unstable situation.

 

[1NiceRod]

I agree with levi101. Sounds like she want/needs monogamy and security. Being bi meabs you are sexually attracted to men and women. It does not mean you hav to be actively involved with both. If you were totally straight, do you think wouldn't be bothered if you were actively banging other women while she sat and watched you receive pleasure with someone other than her? Someone doing things to/with you that she can't?

 

[DenverFunHunk]

I'm married and my wife found out by accident... it was a bad scene, but in the end she was only hurt because I didn't tell her. She's very open to me exploring that side of my sexuality because she too is Bi. There were moments of doubt where she asked if I was gay, which I understood her fears and we talked about it a long time. I don't flaunt my exploits with guys for fear of making her jealous. I also don't do anything that takes away from my time with her. All is good now, but it was very tense for a while.

For guys reading this that haven't told their spouse, I'm not saying run to her now and tell her. I'm sure there are women that wouldn't understand the difference between gay and bisexual, or they might consider this flat-out cheating on them. That said, just know that omission of truth is just as bad as lying. Try starting small... like there was a guy jerking off in the shower at the gym and you joined him. Make it clear she's the one you want to be with. If you have no intention on getting into a relationship with a guy, let her (and any guy) know this. Do concentrate on your relationship with her so she feels secure. Maybe in time she'll want to participate in a MMF scene, with her just watching, or more if you're into that.

My wife... same basic response when she found my panty collection. She assumed I was gay and soon leaving her.
I have been reassuring her I am NOT gay... I'm pretty sure I am probably more or less Bi. I am only interested in the sexual contact... Not sure I could kiss a guy either... I have NOT been w a guy yet but I am going to be soon... As soon as I find someone in Denver that I can work with....

 

[DenverFunHunk]

I'm not ready to tell her yet. I told her about my panty fetish and that was toygh at first and then I felt the weight come off...
So I am sure it would be similar to tell her I have MM fantasies... BUT she is not quite over the panty deal. In time I will tell her. BUT for now I need a way to get out of the house without creating suspicion. I work 5 days a week and that's really the only time I'm not here... I can never be gone overnight or even stay out till all hours without BIG problems. We have always been home bodies, so to change all of a sudden is also suspicious... Ideas you married / attached guys.... Thanks... M

 

[779741]

I'm not ready to tell her yet. I told her about my panty fetish and that was toygh at first and then I felt the weight come off...
So I am sure it would be similar to tell her I have MM fantasies... BUT she is not quite over the panty deal. In time I will tell her. BUT for now I need a way to get out of the house without creating suspicion. I work 5 days a week and that's really the only time I'm not here... I can never be gone overnight or even stay out till all hours without BIG problems. We have always been home bodies, so to change all of a sudden is also suspicious... Ideas you married / attached guys.... Thanks... M

You might take up a hobby that she wouldn’t enjoy like fishing, bike riding, hiking, etc. Something that would take you out of the house for several hours. I’ve been in your situation for many years. If you’d like to chat, PM me and I’ll be happy to share my experiences. If you can Kik, that’d be even better.

 

[DenverFunHunk]

You might take up a hobby that she wouldn’t enjoy like fishing, bike riding, hiking, etc. Something that would take you out of the house for several hours. I’ve been in your situation for many years. If you’d like to chat, PM me and I’ll be happy to share my experiences. If you can Kik, that’d be even better.

Thanks, I would like to chat a bit more... I don't have Kik but I can get it easily enough...

 

[Parts Guy]

I thought I'd start a thread on how we do this, or not, in our marriage. Perhaps it can help others.

Personally I am married and have told my wife. She accepted it way better than I could have hoped for. We are actively searching for a respectful bi guy for a MFM for both of us.
While she knows I have yet to play alone on the side even though she said it's okay. I would like too but don't really feel there yet. I don't want to hurt her feelings. Would rather have her actually see me play with a guys cock whe she is still the center of attention of a MFM.

S

I thought I'd start a thread on how we do this, or not, in our marriage. Perhaps it can help others.

Personally I am married and have told my wife. She accepted it way better than I could have hoped for. We are actively searching for a respectful bi guy for a MFM for both of us.
While she knows I have yet to play alone on the side even though she said it's okay. I would like too but don't really feel there yet. I don't want to hurt her feelings. Would rather have her actually see me play with a guys cock whe she is still the center of attention of a MFM.

I am 50 and probably have struggled with my bisexuality for many years, not really understanding it, or even ignoring the feelings. This weekend I happened into my first bisexual experience since college. It was great, but now I am more confused than ever.

 

[779741]

I just watched a great movie. Very powerful and struck many nerves. Thought I'd share.
https://www.google.com/search?q=the+falls,+testament+of+love&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&client=firefox-b-1-ab

I thought I'd start a thread on how we do this, or not, in our marriage. Perhaps it can help others.

Personally I am married and have told my wife. She accepted it way better than I could have hoped for. We are actively searching for a respectful bi guy for a MFM for both of us.
While she knows I have yet to play alone on the side even though she said it's okay. I would like too but don't really feel there yet. I don't want to hurt her feelings. Would rather have her actually see me play with a guys cock whe she is still the center of attention of a MFM.

 

[munkieman]

I'm in a sexless marriage due to her illness but even though it's 0% I'd not meet anyone else for sex
IV had offers and opportunities from guys IV met before but I don't want to cheat on her with anyone

 

[latinluva]

Been with my wife for about 18 years, she knows I'm bi, I told her before we got married. She freaked out, thought I wanted to leave her. Not interested in being with anyone else in a serious manner. But its been rough the last two years, I wanna play with a dick sooooo bad. I even told her that I would let her fuck and play with other guys as long as I can be involved. She just keeps telling me how well I satisfy her and she wants no other. But did say she'd do it for me....which is a turn off. I want her to desire it and ask me to let her. Sounds stupid but that's the only way it will make me happy. So I just wait, don't wanna cheat, too much love for her.

 

[steel33]

We dable a bit in the lifestyle. There seems to be movement towards accepting bi guys but still not like how it is with bi women. Bi women are almost the norm. I do think that there are many more bi guys than listed. A lot of that seems to come from maintaining an appearance for the wife and her expectations. If it was more socially acceptable it'll change quicker. Personally I think it is just how a percentage of guys are wired.