Married But can't tell her i like to JO with guys

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by jerkforfun, Jul 7, 2010.

  1. jerkforfun

    jerkforfun New Member

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    Like some of you, I am a married guy, really mostly straight, but I do fantasize about (and I have tried/enjoyed) jerking off with/around other guys. it's something I wish I could tell her about and share w/ her, but she's MOST DEFINITELY not into it. and she'd cry inside forever. so i try to suppress it. anyone else out there stuck like this?
     
  2. B_Jules7

    B_Jules7 New Member

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    Similar. I am in a serious relationship with a gorgeous girl and we have a great sex life. My problem is that I fooled around with other guys when I was a kid and enjoyed mutual jerk offs and oral. In fact I really enjoyed blowing two good friends on a regular basis. In recent years I haven't done anything like that, but I am still interested in cocks and enjoy looking at pics etc (hence interest in LPSG).. My problem is that for the right cock I wouldn't mind sucking again..

    She doesn't know any of this and wouldn't understand. My ex knew and was turned on by it. She even wanted to set up a threesome with a gay guy so we could both suck him off together but it never happened. My current g/f would NEVER entertain that idea!
     
  3. shayrossen

    shayrossen Member

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    Been there ... you really need to make a choice on which way you want to go. Do not tie down your GF if you're sure she wouldn't understand. If you're into guys, then that's your answer. I know, pussy/cock/pussy/cock ... decisions, decisions. But surely you're leaning on one side of the fence or the other. A good friend of mine said he was textbook bi (50/50) and married a great woman. Things were great until she caught him playing the neighbor man's flute. She took him to the cleaners and then some. IMHO, it's just not right to deceive anyone (either gender) and think they'll either come around or understand. They won't. Like I said, been there.
     
  4. B_Jules7

    B_Jules7 New Member

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    For me it's nowhere near 50/50. It's not like I am in the closet or anything. I am very liberal and from a liberal family. If I was gay I would have no problem coming out. The fact is that I love girls and love sex with them, but have a small fascination with very few really hot cocks/guys (nothing emotional at all).. I guess like straight girls who enjoy threesome with some girl/girl action but are not emotionally interested in lesbian life. Basically the answer for me is to recognise that I am in a committed relationship with a girl and not cheat on her. Fantasising about sucking a cock is the same to me as fantasising about fucking Jessica Alba.. a nice thought but should maybe stay a thought and not be shared!
     
  5. D_CountdeGrandePinja

    D_CountdeGrandePinja Account Disabled

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    really feel sorry for you guys - Good Luck.
     
  6. HiddenLacey

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    Darn it I knew when I saw the word married I was going to hate this thread! Seriously I know you want what you want. But lying to your spouse about this really isn't ok. You can possibly catch something and pass it on to her. Thats not really fair to her. I'm not saying you should deny your sexuality. It sucks but you need to come clean or stop what you are doing. This is just my humble opinion. I would much rather my partner be upfront and honest with me.
     
  7. jerkforfun

    jerkforfun New Member

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    Thanks, submissivegirl83. I think you're right about that. I don't see a way to tell her at all. This is why in the past, I have just come to the conclusion: "THAT'S IT" and "no more." Right now the urge is strong, that's all, and I admit being on LPSG is not helping, but making me more horny to jerk it with another dude ! As far as disease goes, I don't go there....no contact that could lead to STD transmission is cool with me. But it's the honesty thing that kills me and brings the guilt on. One day I feel i will have to tell her, but it just won't work now. I know she can't handle it.
     
  8. HiddenLacey

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    I'm sorry doll! I just think you HAVE to choose.

    1. Being with her and telling her the truth and seeing what happens.

    2. Not telling her, and lying to her, hiding it and possibly getting caught.

    3. Ending the relantionship if she cannot handle it.

    I just think your hurting yourself, because you feel guilty about it. You shouldn't have to feel guilty. But how would you feel if she were doing this with another man or woman behind your back? What would you do? Would you trust her anymore? Would it hurt you?

    I know it sucks. Maybe you can try bringing up the subject and feeling her out. Do you know 100% how she would feel about something like this?
     
  9. jerkforfun

    jerkforfun New Member

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    Hi everyone. SubmissiveGirl was so cool to offer her thoughts. Here is the private conversation we just had. She was cool about sharing it: Any thoughts about these points we bring up?

    Its a choice only you can make. You can hide it and hope she never finds out. I understand not wanting to hurt her. Sometimes it's hard to figure out what to do when there is a good chance we may hurt the one we love.


    Quote:
    Originally Posted by jerkforfun
    Thanks! I think it's as you said from the beginning. Either STOP or come clean. Come clean leads to horrible marriage, I think, at least for a while. STOP is unpleasant at times, but I can get a grip.

    Then there is the lying: I could tell her I have been fantasizing about it, but that i hadn't acted on it.. Then I could have her for support/advice, but the problem is I still think she'd be very hurt and plagued by the thought "is he fantasizing about someone else while we have sex?" or in any situation "is he thinking about dicks or about me?" I just don't see the honest and open thing working for her. For me it'd be a relief. For her, I believe it'd be hell. I love her so much, I'd rather just suppress it all to deep secrecy.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by submissivegirl83
    hmmm, honestly I think it would hurt me if my partner told me he was doing this. And I'm all for guys being bi in whatever shape or form. It would be that you are hiding it.


    I don't have an answer for you. Maybe some of the guys can help you. I'm sorry!


    Quote:
    Originally Posted by jerkforfun
    Even another guy would be cool, I think. Just no sex/attachment

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by submissivegirl83
    NO its ok.
    OK what if it was another man instead of a woman she was playing with?



    Quote:
    Originally Posted by jerkforfun
    I can see the downside, too. But they are sooo cool looking/sexy. Anyway, I reverse the situation in my mind, and I would be sooo happy about it! She'd have some chicks to frig with once in a while -- great! A group could be fun with the right boundaries, too. But that just would never ever happen. Because of this, I feel fairness dictates that I show my dick to no one and jerk alone....or have great sex with her (which i just got last night! Why isn't that enough?!?) Anyway, now i am just venting. Sorry.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by submissivegirl83
    Freakin large natural breasts are a nightmare :eek:)

    Glad you like my pics though.

    Listen some people might come on and be assholes to you. Obviously this is bothering you. ATLEAST you are just jerking off. Just put yourself in her shoes. Flip it around and see how you would feel.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by jerkforfun
    By the way, your pics are cool. It must be wild to have such large breasts to swing around and play with!!

    I wish i had a sure way to kill the urges to jo w/ other dudes.

    Anyway, this is what i responed in the thread:

    Thanks, submissivegirl83. I think you're right about that. I don't see a way to tell her at all. This is why in the past, I have just come to the conclusion: "THAT'S IT" and "no more." Right now the urge is strong, that's all, and I admit being on LPSG is not helping, but making me more horny to jerk it with another dude ! As far as disease goes, I don't go there....no contact that could lead to STD transmission is cool with me. But it's the honesty thing that kills me and brings the guilt on. One day I feel i will have to tell her, but it just won't work now. I know she can't handle it.
     
    #9 jerkforfun, Jul 7, 2010
    Last edited: Jul 7, 2010
  10. helgaleena

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    If you cannot be satisfied with your imagination, that is the time to tell your wife. If she is not your wife, there is room for things to change as you have taken no vows. Ina marriage, the sexual pleasures need to be agreed upon. She may be ok with you getting male satisfaction as long as you do not get female satisfaction! This happens. Do not remain dishonest and conceal important facts about your sexual satisfaction from her. She likely wants you to be happy above all else.
     
  11. B_Mademoiselle Rouge

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    Jack off in the chatroom as a way to not be doing it in person with other guys. No one says you have to *kill the urge* because it's part of who you are. But there is nothing wrong with *controlling* the urge.

    If you can't keep it under control I'd recommend staying single or picking someone who enjoys your fetish as well. It's really not fair to be feeding the fire by coming here, creating a screen name to draw attention to what you are looking for, hooking up with those who want to do it and then trying to live a normal life with a woman who has no idea.

    Eventually you are going to get busted and be forced to deal with it. You can't change someone elses desires or lack thereof if they aren't into something. You either need to accept that you are going to have to change or she is going to have to change. It's really not fair to expect that out of a person you've picked under circumstances where you were not honest about this upfront.

    I don't see anything wrong with someone needing to leash in some of their fetishes in order to live with someone else if they find everything else works well with their partner other than that issue. We can't have everything we want. If you found a partner who enjoyed that sort of thing you might have a few other things go awry in your relationship.

    It's a matter of you not really wanting to control it for the sake of the other person, not being forthright as to who you are in these areas, wanting to change the other person to fit your sexual desires rather than respecting who she is and who you picked.

    Chances are she never felt the need to ask you if this is something you like on the side, but it's something you could have told her. And because you didn't, it's likely for the obvious reason that most monogomous people would have a problem with this in person jacking off with other guys and consider it a form of cheating.
     
  12. D_stryhtfg

    D_stryhtfg New Member

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    I would tell her...but test the water first. Tell her about 'some guy' at work who is magically in the same situation as yourself. Tell her that he came to you with the question you came to us with. You may be able to gauge her reaction a bit better and it may help you break the ice.
     
  13. B_Mademoiselle Rouge

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    I don't know about bringing up the "a guy a work likes to jack off with males...." it sounds too specific, she is going to want to know who it is, why they brought it up to him, why he suddenly brought it up to her, why would she care what a guy at work thinks about it and then her curiosity about it really being him is going to sink in. She still might never talk to him about it and just be watching him extra close from that point on.

    This is something we've all tried with our parents, they tend to give us *the look* and then we act even more suspicious about our behavior trying to cover it up. Then they know, then we know they know. How it is handled from that point on can just get weirder.

    If he later admits it was really him, she's going to be mad that he either didn't say so or just in general that it is him. He needs to be honest, or hide it really well. Though exposing himself to people on the internet brings about a lot less physical risk for himself and her compared to in person jacking off which will likely lead to more if he gets too horny.

    It's just too much of a temptation for him, but he's not really trying hard to deny it. He's feeding it and hoping she will be ok with it. Who knows, she might. We don't know her. But if she's anything like my husband, being totally honest about it gets you much further than if you are trying to set up a scenerio that is tempering the frog.
     
  14. OCMuscleJock

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    well if you used the "guy at work" you could come in with this puzzled look and when she asked "How was your day... you could say ..well interesting. Then when she said, How so? you could say you got invited to J.0. party..lol then explain..no touching and such..just guys hanging out and letting loose... THEN you can say ... you said..yah..Like my other half would even consider that an option. then laugh. THEN she could surprise you and say... I dunno..that could be hot. THEN you could open up the forum for discussion...for your own group thing at home and her being there with ya :)
     
  15. blackfoxy

    blackfoxy New Member

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    Tell her, it will hurt her much more to find out you lied
     
  16. southernstud

    Verified Gold Member

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    I say be open about it, but don't be super blunt if she's emotional. Don't go "Oh, honey, by the way, I like jackin' other guys off." If I were in your situation, I'd spark up a convo about exploring same sex stuff as a teen/youth and then express that I didn't really "outgrow" that aspect of sexuality and that she is still the sexual desire of my life, but there is just that additional urge. Be honest, and if she is worried, be sincere when listening to those worries, but ultimately, do what works best for the both of you.
     
  17. islewitch

    islewitch Member

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    I was caught once with J.O. buddy by one of my roommates. I ended up telling my fiance before he could, he was a malicious type of guy. I told her the we watch porn, talk, and J.O. I also told her that to me its more of a bonding type of thing than a sexual thing to do with a bud. She just said ok, and don't tell her about it. So, sometimes it can come out ok. I just knew that at the time it scared the shit outta of me to tell her. So good luck.
     
  18. NY4Curious

    NY4Curious New Member

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    I want to know why you feel you need to tell her. While I do NOT think you should lie to her about it, i.e. bring up the subject and deny that you do it, or if she were to ask you if you have had same sex masturbation experiences and how you enjoyed them. In both of those situations I do believe you are honor bound to tell the truth.

    But if she does not bring up the subject, why must you. There are elements of everyone's life that are totally private. Some of your files at the office. Confidential information that you have professionally, confidences friends of your have asked you to hold. Would this not fall into the area?

    Is there a reason why you wish to share this information with your mate? If so why, that's what puzzles me.
     
  19. Corius

    Corius New Member

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    To begin with I come to this whole matter with a firm belief that what happens sexually between two persons is personal and private and ought to remain so. My dear wife knows all my former sex partners, three men and two women, and I am sure that she has long ago figured out that these persons were more to me than just friends. Similarly, I know her friends from earlier times, but we have both accepted the aura of mystery about these things and it has worked for us.

    I also have learned that my brain is my most powerful organ of sex. In my mind I allow myself to be shamelessly promiscuous and in fantasy I have fucked hundreds and been fucked by hundreds also. In real time, I am the prim and proper gentle man. People are entitled to what they can see and I am content to let them wonder about my sex life as I wonder about theirs. I have been a faithful partner and now a faithful husband, but I do need the companionship of men who understand my situation because it matches their own. I have two such friends and we have had the hots for each other for many years, yet nothing untoward has ever happened yet. I think we even have an unspoken agreement that if we did at some point cross the line it would not end our relationshilp. We need each other's support; we find we can do without actual sex between us.

    I read of so=called open marriages, but I have never known of one that stood the test of time. ;I have also read of those married partners who say they share everything with each other. In my case, I would consider that unwise. Does she really need to know how persistent those animal urges are with this old man. I thank God that they are part of me and I also thank God for giving me a brain so that my mind can keep those urges under control. My partners have always had in me an enthusiastic lover. And, I have always been a supporter of the rights of all persons to make those choices which seem right to them. Those men who do cheat on their wives find in me a non-judgmental friend who can listen and support even when I do not agree.
     
  20. pwrdick

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    I really like the idea of you coming clean about your sex play as a teen with others. It is totally honest and will give you a feel for how she responds to the thought of it. You may want to bring up the topic by asking HER about some of her earliest sexual encounters with others. You need to be as non-judgemental and honest as possible in what she shares with you.

    The conversation can go a lot of different ways from this point, but you will both have shared an interesting part of your past and you will have a great launching pad for more open and honest conversation about sex overall.
     
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