Married But can't tell her i like to JO with guys

[blooeyz]

How would you feel if the situation were reversed? Also, I imagine that when you got married, there was some sort of agreement of fidelity? cheating is cheating whether with a man or woman.
Please don't think I'm judging, cuz I'm not, I'm in the same boat. just pointing out things I've thought about myself.

 

[jerkforfun]

And the guys, too. I didn't notice I had a page two already! Honesty is the best policy. I have no desire to tell her, but I have the urge to jerk it with other guys sometimes and this brings guilt. It's been a while since I've acted on it and I thought I was done for good. Maybe bringing up childhood experiences is a place to start, but honestly I never had any experiences until one accidental experience in college (blindfolded and getting sucked at a party and, surprise. A guy.). Later it was a random gym shower jack off and then craigslist for a "jerk bud." anyway somewhere in there might be a place to start. But I know it will alarm her and shell have no interest in allowing such activities. Rather I think shed rather I'd have kept my trap shut and pants zipped. So difficult when I rationalize that chilling with another dude and jerking it is harmless. I know to her it would NOT be harmless. Do I make any sense? It's late.

 

[coachreffn]

Number One - It will not kill you to stop jerking off with a guy or guys. Wean yourself away from LPSG and other sites if that is a big problem for you. The important thing is that she is not only your wife but she is also the mother to your children. You already know you can't jeopardize your family due to an occasional desire to jack off with a guy. As for telling her? I have to disagree with most of the ladies and guys in here. This will hurt her. She will not understand. She may not speak of it but it will always be there. I like one what one guy said...basically some things are private and should not be shared. For me, this would be one of them. Just my two cents.

 

[invisibleman]

I have met a married guy that is in the same predicament. But the wifey knows about who he is.
And they are rich. He can't mess around with other men because of what he does. And he is really handsome. He has a wifey. He has kids.

When I met the guy. I didn't know he was married as he didn't wear his wedding band. I am happy to know that the wifey let me know and that he has children. (He cruised me. I felt disappointed. I thought that he was a single gay man. I was also really pissed off at his staff. His staff could've told me that he was married. They didn't say a thing. When the wifey let me know, I felt like an ant. I told her that I didn't know he was married. He didn't have his wedding band on. Unfortunately, I am not a mind reader.:frown1

 

[Frodo46888]

Reading that you have children narrows your options. Do nothing that will damage them emotionally. We're entitled to screw up our own lives but not the lives of others.

 

[Fnord]

Hi, I can relate to this a lot! I'm a married bi guy and I have two children. When I was young I never really understood the whole bi thing at all. I just thought there was something wrong with me. I eventually decided I simply had to choose: I fell in love with a wonderful woman who became my wife. I ignored that fact that I am bi and pushed my interest in men DEEP into the back of my mind. Things went great for quite a while, but due to a lot of stress in my marriage (I shall not bore you with the details) our sex life kind of trickled down to nearly nothing (once every three months at one stage). THAT's when my subconscious reminded me of the other option: men. I started to explore the true meaning of my sexuality at that point and after a LOT of soul searching (and guilt), I finally met up with a guy. What I experienced with him was amazing - I felt like a completely different person. Am I a bad person for exploring the other side to my sexuality? Yeah maybe, since I was/am in a committed relationship. However, the discovery made me a MUCH happier person and it also slowly improved the sex life with my wife. May sound weird, but it is true. Later it turned out my wife was having an affair with a colleague at work (so she was suffering from exactly the same stress in our marriage and resolved it in exactly the same fashion). I experienced the same guilt as you - and I even swore not to do anything with it anymore. But eventually the barriers I imposed crumbled; I just needed more. It may sound like an addiction and maybe it is, but sex with a man is just so different from sex with a woman - and I simply like both. It's like being on a diet of meat, veg and potatoes....and then one day someone comes along and introduces you to fish and rice - it's new and different I know, I know, it's not a perfect comparison due to the morals involved, but at least you can appreciate my perspective. I have for example NEVER had an affair with another woman - I am not interested, I have great hetero-sex at home.
After a number of years my wife and I both came out to each other about or double lives (just dumb luck I suppose). We decided to make our relationship an open one, so we both get/got to play on the side. For quite a few number of years it was ideal. However, just recently I have fallen in love with a man - and believe me, I honestly did not know I could have emotional feelings about a guy. For me guys were all about fun and games. It really knocked me for six. Sad thing is my marriage is now coming to an end. I did not intend to go down this path, but it is where I ended up.
Long story short: whatever choice you make, be aware that there are consequences you cannot always predict. My wife and I were open with each other - we even discussed that fun we were having - but we still did not count on what happened. Oh, and for you guys who say " just step away from guy play ", try being truly BI for 2 minutes and then think again. It really is NOT that simple.

 

[B_RedDude]

Women can't jack each other off.

How would you feel if the situation were reversed? Also, I imagine that when you got married, there was some sort of agreement of fidelity? cheating is cheating whether with a man or woman.
Please don't think I'm judging, cuz I'm not, I'm in the same boat. just pointing out things I've thought about myself.

 

[SDSU_Nick]

I like this forum. I am in the same boat. Just can't do it because of work. But umi wont marry her yet because of this dwindling interest I got with guys.

 

[Corius]

JERKFORFUN, you really are no different from the rest of us. You were enodowed with the same animal urges which sometimes plague the rest of us. Your fantasy life is a safe place to give those urges a bit of rope. But, good man, you were also endowed with that most important of sexual organs, a brain. You will have to accept that it the role of your brain to keep your animal urges under control.

I firmly believe that as a man I do need the companionship of other men; it is great if you have such a friend who is similarly situated (married but with continuing sexual urges toward men). Frankly, I am highly complimented by the fact that two dear friends who are similarly situated have the hots for me as I have for them. Were we not married I have no doubt that there would have been some sexual communion for me with one of them long ago. So far no one has crossed the line; I conclude that I do need their friendship and support but I can live without actually having sex with either of them.

I remain bisexual in that I know that I can sustain and be happy in a sexual relationship with a man or with a woman. But, life is choices and I have chosen to marry and have no regrets. All of my former partners in sex are still living (three men and two other women. They were sexually attractive to me then and they do remain so. I loved them then and the love that prompted the fantastic sex we had together has endured past the time of our sexual activity.

I feel that I have tasted of the beauty and the wonder of human sexuality on my journey into the fullness of my own sexuality. I remain in awe of it and never cease to be in awe of the great mystery of human relationships. We can love because we have been loved. You might say that I am faithful to my marriage vows because I love the person I am married to.

 

[D_Martin van Burden]

I'm all for self-disclosure, gradual or at once. The other thing you should do, man, is to take this time and be really honest with yourself about putting this attraction in perspective. Simply start here: What is it about jacking off with guys that is so damn interesting in the first place?

Do you enjoy the male bonding that the activity brings you? That could be part of it. What about a dick itself? Is it a size thing? Is it just cool to see how you stack up compared to others? Like it or not, we do that; psychological research confirms that us dudes are as apt to look a guy in the face as we are at his bulge. Do you serendipitously stumble upon these encounters? To what lengths are you willing to seek them out -- nonverbals in public or Internet ads or what not?

I'm just saying it's good to get all of this straight, so to speak, in your head. The more you understand this attraction, the better it'll go when you're trying to communicate about it. I don't envy you, for what it's worth. It's tough because the institution of marriage really doesn't make allowances, let alone space to talk about, issues like this. It also won't be an easy conversation. There's just no neat way to self-disclose about this kind of stuff. It is fair to "warm up" your wife to the sexual experimentation you did as a teenager -- it's really common -- but there's no way to know where her head is going to go in interpreting that.

However it ends up, just explore this further, even if it's in your own head. Sexuality is not the sole determinant of who we are, but it's a big part of our lives given that it governs whom we get into relationships with. At the end of a long road even in my own life, I know that jerking off with other guys does feel good because it's just cool to have physical bonding with another dude and that it's done in a pretty safe way. As much as our society compels us to fall down the slippery slope -- if you like jacking then obviously butt fucking ain't too far off -- it takes a lot of courage to make sense of it rather than succumb to assumptions.

Good luck.

 

[HungThickProf]

I always say the same thing, and people don't seem to get it, so I'm going to repeat myself and I hope that it sticks a little.

So many of you are in long-term relationships/married and yet you have these desires and secrets that you feel you must always keep. You keep these secrets in fear that they wouldn't understand. I'm sorry, but that's not fair to either one of you. It's not fair to you because you're constantly hiding the truth, which no matter how you look at it, it's still lying. And it's not fair to them because you're not trusting them to stand by your side if they found out your secret, or you've been cheating on them and lying to them constantly. It's too much! I mean, some of you just prove that wedding vows don't mean shit, and I hope you aren't the same people who have an issue with gay marriage- because you got your own marital issues to deal with.

If someone truly loves you, and you love them- at least love and respect them enough to give them the opportunity to love you for who you truly are, and not who you want them to see.

And has it ever occurred to some of you that maybe you're a little wrapped-up in your own fantasies and desires that you haven't considered hers? I mean, for all you know- she may want to rub tits with the 19 year-old college sophomore she met at Walmart, or bump pussies with some chick in her book club. Or maybe she wants to fuck your best friend, or already has.... who knows? But in the end, if that person doesn't love you or appreciate you for who you are or what you enjoy, then what the hell is the point?

I don't know how you people do it- hide the truth, keep up with the lies. Every time she yells your name from another room, you're wondering if she found something. Must get pretty old. You get one life on this earth, you might as well enjoy it.

 

[jerkforfun]

Ur right Dante. I wish i was more in touch w/ myself before getting married...pre-marriage it was just some big unknown. i'd have come clean first and ask if she'd still have me....i am kind of glad, on the other hand, that I was clueless...she'd probably not have married me -- making me a lying bastard in some ways.

 

[HiddenLacey]

Aw I don't think your a lying bastard sweetie! You are having to choose between your desires and your wife. We all end up in relantionships and either we come clean, stop what we are doing or deny ourselves.

You have to make the best choice for you! You must care about her very much if it bothers you this much. Now you just have to decide what is more important to you. I don't think you can deal with keeping it a secret.

 

[TomCat84]

Just tell her that you find the idea of jacking off with another dude hot

 

[HungThickProf]

Ur right Dante. I wish i was more in touch w/ myself before getting married...pre-marriage it was just some big unknown. i'd have come clean first and ask if she'd still have me....i am kind of glad, on the other hand, that I was clueless...she'd probably not have married me -- making me a lying bastard in some ways.

Dude, if it makes you feel any better- I'm proud of you for acknowledging that much. And believe it or not- some women don't really give a shit as long as you're not cheating them or have intentions on leaving them. In fact, they often believe that it makes a man a better lover, and partner because they feel closer to him, and he can potentially empathize with them. I'm not telling you to tell anyone anything, that choice is yours buddy. And no matter which way you go, I wish you nothing but the best

Dante'

 

[CALAMBO]

dear jerk.........just a few words....DENY....KEEP YOUR TRAP SHUT....DENY...hope this helps...wives never understand...NEVER......happy jackin bud!!!

 

[HungThickProf]

dear jerk.........just a few words....DENY....KEEP YOUR TRAP SHUT....DENY...hope this helps...wives never understand...NEVER......happy jackin bud!!!

That's just horrible.

 

[brone_j]

When I was younger, I had a few encounters right after getting married. They were not planned, just happened, if you know what I mean. Every time I would get blood tests and such out of paranoia. I ended up telling my wife what happened, and she was very upset. She was more concerned that I may not love her, or bring something home. I decided then not to "betray" her again.

I have since "fallen" to looking at guys naked in the shower and even a rare jerking off together. That seems to keep my desires in check. I can't imagine bringing home a disease and then having to explain the deceit. Just use your imagination instead.

 

[tiffanydd81]

Darn it I knew when I saw the word married I was going to hate this thread! Seriously I know you want what you want. But lying to your spouse about this really isn't ok. You can possibly catch something and pass it on to her. Thats not really fair to her. I'm not saying you should deny your sexuality. It sucks but you need to come clean or stop what you are doing. This is just my humble opinion. I would much rather my partner be upfront and honest with me.

I couldn't have said it any better. Honesty and communication are so important.

 

[CALAMBO]

That's just horrible.

DR...why so?..as soon as u tell your secrets..they are no longer secrets...do u think the wife will not share this info w/her friends/family??...u think she will not throw this up everytime he is late from work or even home depot?...in a short time everyone of thier COMMON friends will know his secrets....should Jerk even then tell wife he is hangin at a DICK site?....sure if he wants outed and divorced...Sorry DR,...i can tell U are not married...This guy can read all the support info he wants...ask a longtime married guy...I bet the advice is....SHUT THE FUCK UP.....