Married guy in the closet

[hypolimnas]

Unfortunately no. My wife would not be into any of that. I have actually joked around with her. I threw in a couple of hints here and there that I might be bi and it didn’t go well.

One time she said, if you turn out to be Gay or bi I would be devastated. That means that our entire life was a lie. All after I made a joke and said something along the lines of “hey an ass is an ass” referring to a hot guy at the gym.

She even went further to say, I would leave you and take everything, the kids, your money and even the dog. For making me live a lie. Then she laughed. She said she was joking... but was she?

Dont you think she is making you live a lie? It doesnt sound like love to me. My own view is that you need some good legal advice. Eventually she will know and you wont have made provision for your financial affairs. You are letting your fears rule your life. In addition you are being apathetic about your future well being. Why not plan a better future for yourself? You might not need it but plan it. Otherwise i suppose you can hope she dies before you and come out in advanced old age and wonder why you left it so long. Id suggest being more proactive about your happiness.

 

[1059907]

Thank you. It’s nive to know there is place where I can just speak my mind and not have to hide.

you can always speak your mind out here for sure <33

 

[Topgirl9]

Dont you think she is making you live a lie? It doesnt sound like love to me. My own view is that you need some good legal advice. Eventually she will know and you wont have made provision for your financial affairs. You are letting your fears rule your life. In addition you are being apathetic about your future well being. Why not plan a better future for yourself? You might not need it but plan it. Otherwise i suppose you can hope she dies before you and come out in advanced old age and wonder why you left it so long. Id suggest being more proactive about your happiness.

This is some excellent advice! Well said!

 

[DenverFunHunk]

I want to add if I may, my experience with a man hasn't happened (As an adult anyway... Another story), but have shared a lot online.
I decided NOT to lie or cheat on This wife of 16yrs. She will NEVER trust me if I lie, She will very likely find out, unless I slip it in a massage, but I can't meet anyone without lying about where I am. Anger and Contempt will build. And it's SHITTY at best w/ her.
When she found my panty collection that got the conversations started. Slowly I'm finding and extending the boundary line.
It would go quicker if I would have been more up front earlier, she says... But I know better, she is 1000 times better about the panties, but it has been just short of one year... I had to convince her to trust me again she thought I discovered I was gay and was looking to leave her. I left her to wonder what I was hiding? I dropped just a few syllables here and there about men and my acceptance of the MM community... etc.. She heard shit I NEVER said... Another special issue that will never go away... She was in an open marriage (Before me... Figures,,, All the luck) BUT it ended very badly... Wrecked lives. So mine will be slow and arduous plus I also have to rebuild some trust cuz I was online, hiding panties and taking pics to post, I had to show her many folders of pics of me... Now it's ok for me to be online chatting. She knows it's with men and women. Doesn't ask details now...
If I were you, I would say to her ... Something like I'm not gay, and it sounds like you are not wanting to leave her to pursue a life w/ men...You will have to show her you love her and this is a sexual fantasy that has developed over the last xx months..Doesn't mean you want to do it but you want to explore it with her as a shared fantasy. Sometimes that satisfies a fantasy, tell her.
She is capable of understanding, but not if I lie.... I cheated on my last wife and my first wife cheated on me... So it goes...

 

[Flowerpot18]

You are not alone man. Same situation here

 

[erpap]

Maybe I’m wrong/maybe I’m right, but I think there are a lot of men out there who feel the same way and of course would never voice it and probably suppress the feelings! Men who you would never think would feel this way too.

 

[campushung]

same here

 

[Humiliter01]

Hello guys.

I guess this is the place where to put this post. I have been married for a long time, about 10 years. I'm 38 and have known I'm been bisexual for most of my life. In High school and college I had a few experiences with guys. I even had a 6 month long relationship with a man that was kept secret. We were just best friends to everyone else. After that ended, I dated a few girls and ended up falling in love with a woman.

Since my relationship with her was strong and we decided to get married, I figured it was no use to come out and let anyone know about me. Fast forward 10 years and that secret of who I am is eating me inside. I know I can't be honest with my wife because she would not have it. I also grew up in a very strict catholic family, which is why I kept it a secret. Most of my life I was led to believe being with guys is a sin and wrong.

I was fortunate enough to find the guy I had experiences with that also kept my secret or where in the close themselves. My story is long and basically, I would like to find a friend who understands what I'm going through. Someone I can have conversations like this and be myself with. Are any of you bi guys out there in the same situation?

Absolutely. I’m in the same situation and have experienced pain because of it. I’m not going to lie. Therapy is a huge help. I had a massive crisis of conscious when stress built up and porn wasn’t giving me the satisfaction I needed anymore. It’s hard, but if you truly love your wife and don’t want to lose THE LIFE you have (beyond just the base sexual desires), then therapy might help. Remember, there’s more to relationship than just sex, and there’s more to life than just sexuality. It’s a daily struggle for me, and I’m resolved to the fact that my life will never be easy. But I’ve also resolved that I’m not just going to cheat or change my life because of sexual drive. Life is much more complicated than that. I wish you the best in whatever direction you go! No judgement here!

 

[Humiliter01]

I have a very very similar story. I went through a lot and I am happy to be there for you. Even if we don't know each other, what matters is that we support each other and have someone to rely on and help us bounce back, gain perspective and awareness of who we are. If what you're saying it's true (and I have no reason to doubt!), I feel you. Feel free to message me if you want to talk further.

Well said, sir!

 

[intriguedandcurious]

Thank you guys. I never expected a response like this to a post where I just wanted to vent. This is exactly why I came here.

Some really great advice. I’m taking everything g you guys have said into consideration and I have to start re evaluating my priorities and see what is the best path to take. I’m definitely going to talk to a therapist. I’m lucky I have free mental health through my job and it’s confidencial.

I always knew there were others like me out there, but feels good to actually talk to you guys. Thank you.

 

[hypolimnas]

Fyi

Radio New Zealand Audio Player

 

[1037772]

Unfortunately no. My wife would not be into any of that. I have actually joked around with her. I threw in a couple of hints here and there that I might be bi and it didn’t go well.

One time she said, if you turn out to be Gay or bi I would be devastated. That means that our entire life was a lie. All after I made a joke and said something along the lines of “hey an ass is an ass” referring to a hot guy at the gym.

She even went further to say, I would leave you and take everything, the kids, your money and even the dog. For making me live a lie. Then she laughed. She said she was joking... but was she?

She was not joking.

 

[funnyguy]

She was not joking.

Jokes are a way to cover up the truth

 

[nayova]

Unfortunately no. My wife would not be into any of that. I have actually joked around with her. I threw in a couple of hints here and there that I might be bi and it didn’t go well.

One time she said, if you turn out to be Gay or bi I would be devastated. That means that our entire life was a lie. All after I made a joke and said something along the lines of “hey an ass is an ass” referring to a hot guy at the gym.

She even went further to say, I would leave you and take everything, the kids, your money and even the dog. For making me live a lie. Then she laughed. She said she was joking... but was she?

She was probably not joking but one doesn't really know how one will really react when facing a specific challenge. All she can do is imagine the scenario, analyze the situation and say what she'd do. Reality is more nuanced and complex than that, there's the practical side of things (logistics, expenses, money, convenience) but also one really weighs in pros and cons (are you a good father? what's your intentionality - come out and live a gay life and stay married or just be honest and share something that you didn't know before about you). It's also about how you share your truth. If she catches you fucking the gym guy or if you talk to her about your feelings, confusion, guilt, shame (if any), and the whole realization. The "how" is key. I think those are a few important aspects to keep in mind that have a powerful influence over the outcome. You know your wife but you two have never faced any challenge like this (not saying you have not faced greater challenges) that poses a complicated predicament for you as individuals, as a couple and as a family.

Ok, I am rambling now and have to get ready for a conference call. Hope that helps

 

[aruspeed]

Man, you are definitely not alone. As I've gone on my own journey...I've encountered way more people in the exact same position than I realized even existed. Its a shame it's taboo....causes the exact feelings you are having.

Also here to chat if you want to PM me. Plenty more to my story but we seem to be in almost exactly the same base sitution. I've wrestled with so many of the aspects of this I might benefit from some therapy myself. Talking helps.

 

[DenverFunHunk]

I think the number is close to 50%... I listened to a couple books about it and read a lot.. Chatted w anyone on all sorts of platforms... I think the number is low and drops lower as age number increases.

 

[Billy Williams]

When I finally acted on my bi urges I was supprised at all the married guys I met. I started looking for wedding rings when I sucked or got sucked and it was over 50%. Guess us bi married guys have a lot of company. I have often wondered what % of men have had a dick

 

[WilliamG]

When I finally acted on my bi urges I was supprised at all the married guys I met. I started looking for wedding rings when I sucked or got sucked and it was over 50%. Guess us bi married guys have a lot of company. I have often wondered what % of men have had a dick

I think a lot of guys love dick... At least as a toy.

 

[thick_cock_306]

Hello guys.

I guess this is the place where to put this post. I have been married for a long time, about 10 years. I'm 38 and have known I'm been bisexual for most of my life. In High school and college I had a few experiences with guys. I even had a 6 month long relationship with a man that was kept secret. We were just best friends to everyone else. After that ended, I dated a few girls and ended up falling in love with a woman.

Since my relationship with her was strong and we decided to get married, I figured it was no use to come out and let anyone know about me. Fast forward 10 years and that secret of who I am is eating me inside. I know I can't be honest with my wife because she would not have it. I also grew up in a very strict catholic family, which is why I kept it a secret. Most of my life I was led to believe being with guys is a sin and wrong.

I was fortunate enough to find the guy I had experiences with that also kept my secret or where in the close themselves. My story is long and basically, I would like to find a friend who understands what I'm going through. Someone I can have conversations like this and be myself with. Are any of you bi guys out there in the same situation?

I have no doubt there are many men in a similar situation. I've been single for years I can't relate directly but I have been with a number of married guys. I think ultimately you can't deny your true feelings. You need to enjoy life to the fullest.

 

[BMTC]

I'm kind of in the closet still. For a few reasons my marriage is somewhat open. Sex with my wife isn't typical all the time and to account for this my wife has been turning a blind eye to sexual activities with a couple we are very close with. She knows the husband is bisexual and that I would likely be with at least one other man. The numbers are really very different. I've been with several people and most of them are man now lately simply because I meet more men. If my wife asked me what I've been doing I'd tell her.... I'd feel really strange probably.