So I'm not married, but I was. The woman I married was with my roommate when I met her. I was "with" him also, when I had too much to drink and she wasn't around. But I wasn't that into him--he never washed his running clothes, never, and every time we'd go for a run together I'd speed up because he stank. Also he was clingy. I fell in love with her, we married, we had a lot of fights, we had a wonderful kid (the best thing I've ever done in my life) and then I left her for a woman 25 years younger than her. This wasn't a great move. The younger woman was more accepting when I told her I was bi (my ex knew it but we never really talked about it) and yet she ultimately decided that she didn't want to be with me because she couldn't give me "everything" I needed. Fair enough. She split, I fell apart, but men do stupid shit when women leave them. I slept with a lot of women but didn't start meeting up with guys for another ten years. I was in my early 40's. I was also dating women and I made a point of telling every woman I was serious about (i.e., wanted to sleep with more than a few times) that I was bi. Of the several women I was serious about, only one of them had an issue with it. The others just asked for transparency and honesty. They did not want me to cheat on them, and I didn't---I told them I hooked up with guys, safely, on occasion and I told them that I would not, could not give that up, that it would lead to my unhappiness which would lead to OUR unhappiness. It worked out. I am now with a wonderful woman who is totally turned on by it. She's a little younger than i am but not much. (A lot of the others were considerably younger and that made a difference as women of my generation seem less tolerant, for obvious reasons.)
I understand wanting to keep things together for the kids, because I did that with my ex. But my kid was far far better off when I admitted that her mother and I weren't cut out for each other--not just because i was bi. I often think about the time I spent NOT letting myself act on my feelings. It coincided with my physical peak (though I still keep myself in pretty good shape) and the gay-bi community is pretty hung up on youth, in my opinion. (On the one hand, a lot of these guys seem not to realize that they, too, are going to end up old; on the other, it's very much a present tense/immediate gratification situation--who wants to think, when you're in your prime, about getting old?) I don't have any regrets, really---but I am really glad I decided to be honest about my predilections when I did. I am not out to everyone but if one of my straight friends who i know to be even slightly homophobic asked me, I'd tell him the truth, and if he couldn't handle it, I'd tell him to fuck off.
Long winded way to say: I hear you, man. And also: it's not the end of your life, accepting your sexual urges. For me it was a beginning. And finally: I have not been with a woman since I came out as bi who has not told me that my being bi makes me a more attentive lover---of women.
