I will soon be going through something I never would had dreamed: divorce #2. I married my husband confident we would spend the rest of our lives together, raise a family, and work together towards our dreams.
I found out after three years that my husband has a same-sex attraction and had been intimate with a man during our marriage. The first blow was that he cheated, and then, as the shock wore off, I started thinking about the fact that it was with a man. Both became hard to swallow, since one big reason I married my husband was that I trusted him more than I had ever trusted anyone else and thought that I was all he ever needed and wanted.
In the beginning, I wanted to learn how to live with him and the gay issue, instead of learning how to live without him. Over time, I learned he wasn't being honest with me. Even after we had talked and talked and talked, things would still pop up and I would feel betrayed that they hadn't been disclosed. I lost the trust in him I had once had, and every blow made it harder to see that ever returning.
The complexity of it all completely blew me away. At first, he claimed it was just curiosity and didn't mean anything. Over time, he admitted he had been visiting gay porn sites (because I stumbled across them)and that he was probably bisexual. I love this man and we have a daughter together. Now what? He claimed he would be able to commit himself only to me, but I thought that was what our marriage was about in the first place. He hesitated discussing the subject, and I needed to talk about it. Finally, he admitted to not knowing who he really was and needing to figure it out.
I will soon be filing for divorce, not because I want to but because I have to. I feel that, if I stay, he would not release himself to figure out who he truly is or what will make him truly happy. I wanted us so bad that I thought I could ignore the gay issue, but something wouldn't let me. Something inside knew there was something deeper that needed to surface and I couldn't pretend, or it would just surface later and I wasn't sure I would survive later. I am barely surviving now.
Has anyone gone through this? Please give me advice. Am I doing the right thing by divorcing him?
I found out after three years that my husband has a same-sex attraction and had been intimate with a man during our marriage. The first blow was that he cheated, and then, as the shock wore off, I started thinking about the fact that it was with a man. Both became hard to swallow, since one big reason I married my husband was that I trusted him more than I had ever trusted anyone else and thought that I was all he ever needed and wanted.
In the beginning, I wanted to learn how to live with him and the gay issue, instead of learning how to live without him. Over time, I learned he wasn't being honest with me. Even after we had talked and talked and talked, things would still pop up and I would feel betrayed that they hadn't been disclosed. I lost the trust in him I had once had, and every blow made it harder to see that ever returning.
The complexity of it all completely blew me away. At first, he claimed it was just curiosity and didn't mean anything. Over time, he admitted he had been visiting gay porn sites (because I stumbled across them)and that he was probably bisexual. I love this man and we have a daughter together. Now what? He claimed he would be able to commit himself only to me, but I thought that was what our marriage was about in the first place. He hesitated discussing the subject, and I needed to talk about it. Finally, he admitted to not knowing who he really was and needing to figure it out.
I will soon be filing for divorce, not because I want to but because I have to. I feel that, if I stay, he would not release himself to figure out who he truly is or what will make him truly happy. I wanted us so bad that I thought I could ignore the gay issue, but something wouldn't let me. Something inside knew there was something deeper that needed to surface and I couldn't pretend, or it would just surface later and I wasn't sure I would survive later. I am barely surviving now.
Has anyone gone through this? Please give me advice. Am I doing the right thing by divorcing him?