Married To A Gay Man

[thadjock]

So depending on how old your daughter is and what type of relationship you have with her, my suggestion is to hold off on telling her.
Best wishes in whatever plays out

christ, the biggest cancer in EVERY disfunctional family is no communication becuase the subject is considered too taboo. cover up one lie with 2 or 3 others....i'm guessing that's how they find themselves in this boat in the first place.

u think it's better her daughter finds out from somebody at school ? and unless the kid is 2 and can't even comprehend telling her now might give her the tools to avoid the same fate as her mother.

 

[azdude83]

u think it's better her daughter finds out from somebody at school ? and unless the kid is 2 and can't even comprehend telling her now might give her the tools to avoid the same fate as her mother.

I'm only speaking from experience. I personally think it's none of her daughter's business who her dad is sleeping with. If I could have made the choice to learn about my step-father's sexuality, I would have opted out of that conversation. But, if the parents are splitting, then it really is an unavoidable topic. If you stick with him, I would still hold off on telling your daughter her daddy likes men. If she's a teenager, she probably knows by now.

As for avoiding the same fate as her mother, I doubt there is anything that could stop something like this from happening to anyone.

 

[thadjock]

As for avoiding the same fate as her mother, I doubt there is anything that could stop something like this from happening to anyone.

uhh...correct me if i'm wrong but i think HONESTY would

be honest with yourself, admit your gay

be honest with your fiancee tell her/him you're gay

be honest with your kid, tell them you're gay and you lied to your spouse

you owe it to the kid, lying to the kid just messes up another whole generation. don't pass that on.

and if you're the kid, burying your head in the sand doens't change the facts.

 

[bguy]

Personally I would suggest a trial separation, giving yourselves that time you so desparately need.

Yes, I do agree with the concept of separation as a last ditch effort to try and save the marriage from destruction. I know a lot of couples who have done this successfully. If you'd like more information about them and the plan they followed, send me a private message. Different states have different laws and some do not offer separation.

 

[ledroit]

u entered into the contract in good faith , your husband didnt'. ....

as a footnote: i can't imagine how people wander into these relationships in the first place, is it just a total lack of communication from the beginning or is it outright deception? in my friends case the writing was so obviously on the wall EVERYBODY but him saw it coming.

You have to be careful about making assumptions like this. Some guys mature more quickly than others do. Some people have very quick, good, sharp faculties of judgment. Others have very complex minds, and can take forever to make a decision.

I've know plenty of straight & gay guys, some of whom are very clear about who they are, others who are uncertain about all kinds of obvious things.

I almost got married to women a couple of times. No deception involved at all. I genuinely loved them, loved having sex, could easily imagine marriage. It was not until I met some guys I liked more, later on, that I started to understand the difference. It took a good long time after that before I started to realize what sexual orientation actually was, since I like both men & women, physically, and I like them both emotionally. It wasn't until I started having sex with men, and started falling in love with them that I started to figure things out.

If you are the kind of guy who sees things in black & white, good for you, and if you are a very good judge of your own character, and others', even better.

But not everybody is. I recommend you go easy on the assumptions about how simple or complex people's lives are until you get to know them better as individuals. Then you might be in a position to know whether their intentions were to deceive somebody else or not, in making a certain decision. In my experience, very few people actually set out to deceive their partners when they fall in love or marry. I'm not saying it can't or doesn't happen. I'm just saying it's rare in my experience. Usually when people love, they actually love. But there is more to life, and more to marriage, than just love alone, or just sex.

 

[fortiesfun]

You have to be careful about making assumptions like this. Some guys mature more quickly than others do. Some people have very quick, good, sharp faculties of judgment. Others have very complex minds, and can take forever to make a decision.

This is one of the single smartest posts (and all of it, not just the part I quoted) on the site, and very wise about this situation. Way too much homophobic judgment going on in most posts to help either the OP or the membership here.

 

[thadjock]

"You have to be careful about making assumptions like this. Some guys mature more quickly than others do. Some people have very quick, good, sharp faculties of judgment. Others have very complex minds, and can take forever to make a decision."

I might buy this argument for a kid who's 12 14 16 years old, but an adult male considering marriage is most certainly mature enough and has had enough years os wisdom and should have enough self awareness to know if he's gay or str8, same goes for women. and if you're not mature enough to figure that out you have NO business getting married!

people have to take responsibility for themselves, too many let family friends society & church influence their minds instead of listening to their own thoughts and feelings at every age. rationalization (lying to yourself) to conform to someone else's standards is catastophic for all concerned.

i don't think it's possible for a man to go through 30 yrs (40,50 whatever) of life and suddenly turn gay. those feelings are hardwired into your dna just like blue eyes and brown hair, if you choose to repress them for whatever reason that's your fault and you should be held accountable if you're selfish enough to ruin other people's lives by denying who you are. be a man grow a pair and quit offering bullshit excuses about maturing later than the rest of us. own your ego and your id.

 

[fortiesfun]

I might buy this argument for a kid who's 12 14 16 years old, but an adult male considering marriage is most certainly mature enough and has had enough years os wisdom and should have enough self awareness to know if he's gay or str8, same goes for women. and if you're not mature enough to figure that out you have NO business getting married!

On what is this based? The evidence, such as it is, suggests exactly the opposite. Most gay men don't fully realize their orientation until after they have at least a bit of adult experimentation, which (to be blunt) is not easy to get in a society that still does not treat homosexuality as a valid choice.

people have to take responsibility for themselves, too many let family friends society & church influence their minds instead of listening to their own thoughts and feelings at every age. rationalization (lying to yourself) to conform to someone else's standards is catastophic for all concerned.

I'm sure you really do believe that, but it is awfully self-privileging. You figured your sexuality out quickly so you can imagine anyone else even having trouble. That strikes me as more of a failure of imagination that a valid moral position. At the very least it is totally subjective and based on your opinion and not one bit of research.

i don't think it's possible for a man to go through 30 yrs (40,50 whatever) of life and suddenly turn gay. those feelings are hardwired into your dna just like blue eyes and brown hair,

Although a lot of people think that, there is actually NO uncontested evidence that gayness is hardwired, but for the sake of argument, let's say it is. Perhaps it is like the tendency to baldness, which is also in the DNA. Still doesn't mean that it presents before age 30. NO ONE, absolutely NO ONE, knows what it means to have a genetic predisposition to a sexual orientation in terms of how that would PRESENT in the real world.

if you choose to repress them for whatever reason that's your fault and you should be held accountable if you're selfish enough to ruin other people's lives by denying who you are. be a man grow a pair and quit offering bullshit excuses about maturing later than the rest of us. own your ego and your id.

Gee, let's see, why might someone repress their homosexuality in our culture? From outbursts like this one, I could guess some reasons why someone might try to conform to social expectation, and even believe that they could be cured if they just tried really hard and had sex with women.

I still think Ledroit's post is very smart. By the way, he has an amazing pair.

 

[thadjock]

Most gay men don't fully realize their orientation until after they have at least a bit of adult experimentation, which (to be blunt) is not easy to get in a society that still does not treat homosexuality as a valid choice.

where the hell do u live? an amish village in IOWA?

sorry, i realize that's a sweeping generality and it's going to offend the amish AND IOWANS who are both far more progressive and dont' deserve to be associated with stunted sexual awareness in the larger argument.

 

[fortiesfun]

Give me a break, dude. You live in fuckin' LA, probably West Hollywood, which ain't Main Street USA. You really don't have to live in IOWA to think that homosexuality is still stigmatized. Did you notice that California passed Prop 8? YOU may be enlightened, but from the center of Queersville, USA is hardly the place to decide if the rest of your country is accepting. Drop by Orange County next week and tell me if you still feel the same way...

By the way, I live in San Francisco, so I am not speaking for myself so much as wondering where the hell you get off thinking your life is the only one possible. I think about my gay Mormon nephew who does live in East Jesus, Idaho or the hundreds and hundreds of men who grow up in the Bible belt and I gotta say, I am a lot less judgmental than you about what they might be going through.

where the hell do u live? an amish village in IOWA?

sorry, i realize that's a sweeping generality and it's going to offend the amish AND IOWANS who are both far more progressive and dont' deserve to be associated with stunted sexual awareness in the larger argument.

 

[Not_Punny]

I have been through this, and it is hard. Very hard -- I had three kids with the man.

Looking back, I think a better decision would have been staying married -- it would have meant greater financial stability and a steadier home for the kids.

Is having him be sexually exclusive to you MORE IMPORTANT than maintaining a household for your daughter?

In the old days (before this century), people stayed married because that's what they did. And they had affairs on the side and were as discreet as possible.

 

[bguy]

Is having him be sexually exclusive to you MORE IMPORTANT than maintaining a household for your daughter?

It's not just about him being sexually exclusive to her. It's also about meeting her needs for sexual fulfillment and affection. And he hasn't been able to do that:

We have had sex very few times in our marriage. ... I complained weekly about the lack of sex. ... He wants to stayed married but I miss the intamacy too much. It's been four years since I have been held the I feel a woman should be. ... I wanted to feel wanted again.

Does it sound like he's capable of meeting her top needs? Now, if her most important needs are financial stability and a steady home environment for the children, it may be enough. But it doesn't sound like it to me.

 

[B_bflr]

where the hell do u live? an amish village in IOWA?

sorry, i realize that's a sweeping generality and it's going to offend the amish AND IOWANS who are both far more progressive and dont' deserve to be associated with stunted sexual awareness in the larger argument.

The only think useful about this post, in my opinion, is that it illustrates the fact that many Americans are still ignorant, arrogant, and all-too-quick to paint with broad strokes.

I live in Bass Ackwards, Minnesota. Walk a day in my shoes and see if you don't get shot strutting around with that attitude.

 

[B_bflr]

I will soon be going through something I never would had dreamed: divorce #2. I married my husband confident we would spend the rest of our lives together, raise a family, and work together towards our dreams.
...

Dear sweetmissy,

I hope this reply to you is somewhat helpful.

Please try to step back and look at the bigger picture. You are not the only woman to marry a man who ends up not being exactly who you thought he was when you married him.

I am a bisexual man, to use common terminology. My wife and I have been married over seven years, and have two children. I love her and them very much. And that love is, among other things, a DECISION to provide and protect. That love is not just a way to label a convenient situation where I get everything I want, or my wife gets everything she wants. That's the reality.

I will confess that I was a coward and did not reveal to her my bi-side before I proposed marriage. I own up to that. I was afraid to lose her. Perhaps your husband can relate. Perhaps many men can. Sorry, we're human.

After we got married, after a couple years, I realized the desire for sexual intimacy with another man was not going to go away, no matter how much sex I had with my wife, no matter how much I prayed, no matter how much I confided about it to a friend, no matter how much I tried to drink away the desire, no matter how much I kept busy, no matter how much I found new hobbies, it didn't go away. The way I'm put together is such that I am attracted to women and men and feel most fulfilled when intimate with one of each. There are ways my wife completes me that no man can, and there is a way that a man can complete me that my wife cannot. I think the reasons for that are beyond the scope of this thread.

With regard to women, my wife is and has been the only one. With regard to men, I am in the third of a series of serial "relationships" on the side.

My wife knows. I told her after the second one ended, after a great deal of counselling. It hurt her. We went to counselling. We've determined the new rules. We still have sex, with the understanding and commitment on my part that...

1) My wife is my number one partner in every way and always has priority
2) Our children are our responsibility together, and both my wife and them must be remembered and protected in everything I do.
3) I do not engage in anal sex at all (good thing I hate it).
4) My doctor knows, and I get tested regularly.
5) The man I am with knows from the start that I am married with kids, and I have no interested in leaving my wife, and if I sense him falling in love with me and getting too demanding of me, I will cut him loose. I have done this twice now. Not fun, but that's the rule.
6) I am not oblivious to the risk presented by the man in my life. We've talked about this quite a bit.

This is my situation with my wife. After I told her, she told me she had always suspected I was bisexual, and that my telling her answered some questions she was always afraid to ask.

There is no justification for my not telling her before we got married. There is no justification for hurting hurt and losing her trust in this regard. However, I have proven myself a good husband in many ways, and she has chosen to stay.

I am not perfect, and she is certainly no angel. She has had to confess to me a romantic long-standing, long-distance emotional affair with a married man that would sometimes come to town and visit her, sometimes without my knowledge. She has not confessed to having sex with him, and I have not pushed her into that corner either. If she has, she can tell me when she is ready, and I will be compassionate to her, but of course I will be hurt too, in my ego.

I love my wife, warts and all, and am sticking with her despite all the shit she has put me through (plenty of it), and she is sticking with me despite all the shit I have put her through.

THAT IS MARRIAGE.

Marriage is not getting what you want for yourself in a partner and keeping it that way forever. People who make it about that are in lala-land. Marriage is picking one person and committing to making it work no matter what, unless you are being abused. My wife and I have chosen and committed. The man in my wife is never going to replace my wife. And he doesn't try. (I once was open to trying this with a previous man, who quickly fell in love and demanded to much of me, and I had to blow him off...his mistake, he knew the rules and tried to steal me from my wife and family. Bub-bye!)

All that said, you have to decide what is best for your child, and then for you. I will agree with Dr. Laura on that. Your child is first. You are second. Your husband is third.

If your husband is really gay and really always wanted to be with a man, then he misled you. He needs to get real with himself and with you.

I never have wanted an exclusive LTR/life-partnership with a man. I tried that a few years before I met my wife-to-be, and it was in many ways unfulfilling. I realized that that has never been my dream. My desire had always been to have a wife and children. Thanks be to God I have a wonderful family. Regardless, there are days when my love and patience with them are challenged, and I challenge them too.

BECAUSE I'M HUMAN!

I could have turned out to be an alcoholic, workaholic, wife beater, couch potato, or a man with one or more women on the side. Plenty of those kinds of men and women on the planet.

Instead, the desire to be intimate with a man (cuddling, holding being essential for me) is "my deal". Again, I was a coward not to tell my wife before hand. I'm sure I'm not the only person with secrets kept from a spouse.

I'd love to say that I'm perfect and have only desire for my wife. If I said that I'd be a liar, and most men who'd say that either are lying or have a hormone problem. I just don't believe that most men are 100% faithful, whether emotionally or physically. I know my wife has not been 100% faithful to me at least emotionally.

I FORGIVE MY WIFE. SHE FORGIVES ME. I PROTECT HER. SHE PROTECTS ME. WE PROTECT OUR CHILDREN.

I'm a human with flaws. Now you know one of mine. Remember your husband is probably somewhat like me and every other human. We aren't born knowing how to play the hand that is dealt to us. God help us and forgive us!

Compassion goes a long way, too. If you divorce him, try to make it amicable, at least for the sake of your child, who is entitled to stability.

Best of luck to you sorting this out. There's no easy choice, but your husband had better be putting your and your child first. If you are certain he is not, then maybe divorce is the best route, get a good lawyer.

If you ever want to talk about this more, feel free PM me.

Again, I hope this helps, sweetmissy.

Regards,
BFLR

 

[thadjock]

The only think useful about this post, in my opinion, is that it illustrates the fact that many Americans are still ignorant, arrogant, and all-too-quick to paint with broad strokes.

I live in Bass Ackwards, Minnesota. Walk a day in my shoes and see if you don't get shot strutting around with that attitude.

you're giving me shit about being arrogant and ignorant??? after posting THIS:

Dear sweetmissy,

I hope this reply to you is somewhat helpful.

Please try to step back and look at the bigger picture. You are not the only woman to marry a man who ends up not being exactly who you thought he was when you married him.

I am a bisexual man (i'm not sure what u r but ur definitely NOT a man), to use common terminology. My wife and I have been married over seven years, and have two children. I love her and them very much. And that love is, among other things, a DECISION to provide and protect. That love is not just a way to label a convenient situation where I get everything I want, or my wife gets everything she wants. That's the reality.

I will confess that I was a coward (you got that right) and did not reveal to her my bi-side before I proposed marriage. I own up to that. I was afraid to lose her. Perhaps your husband can relate. Perhaps many men can. Sorry, we're human (i think ur using that word wrong).

After we got married, after a couple years, I realized the desire for sexual intimacy with another man was not going to go away, no matter how much sex I had with my wife, no matter how much I prayed (pray away the gay!), no matter how much I confided about it to a friend, no matter how much I tried to drink away the desire, no matter how much I kept busy, no matter how much I found new hobbies, it didn't go away. The way I'm put together is such that I am attracted to women and men and feel most fulfilled when intimate with one of each. There are ways my wife completes me that no man can, and there is a way that a man can complete me that my wife cannot. I think the reasons for that are beyond the scope of this thread.

With regard to women, my wife is and has been the only one. With regard to men, I am in the third of a series of serial "relationships" on the side (you're a PLAGUE, not only did u ruin your wife's life now you're serially trashing the guys lives that you cheat with).

My wife knows. I told her after the second one ended, after a great deal of counselling. It hurt her. We went to counselling. We've determined the new rules. We still have sex, with the understanding and commitment on my part that...(i feel so sorry for your wife, now you've manipulated her to give you the freedom to go get your man thing on)

1) My wife is my number one partner in every way and always has priority
2) Our children are our responsibility together, and both my wife and them must be remembered and protected in everything I do.
3) I do not engage in anal sex at all (good thing I hate it).
4) My doctor knows, and I get tested regularly.
5) The man I am with knows from the start that I am married with kids, and I have no interested in leaving my wife, and if I sense him falling in love with me and getting too demanding of me, I will cut him loose. I have done this twice now. Not fun, but that's the rule. (i'm sure it was a real party for them too)
6) I am not oblivious to the risk presented by the man in my life. We've talked about this quite a bit.

This is my situation with my wife. After I told her, she told me she had always suspected I was bisexual, and that my telling her answered some questions she was always afraid to ask.

There is no justification for my not telling her before we got married. There is no justification for hurting hurt and losing her trust in this regard. However, I have proven myself a good husband (oh yeah you're a real catch dude!) in many ways, and she has chosen to stay. (somebody call 911 and get this woman some HELP! FAST!)

I am not perfect, and she is certainly no angel. She has had to confess to me a romantic long-standing, long-distance emotional affair with a married man (oh no , not him too?) that would sometimes come to town and visit her, sometimes without my knowledge. She has not confessed to having sex with him, and I have not pushed her into that corner either (ya you wouldn't want to have any kind of real open dialogue with your spouse, don't ask don't tell!) . If she has, she can tell me when she is ready, and I will be compassionate to her, but of course I will be hurt too, in my ego.

I love my wife, warts and all, and am sticking with her despite all the shit she has put me through (plenty of it), and she is sticking with me despite all the shit I have put her through.

THAT IS MARRIAGE. (uh, NO IT'S NOT, that's a really fukd up perversion of marriage)

Marriage is not getting what you want for yourself (seems like you've done ok) in a partner and keeping it that way forever. People who make it about that are in lala-land. Marriage is picking one person (and however many gay dudes on the side that you need?) and committing to making it work no matter what, unless you are being abused. My wife and I have chosen and committed (to what? NOT being committed?). The man in my wife(freudian typo?) is never going to replace my wife. And he doesn't try. (I once was open to trying this with a previous man, who quickly fell in love and demanded to much of me, and I had to blow him off...his mistake, he knew the rules and tried to steal me from my wife and family. Bub-bye! (you are an EMOTIONALLY CRIPPLED PARASITE! you should have a warning label tattooed to your forehead!)

All that said, you have to decide what is best for your child, and then for you. I will agree with Dr. Laura (that explains alot) on that. Your child is first. You are second (ya u definitely put urself b4 your spouse that's for sure) . Your husband is third (and your gay lover? where is he? somewhere after the family dog?).

If your husband is really gay and really always wanted to be with a man, then he misled you. He needs to get real with himself and with you.

I never have wanted an exclusive LTR/life-partnership with a man. I tried that a few years before I met my wife-to-be, and it was in many ways unfulfilling. I realized that that has never been my dream. My desire had always been to have a wife and children. Thanks be to God I have a wonderful family (how does GOD feel about you cheating on your wife with gay men? the big guy give you the green light for that? I thought marriage was strictly between one man and one woman? or can christians pick and choose?) . Regardless, there are days when my love and patience with them are challenged, and I challenge them too.

BECAUSE I'M HUMAN!

I could have turned out to be an alcoholic, workaholic, wife beater, couch potato, or a man with one or more women on the side. Plenty of those kinds of men and women on the planet. (glad to see you can judge THEM as inferior)

Instead, the desire to be intimate with a man (cuddling, holding being essential for me) is "my deal". Again, I was a coward (ur giving cowards a bad name you're sooooo much more than a coward) not to tell my wife before hand. I'm sure I'm not the only person with secrets kept from a spouse. (so as long as other people fail too you can give yourself a pass on that one?)

I'd love to say that I'm perfect and have only desire for my wife. If I said that I'd be a liar, and most men who'd say that either are lying or have a hormone problem. I just don't believe that most men are 100% faithful (you may have convinced yourself and your wife of that but it's total bullshit, plenty of men are faithful and committed), whether emotionally or physically. I know my wife has not been 100% faithful to me at least emotionally. (I would guess emotionally she's a trainwreck because of the selfish immature mind games you've inflicted on her)

I FORGIVE MY WIFE. SHE FORGIVES ME. I PROTECT HER. SHE PROTECTS ME. WE PROTECT OUR CHILDREN.

I'm a human(ya you keep saying that but so far the evidence doesnt' support it) with flaws. Now you know one (i count about 75) of mine. Remember your husband is probably somewhat like me and every other human. We aren't born knowing how to play the hand that is dealt to us. God help us and forgive us! (why is it the ones that advertise their faith the most, live by word of God the LEAST?)

Compassion goes a long way, too. If you divorce him, try to make it amicable, at least for the sake of your child, who is entitled to stability (or in your case a circus of stupidity that the adults in their lives perpetuate).

Best of luck to you sorting this out. There's no easy choice, but your husband had better be putting your and your child first (but let him demand the right to fuk around with men on the side if he wants to) . If you are certain he is not, then maybe divorce is the best route, get a good lawyer.

If you ever want to talk about this more, feel free PM me.

Again, I hope this helps, sweetmissy. (ya i'm sure it will, this gives her a roadmap on everything NOT to do)

Regards,
BFLR

A FINAL NOTE TO YOUR WIFE AND SWEETMISSY: THERE IS NO MAN WORTH THIS HELL, YOU HAVE FREE WILL TO LEAVE THIS LOSER AND GET YOUR LIFE BACK!

 

[sweetmissy]

I have been through this, and it is hard. Very hard -- I had three kids with the man.

Looking back, I think a better decision would have been staying married -- it would have meant greater financial stability and a steadier home for the kids.

Is having him be sexually exclusive to you MORE IMPORTANT than maintaining a household for your daughter?

In the old days (before this century), people stayed married because that's what they did. And they had affairs on the side and were as discreet as possible.

There are three kids I have to consider. Two of them being from a previous marriage, they and have seen a lot in their short life. As you said, if I stay I will have the financial stability and would be able to maintain our structured life. As I mentioned before, there are many pros staying with him. He is a wonderful man; he loves me, and is not abusive in any kind of way. The issue I have is: cheating on him. I was not brought up that way but I have considered it to make this work. Thank you for your advice. It really hits home. Like I said this is the problem I am struggling with most. How long have the two of you been divorced?

 

[ripsrips]

Dump him...he lied, cheated and deceived you when he knew what he was doing the whole time and he would have kept doing if you've had not found out...good luck and move on.

 

[Not_Punny]

Marriage is not getting what you want for yourself in a partner and keeping it that way forever. People who make it about that are in lala-land. Marriage is picking one person and committing to making it work no matter what, unless you are being abused. My wife and I have chosen and committed. The man in my wife is never going to replace my wife. And he doesn't try. (I once was open to trying this with a previous man, who quickly fell in love and demanded to much of me, and I had to blow himb ff...his mistake, he knew the rules and tried to steal me from my wife and family. Bub-bye!)

All that said, you have to decide what is best for your child, and then for you. I will agree with Dr. Laura on that. Your child is first. You are second. Your husband is third.

Hear, hear!

Sweetmissy, listen to the people who have been there, done that. Some of the people in this thread have bever been through this. Yes, people are entitled to their opinions, but you have your child to think about FIRST.

Work out a way to stay married.

That's the old fashioned, tried and true way.

It is HARD, HARD, HARD to raise a child on your own. Emotionally, physically and financially.

DON'T DO IT FOR THE CHILD'S SAKE.

You can work out sexual fulfillment some other way.

Don't put your need to have sex ahead of (a) your financial well being, (b) your home, and (c) your child (most important of all).

- - - - -

EDIT: Oops! Sorry -- I didn't see your answer to my earlier post.

Good thinking! My advice is to find another married man who wants to stay married, and whose wife won't have sex. There are more of them around than you think.

You'll be doing both of you guys a favor. Just so long as you only have sex. No romantic dinners and such. That can lead to emotional attachment.

Marriage isn't just about sex. It's about commitment to staying together. Sex can be found anywhere. Commitment is worth keeping.

 

[thadjock]

Hear, hear!

Sweetmissy, listen to the people who have been there, done that. Everyone else in this thread hasn't been there. Yes, people are entitled to their opinions, but you have your child to think about FIRST.

Work out a way to stay married.

That's the old fashioned, tried and true way.

It is HARD, HARD, HARD to raise a child on your own. Emotionally, physically and financially.

DON'T DO IT FOR THE CHILD'S SAKE.

You can work out sexual fulfillment some other way.

Don't put your need to have sex ahead of (a) your financial well being, (b) your home, and (c) your child (most important of all).

- - - - -

EDIT: Oops! Sorry -- I didn't see your answer to my earlier post.

Good thinking! My advice is to find another married man who wants to stay married, and whose wife won't have sex. There are more of them around than you think.

You'll be doing both of you guys a favor. Just so long as you only have sex. No romantic dinners and such. That can lead to emotional attachment.

Marriage isn't just about sex. It's about commitment to staying together. Sex can be found anywhere. Commitment is worth keeping.

you're clinically insane

 

[bguy]

He is a wonderful man; he loves me, and is not abusive in any kind of way.

His actions are abusive and actions speak louder than words. Someone can say they love you, but if they can't show it with their actions then it is simply not true. What has he done lately to show that he loves you?