One quote I like and question is: "Children would rather live outside a broken home than in one". With that being said, Im worried that staying in an unhappy marriage could be worse in the long run. Kids absorb everything and learn by example. I want to show my children what a relationship should be like and how a couple should interact. I may inadvertently be teaching them that a marriage is supposed to include constant arguing and lack of affection and compromise and mutual interests by ending an unhappy marriage, however hard, it may also teach them to pursue happiness and fulfillment in their own relationships and to know when the relationship is unhealthy.
Good point about what the children observe in how their parents treat each other.
In my marriage, I do keep in mind that our daughter learns from me how a woman should be treated, and how to treat a man. Our son learns how a man treats a woman. From my wife our daughter learns how to treat a man, and our son learns how a woman ought to treat a man.
The parents become the standards.
All that said, the issue of adultery is not something that has been put on display or in the earshot of our children.
It may very well be that a girl should not be seeing her mother miserable or put up with an intolerable situation. Nor should the girl see
Then there is the question of what does the daughter see and hear?
My parents were unfaithful to each other. I didn't know this until I was an adult. It explained what the fighting was about. I'm glad they stayed together. My dad, for all his faults, stuck with my mom who died a slow death due to an incurable disease. They kept their promise "for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health". They did it imperfectly, but they did it. As a child I hated their fighting. It scared me. As an adult, as a husband, as a father, I understand it better. Like I said, I'm glad they stayed together.
But each situation is different, so again, I encourage you to do what is best for your children.
To the other point:
I may inadvertently be teaching them that a marriage is supposed to include constant arguing and lack of affection and compromise and mutual interests by ending an unhappy marriage, however hard, it may also teach them to pursue happiness and fulfillment in their own relationships and to know when the relationship is unhealthy.
The truth is, marriage will include some arguing, some periods lackign affection, and some compromise. No relationship involving humans is perfectly healthy. That's life. No one ever gets everything he or she wants. That is a fantasy which many seem to have going into marriage, and which leads to divorce because the fantasy isn't realized. The pursuit of happiness and fulfillment will include disappointments and the likelihood of not attaining perfect happiness and fulfillment. To leave a difficult situation JUST because of a lack of complete happiness and fulfillment, is selfish in my opinion, especially if that is a higher priority than what is best for the children.
I hope the continuing dialog (minus the "static") is helping you sweetmissy.
One more thing: if you are being abused, please read the books by Patricia Evans about abusive relationships. She is brilliant.
