Lordpendragon said:Sex with married women is lousy.
Ask any married man.
Calm down - it's a joke.
jeffblack said:You know, if the married couple is ok with having an open marriage, then does that still make it cheating?
Sklar said:Why bother with the marriage/relationship if it's going to be open? Why not just be two people who enjoy sex with different people? Why go through the pretense of a realtionship?
You are confusing several different issues here. Sexual gratification should never be the sole reason for having a "relationship." Being married or in a relationship should be because you love that person. If you have ever masturbated, you should know that sexual release does not necessarily have anything to do with love.Sklar said:That's a tough one for me, Jeff. One the one hand, it is cheating and should be wrong. On the other hand, if the other person knows about it and is ok with it, then it's not wrong. I just don't understand it is all.
Why bother with the marriage/relationship if it's going to be open? Why not just be two people who enjoy sex with different people? Why go through the pretense of a realtionship?
I'll see if I can be more clear and concrete this time. Sklar, this is not a personal attack, please don't interpret it as one.Sklar said:Also, DCDEEP, you never answered my question on why stay in the relationship? Why not be two people who enjoy sex with different people and be more of friends with benefits than tarnish the marriage vows?
Sklar said:Remember, the whole reason for this thread is that the woman hungnate banged was married and her husband doesn't know.
big dirigible said:Where in the original post is there anything about what the lady's husband does or does not know? All that's stated as fact is that there is a husband in there somewhere.
stud hunter, do you think the golden rule would apply here as a measure of ethics? Do unto another man's wife, as you would have him do unto yours?stud_hunter said:But really I see another issue here which is a pretty big one. In the issue the poster brought here, clearly the married woman is wrong, but is the poster wrong for going along? Clearly he might get into a sticky situation, but does he have a moral responsibility to cut it off now that she knows he's married?
My first instinct says yes but really I have a hard time holding him responsible for her cheating. Unless he himself has lied to someone I'm not sure I fault him. Of course I see the other side which is we're all responsible for how our actions affect other people, but then again I believe in individual responsibility. It is a tough moral issue and clearly no easy answer.
DC_DEEP said:stud hunter, do you think the golden rule would apply here as a measure of ethics? Do unto another man's wife, as you would have him do unto yours?
mercurialbliss said:Run, don't walk.
That's my gut response after reading about your dilemma.
But there are lots of questions that need to be answered before making a decision. She's married, but is she separated/thinking of divorce? Is there an arrangement between the woman and the husband? Ultimately, what does she want from you? If she sees you as nothing more than a "fling", do you want that and can you handle it, if so? Are the potential complications and repercussions stemming from an affair worth your time, energy, physical and mental health?. Just a few points to ponder.
Wonderboy said:This is another reason for me not to get married.
If someone is going to spend all that money, and say those supposedly holy vows...what's the point in cheating and disqualifying all that you've been through?
Marrying for money? That's fucked up too.
You are right, of course. And believe it or not, I really actually do follow the golden rule, almost without exception in any given situation. It's not always convenient or comfortable or profitable, but you know what? There's very little that I do that can "come back and bite me in the ass." I don't do things that I know I will feel guilty about. I just do not do things to other people that I would not want done to me. Yeah, I know, I'm in the minority, but that's just the way I'm wired. In the end, honesty is easier than deceit.stud_hunter said:That is a simple point but I've given it some thought and I have a hard time disputing it. I think there are lots of situations where we don't follow the golden rule, some worse than others. In the end I don't think sleeping with her is the worst moral thing he could do, but you're right, I guess there's no question it's more moral for him not to based on courtesy for the husband, assuming of course that she's sneaking around.
DC_DEEP said:You are right, of course. And believe it or not, I really actually do follow the golden rule, almost without exception in any given situation. It's not always convenient or comfortable or profitable, but you know what? There's very little that I do that can "come back and bite me in the ass." I don't do things that I know I will feel guilty about. I just do not do things to other people that I would not want done to me. Yeah, I know, I'm in the minority, but that's just the way I'm wired. In the end, honesty is easier than deceit.
Funny thing, years ago an uncomfortable situation developed between some of my friends. A single guy started having a sexual relationship with a married woman, all in the same circle of friends. The single guy, at one point, started being jealous of the woman's husband. How nervy is that?
Just keep in mind that she has already said she wants to have sex with you again. Therefore, her response to any questions you might ask her about her husband or their relationship may be filtered through that perspective - i.e., she wants sex with you, so if she thinks telling you "he doesn't understand me" or "he's ok with me having sex outside the marriage" or "I'm sure he cheats, too" is going to help with that, who knows if what she tells you is true?hungnate said:Anyway I don't know anything about the guy like if he cheats or if he's the perfect husband or whatever. Either way, she told me she wants to get together again and I told her sure but now I can't stop thinking about this. On one hand I think maybe I should bail and on the other hand like I said she's got a serious body on her and I'm thinking I should just let her make her choice and go for it.
Ha, SurferGirl, you paraphrased my last couple of posts, but said it more eloquently. Thank you. (You RAWK!)SurferGirlCA said:Just keep in mind that she has already said she wants to have sex with you again. Therefore, her response to any questions you might ask her about her husband or their relationship may be filtered through that perspective - i.e., she wants sex with you, so if she thinks telling you "he doesn't understand me" or "he's ok with me having sex outside the marriage" or "I'm sure he cheats, too" is going to help with that, who knows if what she tells you is true?
My attitude about this question on "is it ok to help someone else cheat in their relationship, since I'm not the one doing the cheating?" is really simple:
How would you feel if you were the bf/husband in this instance?
If you've never been in a committed relationship with someone who betrayed that, consider yourself fortunate. It's not a nice feeling.