married women not having sex anymore

[deleted356736]

Overgeneralization. There are also a bunch of women from 3rd world countries (have run across several, who married and divorced male friends of mine) who marry to come to the US and once they get their citizenship, they leave the man. This is more likely with older men looking for younger wives.

This can happen, but there are many women from the third world who are looking for good husbands and good fathers for their children to come. My wife hadn't been able to find anyone suitable in her home country, and she thought that white men made more reliable husbands than the men in her home country in any case. By the time I met her, however, she was getting worn down by the stereotype of dark-skinned women in a country where dark-skinned women are rare. The stereotype of dark skin equals unbridled sexual passion, where what she wanted was a relationship of mind, heart and soul! Our first meeting was subdued because a few men she'd met just wanted to get into her pants, which wasn't what she was after.

Foreign women seek marriage, but foreign marriage means they leave a lot behind. They lose touch with friends, family and a way of life. Even with excellent English skills, there's a lot of adaptation to come to terms with. Don't under estimate what they go through in order to find a good husband and a good father for their children.

 

[D_lkjhgfdsa1234]

Overgeneralization. There are also a bunch of women from 3rd world countries (have run across several, who married and divorced male friends of mine) who marry to come to the US and once they get their citizenship, they leave the man. This is more likely with older men looking for younger wives.

Look who's talking about overgeneralization here. Same people who call me a misogynist. So you're saying that men can only find happiness in an American woman and misery from women from "3rd world countries"? Absolutely not true. I found more gems in my travels than here in New York and the ones I met in New York don't even come from New York and are from other countries. They have more of a sense of respect for men because they weren't taught disrespect by Women's Studies courses in college or the media. I attended one of these classes and I'm not stupid. I knew what that feminist teacher said.
And it is not just older men looking for younger wives nor divorced men. I have seen more interracial marriages here in New York city than in other parts of the US. Why? Given the choice, American men prefer foreign women. So it's not just the "losers" that you American women reject for stupid ignorant reasons that gravitate towards foreign women. As someone said to me before, "Don't hate the playa, hate the game.":tongue:

I looked at "NoMArriage" list of criteria of women and laughed because it is absolutely true.

 

[novice_btm]

Women who don't fuck their husbands for whatever reason should know there are plenty of women out there who will.

Oh, and there are plenty of guys too. :tongue: Personally, I've been stunned at the number of guys that subscribe to, "...but it's not cheating if it's a dude blowing me." You should see some of the unsolicited emails I get, via a different group. :redface: Of course, that's also part of the beauty of the internet. Most of these guys send them, knowing full well that they're doing it from the safety of 1,000+ miles away.

 

[D_Bob_Crotchitch]

Oh, and there are plenty of guys too. :tongue: Personally, I've been stunned at the number of guys that subscribe to, "...but it's not cheating if it's a dude blowing me." You should see some of the unsolicited emails I get, via a different group. :redface: Of course, that's also part of the beauty of the internet. Most of these guys send them, knowing full well that they're doing it from the safety of 1,000+ miles away.

It's because I'm scared you are very experienced in topping.

 

[Principessa]

FWIW: I do not hate men, I never have. I admit I may feel a modicum of loatheing for the shit who raped me when I was 18. However, as far as this thread goes, I have always had a higher sex drive than every man I have ever dated. :yup: Yet, it has never ocurred to me to hire a male escort or cheat on a bf with another man. :no:

Let me guess, you went to college and took that Woman's Studies course and think all men are dogs. They should ban that class from college for poisoning the minds of our women.

Nope, I'm a woman why would I need to take a class about me? I didn't take black studies either. :irked:

Men can still be horny after 40 and still have a urge for sex but just can't get it up so that's where Viagra and Cialis comes in. Ladies are lucky they don't need to get something up unless you are a trans.

True, but it's hard to get wet for a man who we no longer feel an emotional attachment to or find sexy/attractive.

[/QUOTE] :261: Cheating is not a viable option for divorce! [/quote]

Going to a brothel is not cheating as there is no emotional exchange between the 2 parties. The only exchange going on is sexual release they cannot get from their spouse and money. There can still be an emotional connection between the husband and wife and they can still do the same things they did when they first dated.

That's where you are wrong; going to a brothel is the epitome of cheating! :duh: Once a man or a woman seeks sex outside the union of marriage trust is lost. Are you at all familiar with the traditional wedding vows?

Do you GROOM'S NAME take BRIDE'S NAME to be your wife – to live together after God’s ordinance – in the holy estate of matrimony? Will you love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse, in sadness and in joy, to cherish and continually bestow upon her your heart’s deepest devotion, forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto her as long as you both shall live?
​

What this means is that if menopause, cancer, children, work, hormones, etc take away her sex drive and you have been to every doctor in a 100 mile radius to "fix her" you do not get a free pass to go to a brothel or screw your secretary or her best friend. What you need to do is buy a fleshlight and have her help you use it or have her give you hand jobs.

Without trust there is no true intimacy or emotional connection.

Besides, the things I remember most about my failed engagement is not the sex, but the first special date I had in Central Park in the horse and buggy ride which was also the first time we kissed. Who says we can't relive that moment when we don't have sex any longer? There can still be romance only my dick is not getting wet with the spouse.

:261: You are missing the point entirely. Married men who go to brothels, have no desire to create romance with their wives. Even if their wives initiate a romantic evening they aren't interested because they know it will end with them not getting sex. :duh: I think you have been involved in the porn world way too long. It has skewed your view of reality and more importantly the majority.

Sometimes one partner can run out of sexual libido juice before the other. Not everything is in sync physically because you can't control the physical in a relationship, only the emotional ties are in sync. Even death. One spouse will die before the other just as one spouse will no longer desire sex before the other. The one who is still horny should still be able to keep going sexually until he or she also runs out of juice. There are things they can still do together that makes them happy and that's what keeps couples over 70 together, not the sex!! They can still dance, reminesce together, relax on the beach, even do sports together. The reason America has a greater than 50% chance of a divorce is because most people have your attitude about sex and marriage and fail to separate them. A marriage shouldn't be based on sex so if you no longer desire sex for each other, that is not a ground for a divorce and sexual urges can be found elsewhere. I think sex and marriage should be as separate as separation of church and state.

No, the #1 reason many marriages fail is actually because of money, the lack thereof and differing views on how money should be handled in the relationship.

Are you a descendant of the Mosuo Village in China? Cause your thoughts are definetely not western.

 

[voyeuristic]

darkseid, when you go off about how women's studies classes are a conspiracy to poison women's minds, it brings to mind the old quote, "feminism is the radical notion that women are people too". there are plenty of us who identify as feminist that don't fit the stereotypes you paint - frigid bitches who won't put out, vapid gold-diggers, etc.

your notion that American women are somehow morally inferior to women from other nations is also unfounded. If you've had more luck overseas, it's probably because your paycheck/bank acct. was impressive in comparison to the salaries of the local men in those countries. There are plenty of good American women out there. Let go of some of your bitterness, set realistic standards (are you only looking at younger women, for instance? try some your own age), and see if you don't eventually have more luck.

 

[dolfette]

it's interesting that so many people think sex drive is something that someone can turn off at will, just to be spiteful.
if a man is impotent there are pills, injections, pumps...ok, there are jokes, but there's a lot of sympathy.
but someone without a drive is just selfish.
yes, there are treatments, but there are side effects, there's stigma, there's the mental weight of 'you're broken! take this so that you'll want sex with me!' feelings. and, because it's mental, there's a question of whether you should need to 'fix' something when, if you imagine the results, makes you feel sick.
and the nature of sex...he's entering her body...if she's not entirely willing it can feel invasive and quite traumatic.
this is sometimes why women get unpleasantly defensive when sex is suggested.
if he's unwilling, it isn't a nice feeling for a man either.

i'm in no way saying people should shut up and put up with sexless relationships. i'm not saying anyone should lay back, put out and accept emotional damage as a marital duty. i'm not saying there's a solution.

people aren't arseholes for wanting/needing sex.
people aren't cruel for being unable to face sex.

having unwanted sex...it feels like rape lite.
it makes you feel like you're just a hole/dick.
it breeds resentment and ends in huge therapy bills.

a little less bile, people?

 

[deleted356736]

Dolfette:
The illness that caused my spinal cord nerve damage stayed in my system for several years, which meant I was afflicted with a low-level illness that drained my energy the way any illness would drain a person's energy. At that time, I was working full time in a reasonably high-powered job, and spending more than two hours getting to and from work. To counteract things a bit, I moved to a smaller city and took on a high-powered job, and only spent half an hour travelling, which left more energy for other things.

We had sex three or so times per week throughout this time despite my lack of sex drive. There were many times that I preferred sleep, but once it started it was okay, and at the end I felt just as pleasured by my orgasm, and just as comforted by the intimacy we shared. I had this sex for my wife; I had this sex for us as a couple. Even though I had no sex drive, I had this sex for me.

It doesn't take sex drive to have sex, but it does take consideration for your partner. And I suspect that when my wife says 'yes' even though she may not be in the mood, she enjoyes the closeness, pleasure and intimacy the way I did all those years ago. We all know that sex bonds couples, and we bonded many times, and that made it good, even though I wasn't in the mood.

I think this is the point that men here are trying to make, and I have alluded to this in my posting. A few here feel that non-Anglo women understand men better, and don't consider it to be rape to agree to have sex with their husbands, and they don't need therapy later!

My unique perspective is that few men will have been through what I went through, and for such a long period of time too. And I disagree with your assertion that if he's unwilling, it isn't nice for a man either. If you truly love your partner, if you truly adore the person you share your life with, then you DO make the effort. If not, then you don't love them the way I know and understand love. It's simple, really.

 

[dolfette]

there's a difference between being too tired to start & enjoying it once you do, and being completely off sex.

your experiences are not universal truth, doll.
like everyone else's, they're just part of the picture.
so i stand by my 'can feel' and my 'some people', because it indeed can feel for some people.

ps. your constant racism has passed the point of tedium. i'm putting you on ignore, because racists don't interest me.

 

[deleted356736]

I had no sex drive, I was completely off sex, I was never in the mood, and for years too. This is the point of your posting, and the point of my posting is that it is possible to have sex while feeling this way and not be traumatised. Lack of sex drive isn't the exclusive domain of married women.

Anyone who is sick for years and still working full-time would have no sex drive.

 

[Kayden96]

The problem with labels is that some people use the same label for different ideas.

Some feminists believe men and women should be equal.

Other feminists believe women are better and men are worthless.

I don't care how equal you are or what you're opinion of the definition of the word is (We all know it'll cast you in the best light possible), the media, and the majority of women I've come into contact personally with all subscribe to the second vantage point. Next time you're watching tv, pay attention to the white guy. He'll almost always be the bumbling clueless, moron... JUST LIKE REAL LIFE!

The word itself promotes this ideology. Feminism. It emphasizes the feminine, as if it's superior. If it were about being equal, shouldn't it be called humanitarianism?

darkseid, when you go off about how women's studies classes are a conspiracy to poison women's minds, it brings to mind the old quote, "feminism is the radical notion that women are people too". there are plenty of us who identify as feminist that don't fit the stereotypes you paint - frigid bitches who won't put out, vapid gold-diggers, etc.

your notion that American women are somehow morally inferior to women from other nations is also unfounded. If you've had more luck overseas, it's probably because your paycheck/bank acct. was impressive in comparison to the salaries of the local men in those countries. There are plenty of good American women out there. Let go of some of your bitterness, set realistic standards (are you only looking at younger women, for instance? try some your own age), and see if you don't eventually have more luck.

 

[Symphonic]

darkseid, when you go off about how women's studies classes are a conspiracy to poison women's minds, it brings to mind the old quote, "feminism is the radical notion that women are people too". there are plenty of us who identify as feminist that don't fit the stereotypes you paint - frigid bitches who won't put out, vapid gold-diggers, etc.

I wish there were men's studies classes and a men's department. Contrary to popular belief about "men having these things by default in a patriarchial society" most of the resources females have men don't, especially in college. Special tutoring, special programming, etc. all not available for the male half which puts men at a disadvantage in an environment that already puts them at a disadvantage ( it's been scientifically proven that men actually learn less from lectures and women are better at the current structure of the school system, and while social repression will effect a females growth in the sciences the literal wiring of the brain effects the males success in school ) in most fields. I'm all for both sections, but minorities and females are currently getting resources based on their races and sexes, which of course is absolutely wrong.

 

[Symphonic]

The word itself promotes this ideology. Feminism. It emphasizes the feminine, as if it's superior. If it were about being equal, shouldn't it be called humanitarianism?

Actually it was good until second wave, somewhere in there it lost direction and third wave has no direction whatsoever. There is no unified point to third wave feminism; it's a dead horse because most of the civil constructs are gone so only the social ones are left and you can't beat social constructs with movements; only with time and education do they slowly filter out.

 

[Trouty]

Seems our Afghan brethren have got this problem sorted

BBC NEWS | South Asia | Row over Afghan wife-starving law

 

[dolfette]

Seems our Afghan brethren have got this problem sorted

BBC NEWS | South Asia | Row over Afghan wife-starving law

but non-anglo women don't refuse sex!


no, it's both shocking and unsurprising.
what a world we live in *sigh*

 

[Trouty]

but non-anglo women don't refuse sex!


no, it's both shocking and unsurprising.
what a world we live in *sigh*

Guess it's the sex-free diet plan. Got to be better than munching on Special-K and drinking SlimFast all day.

Makes you wonder why any woman living in Taliban countries gets married. Of course they probably don't get a say in the matter

 

[dolfette]

Guess it's the sex-free diet plan. Got to be better than munching on Special-K and drinking SlimFast all day.

Makes you wonder why any woman living in Taliban countries gets married. Of course they probably don't get a say in the matter

they belong to their father until he gives them to their husband.
a bit like how it was here before emancipation.
refusing isn't an option and honour killings are accepted.

 

[D_lkjhgfdsa1234]

darkseid, when you go off about how women's studies classes are a conspiracy to poison women's minds, it brings to mind the old quote, "feminism is the radical notion that women are people too". there are plenty of us who identify as feminist that don't fit the stereotypes you paint - frigid bitches who won't put out, vapid gold-diggers, etc.

You are right about feminism being a conspiracy. And guys, don't put me down and say I am wearing a tin-foil hat when I say this but it is conspired by the elitists that want to divide and conquer us. They try to plot women against men by having treated them unfairly before the 1912, Black against white with slavery (notice the elites owned slaves to instigate this) before the Civil Rights Movement, and created thousands of religious denominations. Most of this history has created bitterness among people but instead of taking it out on the unfair ruling class, they take things out on each other. I didn't say that all women that are feminist are the gold-diggers or sexless women but I only said that that is what is taught in today's women's studies courses. If the ideology is all about women being people too then teach that. Don't teach that all men are dogs. Also, what's with these gatherings of wives talking smack about husbands? It seems that these women don't talk about their husbands as people. I also walked into one of these when I was picking up my ex-fiancee and overheard what they said about me and their fiancees, boyfriends, and husbands and I did not like what I heard. I heard from my girl-enemy, Martha, "Is that all he buys you is shoes? My boyfriend bought me this gold bracelet. You got to get someone like my boyfriend who makes some real money. You know the BBD. Oh speaking of the devil..." Angered by this, I looked for ways to make more money and by the time I struck it rich, my ex fiancee left me for a business owner.
I hope all American women aren't like that. If they aren't then I need to be pointed in the right direction to avoid women like these.

[/QUOTE]
your notion that American women are somehow morally inferior to women from other nations is also unfounded. If you've had more luck overseas, it's probably because your paycheck/bank acct. was impressive in comparison to the salaries of the local men in those countries. There are plenty of good American women out there. Let go of some of your bitterness, set realistic standards (are you only looking at younger women, for instance? try some your own age), and see if you don't eventually have more luck.[/QUOTE]

You generalize too much about foreign dating voyeuristic. Not all foreign women are poor and gold-diggers. They do understand their place in a relationship and that is equivalent to a man and respectful to each other. I dated a wealthy Japanese girl and also a wealthy brazillian girl with property on the Ipanema beach of Rio de Janiero. They didn't care about my height and you must admit I am not ugly from my pic. My only bitterness is that I can't be with women like that and I am stuck here because of immigration and employment opportunities if I don't fluently speak the language. And yes, these wealthy entrepreneur girls speak fluent English and catered me. I don't get the same royal treatment here in America, just the cold shoulder for being under 5'7". I hope the good lord puts a curse on all American women and make them all under 5'5". Hoohhhaahhhhaaaa!!! (okay, now I am wearing a tin-foil hat).:firedevil::firedevil:

 

[StrictlyAvg]

There are plenty of sports where being short is an advantage and success at these sports doesn't put women off.
And the Italians and Latin Americans still seem to have more than their fair share of shortarses and it doesn't seem to hold them back in the lover reputation.
Porn stars seem to be shorter than women idealise too (cock looks bigger for the camera).
Don't think many from these groups get turned down on height alone!

Anyway, back to the topic...

 

[D_Peter Stubigg]

Wow, I guess I didn't expect such anger at feminism on a site that should be populated by less insecure guys.

It's a real joke when people claim that preferencing women's studies or area studies somehow privileges minorities and women, thereby mirroring the same racism and sexism that they seek to condemn. You know why? The last 4000 years of oppression of women didn't just include giving them educational environments where they had a slightly decreased chance of learning or neglecting to include them in the history books (Or presenting them as ditzes in the popular media), it also included punitive reduction of rights, acceptability of vast amounts of corporal punishment, lack of representation, lack of voice, disfigurement, abuse, did I mention abuse? and oftentimes reduction of the status of women to chattel.

So if you're going to bitch about the availability of areas studies and womens studies classes and pretend that this is somehow equivalent to the abuses suffered by women as a class throughout history, well, you shouldn't expect to be treated like a thinking person.