Mary vs jane

[twoton]

Banter, yes, but it's not nec a male thing. Same as small talk?

Well, I had a long talk with each of them, but not together. I didn't talk so much as listen. My plan was to not get caught trying to answer questions and justify whatever might come out of my mouth.

It seems like it's smoothed over but I have an uneasy feeling that it's going to happen again. I don't think Jane is capable of easing off--bottom line is she is becoming so intensely dedicated to work that it's making me uncomfortable.

 

[Fencepost]

Here's a women's issue that has nothing to do with penis size.

Let's say there are two women in a workplace. They have different jobs but have to frequently work together. They are on basically equal footing in terms of the organizational chart.

Mary is well-educated. She competently does her job in a low-key manner.
Jane is less educated and is an incredibly hard worker and makes sure everyone knows what a hard worker she is.

Mary was born into a well-to-do middle class family.
Jane was born into poverty and clawed for everything she's gotten in life. She has achieved more than anyone but her would've thought possible.

Mary doesn't meddle in affairs outside of her responsibilities.
Jane is a control freak and doesn't trust any office procedure system she didn't create and doesn't control.

Mary is well-mannered and gracious.
Jane is often crude and can be an office bully.

In other words, they are very much opposing personalities. However, each is integral to the organization's success.

And there is growing friction between them, largely caused by Jane's resentment that Mary doesn't "work as hard" (yet most of what Jane does is create work for herself--in other words, she doesn't have to work as hard as she does). Jane expects you do "do something" about her situation with Mary.

Theoretically speaking, what would you do?

I would NOT have a disciplinary meeting with Jane. Instead, take her out to coffee and tell you what you are seeing. Ask her if there is something going on that you need to know about. Maybe there is more than meets the eye. If it is only Jane's control freak attitude, then tell her what you (and others) are seeing, and ask for her response. Offer some constructive alternatives to how she communicates and reacts. Disciplinary meetings should be reserved only for specific infractions, and should involve HR. Right now, you are in mentoring mode.

 

[jaap_stam]

Jane is not going to fundamentally change who she is as a person from one or even a series of being talked to like a child about "appropriate behavior." It sounds like she is a poor cultural fit.

I'd rather have an employee that didn't have to change who they are as a person to get along with co-workers. Offer her a very generous severance and glowing letter of recommendation, and hire someone else who meets your standard of hard-working and "classy."

 

[Lee_M]

This is actually a really well balance question, and i can can put myself in the place of both women, and that said i relate more to Jane.
Whilst you describe her as crude and a bully, i can see that Jane, whom has had to fight for everything she has is intimidated by Mary. And whilst that doesn't mean she can be the bully, it explains why she is acting the way she does.

Mary is never going to change, she was born a confident and outspoken woman and that is what she is being, but Jane, she needs reassurance that Mary is no threat to her. Only once Jane feels she is being heard and respected within the company she will back off.

As for Jane's inappropriate social skills, i think that is more of a management issue and she needs to be told what is acceptable in the wok place.

Out of curiosity, how old are these women?

 

[950483]

Banter, yes, but it's not nec a male thing. Same as small talk?

Well, I had a long talk with each of them, but not together. I didn't talk so much as listen. My plan was to not get caught trying to answer questions and justify whatever might come out of my mouth.

It seems like it's smoothed over but I have an uneasy feeling that it's going to happen again. I don't think Jane is capable of easing off--bottom line is she is becoming so intensely dedicated to work that it's making me uncomfortable.

No. It's not the same as small talk : /

 

[twoton]

Out of curiosity, how old are these women?

In their 40s.

 

[SurferGirlCA]

Since you've had good answers from several responders here, I'll just say this made me think of this Neko Case song:

 

[185248]

If someone is coming to work unhappy, it's usually because other things in their life (personal) are not so good. Directing anger elsewhere especially at work colleagues is an outlet. If behaviour is beginning to affect work place stability then it's time for a sit down and chat on what has been observed and offer support if it is needed. Notes of what is observed, and bring it up during the meeting or conversation. People when faced with their behaviour, will often become emotional, maybe angry and defensive. You can not control these things, only they can, all you can do is offer support. I doubt Mary is the centre of her problems, just the focus point.

Just don't let it become Postal

Sometimes people shut themselves down, when in actual fact it's the time when they need an ear.

 

[185248]

ps, maybe check first to see if Jane owns a gun, if so, then it's all Mary's fault

 

[twoton]

ps, maybe check first to see if Jane owns a gun, if so, then it's all Mary's fault

She's as much a pro-gun Democrat as Bernie Sanders is. She and her former-U.S. Marine Corps husband go to the range regularly.

 

[185248]

This just gets better doesn't it