Masculine Dominance

[B_nyvin]

At work I work primarily with 1 girl and 1 guy, the girl i get along fine with but with the guy...we get along but, there's always this underlying "turf war" that seems to arise. He tries to tell me what to do when i get soft on him, so i have to act tough on him to get him to stop. I'm the one "officially" in charge of the section and I do have more seniority so i feel it's right that I'm the one in charge (though i'm extremely passive about it) he still is always ready to pop up and try to challenge me it seems like and it just gets annoying.

Is this how all straight male relationships are? Cause I'm gay and used to just ignoring straight guys.

 

[Stephenmass]

He feels superior to you for some reason and tries to one up you all the time. I work with a couple of guys that are the same way. Let them THINK what they want as far as I am concerned. Like you, I tend to ignore them and not really friendly with them. As to when you have to delegate he either does it or he doesn't. If he doesn't because he feels it's "beneath" him, it's your job to remind him it's HIS job to do as he is told. Period. You already have the one up just by being the one in charge and he may resent that thinking he knows more than you.

 

[Bbucko]

The alpha/beta competitive dynamic isn't a gay/straight thing, it's not even a male/female thing. It's a human thing.

I spent 25+ years working in a variety of furniture retailing environments, from RTA to custom, and most of my co-workers for most of my career were women. Believe me when I say that they can be just as assertive and competitive as men.

If the straight guy you work with is aware of your sexuality and isn't comfortable with it, he can try and pull all manner of alpha-male tricks to attempt to put you "in your place". As the supervisor/manager, it's your responsibility to make sure he knows who's boss (and it ain't him :wink; some guys get along just fine being part of a cooperative team, others don't. If his conduct is undermining the effectiveness of your team, you need to alert your superiors, as it's clearly unprofessional.

If there's room to grow within the larger organization, you might take a positive approach and encourage him to apply either for the in-house training required for moves upward (and away from you) or to just suggest he apply for lateral/upward moves as is. That way, he's more likely to see you as a mentor and less as an obstruction.

If there's no room to grow, then he needs reminding as to who's boss and who frankly isn't. When I managed sales teams, I led by example much more than by decree, and tried to make the individuals in my team feel as empowered and independent as they could while still obeying the dynamics of teamwork. Regardless of the circumstances, I made certain that I was always the most productive member of any team I led, not by capitalizing on my position but through the dint of sheer hard work. I rarely had trouble keeping folks in line.

Those who'd chafed under the yoke of micro-managers and by-the-bookers in the past always appreciated the difference of my approach. Those who didn't almost always found ways of getting away from me, whether through transfer or by quitting. But everyone understood who was boss, and those who either disrespected me or tried to undermine my authority were eventually gone one way of the other.

 

[im8cut]

You think you have it bad? How about this petty shit.

This is not exactly the same but similar -- When I was 16 my first job was at the McDonald's down the street. One of the cooks, Alfonso, used to rub his dick all over at work, but no one ever knew. One day some fat bitch changed her order for her McFatty and I went to go tell Alfonso. He already made the burger and was pissed that he had to remake it and blamed it on me for not being able to telepathically tell him instead of walking over to him, I guess. I was like, "Well, you still have to make it dude" in a neutral tone. He proceeded to yell "I'm a man! You see! I'm a man!" to me because he thought I was ordering him around. He looked like he was about to punch me. He did surely assert his dominance to my still developing 16 y/o mind. Stupid Machismo.

About a week ago my friend pinned me on the couch and was pressing his dick on me as he had me pinned calling me a "bitch" for not defending myself. I just didn't want to play along with his bullshit, is all. I later told him there's a difference between a "bitch" and a nice guy, and that the world doesn't have to exist on his terms of either being a bitch or not and that him trying to assert his dominance over me is just a mechanism to cope with his insecurities, which may or may not be true.

For bi and more-so gay guys there is this perception that you're either a dainty mincing faggot or an evil mean faggot [my reference for that claim is 1) TV 2) All the evil characters in Hollywood movies also being menacingly homosexual.]

I would do what I always do, be myself, but then again I'm not in your situation. If you're his boss, fire him, lol.

 

[avg_joe]

It depends on the person. Not all straight guys act like your co-worker. But keep in mind that some straight dudes are homophobic and have no respect to gay people. Believe me, I have been dealing with them everyday and have to pretend that I am tougher than they are. Don't show any sign of weakness to these folks because they would take advantage of any opportunity to show their dominance. You've gotta let him know who's the boss in the office.