Masculine gay and bisexual men

[B_henry miller]

People are usually surprised to find that I'm bisexual -- because I'm masculine. I am surprised that people are surprised that a masculine guy would be bisexual -- because I thought that men who are gay or bisexual are gay or bisexual because they like men, that is, masculine people.

At what point did the perception come about that gay or bisexual men have to be effeminate? I can't relate to that at all. Maybe in the LGBT community I am what would be considered "butch." I am attracted to other males who are masculine because I love masculinity. I love maleness.

I sometimes feel that I must really confuse people. I think that I could easily blend into a crowd of straight guys. And, in fact, I sometimes get hassled at gay clubs by bouncers because I don't "look" gay to them. This always shocks me. How do you "look" gay?

Masculinity - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

NOTE: Please no one make this a "flame thread" again, okay? If you're an effeminate gay man, God bless you. Okay? If you're a masculine gay or bisexual man, the same.... I don't think anyone is better than anyone else. Just different. That's all. Please keep the drama out of this thread. Thanks!

 

[Remington]

At what point did the perception come about that gay or bisexual men have to be effeminate? I can't relate to that at all. Maybe in the LGBT community I am what would be considered "butch." I am attracted to other males who are masculine because I love masculinity. I love maleness.

Personally, I believe the media's early portrayal for gay men in particular as very effeminate and campy helped lead to this "image".

 

[D_Tim McGnaw]

NOTE: Please no one make this a "flame thread" again, okay? If you're an effeminate gay man, God bless you. Okay? If you're a masculine gay or bisexual man, the same.... I don't think anyone is better than anyone else. Just different. That's all. Please keep the drama out of this thread. Thanks!

If this turns into the usual effeminate gay man-bashing thread these kinds of threads almost always turn into around here then you can kiss goodbye to this demand, and like it or lump it.

 

[poultrygeist]

Exactly right.

There was one member here seems to have the belief that gay and bi men see straight men as the most masculine. While that may be true in some social circles or in some wild psychological , historically this is not always the case. As the OP points out, it surprises people of his sexuality when he tells them. This is because society and the media seem to think that every bi and gay man must of course be good at interior decorating, be good at shopping for hot fashions, talk with a lisp and walk in an effeminate manner. Nothing wrong with this at all, but that's apparently what society thinks everyone gay and bi should be like. I'm the same way. I have never heard anyone say about me, "I had a feeling about you," or "my gaydar was going off" or even asked me if I was gay. I attribute that to the fact that I'm a fairly muscular man, very direct and to the point in my mannerisms and actions, tall and a bit on the rugged side, enjoy outdoor activities and contact sports. I know a lot of other members are just like this as well. Remember, Alexander the Great was probably gay. I don't think we'll ever hear of anyone calling him effeminate or less than a man. There are a lot of gay or bi men throughout history who were just as masculine or more.

 

[Lynx]

This discussion plays into modern stereotypes and can also be seen in "lipstick" lesbians. I honestly, honestly do not know why so many fall into this misperception. Could it be this: Since it is only the "effeminate" gays that are noticed, it seems like all gays must be affeminate and therefore the "butch" gay a rarity? How about the other 1 in 10 butch gays or lipstick lesbains who blend (for lack of a better word) right in to society and may actually outnumber the flamboyant ones?

 

[poultrygeist]

I agree Lynx. My wife is by her own admission, 80% lesbian. She is also very, very lipstick. When she tells a girl she is married, but lesbian tendencies, the other girl is usually stunned. Even some straight women have gotten rather curious about her when they find out. Very similar situation on the other side of the fence.

 

[ahornyman30]

I'm a masculine gay man my self people don't know i'm gay unless i want them to so i think the idea of straight men being more masculine laughable there are some very fem gay men but there are alot more masculine men than people think the media makes all gay men out to be be flaming quees dont get me wrong queens are abig part of the gay cummunity but there are alot of guys who are not and pride them selves on the fact that they are men and the love men becuase they are men in every sence of the word

 

[earllogjam]

Why is being gay linked to effeminate men? Because they are Blanche.

They are the face of homosexuals to the broader straight society popularized and reinforced by the entertainment biz but also in real life because they stick out in the crowd and easily noticed and labeled.

It's easy to blend into the wallpaper of society and go unnoticed if you are a gay guy who has no effete mannerisms and speech.

In the end, who cares. Ya are what ya are.

When ever I see that term "straight acting" "masculine" I always wonder if they really are then why do they need to announce it to the world? Shouldn't it be obvious?

 

[B_henry miller]

I was one a date last night with a guy who said he wants to go shopping with me. I smiled and said that would be great. I was just being nice, because.... I HATE SHOPPING! I fuckin' hate it. And I do not want to wear makeup. I do not want to be effeminate! I like men because I like BEING a man. MEN turn me on.

And, yes, I'm not criticizing effeminate men. Just sharing my preference. And, by the way, we should probably say that just as all gay/bi men are not effeminate, not all straight guys are masculine; there are some straight guys who are effeminate.
‪Dana Carvey Saturday Night Live 1992 - Lyle The Effeminate Heterosexual‬‏ - YouTube

This is because society and the media seem to think that every bi and gay man must of course be good at interior decorating, be good at shopping for hot fashions, talk with a lisp and walk in an effeminate manner. Nothing wrong with this at all, but that's apparently what society thinks everyone gay and bi should be like. I'm the same way.