Masturbation after marriage

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Imported, Oct 19, 2004.

  1. Imported

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    thicknfurry73: Guys and gals,

    I've been with my partner for 3 years and things have been great for the most part, however the topic of solo masturbation is a huge bone of contention (no pun intended) between us.

    He was brought up thinking that masturbation is morally wrong and that it has no place in a committed relationship. He also has a difficult time getting himself off without some sort of outsite stimulus. I on the other hand enjoy masturbation as well as using toys, etc. I like masturbating with my partner, but I also appreciate alone time once and a while. I have never felt guilty about self-pleasure for a day in my life, but he is making me feel like I missed the boat when it comes to being in a relationship.

    When we first got together everything was in balance until he started pressuring me to stop playing with myself. To keep him happy, I stopped any form of self-pleasure and reserved sex only for that between us. After a while, my sex drive started to decrease and I felt a growing resentment that he had asked me to stop. We're sexually monogamous, yet I feel like he is jealous of me being with...me!

    Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Did I not read all the marriage rules before I signed on the dotted line?

    Many thanks, folks.
     
  2. ericbear

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    Masturbation within a relationship is perfectly normal. Partners will often have different needs regarding the frequency of sex, or types of stimulation, and masturbation is one way to cope with this. Further, it is expected that both partners may have times when they need a release, but wish to do so alone. Mutual masturbation is a perfectly valid form of sex, and should not be thought of as inferior to other sex acts involving insertion. Two of my former partners had difficulty taking me inside, yet we had very fulfilling and intimate sex by mostly just mutual masturbating or frottage. The only time masturbation becomes a problem is when solo masturbation becomes so frequent that one partner is satisfied by masturbating to the point that he looses interest in meeting the other's needs.
     
  3. jonb

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    It's normal to masturbate. Couples don't always have the exact same sex drive, and one partner can wear the other out.
     
  4. KinkGuy

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    Masturbation for men is natural and normal and almost required. Self pleasure has nothing to do with having or not having a partner. Men just like jerking off and get a certain "self gratification" :rolleyes: in pleasing themselves that is just different and in no way reflects on his partner. Masturbation generally maintains or heightens a mans libido. IMHO.
     
  5. headbang8

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    My partner doesn't work a standard, Monday-to Friday 5-day week, whereas I do. Most ofthen, he has to work on my days off, and vice versa.

    On such mornings, our standard farewell joke is "be sure to think about me when you're masturbating!"

    It's just plain unrealistic to expect men to keep their hands off their tools in idle moments. It beats knitting.

    hb8
     
  6. B_Hung Muscle

    B_Hung Muscle New Member

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    I had a similar issue in a past relationship. To some extent, his jealousy over my desire to jerk off is why it is a PAST relationship. It was truly a sign of larger insecurity problems. I would definitely explore with your partner what lies beneath this issue. Does he think your sex life is not satisfying to you? Does he believe that he is not able to satisify you?

    My own experience tells me that this issue is the tip of the iceberg.
     
  7. Imported

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    Karen: One of my ex husbands used to play with himself all the time.
    Watching televison, reading the paper any time.
    Not always to orgasm.
    But he couldn't leave it alone.
    Ever.
     
  8. Imported

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    wvalady1968: I agree that's it's the tip of the iceberg and a sign of other problems. And that bit about "He was brought up thinking that masturbation is morally wrong and that it has no place in a committed relationship" is an excuse. This is a control issue.

    And GUYS!! Women like it, too!!! Sheesh!!! And we masturbate more than you know.

    Sometimes it's nice to not have to think about anything but what you want.
     
  9. Knight-7x6

    Knight-7x6 New Member

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    Some women are even hornier than men, I know a girl hornier than me...and I do it three times a day, she does it one after the other!

    Anyway, try www.jackinworld.com (the library section) there are articles on this kind of thing.

    My advice is that partners should be okay with the other masturbating but there are many reasons why most partners have problems, even if they don't make them known. Jackinworld discusses it some of the reasons.
     
  10. D_Martin van Burden

    D_Martin van Burden Account Disabled

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    I've had something similar happen in a relationship. My sex drive didn't fall in sync with my SO's, and whenever we did get together, sometimes I just wasn't in the mood as much. Don't get me wrong. If I were particularly horny and the partner wasn't around, I would get myself off a couple or three times. And I was physically attracted, for a while anyway, so that wasn't the issue.

    Anyway, if you're going to talk about this, just make sure that your partner has a realistic expectation. I masturbate almost daily, or at least every other day, during the week. If my SO asked me to stop jacking cold turkey -- why, there's no way that would happen. ("Look, sweetness. I love you and all, but my hand was there looooooong before you were and it'll still be there -- arthritis, notwithstanding -- looooooooong after you leave." And that's the truth. Once a day, almost every day, since I was 13.) Masturbating every other day or even every third day, however, wouldn't be such a big deal. And if masturbation is given a moral status, then that issue's quite a bit bigger than just simply playing with yourself.

    Otherwise, I think masturbation is a healthy additive to a sex life, whether you have a partner or not.
     
  11. D_that's a tall order

    D_that's a tall order Account Disabled

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    If masturbation after marriage is a ground for divorce, my wife has over 1,200 counts on me.
     
  12. KinkGuy

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    And you've only been married a year! :p
     
  13. jeepwranglerboi

    jeepwranglerboi New Member

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    I totally agree with HungMuscle. Your partner's desire for you to not masturbate and his jealousy of it would seem to stem from his lack of self confidence and perhaps a control issue as well. In one of my relationships from when I was younger I would get upset with my boyfriend if he would masturbate without me there. Now I have a very high sex drive and his was pretty high as well and I had no problem with mutual masturbation but I felt like if he did it without me there, then it was wrong. One day I was in the mood and he was not around, so I did it myself and soon after I realized what a hypocrite I was being and that me not wanting him to masturbate without me there was a definite control issue and my lack of self confidence. I wanted to be "sex" to him. I wanted to be the best he ever or would ever have (all ego driven stuff - I am a Leo afterall :D ) but I quickly came back to reality and built a bridge and got over it. There is absolutely nothing wrong with masturbating solo in a relationship and don't feel like you have to fantasize about him either. I think it is okay for your mind to wander as long as your body doesn't since you are in a committed ltr. I wish you the best!!!
     
  14. hungthick

    hungthick New Member

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    I am being silly but is this why he is an ex?

    I think masturbation is normal but as one gets older i would hope it would be considerably less and more time spent on your spouce and other activities. --just my thoughts.
     
  15. D_Barbi_Queue

    D_Barbi_Queue Account Disabled

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    OMG! I increased masturbating after I was married (which is when I learned how to do it right) And well, considering my husband was gone for the Navy on a 6 month cruise....I'd say it was my salvation! I still do every now and then if time permits. ^_^
     
  16. InnocentBystander

    InnocentBystander New Member

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    I'm not married, but I've been in a relationship for a while, and I masturbate regularly, as does my girlfriend. It's become a part of life, and I don't see why it should end after marriage.
     
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