masturbation and relationships

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by D_Sheffield Thongbynder, Jun 2, 2006.

  1. D_Sheffield Thongbynder

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    A question for either men and women in a monogamous relationship: I see gf only three times or so per week and masturbate often. Frequent jerking off doesn't affect my performance with gf, but I haven't mentioned this to her because I have a friend whose lover gets annoyed when he masturbates, seeing it as a behavior that he isn't satisfied. I don't want to discuss this with her. Not encumbered by any misplaced Puritan ethic, I do it unabashedly but still wonder if keeping this from her may someday adversely affect our relationship. Have any of you noticed any impact masturbation has on your relationship?
     
  2. fratpack

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    First of all I love masturbation and so does my bf, we enjoy it together and alone.

    I did have a co-worker once who was married and his wife, a very nice woman, would not let him masturbate because she too felt that it was a reflection on her that she couldn't keep him satisfied. He was concerned but being the guy he is kept doing it anyway...he would go on-line and go to porn sites, he would do it in the men's room at work and there were a couple of times he came over to where I live and wanked one out. I wasn't there it was his alone time, so to speak.
    To this day she still doesn't know after three years of marriage, he is a total jerk-off hound, so who is to say what the moral of the story is.....

    One thing I didn't notice is that you didn't mention your own opinion on masturbation or hers....have you two ever discussed the subject in general terms.
    Find out what she thinks about it and her views on relationships and masturbating. Then you know how to approach it. In the meantine, enjoy.
     
  3. D_Sheffield Thongbynder

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    Aas far as I know, I think she masturbates mostly when I'm with her. If I can think of a good way to introduce the topic, I'll ask her, though. Thanks.
     
  4. Honey_Grrrl83

    Honey_Grrrl83 New Member

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    I used to masturbate three times a week,but now that I am pregnant my sex drive is a little reduced,which I learned is normal during the first trimester:confused: Now I do it once a week,if that
     
  5. nay-nay

    nay-nay New Member

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    i love masturbation. i love watching a guy get off, and i love putting on a show for a guy. i usually masturbate at least once a day. you all might think this sounds a bit crazy, but i do it even when i'm not horny. i just get some lube to make things easier.
     
  6. B_1GR8Fokker

    B_1GR8Fokker New Member

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    Masturbating is fine. There is nothing wrong with it. Some questions for you: Do you prefer masturbation to sex? What is your ratio of masturbation to sex with your girlfriend? Is your girlfriend unavailable for sex that masturbating fills the void? Is it recreational, or release?

    Your ability to perform is not the issue. The issue is you questioning your personal sexual needs outside of the relationship. Why do you feel a need to masturbate so much? Is there something going on outside of your relationship that is creating your need to masturbate? Are you masturbating over porn, fantasizing, or another person? The latter becomes a whole other issue. Is monogamy being tested then? See link below.

    http://www.lpsg.org/relationships-discrimination-and-jealousy/24119-what-defines-cheating.html

    Would it be fair to say that your need to do this has more importance to you than the relationship? If you have an open monogamous relationship, and you are planning to progress in that relationship together, it might be something that you might want to discuss with her now. She’s going to find out eventually. What will be her reaction be to finding this out? Will it encumber or enhance the relationship?

    Again, before your relationship goes farther, this might be something you would want her to know now, before it becomes a problem later. Will she be able to accept and understand your need to do this? If she is adverse to that, both of you have some important decisions to make about the continuance of this relationship.

    Mutual masturbation in a relationship is great if both partners agree to it. The question is whether excessive solo masturbation by one partner is good for the combined relationship? Both partners need to come to an understanding on that point and be comfortable with it. Good luck.
     
  7. D_Sheffield Thongbynder

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    Your answer is prescient and challenges me, 1gr8fokker. Thanks for the advice.
     
  8. Wrat

    Wrat New Member

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    There is nothing wrong with masturbating, even to an excess, when you are in a monogymous relatiouship. If somebody really wants to control you and invade your privacy to the point of depriving you that kind of satisfaction then maybe they need to re-think the nature of relationships. I don't believe it is a mater of "her accepting and understanding your need to do this" either. Masturbating is natural. Like eating and sleeping.
    The only way masturbating adversely effected my relationship was that my ex was a viscious control freak anyways and would take any kind of satisfaction, even the satisfaction of a good bowel movement, from somebody she wanted to control if she could. Every time she thought I might have any privacy at all she would dig into me and make up a big fight about how selfish I was and how we were supposed to do everything together and bla bla. Then she wouldn't talk to me for two days.
    Don't let this happen to you.
     
  9. D_Sheffield Thongbynder

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    Thnaks for the thoughtful PM, 1gr8fokker.
     
  10. DC_DEEP

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    Being completely sexually satisfied with one's sexual partner has nothing at all to do with masturbation, or vice versa. Hopefully, your gf can understand that it is not much different than having dinner. Enjoying a slice of cake after dinner does not mean you were unsatisfied with your steak. The dessert is not in competition with the dinner, it is an adjunct.
     
  11. D_Coyne Toss

    D_Coyne Toss New Member

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    I have a gf and i masturbate also. It does not interfere with my sex life, but i do not tel my gf because she thinks masturbating is a sign of unsatisfaction.

    I am not unsatisfied, i enjoy our sex life, but i also need to communicate with my body.
     
  12. Doc

    Doc New Member

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    I definitely have a good time with masturbation. My GF and I are always enjoying the show aspect it has on her. The only thing I wish is that she were more comfortable to mastrubate with me. But I guess it's not really her thing. As for you problem, well .... communication. If you guys talk about it, you'll find out real soon what the landscape is, then you can see if you want to integrate that part of your life in your sex life. I would recommend it, but that is up to you.
     
  13. basque9

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    I had an intense monogamous relationship over many years. My libido was such that I needed to masturbate often...in addition to shared sex. I do not think there is either a moral or need - to- know imperative that should compel you to tell your mate. I think it is sufficient to just be there totally whenever your mate desires you.
     
  14. PenisAv

    PenisAv New Member

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    I like masturbate and me wife likes to watch how I do it. It was so cool when she asked me to show how guys made it (after 5 years we have married).
    I was jerrking and asked her: Do you like it? You want to see how I jerrking?

    It was so great. We had a rely hard fucking night. It changed a lot of our fuck. Now we more open.
     
  15. Fredneck1951

    Fredneck1951 Member

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    At this point, after 31 years, with my wife's physical and mental health issues, if it's not Rosy Palm, it's nothing for me.
     
  16. thedude111

    thedude111 New Member

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    Wow, long thread... First of all you're not being very open if you guys have not even mentioned it. I would clear the air like...man i was thinking of you like crazy last night and had to "do myself". I have had a number of women say that to me, in the past...to be honest. Plus I have a very strong sexual drive. Not meaning I fuck everyday. But I encourage every woman I have been with to masturbate if i am not around. Ever hear...if ya don't use it you'll lose it? Alot of truth there... your sexual drive will diminish. Also...heard of this? The more you have the more you want. Read from Master and johnson or any other human health and sexuality clinic world wide. It was believed at one time. Once a man married he would have less need to masturbate. Now studies have shown... often men masturbate more....when having more sex. The more (orgasms) you have the more you want. let your women know this... and masturbation can be discussed and enjoyed whether alone or together.
     
  17. davidjh7

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    I'm liking you more and more....:biggrin1:
     
  18. Elmer Gantry

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    LOL, my gf tells me to go for it. She says it takes the pressure off of her trying to keep up with my morning/noon/night requirements!
     
  19. B_Stronzo

    B_Stronzo New Member

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    Superb thread.

    I think of masturbation as its own sort of "having sex". It's often equal if not superceding in its gratification (given mood and stimulation).

    And no.. it's never negatively affected my performance.


    When I was in my teens I easily wanked five times daily. Now it's down to a paltry three at best.:redface:
     
  20. WildHoney

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    I am in a commited 18 year marriage. We both masturbate when we want or need to.

    We have sex most days and I would masturbate 4 times a week, hubby maybe 2-3 times a week.

    Usually it is when the other is away or working etc. It has never affected our sex life, we both enjoy it as a side dish to our sex life together.

    Honey


    * I usually get so horny if I feel my hubby wanking in bed that I wake up and fuck him anyway!*
     
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