Masturbation in a public shower, OK?

[MiddleCountryMo]

You are using the worst form of the behaviour to make a statement about all such behavior. As a result, the overall inference is that gay cruising is linked with assault. That's beyond problematic. I've given the history, none of which is affected by the changes noted. The changes are many. HIV, mainstreaming, change of local culture, etc but the net effect is that cruising (which again is not sex or sexual acts but the non verbal way in which gay men met for subsequent sex) is not as common or as sophisticated. What the men you describe are doing is not cruising. It's rude crass and selfish behavior. However I guarantee that the vast majority of the worst offenses (except at a gay village gym or a gay gym) are not gay men but closeted married men. I have run enough events and been to enough to know that this group causes 90% of unwanted or inappropriate sexual conduct. Mapping it back onto open gay culture is simply wrong. This is the closet and white cis privilege at work. Which then makes any complaints from straight men somewhat hypocritical. Finally, although it seems fair to simply use a gender inversion to show how women might feel assaulted it ignores the difference between women having ongoing daily experiences of misogyny and sexual aggression and the fact that men don't have anything like this experience in general. The incident for most men would be episodic discomfort. It is not added to a lifetime of harassment. I would suggest that the literature on the subject demonstrates that women experience greater trauma and longer lasting trauma than would men. Even with that said, in Canada an erection stroked in public is a public indecency infraction and not a felony. Sexual trauma is not always sexual assault. I know that is not a satisfactory answer given your own negative experience but it is one that women experience with respect to rape every day (horrific crimes described as casual or pleasurable with perps acquitted). The second suggestion is to dress quickly and alert the management so they can intervene. Of course if you do not feel safe taking one of these douchebags to task you should not but I have no such issues and I stand by telling men who are responsible to stand up to these guys. Their behavior is childish and selfish. It is offensive. In some cases traumatic but assault is a step too far.

There's a lot to respond to here. I did not ignore the experiences of women, I said that what men face is to a much lesser degree than what women face. I think that's all that needed to be said. You say sexual trauma does not always mean sexual assault. I would agree with this, as even consensual sex sometimes can be pretty horrific. But unwanted sexual advances that cause trauma are sexual assault and no, it should not be my responsibility to politely ask someone to stop looking at me and jacking off in a shared space. Nor should it be my responsibility to alert the staff. That said, I regret equating openly jerking off in front of someone as a form of cruising and understand the problem with doing that.