Mature Lady Needs Advice on Finding a Lover

The Dragon

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What about medical screening for STD's? I am thinking of asking them to provide proof that they don't have any communicable diseases before playing, of course I would provide the same.

One fellow said he has proof that he doesn't have HIV - I told him that there are other diseases to be concerned about such as herpes and his only response was 'yeah, I've always used condoms'.

I'm concerned about giving oral if I'm not positive the guy is disease free. Care to share any thoughts about asking them to get a complete screening panel done prior to playing? I know it's expensive and would be a detractor, but it is my health I am concerned about and want to make sure I'm playing safe - not sure how to handle this concern.


Good point!

Look at it as a way to sort out the sheep from the goats.
Embarrassment about demanding a complete screening panel is momentary.
Incurable viral STD's are for life.

If you don't take responsibility for your sexual health no one else will.
 

B_subgirrl

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What about medical screening for STD's? I am thinking of asking them to provide proof that they don't have any communicable diseases before playing, of course I would provide the same.

One fellow said he has proof that he doesn't have HIV - I told him that there are other diseases to be concerned about such as herpes and his only response was 'yeah, I've always used condoms'.

I'm concerned about giving oral if I'm not positive the guy is disease free. Care to share any thoughts about asking them to get a complete screening panel done prior to playing? I know it's expensive and would be a detractor, but it is my health I am concerned about and want to make sure I'm playing safe - not sure how to handle this concern.

It's not something that I've ever required, nor has anyone ever asked it of me. In fact, I wonder if it is uncommon in general to do such a thing in my area, because when I asked my doctor for a full screening recently, she looked at me like I was mad and asked if I have a specific reason for asking for one (ie. had a partner told me they had an STD?). I told her I didn't have a specific reason, but I do have sex with multiple partners and condoms aren't perfect. She continued to give me the 'you're mental' look, but did order the tests for me.

If it is something YOU require though, stick to your guns. If they don't want to go ahead with it, find someone else. If they are worried about the cost, offering to pay could help.
 

ArtofDesire

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Wow, subgirrl I am amazed your doctor reacted that way. Perhaps the reason was medical practitioners are being pushed by insurance companies to minimize testing whenever possible, but in my opinion they should allow anyone to get tested if they request it. I'm glad she agreed to accommodate your request.

Offering to pay for my play partners' testing is a good suggestion, thanks. I thought about perhaps suggesting that we go to my doctor's office as a joint appointment to get the screening done as I have a very open-minded doctor who I know would not question the need for the tests.

If I suggested setting up a joint appointment I'm not sure how to handle it with both men though, meaning not sure how they would feel about meeting each other. One is a university professor and even though he says he is single I am under the impression he may want to be discreet because of his position.
 

B_subgirrl

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Wow, subgirrl I am amazed your doctor reacted that way. Perhaps the reason was medical practitioners are being pushed by insurance companies to minimize testing whenever possible, but in my opinion they should allow anyone to get tested if they request it. I'm glad she agreed to accommodate your request.

I got the feeling that she isn't asked for tests very often unless the patient has that specific reason to suspect they may have contracted something. You could be right about the cost of testing too. I'm fairly sure it wasn't a reaction to my having multiple partners, because we'd discussed that before when talking about contraception.


Offering to pay for my play partners' testing is a good suggestion, thanks. I thought about perhaps suggesting that we go to my doctor's office as a joint appointment to get the screening done as I have a very open-minded doctor who I know would not question the need for the tests.

This is good! If you get a joint appointment, at least you know everything is above board.


If I suggested setting up a joint appointment I'm not sure how to handle it with both men though, meaning not sure how they would feel about meeting each other. One is a university professor and even though he says he is single I am under the impression he may want to be discreet because of his position.

I can't see very many guys being comfortable meeting their FBs other guys. Maybe two separate appointments would be the way to go. Although that might mean you would have to pay for yourself twice. Maybe just asking to see paperwork from their doctor stating that they've been tested would be sufficient?
 

hsarge

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Get the HPV Virus shot. I think it's called 'Gardisill'. It's not just for teenage girls. It's for sexually active men and women of all ages.
 

ArtofDesire

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I'll just have to talk to them some more to see how they want to handle this. Guess it's a good way to find out just how badly they want this too.
 

ArtofDesire

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Get the HPV Virus shot. I think it's called 'Gardisill'. It's not just for teenage girls. It's for sexually active men and women of all ages.

Good suggestion hsarge, thank you! I thought the shot was only for young women.

See, it's good suggestions like all of the above that brought me to pose my questions here. Thanks!
 
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ArtofDesire

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Please keep us updated on how it goes!


Sure I will do that, thanks subgirrl.

As stated earlier I still have to get my nerve up to actually go through with this too. Gosh it's been forever since I've had sex and I'm feeling a little intimidated since I'm not close to these guys. I'm comfortable with my body and my sexuality, but I am a little shy with anyone initially. I think if I had a strong relationship with either I wouldn't feel that way. Unfortunately for me with this type of relationship they want to just jump right in to having sex and that is not anything I have ever done before. It's probably silly that I'm feeling that way.
 

B_subgirrl

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Sure I will do that, thanks subgirrl.

As stated earlier I still have to get my nerve up to actually go through with this too. Gosh it's been forever since I've had sex and I'm feeling a little intimidated since I'm not close to these guys. I'm comfortable with my body and my sexuality, but I am a little shy with anyone initially. I think if I had a strong relationship with either I wouldn't feel that way. Unfortunately for me with this type of relationship they want to just jump right in to having sex and that is not anything I have ever done before. It's probably silly that I'm feeling that way.

I don't think it's terribly silly. Many of my FB relationships have begun with people I barely knew (although I feel happier and more comfortable once I know them well), but I know a lot of people aren't comfortable doing the same. Make sure you ARE comfortable before you jump in the deep end.
 

ManofThunder

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I don't think it's terribly silly. Many of my FB relationships have begun with people I barely knew (although I feel happier and more comfortable once I know them well), but I know a lot of people aren't comfortable doing the same. Make sure you ARE comfortable before you jump in the deep end.
Hehe, she said 'deep end'. :tongue: