Mature Lady Needs Advice on Finding a Lover

parr

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Hello, I am a mature, 100% straight single woman. I hate to admit this publicly but it has been years since I have had a sexual partner and when I confided this fact recently to a friend they suggested that I explore the possibility of finding a recreational lover. So I decided to start this thread to see if I could get some advice on how best to do that.

My questions are mainly targeted to the LPSG women but I'm open to hearing what the men have to say too.

I probably should state that first and foremost my preference is to enjoy a relationship with a man on a long-term loving basis and for him to be a friend to share things with, to go out and have fun together, but until I am lucky enough to find such a man I would be willing to explore a "friends with benefits" type relationship. Admittedly, I have no experience with this type arrangement, nor do I know how to even find such a man so any advice would certainly be welcome. I'm also at a bit of a disadvantage because I am new to the area so I don't know a lot of people or places to go. I'm not into the bar scene - been there, done that when I was younger.




I know there are many women on this forum who have recreational lovers, partners, and “friends with benefits" type of relationships so my questions are as follows but please feel free to comment on any I have failed to think of:
  1. How do you do it? Meaning how do you find someone that you feel comfortable enough to sleep with if you don’t already know each other and have an easy friendship?
  2. Also, how do you keep from getting emotionally involved? Do you find that one partner or the other gets too attached, possessive or territorial? Meaning they don’t necessarily want to date you, but they don’t want anyone else to either, they want you all to themselves? Do you find that romantic emotions develop even though that was not the intention going into the relationship?
  3. What are your experiences in this type of relationship and do you have any suggestions as to how I might go about finding someone?
Any advice is welcome!

Just looked at you're profile, and what did I find a pretty lady that's
very attractive and should not have any problems in that department.
Only problem I would have, the kind of relationship you described, well
seems rather empty, unless it can lead to a higher level. But that's
just me.:biggrin1:
 

D_Kitten_Kaboodle

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Hey L~
I can't add much about the precautions. I've been tested for disease and have had a couple of guys provide testing papers as well. (not common though).

Best precautions include using condoms (bring extras!!!) I always have extras in my bag, in case they "forget", or one breaks, or for whatever reason... and yep, I carry all sizes... LOL.

First thing I always do (well because I love it mainly) is give the guy fellatio. You can also use this time to look for any signs of disease (sores, blisters, etc.) Condoms during fellatio? Some say yes, some say no (I haven't, but totally up to you).

I've met with 20'something guys and they seem to be as careful as the 30's and 40's guys (especially about condoms.) Funny, the older (40's) guys are the ones that ask about going bareback!! LOL. (not an option!)

Don't let age be a barrier for you, honey. If they desire you, then it is not an issue for them either. (They find you HOTTT!!) I honestly have been AMAZED at the number of guys who are into MILFS and older women.

Always meet first in a public setting where you can BOTH have time to get comfortable with each other. Be sure he understands that this is a time for both of you to decide if you want to go further. (I do NOT consider this 'jerking a guy around', I consider it a time to feel comfortable.) The world is too dangerous just to hook up with someone without both of you feeling right about the next step. You BOTH must be comfortable enough with each other to move on.

If these two guys want to meet for sex...that's all good. I've had some wonderful experiences (some just one time and others repeat sessions) with a few guys half my age.

If it has been a while since you have had sex, I hope your partner has lots of stamina...I have a feeling he's gonna be asked to go for more than a couple of rounds.. lol...j

Oh and one more thought. If you can...leaving the pics and info is great... phone numbers are good, but could lead to nothingness. I call mine my 'play phone'.. lol. But guys know enough about me to feel safe before we proceed to the hotel room.

Take care, have fun and be safe....
 

ArtofDesire

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Just looked at you're profile, and what did I find a pretty lady that's
very attractive and should not have any problems in that department.
Only problem I would have, the kind of relationship you described, well
seems rather empty, unless it can lead to a higher level. But that's
just me.:biggrin1:

Thank you parr. Yes, I fear that type of relationship would be empty too. What I really want is a real loving, long-term meaningful relationship, not one based solely on sex. Until I find that (and I am looking) some friends suggested that I look into getting a FB primarily to solve the issue of not having had sex in a very, very long time (I'm talking years) to help me get my groove back as one friend put it. So I am exploring that possibility but have not decided on that action yet. I'm not convinced that I'm cut out for that type of relationship. Generally I need to feel emotionally attached to the person that I am having sex with - which is primarily the reason why it's been so long.
 

ArtofDesire

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Thanks FancyPants, as always your insight is appreciated. Thanks for taking the time to offer those suggestions. I will remember what you had to say.
 

VernalTiger

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It's not something that I've ever required, nor has anyone ever asked it of me. In fact, I wonder if it is uncommon in general to do such a thing in my area, because when I asked my doctor for a full screening recently, she looked at me like I was mad and asked if I have a specific reason for asking for one (ie. had a partner told me they had an STD?). I told her I didn't have a specific reason, but I do have sex with multiple partners and condoms aren't perfect. She continued to give me the 'you're mental' look, but did order the tests for me.

Subgirrl, I'm guessing you live in a rural/regional area? Every major city in Australia has STD screening clinics, usually known by their street number, ie, Clinic 275 or whatever. I think their official name is Infectious Disease Control Service or similar. The service is free and anonymous, and they offer counselling & all related services. Your doctor is a fool for taking that approach, especially given that so many diseases are asymptomatic.

For our American counterparts - am I right in thinking that Planned Parenthood offer the same service? Please correct me if I'm wrong.
 

nicenycdick

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Thank you parr. Yes, I fear that type of relationship would be empty too. What I really want is a real loving, long-term meaningful relationship, not one based solely on sex. Until I find that (and I am looking) some friends suggested that I look into getting a FB primarily to solve the issue of not having had sex in a very, very long time (I'm talking years) to help me get my groove back as one friend put it. So I am exploring that possibility but have not decided on that action yet. I'm not convinced that I'm cut out for that type of relationship. Generally I need to feel emotionally attached to the person that I am having sex with - which is primarily the reason why it's been so long.

Art...I have been involved in what you would call a FB relationship. I was married...she was not. It was not empty. Although we met only because we both needed the sex, we did truly enjoy each other's company. In fact, I couldn't sleep with a woman who I didn't find interesting, smart, funny and confident. In other words, there was always something there...even if we met only to share some truly wonderful and passionate moments. So it was never empty for me. And it doesn't have to be for you. Boundaries are important and you must establish them early and recognize their importance.

Don't be afraid to take the next step. It may not be the perfect relationship for you, but there is no reason to deny yourself the fulfillment a good sexual partner can give you.

Good luck.
 

ArtofDesire

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Thanks nicenycdick I will keep your words in mind. I might go for it with these two men, but I really need to feel totally at ease.

I did have an experience this evening, in that there is a local shop I will stop by ever so often and there is one particular young man that works there that I am extremely attracted to - it is purely physical attraction on my part; he's the exact height, body type, friendly personality, nice looks, friendly, open, sincere smile that really 'trips my trigger' so to speak - although he is much younger than anyone I would normally go for - I'm guessing he may be in his 20's.

Anyway, I stopped in this evening and when he saw me he said hello and confirmed what he thought I was coming for. I told him I was flattered that he remembered me, he then complimented me on the dress I was wearing and my car - I told him he's quite the flatterer and gave him a big smile. He seemed extremely pleased so who knows maybe there is something there. I'm amazed that he could possibly be attracted to an older woman like myself.