Me + a friends ex girlfriend?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Qiro, Aug 7, 2009.

  1. Qiro

    Qiro New Member

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    I'm around here for a while, think about 8 months or so but never really posted something.
    But now I need some half-serious help and cant talk about it with friends, maybe someone here can help. :)

    So a friend of me had this girlfriend for like a year, got into a huge fight for the 21398472th time and they are only friends now.
    The guy is or playing hard to get, but then extremely, or he's done with her.
    But she wants him back.

    She is kind of err.. good with alot of people, little bit attentionwhore sometimes, but not in a bad way. :tongue:
    Though the thing is, since I seen her a few more times I noticed that she is kinda cool, nice humor, nice taste in well.. alot of things, and she is (for me) damn good looking, almost perfect.


    Now I think she is also somewhat into me and wants my friend only because its the easyest way for her, maybe cant be alone etc.
    Now I dont know what to do, talk to the guy and if he's done with her and okay with it I could try a bit more and see what happnes.
    Or is it just a big nono?
     
  2. DiscoBoy

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    Looks like a big no-no, for now anyway.

    It's too soon after the breakup (I assume) to be attempting to pursue your friend's ex-girlfriend. Give it some time for the both of them to get over it and let emotions settle. He probably still has feelings for her and will surely become upset with you for trying anything, and she's likely on the rebound and probably won't treat you as anything more than just a fling.

    If and when you do decide to pursue her (hopefully after a reasonable period of time), be sure to discuss it with your friend.
     
  3. Qiro

    Qiro New Member

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    I will discuss it for sure, the last thing I want is to lose a friend.
    Though I think he will say okay to it and still in the back of his head he says no or something..
     
  4. _avg_

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    Women who've dated my friends don't exist to me, sexually.

    Prolly a good practice, if not totally rational...
     
  5. Qiro

    Qiro New Member

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    I know, I hate it too.
    Just in some way.. dont know.
    It sucks!
     
  6. D_Bela Boxwidener

    D_Bela Boxwidener New Member

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    That's a place fools go and angels fear to tread. A case of using the right head to make a decision on this matter, I believe/
     
  7. dirk2d

    dirk2d Member

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    Correct. You say she's kind of good with a lot of people. Chances are she's trying to get attention from other guys to make her ex jealous so he'll come back to her or maybe she just wants to hurt him.

    Its too soon after the break up. She'll either just lead you on for attention and to play games with her ex or just as DiscontentBoy said, you'll be a fling/rebound.

    Sit back and be prepared to wait for a long time to see what happens. Resist no matter how hard she comes onto you because you could end up losing not only this friend but all your other friends who take his side when shit hits the fan.
     
  8. nolbaby

    Verified Gold Member

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    dude this girl is NOT cool. you don't just jump to somebody's friend like that. even if everybody says that its all good and it doesn't bother them, it will bother them. either they won't be able to be around each other, which means u have to choose between them... or your friend is going to lose all respect for both you and her for jumping in the sack so quickly when there are obviously still feelings involved.
    a lot of people get fooled by their relationships with their S.O.'s best friends. There is no possibility of sex when they hang out, so they are much more relaxed and enjoyable. They have the bond of caring about the same person, which gives them plenty of things in common. Plus, any time people DO get into disputes with their S.O.'s best friend, it is always squashed immediately by the S.O., so it appears as though the best friend is somebody who they never really have any conflict with...
    all this shit in combination can easily get a person thinking that their S.O.'s best friend is the PERFECT PERSON for them.
    yeah, no shit, its because they are forcing themselves to like you because you are dating their best friend and you are always fuckin with them. they have no choice.
    OF COURSE she seems cool dude! she probably IS somewhat fun to be around if your best friend dated her for a year. There are probably a lot of great features jumping out at you right now... just like they jumped out at your friend about a year ago...
    look at what happened once HE got to know the real her...
     
  9. jeepboi87

    jeepboi87 New Member

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    they didnt date for a week. it was a year....this is a line u dont cross with friends
     
  10. D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

    D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah Account Disabled

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    I have to agree with everyone else here. You dont mess with friends ex's. Especially when it was a long term relationship they had
     
  11. the_reverend

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    as someone who's HAD friends date my exes on more than one occasion (and even wind up marrying them), i have to say the only thing you can really do wrong here is not talk to your friend first. believe me, not doing that is going to put a lot of strain on everyone involved. i dated a girl in college for about six months and we were head over heels for each other for a while, but she got scared because it was moving really fast and kind of intense so we ended things...shortly thereafter, one of my best friends came back into town for the summer and they wound up hitting it off. only they didn't tell me for weeks and i had to find out at her birthday party. it made things really awkward and tense for all three of us...i was able to resolve things with him eventually, but it nearly ended my friendship with her and drastically altered it regardless. whereas friends who've come to me and said, "hey, we're feeling this, this is something we want to explore, are you cool?", there's been very little drama.

    first and foremost, try and get a more accurate read on how she feels about you. if it's just friendly flirtation and nothing more, then you might just want to avoid the situation completely. but if you think it's something deeper or she's at least interested...talk to your friend first. BELIEVE me, it'll save you a lot of unnecessary headaches.
     
  12. Qiro

    Qiro New Member

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    Its not all serious in my head, maybe its just err.. a crush?
    But okay, thanks for all the help. :)
    I also HATE the idea and would tell everybody nonono but its kinda weird now.

    Will post some headsup if something happnes! hehe.
    Thanks all!
     
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