Peckerboy: I was always a short, scrawny kid with a baby face, and ignored by most. I started puberty a little earlier than what is common, probably about age 10 1/2 or so. I clearly remember starting the 6th grade with a full crop of pubic hair. I was fascinated by the changes in my body, and more preocupied that I should have been. For the most part, I was very naive about a lot of things, but I knew what puberty was all about. The year before I remember a boy exposing himself to a bunch of boys in the school bathroom. He was a year older--actually, a few years older because he had a late birthday and started school late, so he was actually closer to age 13. I remember him urinating and then turning to face us when he was finished so we could all get a good look at his big hairy cock. He had a big grin on his face as he hefted his dick flopped it around a few times, and then pretended to have difficulty stuffing it back into his pants because he was so large. Actually, he may have been a little larger than average, but I remember thinking that his dick looked fully adult--not a little boy's dick for sure. I was amazed. I was just starting to grow my own pubic hair at the time. That was 5th grade. I remember me and a friend unzipping our boners one day in front of the bathroom mirror at school and looking at ourselves. I couldn't help but notice I was bigger than he was. About a year later, before the start of 6th grade, he invited me to his overnight birthday party. I rember being there in his house on our backs on the floor in sleeping bags, about 2:00 A.M. the only ones still awake. We were lying there talking when he suddenly shoved his hand into my sleeping bag and into my boxers. I was surprised, but I didn't do anything about it because I found it highly erotic and stimulating. I let him fondle me for a while, and then I reached down his pants and did the same. So there we were, two 11 years olds holding each others dicks in the middle of the night and enjoying ourselves very much. It was obvious that he knew I had plenty of pubic hair because he kept going there. I, on the other hand, knew that he had none. He got more curious to the point where he suggested that it was time to get a good look at each other. He was very curious, and so was I, but I declined. I was not a "naughty boy" although by my standards, I had already been naughty. By the middle of 7th grade I still had the baby face, but I also had a rather thick layer of peach fuzz that was turning darker by the week. You could easily see it 10 feet off. It looked bad, and although I didn't like it, and neither did anyone else, for some dumb reason I waited quite a while before shaving it off. So at 12 years 9 months old I started shaving once a week. It rather blew my mind because I was hardly prepared for it. A rite of passage for most, but for me, a trauma. By 9th grade I was shaving every other day, and by 12th I was shaving every day. But 7th grade was a time of awakening. Gym class combined 2 classes, so in the locker room there were no less than 60 or 70 naked boys at a time. I remember noticing that I was one of only about 10 or 15% that had any pubic hair. And there was plenty of checking out by curious boys going on, to see where they fit in. It seems that most guys looked pretty normal, but I do remember a few micro dicks that looked no bigger, probably, than the day they were born. I wondered why they even had to use a jockstrap, there was nothing to protect. It seemed like by about the end of 7th grade or the beginning of 8th, I was mostly full grown between my legs, but still a scrawny, short, baby-faced kid. When flacid I don't usually look too big, but judging from that, my erection may suprise some people. I'm a little bigger than average erect, about 7 2/3 inches by 5 inches around; but even back then I was probably close to 7 inches. Sometimes in the showers I would have a partial erection that I didn't have much control over, and I remember a few guys getting a good look at me. My first reaction was to hide myself, but that's hard to do in a locker room shower. I didn't have a lot of friends and was usually the one to get picked on, so eventually I lost my inhibitions, to a degree, and would purposely get a partial erection to be seen by those boys who might not otherwise admire me. I remember one kid, even scrawnier that me, but with a tiny dick, and obsessed with sex, getting a good look at me, and later in a casual moment in another class, mentioned to a few other kids that I had a foot-long. Well, hardly, but compared to him, for sure: A foot-long. One girl wanted me to confirm if it was true. I was embarrassed and more or less evaded the question with an "I don't know" or something like that. This was within earshot of one of my good friends, but rather than take it all in stride like any normal kid, I was mortified instead. So I guess I did have a large dick. Not extra-large, not huge, not enormous, just big. But I still had that baby face and short, scrawny body. 7 inches isn't much, but it is when you consider that it hung on an 80 pound kid hardly more than 5 feet tall. But rather than consider it a badge of manhood, along with my new whiskers, I was just unduly self-conscience. I wanted to hide, and at the same time be the exhibitionist in the locker room, which ironically was against my nature. So sometimes I paraded about with a semi-boner, and sometimes I wrapped up with the towel. It's nice to get a little respect once in a while. Well, all this preocupation with puberty, youthful angst, being one of the "bigger" men on campus and so forth eventually lead to an inferiority complex and avoidance of guy things and guy situations, and being shy, I grew shyer still. How can being a little heavier hung than most lead to feelings that would appear opposite of what one would expect? I can't help but to think that if I were more "normal" I would have been proud to have a big cock and show it all the more. But the admiration I sought was artificial. It wasn't real, because it was based on eroticising potential friendships. Now, I had a few good, close friends whose relationships were not spoiled by erotic thoughts. But those friends were few. For the most part I wasn't one to have friends, but I was aware of my growing attraction to my same sex. Opposites attract, so since I viewed myself as quite opposite from most of the guys, I was attracted to them. There is sound basis for this psychologically. I later married and had two kids, divorced after almost a decade after a rocky marriage full of sexual hangups. I'm what you might call a non-gay homosexual. "What the hell is that?" you ask. It means that while I have a same sex attraction, I choose not to have sex with my own gender. There are fundamental, basic reasons why this has to be: I believe in it, I believe in procreation within the bonds of marriage, and total fidelity. Same sex unions are ultimately a failure because each partner cannot possibly get from the other what he seeks, and that is, often without being even conscience of it, more maleness or manhood. All gays are disconnected with their own sexuality and manhood, and seek what they lack from other men. This is healthy as long as it is not eroticized into sex with men. That is why gays are notoriously promiscuous. They keep seeking, never finding, buy always trying to take into themselves someone else's manhood, whatever they perceive they lack: hence the blow jobs and everything else. Hence the fascination with big dicks. Why do even guys with big dicks usually get fascinated by other big dicks? Even huge guys have hangups and feel inferior with other guys. No matter how big you are, there always must be someone bigger, right? and that makes you feel inferior somehow? True enough. This topic should be finished later. But that's my true story. I failed to hook up in good ways with guys, and now the only thing left is to eroticize what I never gained in the past.