learningirl: HI -- this is a very long message; apologies. But I've been thinking about sex a lot lately and finally have a forum to share my thoughts and input, which I believe is quite credible! Also I'm somewhat unique because I recently ended a SEVEN-YEAR relationship, so I'm re-discovering, or discovering, fun / not fun / great / hot / amazing / etc, things about sex again now, as a woman in her twenties.
THEREFORE, I only RECENTLY DISCOVERED larger 'members' than that of my EX- of seven years.
SO. I certainly have some perspective on this. I have not read all of the replies so I apologize if this is repetitive. But here is what I've experienced, heard, and studied in a gender-studies course in college a few years ago:
Yes, in _general_, women tend to be more sexually stimulated by emotional bonds than by visual stimuli. Or conversely, men are more turned on by visual stimuli. But as with all things in this world, I believe, there are no "lines" -- there's a lot of grey area. (Porn turns me on, sure, as long as it's porn I find sexy. There ain't much out there that's really geared toward hetero women that I've been able to find that's really sexually entertaining.)
SIZE: As I mentioned above, I have recently had a fair share more experience in this past year than I had for SEVEN YEARS before that. So basically until this past year, my experience was very limited -- anyone other than Mr. seven years from back then was about the same size; average. We had a good sex life. Great sex, actually. I was only with average - maybe - on - the - smaller - side - of - average - sized men, but had fantastic sex.
[BY THE WAY -- on VAGINA SIZE: ] Height and / or body-size does not have to do with it, I firmly believe. I do think that some of the stereotypes about getting stretched out are true, as some of you rather large gentlemen know, correct? BUT don't also forget... I think the main factor when it comes to "tightness" and also a huge factor when dealing with pain/pleasure in sex is the _MUSCLES_ 'down there.'
WOMEN ALL have potentially VERY strong muscles in their vaginal region -- why? To squeeze out any newly-formed human beings, if that happens, and endure gut-ripping pain at the same time. (Sorry, but hey it's true.)
IT IS VERY DIFFICULT for the most part for women to control those muscles, especially during sex, (unless they've practice / know what they're doing). These muscles naturally clench, I believe, and are related to the muscles women use to "hold it" if they have to pee and have no bathroom around. So it's not necessarily a conscious thing, but some women can get more in tune to those muscles; (SOME. Not all.) learning to consciously relax or tighten them... which you've most likely felt at some point, whether you feel her have orgasms with that pulsing (that's probably not voluntary) or if she is doing it on purpose.
HERE's THE RUB: strong muscles/tense muscles in the vagina whilst being penetrated, especially if it's by surprise, or deeper than expected, or too fast, HURT LIKE HELL. If she's feeling pain during sex with you, it's sometimes cervical pain from intercourse with some of you... er.. big boys...but oftentimes if there's pain, I believe it's just as likely the fact that the muscles of the vagina are not relaxed enough.
I COULD BE WRONG... I speak from my own experience mainly, but have also studied these things a bit. I'm over 5'8" and of a thin build, but bigger I'm sure than these "petite" women that have been mentioned, and yet my average-smaller side of average-sized exes, as well as any other people I've "fooled around" with, have been able to cause me pain. The key is to take it SLOW -- nice and easy. And I figure, if you're big enough to hurt me, well then... that's all I need; I don't WANT pain. Well, you know. That's a whole other story. But if it can't be controlled, pain BAD.]
SO -- I HAVE HAD GREAT sex with any size I've encountered. Which I guess is average and up--possibly not HUGE by the standards on this site but hell, I dunno, 8 or 9" long at least and girth unlike that I'd seen before.
SIZE MIGHT MATTER - IF SHE AND/OR YOU ARE JUST LOOKING FOR A QUICK F*%K. HOWEVER:
Some of the most fun I've had has been with someone's hand -- because that's the easiest way to hit my G-spot. (AGAIN -- we're all different. I could be a freak in that sense, but if you have ever looked for / found a woman's G-spot, you might understand.) And each penis I've encountered has been different, and each has pleased me in different ways.
ON THE OTHER (LARGER) 'HAND':
Damn. I mean, WHOOOOOA yes, I'm indeed glad that I ventured out and explored a bit, because I've had a great time with other (slightly larger) penises. And different orgasms. I mean, different types, intensities, etc. But EVERYONE is different, and if you're talking about LOVE here? Size SHOULDN'T matter. What if you became impotent? Would you want her to just run off for someone who could get it up? THERE are ways to work around any sexual problem, in my book. IF she wants a bigger cock, you get toys. Or show her why she doesn't need a bigger one. And sex is great, and important, yes. But frankly no one is perfect. Together you can make something work out great, if you COMMUNICATE. AND also -- different women will like different sizes, and be turned on more or less by whatever size she's encountering...
I've had friends who just wanted to "be fu@ked." And some of them had never, and have never, had orgasms. Some women just have different kinds of pleasure down there. Or psychologically think that getting pounded by some guy is what would make them the most attractive to him.
I know the feeling of basically just wanting to get laid! Which surprised me because it seemed to counter the stereotype. However, I am pretty well convinced that I would get satisfied by the person I wanted to be with, whether he was well-endowed or not. I mean, it's 2005. There are wild and crazy things out there. If someone wants to be fu$ked, and your penis might not deliver the desired ... oomph ... well hell, play around until you've figured out something that will.
ALSO -- remember that what you DO during sex... not just with your dick -- but EVERYTHING -- makes her experience more - or - less enjoyable. So when talking about emotional attachments vs. visual stimuli, etc. that can be misleading. It's not necessarily long-term relationship-y stuff we're talking about here.
EXAMPLES OF TURN-ONs FOR ME (and I think many, if not most, women), AS OPPOSED TO "VISUAL STIMULI":
--She's naked and you tell her she's the most beautiful thing you've ever seen. Honestly. Or....
--if a man just ... ahem, _enthusiastically_ goes for a MEAL...you know what I'm talkin' about, oral sex (I mean, after foreplay, please) and ... well, you know, wherever in that area he/she want to explore. And makes her feel like there is nothing in the world that he would rather do, and that she's attractive and delicious. Yup.
--If a man is really good at, oh, I dunno, fondling certain areas sensously -- then HELL. Penis-size has nothing to do with how you handle a breast, gentlemen; and as I have recently been made even MORE aware than ever, well, DAMN. If you know what you're doing, sh!t, I wouldn't care if you even HAD a penis at a certain point. Capice? And I haven't even mentioned the clitoris yet, have I? I hope I don't have to go into that. Cause then yikes, we're in trouble. OR...
--Being just the right amount of dominant / submissive... someone did just the slightest thing to me recently but it was something I'd fantasized about and HELLOOO!!!! Don't underestimate the value of a sexy conversation, or something so simple, if she's comfortable with it, as, say, pinning her arms down while you're on top. You never know...
--AND PUH-LEASE be open about communication; I cannot stress how important it is to communicate!
---the list goes on and on.
BOTTOM LINE:
I was always always curious about larger penises. I've certainly enjoyed the few I've encountered. HOWEVER I don't think they've "ruined" sex for me with men who are "smaller" because frankly, I've known average-sized men who were fantastic lovers; penis size is just PART of what makes a man a good partner. 'cause believe me, size AIN'T EVERYTHING, that's for damn sure. Anyone, in my book, can be a great, or a SHITTY lover.
One more thing guys: I hope you've found this remotely helpful/interesting! I'm going to start another topic I think (I have to figure out how to use the site) but I have questions about blow jobs and wanna exchange tips -- I mean, how to please a woman, a man, etc. APPARENTLY, by the way, I'm quite talented; that's why I'm writing with such confidence.... but ... well, look for my other topic. "BLOW JOBS -- HAVE THEIR JOBS BLOWN?" See, I've heard from anyone I've been with that I'm quite good. But just became aware recently of just how many BAD blow jobs the guys I know have had. I'm amazed! I'm shocked! I want details! I want to give / learn / exchange pointers!
Honestly, I can't imagine how ... to be BAD at it. SO I want to hear about your experiences, if you're willing. B)
