Me and the Bartender

bigman79

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Well the title of this thread says it all. I’m sure most of you are automatically thinking this guy is simply seeing the bartender flirt and thinks its for him, when in reality, all she wants is bigger tips. And I will stand here and say that’s my thought as well. However literally every other friend of mine, whether they have seen me and her at the bar or not, have said she actually does like me.

So here’s the story, I moved from a big city to a small little town several states away in May and started going to this bar around July. For about two months me and my roommate would go to this bar about once or twice a week. There are three main bartenders/servers there, all are very friendly. However very quickly my friend said that one of them liked me, let’s call her N. We became fairly well known at the bar, as soon as we would walk in the girls would give us the beer we would order, without even asking us. Eventually when my beer would be empty N would come over and just give me another beer, without asking, but then would ask my buddy if he would like another one. Once again I just thought this was a way to be nice and get a bigger tip, since the girls there know I tip very well, especially for being in a small town.

My roommate moved out in the end of August so it left just me and maybe some random coworker to go to the bar. I started going a couple times a week. N is a very attractive and outgoing person, which leads me to believe her actions towards me is all for the $.

Personally I am a very shy guy, however I have noticed moving away has caused me to break out of my shell in a way. And very quickly me and N would start to talk when I was at the bar. It turns out N just turned 18 and is a senior in high school, I am not that much older then her and typically the crowd at this bar is more of the older type.

Within the past month or so we have really started to talk a lot at the bar, typically its funs little jabs/jokes at each other. Two weeks ago I brought a female coworker to the bar for drinks and dinner (simply as a friend, she is about 8 years older and in a relationship). My friend knew I had something for N and had always said N had something for me. Well it turns out N was our server for the night. The entire night N never looked at my friend, even when she was ordering, she would just continuously look and stare at me while at my table. When me and my friend would order drinks N would always bring my drink out first, and “forget” to bring out my friends. My friend just flat out said that N likes me. Me and my friend have been to the bar before and she basically said the other two female bartenders like me as a person, but it is apparent that N likes me more then just a person. She said N always looks over at me and smiles, which is something I have noticed as well. And that she pays more attention to me then any other customers.

Then this week came. I went to the bar Sunday night, obviously a little slower night. N was the main bartender on shift and as soon as I walked in she looked at me and smiled, just like every other night. I sat down and she brought me my beer. We then started right into it with our little jabs/jokes about each other. Eventually she would start putting dishes in front of me and say it’s my turn to do dishes, when she had to peel/cut some mint she was like how about you help? And just little small talk all night.

As the night went on and some people started getting drunker there was one guy who was a loud mouth and pretty close to closing time it was basically me, two other guys, and N in the bar. A guy on my left who was at the bar for the first time flat out told me I should pursue N because it was obvious she liked me, I just kind of laughed it off. The guy on the right was hammered and all of a sudden put his arm around me and started telling N that I was the kind of guy she should be with. While I was laughing, both in a nervous and an “I wanna kill this guy” way N was just smiling and we were basically just looking into each others eyes. Personally I thought she would have laughed and been like “oh my god” and walked away. Both of these guys had never seen me or N before, so it’s not like they knew something. When N was about to close the bar she came over to en empty seat next to me and did her little nightly tally of her money, and of course the jokes/jabs between us went on. She had never done this before, typically the bartenders go to an empty table and do this in a quiet area, but she did this sitting next to me.

Last night I was at the bar again, N was working but as a server for the rest of the restaurant while I was at the bar. Like always she smiled when I walked in and we made some jabs at each other. At one point the other two bartenders asked N how Sunday night was, since they were off, N said it was good and that she had some good company while smiling and pointing at me. I laughed and said N got me drunk, N went on to say that I was dancing on the bar and so on, which was obviously just a joke.

When N was about to get off shift she again came and sat next to me and did her little nightly tally of the money. Then she brought over a piece of cheesecake and three spoons, one for her, one for me, and another for the guy sitting next to her who is such a regular he practically owns the place. N obviously ate most but would continuously put it in front of me, while only putting it in front of the other regular once. At one point I saw one of the other bartenders look at N, look at me and back and forth a couple times and smile.

On Sunday night N found out two things about me, one my age (she just turned 18, I just turned 24) which she seemed to like a little bit? She also found out my profession, lets just say people in my profession typically don’t want random people finding out what we do, and quite honestly I figured in no way would an 18 year old girl want to associate herself with a person in my job. But she seemed pretty cool about it.

What does it seem like to you guys? Is she just a flirty young bartender looking for tips, as I believe? Or does she actually have something for me? For me I have always said its all for the big tips, and I do leave big tips especially for her, but all my friends have said it’s not for the tips. And the ones who have seen me and her interact say she acts differently towards me then others. Quite honestly I just don’t want to actually get the confidence to ask her on a date, only to find out there was no attraction and it was just for the tips.

Thanks for any response.
 

bobg4400

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She likes you and you should ask her out, she's definitley not just dooin all that for tips. Also I know you prob won't say but now I'm dying to know what your profession is!
Are you a Secret Agent? Porn Star? CEO of a Fortune 500 company? Garbageman?
 

TDurden1979

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I second that.
Next time you're in there ask her out. Take her out to eat, maybe hit a museum or an art exhibit. I think low-key, quiet events like this give you a chance to do something enriching and also give you a chance to converse plenty.
I seriously doubt she'll say no. Do it!
Also, tell her she's the reason you're up at her work all the time! Don't want her thinking you're an alcoholic! :p


I also am dying to know what your profession is!
 

bigman79

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Thanks all

What do you all think about the age differnce? Especially at this point in our lives? She is still in high school...
 

Luvhmlrg

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She likes you. She is too young for a serious, long term relationship. So ask her out and have a good time. Keep in mind you will leave a lasting impression on her and possible set the tone for other relationships, so remember to always be honest and upfront with her.
 

needtonut

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To me, it sounds like you guys have already been dating... your dates are taking place inside a bar and she just happens to be on the clock. No one likes being shut down and once we cross the line things change. Fear is a powerful emotion but it's time and I think you know it as well. Find out and either start having some fun dates or see if you need to move on.
 

hairynyc

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I'm confused with one aspect of the story, how does a 18-year-old become a bartender?

I was a bit stuck on that as well, but apparently in a number of states, including the one the OP is in, it is legal for an 18 year old to serve alcohol.
 

D_Kitten_Kaboodle

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I'm confused with one aspect of the story, how does a 18-year-old become a bartender?

Yes, it's a crazy, fucked world we live in where you can serve it at 18 but have to be 21 to drink it.

You can go to war and die for your country at 18 but you can't have a drink in honor of your fallen commrades until you are 21.

The age difference? It's only 6 yrs... but then again she is a senior in high school. At this point in her life, she should not be "getting serious" and at your point in life you might be considering it. I'd give her a few more years to mature before thinking of becoming serious... and I guess that leads the the dating question.

Do you date people you can't see yourself ever getting serious about? If so, then just date and have fun but make sure she understands that you will date others and expect her to date others, too.

It just depends on what your idea of "dating" is.

FP
 

nudeyorker

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You learn something new every day. I had no idea the age varied by city and state.Bartending Ages - All 50 US States My curiosity is in overdrive wondering what your profession is, but my advice is just let it be what it is; a fun place to go with friends and have fun and flirt with the bartender. Stories like this rarely have happy endings if you take it to the next step IMOHO.
 
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bigman79

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Hate to bring up an old thread but I feel like I need to. I was relocated temprorarily last november till this last week. When I told this girl last november I was leaving she was a little upset. We friended eachother on facebook and didnt really communicate at all. This is also when I found out she had a boyfriend. It seems like this may be her first "true" boyfriend since they have been dating for a while, remember she is just a senior in high school. It seems like it's a lot of the typical small town first love thing.

When I showed up to the bar this monday she literally freaked out. She said she pulled up saw my truck with my state plates and knew it was me and ran in. When she saw me she came over and gave me a huge hug. One of her coworkers who I also talk to a lot said when she saw me she was about to text her coworker and let her know I was there. It was an overall great night between me and her as well as her coworkers.

On friday night I went to the bar with a female coworker (truely platonic, definitely not my type, etc. The girl and her coworkers treated us like crap all night long, it wasn't until after she left that me and the girl/bartender started to act like normal again.

The actions of the girl and her coworkers on friday seem to show there actually is more to our "relationship" then just a friendly guy at the bar. But my thing is this girl has a long time boyfriend she is supposedly "crazy" for yet she doesn't act like she has a boyfriend around me and even her coworkers get a big smile when me and her talk.

I guess for me it's just a flirty 18 yr old wanting big tips. Any thoughts?
 

D_Fergus_Fearsomegas

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she is all over you, she is interested in a strong male figure in her life and you fit the bill, her possible boy toy may just play pussy, but she is interested in more, ASK her to go some place private, if she is hesitant you know its tips, if she gets nipples on her nipples you catch my drift persue. Dude you dog, so cool you have an admirer


do keep us up with details and play it safe, treat her with respect, kindness thats what it appears she wants "SHE WANTS YOU"!!!!
 

shyyguy123

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Dude, ask her out already.

And then tell us what your job is. Female co-workers... I'd say porn star but I don't think small towns are big porn hubs.

No but seriously just ask her out. You don't have to ask her out on a "date" if you don't want. Just tell her that you guys should hang out sometime.

You're taking way too long. I'm surprised she hasn't become frustrated and lost interest.
 

bigman79

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Call me crazy, but why haven't you taken this to the next level?

Because like I said, I just figured it was a hot little 18 year old being flirty in order to get bigger tips, which in fact she does get. Especially since I learned she does have a boyfriend.
 

Call_Me_Daddy

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Here's the plan to put this thing to "bed", pun intended of course.

Find out the things she's interested in, hobbies, eating out, etc...

Then ask her to go there with you and see what she says.

Lets say she has a favorite restaurant, tell her you've never been there and invite her for lunch.