Measuring Formulae

Discussion in 'Funny Stuff: Jokes, Quizzes, Games & Pics' started by B_crackerjack, Aug 16, 2010.

  1. B_crackerjack

    B_crackerjack New Member

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    You may all recall that I had a recent dilemma in how to find out the size of a friends uncle. Anyway the other day I stumbled across some research papers my uncle did in the 1960's on estimating penis size. Now this got me thinking and I remember seeing this guy urinating once and noticed how wide the stream of piss was. Using my uncles papers I calculated thus;

    Stream of piss = 9mm across add 10% for pigs eye diameter = 10mm

    Width of Head of penis = 4.5 x pigs eye diameter therefore = 45mm

    Length of head = 1.5 x width therefore 45 x 1.5 = 67.5mm

    Head is typically 1/3 the length of shaft at minimum = 202.5

    I believe he was classed as a 'grower' therefore allow 60% growth = 324mm or 12.75 inches, which corresponds with the statements and hearsay over the years!
     
  2. john_hiemer

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    what is your percent error on these estimated measurements?

    oh and please do elaborate the contents of his paper.
     
  3. mattsrod7

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    you might as well just measure their cock if you're going to measure their piss stream.
     
  4. B_crackerjack

    B_crackerjack New Member

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    Its an estimate, and you can work backwards if you know the missing variables.
     
  5. Endued

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    I have wondered how long my dick was, but could never work out how to measure it. Problem is, when pissing with a boner the stream for me goes out in a V-shape. Whereabouts should I be holding the ruler in that case?
     
  6. ignatius4446z

    ignatius4446z Active Member

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    This has got to be the funniest thread ever.

    I mean - estimating the size of your friend's uncle's cock from a surreptitious peek at his piss?

    You clearly have too much time on your hands!
     
  7. B_crackerjack

    B_crackerjack New Member

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    You simple bisect the angle of the piss stream then you need to do some calculus which I wont go in to here but he did allow for this scenario. In fact all states from soft to maximum.
     
  8. B_crackerjack

    B_crackerjack New Member

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    He was quite discrete and not vulgar about his sexuality.

    I remember Uncle Bertie coming home quite excited one day, he was a keen homosexual and had witnessed a stream of urine that equated to a measurement of 14 inches!

    Sadly his calculations had basic flaws as he later discovered that this stream turned out to be an average penis with a large 'pigs eye'.

    He ultimately died tragically in a stairwell nonce beating, it was a case of mistaken identity. Only recently I discovered his work and am looking to publish some of his theories.
     
  9. minimag

    minimag Active Member

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    So how do "sounders" fit into this completely idiotic theory?
     
  10. Endued

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    :biggrin1:
     
  11. big_tits4big_dicks

    big_tits4big_dicks New Member

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    You sir, are hilarious. :D
     
  12. straightdave10

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    Mr. crackerjack
    I dont care if any of this is real or fictitious...i have read all of your posts and ...i dint know what to say other than you are very, funny...whether tis is intentional or otherwise, i cant say....but definately...very amusing, very whacky....."I remember Uncle Bertie coming home quite excited one day"....Tea and scones with the Vicar, I say Tally-Ho, Pip Pip....hilarious
     
  13. B_crackerjack

    B_crackerjack New Member

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    Thank you Sir. I have just unearthed some more theories on how to estimate the size of testicles by use of an ultrasound listening device. As the guy walks, the testes bounce together and there is a link between the sound produced and the volume/size. The theory is sound but I will have to look at this in more detail.
     
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