meeting bisexual guys

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by voyeuristic, Jan 25, 2009.

  1. voyeuristic

    voyeuristic New Member

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    Lately I've been focusing a lot of energy on dating more bi guys - partially due to my interest in group sex and partially due to the fact that they, as a rule, tend to be both a lot more fun/open in bed and more "in touch" (ahem) with both their asses and mine than the straight guys I've come across.

    Anyway, it's not always easy to tell when a guy swings both ways. I met the cutest boy at a queer event yesterday - we talked for a long time, and someone noted that he couldn't keep his eyes off of me. I gave him my e-mail address and he wrote with his number as soon as he got home, but I'm very hesitant to assume that he's interested in hanging out with me on a more-than-platonic basis. Should I just ask him outright if he's attracted to women?
     
  2. xcel

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    If you don't ask, you don't get.
     
  3. MickeyLee

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    is he someone you would spend non-naked time with?

    if ya just interested in the sweaty hook-up there is nothing wrong with asking out right. "do ya like pussy?" would be an awkward txt/email but a few inquiries into his habits wouldn't be out of place.

    as a formly all queer girl getting to know my boy swung my attentions away from friend to more. there was an instant attraction brushed off to my tall-crush impulse. he just happened to be the awesome boy with a nice butt. over a few months causal hugs turned rampant cuddling morphed into easy kisses to improv snogs ending up humping like rabbits. if he's adorable on many levels pal up and see where things go. worse of the worst he could be a go between to a vast untapped market of hipster bi-boys.

    ML
     
  4. Phil Ayesho

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    Frankly... I never really got the whole coquettishness of mating "signals"..

    I think they are nothing but the result of fear and timidity... nobody wants to be rejected so this whole game of being indirect and non-committal evolves as a way to minimize the risk...
    but the risk of what? .....someone turning you down? oooooo those people with real suffering just don't comprehend the horror of having my self esteem dinged....

    In truth, as people get older and realize that rejection will not destroy them and that they haven't got a lot of time or patience for people who don't know what they want... they tend to become far more direct.

    Forget about embrassement, forget about your feelings being hurt... approach those you are interested in directly and bluntly.

    At worst, Even if they 'act' grossed out or shocked... don't allow their prejudices to impinge on your self assurance that an expression of attraction to another is paying them a compliment.

    And in general... if you are looking for bi guys... try having a T-shirt made that says something on the order of:
    I trys bi guys


    Be direct.
    Advertising works.
    To find the right clientele, Get your message out.
     
  5. voyeuristic

    voyeuristic New Member

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    Phil, I _am_ pretty direct, but I've found that it's not always the best approach. A lot of people find it intimidating, and prefer the comparative safety of ambiguity. And I know that for me, ambiguity from others has _sometimes_ worked as well when I wasn't sure whether or not I was attracted to them (yes, sometimes that happens) sexually - by spending time together platonically, I had time to figure out my own intentions.

    I suppose in this instance, it's less about being afraid of rejection than of making him uncomfortable - I'm actually quite interested in making new friends at the moment, and see this guy as a potentially awesome pal in addition to thinking he's kind of a cutie.
     
  6. voyeuristic

    voyeuristic New Member

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    ps - I think the t-shirt idea is a bad one. If I saw a similar shirt on a guy, I would think "ONOES", even if he was otherwise adorable.
     
  7. kingkhan

    kingkhan New Member

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    I think you should be direct if its one thing that sometimes bug me about women is how indirect and subtle they can be sometimes but, on the other hand sometimes it can be intimidating for a women to be direct. For me even if a women is direct it would have to take me some time to process it so maybe just ask him in a nice way and give him some time to figure it out.
     
  8. Phil Ayesho

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    but, you're a girl...

    As a bi guy, even secretly a bi guy, if I saw a girl wearing such a shirt... it would be a huge turn on... bi guys who dig a woman live in fear of her reaction if and when she finds out.
    How much cooler to start out knowing that its something she's into.

    And the fact that straight guys might find it a turn off simply means I am not having to compete with them for your attention....

    I have seen women in clubs wearing shirts that said GIRTH. They claim that wearing such a shirt keeps tiny guys from even trying...improving their odds on meeting a guy who is equipped as they prefer.

    I agree that you don't want to see a GUY wearing such a shirt... but women can get away with such things.

    However you do it... I would say your chances of finding the kind of guy you want imporve if you come up with some way of letting guys you meet know you are open to such things.

    Gawd I WISH I had had some way of identifying women more into that kind of thing back when I was 'looking'.
     
  9. voyeuristic

    voyeuristic New Member

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    Phil, I have to respectfully disagree with you here. I think announcing one's sexual preferences through t-shirts, buttons, and other paraphernalia is pretty tacky for either gender. I'm sure it would garner some attention, but the kind of guys I want to attract (a subset more nuanced than merely "bisexuals") wouldn't be turned on by stupid slogans.

    Perhaps I could "get away with it", but that doesn't mean I want to.

    I prefer to let my leanings/preferences slip out in conversation - I talk about sex a lot, so if I'm friends with someone, the truth will come out before long. I couldn't care less, by the way, about whether or not straight guys are turned off by my proclivities.
     
  10. MickeyLee

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    impromptu games of spin the bottle?

    boys that bluster or bail on kissing a bottle-fate selected smooch with another boy are deleted from the possible hook-up list.

    my plan might work better if all parties involved helped empty the bottle.

    ML
     
  11. Ickday

    Ickday Member

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    Well i liked it :p
     
  12. B_Hung Jon

    B_Hung Jon New Member

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    Just my two cents, but if he was really checking you out, then he likes something about you. Maybe he's still deciding about himself and who he likes. If you hang out with him, you'll find out soon enough. BTW most guys whatever their orientation would be flattered by another person finding them attractive. Let us know what happens! :smile:
     
  13. voyeuristic

    voyeuristic New Member

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    Well, Jon, I just looked at your gallery - looks like some flattery's in order!
     
  14. Mr Ed in Mass

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    Just ask,it's better than guessing.I like women who say what's on their mind.
     
  15. B_doc23cm

    B_doc23cm New Member

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    There's always the old standby - get him drunk then make a move. Seriously, go out to a movie or a meal or something, not as a "date", but just see what happens.
     
  16. houtx48

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    as they say BI is just a stop on the road to gayville..............
     
  17. aleceiffel

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    I think your best bet is to just let him get more familiar with you. Spend more time together even around friends; it could even be something that comes up around his friends. And then if it doesn't come up naturally, it'll at least be easier to ask once you've gotten to know each other better, or maybe he'll make the first move. Good luck!
     
  18. Phil Ayesho

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    In my case it was the opposite.

    I had bisexual encounters when young... and settled on heterosexual fidelity as I got older.
     
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