Meeting guys over the Internet

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by lopo2000, Dec 11, 2011.

  1. lopo2000

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    So, last week, I was feeling a bit lonely and my friends were all back home (I was in my campus). After doing some thesis corrections, I went to a chatroom to chat with anybody, to kill the time before dinner. I did not even have the intention of meeting a guy. I was just up for an innocent chat, that's all.

    But, something I least expected happened. There was this guy from Oregon and he and I chatted for hours. He was funny and very talkative (or typetive?). For a moment there, I really felt like I was connected to a guy, much much more than anyone out there, even in real life. We ended up adding each other and chatted everyday since then. We started using more romantic expressions like "baby" and "sweetheart". We confided in each others about so many things - superficial and deep. Once we chatted, we couldn't stop.

    But, yesterday, I was struck with the thinking that online connection is never real and can never be real. It seems to be too good to be true! He's real charming, communicative, he likes me as I can see and he even said that I'm attractive, something I'd hear every once in a blue moon. So, I became suspicious, did he want anything? Did he have some agendas up his sleeves?

    So, now I'm looking for a second opinion (first being my sabotaging head), do you guys think connections though Internet can be real? What are the odds that we might be working out? We're far from each other, but we can make it work and travel, but still, it seems to be so much work. But I like him. Have any of you had similar experience? Do you guys meet guys over the Internet or do you not do that at all? Do you have any tips? I really like him, no matter how pathetic and sad this story sounds.

    Thank you very much.
     
  2. D_CountdeGrandePinja

    D_CountdeGrandePinja Account Disabled

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    Have met one guy in person. Shared a movie, a drink and a "quickie" but nothing ever materialized. Have met many couples, gay & str8, who have had LTR meeting on internet. It's the chemistry - some succeed. others don't.

    Good Luck.
     
  3. lopo2000

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    Thanks Uncutoakland,

    I guess it's possible. That's what I've been telling myself. But my head can't stop giving me the idea that it's too good to be true! It's annoying, but realistic in the same time. I tried to Google his name but nothing came up, is that bad? Something should come up right? And he said he doesn't have a FB profile, so my connection to him is only on the messenger, which is very impersonal for me. Is he hiding something? I can't believe I get worked up for something silly like this...
     
  4. funguy3

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    anything is possible. for some people, having that release of knowing you can completely confide in someone else and be your uninhibited self around without it intruding in your personal life is a blessing. Whether or not something "real" will materialize isn't something you can force too much, but right now, you both have someone you can confide in, and flirt with and whatever - it's great, but my own experiences know how confusing it can be emotionally.

    Just wait it out man - if you "are" that close, talk to him about your feelings - the worst that can happen is that you stop talking to him forever. and really - that's just where you were last week. No harm, no foul.
     
  5. sexplease

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  6. indieglow

    indieglow New Member

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    OP,

    I met a man online 8 weeks ago through an academic networking site we both belong to. He had found me by searching for academics who share similar research interests. We immediately began writing one another, and now, two months later, we are madly in love. We haven't met yet, but I will be moving just 2 hours away from him in one month's time (something that was already arranged before we met), and plan to get together as soon as I do. Some might say what we have isn't 'real' , but we've exchanged 3000 messages over the last two months, and have spent hours chatting on the phone, and have exchanged numerous pictures and videos with one another. We've gotten to know each other on the most intimate, profound level, and I feel I know him better than I knew my ex fiance, who I dated for two years.

    I cannot imagine that our meeting will be anything less than a total success. I used to be skeptical about such things, but after this experience, I really do believe it's possible to find love online. And I believe that my relationship with this man is much more solid for having met as we did, since there has been no physical contact between us. I know without a doubt that he appreciates me for reasons that go far beyond any sexual appeal of mine, and I know my regard for him is just as deep.

    So yes, I am very optimistic that online connections can be real.
     
  7. mandoman

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    It's really a woman, posing as a man.
    I'm kidding.
    I've listened to my head, and regretted it.
    I've listened to my heart, and gotten hurt.
    If I had to pick between the two again, I would listen to my heart.
     
  8. AlextheRedhead

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    I have met couples who said that they met in a online chat.
    Social media has only just begun to change all of our lives.
    A lot of people use dating services on line and meet people they fall in love with.

    Meet this person if it's possible and take it from there. Be safe and meet him in a public setting.
    You will never know if you dont give it a try.
     
  9. rayray

    rayray Active Member

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    OP, Yes it is possible to meet the love of your life on the internet. My sister's daughter in-law met her husband that way on E Harmony..With that being said i need more information..For one, no not everybody has A FB page. I would insist to him to set one up, even it is just you and him friending each other with no other friends. Have him post pictures, more then 1 or 2 i would insist on several.You would do the same. You are a half a world away. He could be anyone but him..It seems he (maybe) has pushed all your buttons in a good way.I still dont understand why no FB account, that's the first thing i would insist on to further your friendship. He is a good chatter and he does not have a FB account ?(Flags)..Hey i want this to work out for you,being lonely is not fun..I am not in a relationship, i am lonely but i have had medical problems for the past several years and havent felt like it's time for me yet.Your both smitten with each other through chat. That makes it safe for the both of you.Dont rock the boat but start out by making subtle reasonable ideas i have mentioned. If he has excuses then there is a problem..Best of luck to you..
     
  10. lopo2000

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    Thanks guys, seriously. You give me some sort of relief. I will do anything I can to make this work. I'll try to meet him and see what happens after that. @Indieglow, thank you for sharing your experience, I hope I'll be as lucky as you. And I hope you and he will last forever.

    @Rayray, he used to have it, but he doesn't have now because he said that he was sick and got really tired of the ways people treated information flow in there. He was annoyed by people who had the need to report everything and all. So, he deactivated his FB account 9 months ago. And I believe him.

    @Mandoman, my heart and head are on extreme opposite side now. But you're right, my head seems to just want to sabotage my happiness, and my heart seems to feel more right. I'd follow my heart.
     
  11. dong-in-khakis

    dong-in-khakis New Member

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    ..yes, they can. I met a guy not too far from me just like you're speaking of.

    Amazing.
     
  12. willow78

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    Yeah, it's possible - there is a member on LPSG I have frequent PMs with and we both feel we have become very close. We live on different sides of the world so we may never make a 'real-life' thing of it, but I am enjoying the connection and contact. I am glad it is happening and I don't regret any of it.
     
  13. NYHoti

    NYHoti Member

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    I have met a girl and a guy online. With both, we corrosponded thru emails for about a month. What I liked about going back and forth by email is that we got to know each other more before we actually met. So when we wound up meeting, it wasn't like meeting a stranger. In both cases they were very nice people.
    I wish you lots of luck.
     
  14. lopo2000

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    OK, I don't know where else I can say this, because I don't tell anyone in my real life about him. But I asked him about FB account, if he lied not having one, because if he did have one, then he could just tell me if it's early to add each other. So, after that, he kinda became cold, maybe because I was suspicious toward him. Or maybe I'm paranoid, maybe I'm just too sensitive. I don't know, but this guy's driving me crazy. Ugh, I kinda wish the idea of online dating had never occurred to whoever created this idea of online dating...
     
  15. bostonguy1

    bostonguy1 New Member

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    My pre-requisite before meeting anybody from the internet is seeing them on Facebook. I'm a bit shy so I like to get to know more about a person before I actually meet them and it's usually about 2 or 4 weeks before that even happens.

    I'll admit, I can become interested in and attached to a guy if there have been a lot of messages exchanged (fb, aim/skype, text) - but it's not until I meet him until it actually becomes real.

    I've had a number of hits and misses with guys from the internet, but it's really my only medium in seeking out guys who like other guys. It's very difficult in a bar or (non-gay) club - and not being out at work doesn't help either. Sure, I've met guys through friends but I've always found it awkward when you're sharing a friend with somebody initially.
     
  16. _Jonesy

    _Jonesy Member

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    Damn this is good, but I'd like to point out there is a huge variation between real-life situations and net chatting. It is probably worth a go, but do not go in hoping or expecting, go in from an analytical point of view. Go to see if he is this guy you see online, or whether he just seemed different online.

    Right now he is still a phantom, a dream. He hasn't actually materialised in your life yet. Only when he does is he a realistic option, work out who he is from that. Just don't expect anything.

    It could be amazing, or it could let you down but if it does let you down let it go.

    Back to the quote, I'm following that advice next time. I've been hurt and listen to my head too much these days. Makes it worse.
     
  17. _Auron_

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    I met my first boyfriend online. While it didn't last, it was a few months of something special when I was younger. I met an older guy (I'm usually attracted to middle-aged guys) whom I ended up working for, for a year. Got a car from him, became good friends and helped him out with his business. Have met a creeper that was 15 years older than he told me he was, but seemed to be a good guy. Have made an assortment of gay friends that I may have met, may have had sex with, or may just occasionally chat with.

    While there's anonymity involved when meeting guys over the internet and you don't really know what you're getting into, it helps to have common sense. Most of the time though it's just as risky (or as good) as meeting someone in public.

    When it comes to meeting someone you found online, make sure they aren't trying to force you to do anything you don't want to. Meet in person somewhere public, make sure they actually show you a clear picture of their face (that is more than a microscopic thumbnail). Perhaps even try talking to them over the phone before meeting to get a better feel for them as a person, as people can talk somewhat different in typing than they do vocally.

    And again, use common sense and don't be too led on by emotions or hormones when planning to meet him. Just don't formulate expectations in your mind before knowing facts, otherwise you're just creating a fantasy that probably isn't true.
     
  18. B_anhuy

    B_anhuy New Member

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    the majority of guys on internet are not serious. I will never looking for a serious relationship on internet. But i like making friends with guys on net. I have a list of friends on Facebook .Not so much girls have a chance to meet good guys there.
     
  19. _Auron_

    _Auron_ Member

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    True, there's far too many guys out there that just want a quickie and/or fulfill some kind of fantasy off their checklist. For some it's a way of life, disturbingly enough. Then there's the rare few that actually want something serious, but often are too shy in reality to make that happen, and the internet is a resource for them. Society and people within it are complex, the internet is just a different medium of communication. It has its pros and its cons. It entirely depends on how you approach it, if at all.
     
  20. B_jdunhill

    B_jdunhill New Member

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    Have had good luck in a sense, while nothing serious lasting more than 3 months thus far, always ended well enough to still talk to one another when we happen into each other. Given the geographic location and the interest per capita it is a necessary evil/blessing. The internets are fine as long as there is some humanity or personality and integrity at the keyboard. Human mechanics are always a crap shoot.
     
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