Meeting guys while visiting home

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by madman411, Jan 10, 2012.

  1. madman411

    madman411 Member

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    Several months ago I made the decision to move across country to pursue a career in my chosen industry. I went home for the holidays and just recently returned to continue to try and find work. Since moving I haven't had much luck in meeting a guy who I really like. I had a brief fling when I first moved but nothing too special... he didn't really "tickle my fancy" if you will. I've also not had the best luck in finding steady work and recently I've started to consider moving back east... or possibly home.

    While I was home I met a guy who I immediately took a liking to, and from what I can gather, he liked me too. We only went on a few dates, but I feel I made a real connection with him. Similar interests, goals, etc. And he wasn't bad looking either ;). I should point out that over the past year or so I've not been able to pursue a relationship with the few guys I've met and actually liked. Two I met before they moved away, and one I met before I moved away. Not been the best year for relationships for me. However, this pattern seems to be becoming a trend.

    During our few dates we both talked about how if we lived near each other that we would definitely consider dating. He admitted he's shy and doesn't text, so every time we talk I typically initiate the conversation. The last night we hung out together I told him about how the guy I had a fling with previously sent me stupid crap over apps such as HeyTell, which I hated. He told me he wanted me to send him stuff like that once I left. He was very interested in when I would be returning, but I wasn't able to give him a definitive answer. The last night I was home we were talking thru text and he told me that for what it's worth, he's glad he met me. I sent him a text a few days after returning and we both talked for hours in detail about how we were both lonely, missed each other, and longed for each other's company. We also talked about how we both enjoyed our dates together. That was almost two days ago and we haven't talked since.

    If I knew I stood a chance to actually be with him I would probably contact him every day. Since we no longer live near each other I've been debating with myself if it's actually worth my time to keep in touch with him. I like him a lot but in retrospect it's probably never going to happen and what we're feeling is probably lust (though I'd like to think it could be more than that). He has ambitions of joining the military and going to grad school once he's finished at university, and should he actually go through with it, it makes our chances of crossing paths again very slim unless I visit home again soon. I've thought about him pretty much consistently since we were last together and it's made me kind of sad that I can't continue to see him for the time being. I dreaded returning to my new home because of three reasons: I miss my family terribly, I'm struggling to find enough work to make ends meet, and I met the first guy in over a year who I genuinely liked and could see myself with. Once again I've met a guy who it seems I cannot pursue a relationship with.

    Should I keep in touch with him and see what happens? The way I see it, if it's meant to be, it's meant to be, and we will cross paths again. It's rare I meet a guy who I genuinely like, so I don't want to give in just yet... at least not before he appears to have given up on me. I suppose I'd like to hear some input from different people. Please don't tell me to just forget and move on because it's not that easy.
     
  2. MH07

    MH07 Member

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    You're going to have to sort out your own priorities (never an easy task for me...).

    This guy sounds great, and it sounds as if you two really hit it off.

    Now---is he great enough to give up your chosen career for? Can you answer that one based on a few dates? (Maybe so; not saying one way or another, just giving you food for thought).

    It sounds as though you made some tough choices earlier regarding your career (moving west, alone, taking odd jobs trying to make ends meet). "Several months" means what, exactly? 2? 4? 6? 8? Have you given it enough time to be able to truly assess whether you have a shot or not? Remember, Matt Damon and Ben Affleck toiled away for years, living in crap apartments with several guys, waiting tables, etc. before their big breakthroughs (Matt needs to come to his senses and marry me, but that's another story...). How long is long enough for you?

    EVERYBODY (who has a good family relationship) misses their family when they move far from home. I did. If you move home right now, how will you feel in a month, back in your old spot? If you think you might regret it--maybe you should stick it out.

    This guy--would you be willing to subjugate your own career and desires to be near him (when he goes off following his)? How do you think he would feel if the tables were turned, if he gave up his goals to be near you? Sometimes this works fine, other times somebody becomes resentful (whoever gave up their goals for the other).

    Not sure any of this will help, just food for thought. YOU are the one who's going to have to sort this out, nobody else can do it for you.

    Good luck!
     
  3. madman411

    madman411 Member

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    MH07 - if I were to move home, it would not be for him (though he would be there), and I would not stay home for any longer than six months or so... enough to work and get some money back in my bank account. I know I would be able to find a job there, though it probably would not be the ideal job for me. I have another city (a much cheaper city to live in) I'm looking in to which would then be my next goal, but I wouldn't go there broke (hence moving home for a while).

    I've been out here six months. I realize that isn't very long, but financially speaking it's not working out. Don't get me wrong, I'm not about to pack up and leave town tomorrow, but over the past week or so I've been seriously thinking about what is next for me should things not work out. I'm going to play it by ear over the next couple of months and then decide.

    Appreciate your input though and it's definitely something to think about. Cheers :)
     
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