Meeting Men Casually Outside Of Dating Apps

zol27

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I really wanna go out this summer and meet more gay men in natural settings. I’m so tired of the coldness of dating apps. It’s messing with my mental health.

Are bars still a good place to pick up guys? It feels too chaotic every time I’m at one. People tend to stick to the clique they came with.

I’m gonna join some meet ups. I just wish I could meet a guy outside of the internet
 

marriedasian

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i think the "coldness" of dating apps is a good thing. dating apps has allowed people to be honest without societal shaming. dating apps are brutal because people can be truthful about what they want and not feel any societal pressure to be politically correct. if you can't handle that some people will not want you, or like you, or think you're ugly, or whatever then you're gonna have a hard time in-person.

with COVID still pretty much around, i don't think you'll be casually-anything anytime soon. i say have a friend take some nice pics of you, post exactly what you want on the dating apps, accept nothing less, then let the dice fall where they may. this way you don't waste your time or anyone else's time.
 

zol27

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i think the "coldness" of dating apps is a good thing. dating apps has allowed people to be honest without societal shaming. dating apps are brutal because people can be truthful about what they want and not feel any societal pressure to be politically correct. if you can't handle that some people will not want you, or like you, or think you're ugly, or whatever then you're gonna have a hard time in-person.

with COVID still pretty much around, i don't think you'll be casually-anything anytime soon. i say have a friend take some nice pics of you, post exactly what you want on the dating apps, accept nothing less, then let the dice fall where they may. this way you don't waste your time or anyone else's time.

Hmm, I think you’re misunderstanding me. I have no issues with honesty or rejection. Not sure where you picked that up. By “coldness” I meant that it’s a very unnatural selection process of selecting a “mate”. Tinder makes me feel like I’m looking at job applications and I feel like it promotes shallow tendencies. It’s fine to reject someone based off looks, I do it all the time, but I think some guys unfortunately suffer from not being able to display their personality more intimately. Polítical correctness is kind of irrelevant to my point. No one is gonna shame you for having standards. Unless those standards are racist or toxic, which in that case, just keep it to yourself and not be a dick.

Where I live, Covid isn’t really being taken seriously anymore. With the vaccine rollout, all the gays are out and planning their hoe summers. Lol
 

marriedasian

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By “coldness” I meant that it’s a very unnatural selection process of selecting a “mate”. Tinder makes me feel like I’m looking at job applications and I feel like it promotes shallow tendencies.

i would implore you to reconsider the fact that when looking for a mate, you are literally looking at "job applications". you have a position to fill and you're looking. when interviewing for a job, your potential employer is looking at your skills and weighing how valuable you are to the company. in relationships, you're looking at the other person's "application" to see how good of a fit they will be in your life. it's literally the same thing. i'm just not looking at it through disney-lens.

as for promoting "shallow tendencies"... well, let's be frank. most people have always been shallow and will continue to be shallow. apps like tinder has simply brought it to the forefront and i'm actually glad that it did because now you can weed through the time-wasters and go for exactly what you want up front then work your way from there. before dating apps, you had to weed through an extra layer of bs and fakers that you now don't have to.


It’s fine to reject someone based off looks, I do it all the time, but I think some guys unfortunately suffer from not being able to display their personality more intimately.

there's no way you will ever be able to display your intimate personality to anyone unless they actually give you the time of day, and enough of that time, to properly get to know you. you can say you're the greatest person on any dating app or even in-person and that will still be taken as you blowing smoke up their ass. let's be real here. you need to first encounter a person based on their looks that qualify for your own personal criteria then you will give them the light of day to begin and get to know their personality... even more so if you want to get to an intimate level. this is not even considering that you may not meet the other person's criteria for looks and therefore you may not even have a chance to begin with.

Polítical correctness is kind of irrelevant to my point. No one is gonna shame you for having standards. Unless those standards are racist or toxic, which in that case, just keep it to yourself and not be a dick.

i don't know what your life experience has been but people will always shame you for your standards and label them as "shaming" or "toxic" or "racist" if it fits their argument. for example, when i was dating, i wanted a woman who was not fat, weighed less than me, feminine, and can cook. none of these "standards" are shameful, toxic, and/or racist but you would not believe the women that came out of the woodwork (even in my own family) who tried to shame me for being "unrealistic" and "shallow" and "how dare i demand such from women"... and the list goes on and on while most of the women in my family circle are housewives who's standard is expecting their husbands to go to work and pay bills to keep up their lifestyle (yea, go figure).

so yes, people will absolutely shame you for your standards if it doesn't fit their narrative. you can be shamed for wanting a blonde over a brunette... a simple choice of hair color will mark you as "toxic". you simply are a "dick" for having standards.

Where I live, Covid isn’t really being taken seriously anymore. With the vaccine rollout, all the gays are out and planning their hoe summers. Lol

haha, my wife's girlfriends who are single are also looking forward to their hoe summers too! :)
 
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