Meeting nice gay men

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by BIGdkluver, Oct 24, 2009.

  1. BIGdkluver

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    I would appreciate some good--and serious--advice on how to meet nice gay people (particularly gay men) and become friends with them.

    I know that many possible avenues are out there: bars, on-line chat rooms, newspaper ads. But some of them seem rather unsavory--and possibly even dangerous.

    So, any advice? How did you meet your best friend--or even your "life partner"?

    Thanks for your help, guys. I appreciate it. :smile:
     
  2. HUNGHUGE11X7

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    Trust your instincts no matter who you encounter. Good Bad and all kinds of people can be met at any of the locations you mentioned. It's the PERSON not the locale . What are your interests , hobbies ? Whatever they may be you are more than likely to find someone like minded in that pursuit and if you have a developed gaydar even better . Cultivating friendships are reap and sow kinda thing . Whatever you put into your friendships is what you get out of them .

    HORSE
     
  3. D_Pubert Stabbingpain

    D_Pubert Stabbingpain Account Disabled

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    I met my best friend because I was going to school with his lover who invited me over for a "men's discussion" night. We remain friends 17 years later.
    Met a few men through HIV/AIDS volunteer work.
    Met 2 men, 1 who became my best friend and 1 who became my lover of 8 years, at church (back when I went to church!).
    Met another at work and lived with him 8 years.
    Three other friends (2 female, 1 male) I met at a different job.
    Have met some people at the gym but they are acquaintences, not friends.
    I have had absolutely no satisfactory relationships with people I met in bars, chat rooms or newspaper ads.
    The only way to meet people for me is in the course of my daily routine.
     
  4. nudeyorker

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    There is no methodical way to make friends. I met my best friend dancing at Bobbby G's in Honolulu years ago. I met another life long friend on a flight from LA to NY. I meet people through other friends, I have friends that I have met from taking classes and doing volunteer work. I have friends who hang out at my neighborhood bar.
    My partner and I met by chance in a department store in LA and foolishly did not exchange names and numbers and were set up on a blind date a year later in another city by a mutual friend. Start where your strongest interest are, maybe take a class in night school or on the weekend.
     
  5. erratic

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    I met a bunch of friends and my husband through on-line dating sites. I also met a lot of sketchy people, but if you meet them fast (and during the day) you'll quickly find out who's sketchy and who's cool.
     
  6. justmeincal

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    Ah, Kismet....I love your story. I met my partner at a car show in Colorado. He was closeted and I never would have met him in a bar, etc. If I hadn't traveled from Iowa to Colorado for the show, or if he hadn't traveled from California for the show, we would never have met.

    Don't try too hard to meet the right person. If it's meant to be, you'll find him.
     
  7. BIGdkluver

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    Many thanks to all of the above responders. I appreciate your honesty and your sensitivity to my original post. If anyone else wishes to respond, please do so.
     
  8. matticus201

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    I think several of the stories here highlight the fact that mutual interest can definately be a spark for romance. I think the important thing to do when meeting people is to be yourself.

    I've met friends everywhere, from the bar to parties at friends houses, through set ups, etc. There's no one sure fire way, but to just get out there and turn on the charm. You're never going to meet anyone sitting at home, that's for sure. A lot of the time, you might think you've met a great person, only to find that it's through them you meet someone really fantastic.
     
  9. TopDudeFtl

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    I'm told that we're all already taken. :wink:

    Seriously; about eleven years ago, I was tired of the whole bar scene & tried posting on AOL personals. I was looking to make some friends and maybe a partner. I made a few connections then whittled those connections down to a select few then went on a couple of dates. Out of the five dates I went on; I ended up becoming close friends with one guy (we're still very close to this date) and ended up dating one guy for a couple of months (we broke up after I found out that he was a little psycho). Not long after that I met my current partner at a local club. I'm not a big fan of meeting people at a bar/club but it did work for us; we've been together for ten years now. As others have mentioned, try joining a group where you can meet people who have similar interests as you.
     
  10. BIGdkluver

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    Thanks, TopDude, for that nice response. You gave me some good ideas.
     
  11. B_Dodgypj

    B_Dodgypj New Member

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    Hmmm..,

    what do you mean by 'nice' gay men? It seems like most of the answers have been equating 'nice' with 'stable, employed, non-psycho', but that's just a perspective. I know guys who are heavy into some weird shit. The guy they want to be with isn't even on the bottom end of my 'nice' scale :rolleyes:

    So maybe tell a little about what you like and who you are, and that would allow other people to give you better ideas on where you might start upturning stones. For instance, if you are athletic, search for a gay team league anywhere nearby.

    Absent specifics, here's some random ideas about looking for gay love:

    - If you like clubbing, by all means go out, get your drink on, get your dance on, flirt and have fun. And be seen having fun. But go home alone. Otherwise, you are not going to find a real boyfriend. What you will find is that you have a reputation as a slut.

    - If you are not 100% out, then turn in your beads and join Promiskeepers instead, because you are not serious. In this day and age, do you want to be with a confident and prideful man, or a scared and insecure man?

    - Open your eyes. Seriously. There are gay men all around you all the time, and your gaydar is telling you so. You can meet gay men anywhere, even while standing in line at the deli. All you have to do is let them know you know (eye contact a fraction too long is pretty much a dead giveaway) and be willing to be the first to strike up a conversation or say hi. Now, this is a big dick website, and there's lots of questions here about how to handle being checked out in the showers, at the urinals, etc., so be judicious about where, exactly, you are making that eye contact. If you want a quick fuck, then lingering eye contact at the rest stop urinal is ok. If you want a boyfriend, that's not where you'll find him.

    - If you have fear of rejection, figure out how to dump it now or to manage it. You will be rejected. Everyone is, and usually more often than they are accepted. I think my ratio was probably 25 to 1. But you know, my 1 has lasted 15 years, so I think the 24 not interested parties were an acceptable loss. And, frankly, some of them are still around and still single, so I'm not even sure who's loss it was.

    - Finally, try to find fun and joy in your life right now, even if you're single. Why? well, first, there's no guarantee you will find someone right away that's worth being with, so no point in waiting for someone to complete you - right? And second, people are attracted to others who are happy and fun, so you'll be increasing your chances of attracting others of a similar bent. It's a total win-win.

    I hope you continue to post about your pursuit of a relationship. I'm sure there are tons of people here who would benefit from you sharing how things are going.

    Good Luck

    PJ
     
  12. TopDudeFtl

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    You are welcome. Good luck.
     
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