Men and tears

[rubberwilli]

I cry when emotions take hold of me from time to time.

The biggest cry I've had recently was at my father's funeral last year. On my drive home I had to pull over on I-65 and stop at several rest areas I was so overwhelmed by emotions. Mostly I was just so pissed at him (he committed suicide) for not having the decency to think about what this would do to the rest of us.

I've been much more emotional since I discovered I was HIV+ almost 8 years ago. Ever since then my emotions have been just below the surface, but I keep them in check most of the time. I bawled the first time I realized someone could love me as an HIV+ individual, in the middle of a passionate love making session, and he completely understood why I was crying.

I cried uncontrollably when I called my former boyfriend and had to tell him I was positive and urged him to go get checked just to be sure. I was so worried I might have somehow passed it to him. I couldn't live with that thought or reality. He was fine though. I cried when the phlobotomist screwed up a blood draw in my recent hospital visit. All the same fears of contagiousness and passing the virus got a hold of me and I was a basket case for about an hour. Those were all tears of utter fear.

Now I well up at sappy movies. "Classical" music has always had a powerful effect on my life and can get me misty. That's why I started to study music in college. Later I quit the School of Music when I realized it was ruining the mystery of music all to know the technical workings of musical secrets. (I don't want to know how Bach composed a fugue, can't I just enjoy it for what it is?)

I cried when I left my friends in Europe after my first trip there. It was such a life changing experience to see and experience another culture. I had wanted to travel to Europe throughout college and for a while I thought I had lost that dream, but it came true.

Life is too short to be worried about what others think. Take care of yourself, be aware of and concerned for others and life will treat you right. Sometimes even the worst situations can have a silver lining.

 

[krashdown]

This is a great thread. Oddly enough the last time I cried (and the first time in years) was yesterday.

From childhood I was taught that men don't share their feelings and we sure as fuck don't cry. So, when I let go yesterday it was a shock not only to my roommate, but myself.

The way it happened was really strange. My roommate had noticed that I'd been really quiet the last couple days and not my normal cheerful self. He put his hand on my shoulder and looked me directly in the eye for a few seconds and said "when you're ready to talk, I'm ready to listen." Right then I lost it and cried like I've never cried before. I must've bawled for close to 45 minutes.

My roommate and I are very close, but we're not at all affectionate with each other, but he held me the whole time I cried. He never said a word either, but the way he held me let me know that letting everything out was perfectly okay, even for a guy.

 

[justmeincal]

I don't cry often, but I'm a sentimental old geezer. I can get teary eyed watching a sad movie.

I moved from Northern Cal. to Southern Cal. about two years ago. My neighbors for the previous 18 years were my best friends. They were a couple in their 80s; he had suffered 3 strokes over the years and she was dying of cancer. I used to visit them every day and help out with the chores. The day I moved, I went over to their house to say goodbye. I took one look at them and started bawling like a baby. I knew I would never see her again, as she was failing fast. They threw their arms around me, hugged me and told me they loved me. I cried for hours that day.

The other time I remember crying was when I told my dad that I was gay. He just leaned over and hugged me and told me he didn't care. He said he loved me and wanted me to be happy, whatever it took. I cried in his arms that day. My dad is my hero. Shit, I've got tears in my eyes now remembering that day.

 

[kundalinikat]

I cry when something touches me, it is only right.

I cry sometimes when I'm on the phone with my girlfriend, we have been doing LTR for months, but we are finally getting things done to move together again. She will say something that touches my heart and it just happens.

The last time i really bawled was visiting her last fall (she has been staying with her parents for about a year so I met them) and I cried for some reason I couldn't figure out, late at night in her basement cuddling wiht her. I realized during it that it was a lot of grief finally exiting me- After thinking for years and years that I would never actually 'find someone' I was able to let it out in her presence. She told me later that she could tell the tears had been waiting for the right time/place to leave.

I have been told a lot that I am really in touch with my emotions, but it has still been difficult to untie them from my family history and things my parents 'taught' me to feel.

Blaise Pascal once wrote, "The heart has reaons which reason knows nothing of."

 

[D_Humper E Bogart]

I'm a stone hearter. There's a lot of grief and joy and all sort of other emotions locked in there that are better locked up methinks.

I'll let them squirm out from under the carpet at times, but for every "I'm unhappy at someone" there's a "I'm unhappy because I am BETTER than you and you are worth less than nothing" and for every "I am happy" there's a "I'm happy because YOU SUCK."

I think to much at times, there's so much out there to feel sorry for within even my own life, true contemplation would drive many to depression, so it's better to suck on bitter pills rather than swallow the box. I definately don't cry in happiness though, it's too cute for me!

 

[Ed69]

As a child I was also taught that big boys don't cry.I never have been able to hold things in like that though.Crying is the only way I know of to deal with the sad,negative things that happen to me.If I could not cry I'd be one violent individual.

 

[Nitrofiend]

I cry about a few times a year. Sometimes my emotions get the best of me and I just collapse. My father is a hotbutton to make me bawl. My girlfriend is too if I miss her.

 

[dolf250]

I cried very rarely as a child. In adolescence I cried a few times (and I don't care to go into the explanation as to why.) After the age of 22 or 23 I will cry- it is still rare, it is almost always in private, and it is usually over others in my life.
The only 2 things that I can think of that were “orchestrated” to cause tears and actually worked on me were a performance of Madame Butterfly(what can I say?:redface: ) and the movie “What dreams may come.” (I had lost a girlfriend to suicide and it still eats at me.)

 

[davidjh7]

I have my moments. I have cried my whole life, but I learned to shut it down in front of others at an early age. I learned that it is O to cry, but to never be seen crying. I have had my voice falter, and teared up when it became too much sometimes, but even then, I tend to push it down until later. There is no shame in men crying, it is physically healthy to do so. Letting it become your whole life is just as unhealthy, but society has taught us to be strong, than men are to suffere in silence. Stupid society....

 

[NCbear]

.... I have cried my whole life, but I learned to shut it down in front of others at an early age. I learned that it is O to cry, but to never be seen crying. I have had my voice falter, and teared up when it became too much sometimes, but even then, I tend to push it down until later. ....

[quoted material taken slightly out of context]

Same here. Cry by myself? Yes. In front of others? No.

Even when experiencing great loss, I don't usually cry. Case in point: My grandfather on my father's side turned 100 in January 2005 but after reaching this goal went downhill fast in terms of his health. He died in April of the same year when I was in Washington, DC, at a conference.

I tried to carry on, but I couldn't. My boss, who's also a friend, told me I should just let go of the conference and spend the day with her. I took her advice and was forever glad I'd done so, because....

I couldn't cry. I could talk about him, and my voice would get husky and I'd sound as though I was on the verge of tears, but I couldn't cry. Not in public. Not at the time, and not anytime later. But the time spent talking about him and how much he'd meant to me was cathartic in its own way--and really, the catharsis is what I really needed.

It's just a damned shame that I'd been trained so well not to cry in public that I couldn't let my emotions out in that channel.

NCbear (who has cried in public during only one movie in his life: Diary of a Mad Black Woman, at the end, when the formerly drug-addicted mother comes back to her children at church--it's such a powerfully moving scene of reconciliation and redemption)

 

[agb]

Crying... I don't even remember the last time I cried. I'm one of those people who thinks crying is weak and useless. It doesn't accomplish anything, so why do it?

Don't get me wrong though... I'm hardly one of those macho "Be a man!" freaks... I'm gay for gods sake. ~.^

If it didn't accomplish anything, it wouldn't be a natural human expression of emotion. Many different situations can have many different emotional reactions. Now, which do you think is (honestly) mentally healthier? Getting extremely angry at a situation or expressing your feelings about it through tears? Anger is fuel for more anger, hate, and nastiness, and everything that is "evil" about the human race. Crying is an "emotional cleansing" process which generally preceeds the person feeling better.

Just my 2c. :tongue:

 

[viewfromthetop1]

As I'm in a tears open flood today because some last year losses of known and unknow people all over the place...and greatfull is cold that my red nose may be mistaken for a cold and weather.

How do you as a man deal with tears? When do you cry? By yourself, very seldom, a lot...what may cause you to sure cry? Its a dry cry or comes with lots of tears?


Its a good healthy therapy to just let go when its full inside...let be all red face and empty it to the last drop, than we are going to feel better.

men don't shed tears the shoot bullets instead. which is something i will never ever understand.

 

[headbang8]

Just posted a blog entry as part of the 2007 Blog Against Sexism. On this very subject.

In it, I took the liberty of quoting several contributors to this thread.

What my fellow members wrote moved me. Thanks you all for sharing it.

I encourage you to comment on the post, if you like.

 

[MovingForward]

I creid last night while watching american Idol, sometimes a song can hit you right in your heart and you just get emmotional

 

[MidusCo.]

As I'm in a tears open flood today because some last year losses of known and unknow people all over the place...and greatfull is cold that my red nose may be mistaken for a cold and weather.

How do you as a man deal with tears? When do you cry? By yourself, very seldom, a lot...what may cause you to sure cry? Its a dry cry or comes with lots of tears?


Its a good healthy therapy to just let go when its full inside...let be all red face and empty it to the last drop, than we are going to feel better.

Well I dont want to sound to much like a guy but I havent cried since I was around 8. Life was to troublesome for me to keep crying, Ill just leave it at that besides those of you who alrdy know what I dealt with when I was younger.

But if I were to ever cry Id either want to be around my best friend or my girlfriend, my friends are comfort. And Im sure a lot of people would agree with me. I dont think I will be crying anytime soon though.