Men control the commitment in the relationship. Women control the intimacy.

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by Fleur, May 6, 2010.

  1. Fleur

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    Someone told me today...."Men control the commitment in the relationship. Women control the intimacy."

    This comment totally bothered me. As if a relationship is some kind of power struggle and these things "commitment" and "intimacy" are to be used as weapons.

    Do you think this quote is true? False? Discuss.
     
  2. AlteredEgo

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    In order to be true, the statement would have to mean that men do not need commitment, and women do not want intimacy (though I'm betting your friend meant sex, not intimacy). Wouldn't it? In order for there to be any struggle over these issues, they would have to be something that was the sole possession of one party, and something that the other party wanted. I think the problem with this argument is that of course men want commitment, and of course women want sex.


    Actually, in my relationship, sex is controlled by the party who wants it the least. That's where I get my conclusion.
     
  3. kc2007

    kc2007 Member

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    I think there is some truth to that. If a guy is super dedicated to making his woman happy, romancing her, making her feel special - like the only woman in the world...she is very unlikely to cheat. But if he's a player and she knows it but still sticks with him for whatever reason, she may play too. I also think women can control the intimacy to some degree as well. If a woman doesn't want sex, you don't get sex. I think if I had 1 hour of sleep the night before with a migraine I'd still be up for some lovin'. For example my girlfriend doesn't want sex every night, more like every few nights...but id like it 2x per day :tongue:
     
  4. AlteredEgo

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    If she wanted it 4x a day, you'd be the one controlling sex.
     
  5. Fleur

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    Exactly...that's what I thought. For this to be true, men have to somehow be commitment-phobe horndogs...and women have to not want sex but desire commitment.

    Or, in other words, men want commitment less and sex more and women want commitment more and sex less. And on top of that they both have to be manipulative and one-dimensional in their desires (only wanting sex or commitment).

    Seems like just another cute saying that is an over-generalization that seems true at face value but is really just BS. To me, it's not a more or less thing...sex/intimacy comes with a relationship (if it's not casual sex) and commitment and sex is not some thing you get out of someone, it's a mutual exchange/feeling/action.

    I'm sure there are actual manipulative people like this out there...but that doesn't make a blanket statement like that true.
     
  6. kc2007

    kc2007 Member

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    good point.
     
  7. kc2007

    kc2007 Member

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    Sad but true, a lot of guys are. Sure some aren't but many guys I know are exactly that. I'd like to think I'm not but I constantly think about sex and have been dating my girlfriend for 4 years...you do the math.
     
  8. Fleur

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    So you're a horndog...so am I. To say you're a commitment-phobe is not true though...you've been in a relationship for 4 years.

    All I'm saying is, it's a generalization...not all men are x and all women y.
     
  9. dolfette

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    the statement is too silly for me to discus seriously.
    if men controlled commitment, i'd've been married 5 times!
     
  10. TurkeyWithaSunburn

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    You would've fucked them to death? :biggrin1:
     
  11. dolfette

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    instead of just fucking them up.
     
  12. RawDog

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    That's the case in any relationship. In fact, replace the word "sex" with any other aspect of a relationship and that's true as well.
     
  13. HiddenLacey

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    Hmmm with the right person I'd want commitment and sex as many times a day as I could get it. I have been with the same guy 4 years... no marriage.... hardly any sex. I don't control either. Well then again I could prob. control the sex alittle more. But eventually you get tired of asking.
     
  14. invisibleman

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    Maybe people give more power away than they need in relationships especially marriages. Maybe one doesn't have to have and to hold forever in sickness and in health. And maybe forsaking all others gets faded out when the other didn't forsake as much as you thought they would.

    How do you have faith in a relationship when you know there is no honor in it? That is my problem. I don't have much faith.



     
  15. D_Circumcisus Skinless

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    then where does compromise fit in a or any relationship?
     
  16. HiddenLacey

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    Compromise happen's when you can put aside your own feelings for the person you love.
     
  17. petite

    petite New Member

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    I can see why that statement would bother you! It makes it sound like both of them struggle over sex with different motivations, as if all men and women are clones of one another. People are so much more complicated than that.


    In the relationships where I had the higher sex drive, my boyfriend controlled our sex life. TheBoyfriend has the sex drive of a 18-year-old and seems capable of having sex at the drop of a hat anytime I want it. He makes plenty of passes at me, but I'm definitely the "gatekeeper" of our sex life.

    It's been my personal experience that men are much more tender-hearted than they pretend to be. Lots of men are romantic and want marriage.

    Generalizations like that just don't work. I've never been a proper girl about the whole "marriage" thing. I've turned down an embarrassing number of proposals. Men have always been eager to commit to me and disappointed that I have been the one unwilling to commit.

    True!
     
  18. D_Circumcisus Skinless

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    So when someone compromises in a relationship, does that mean someone is not going to get their needs met, because of Love or commitment and is that also the excuse/reason people cheat or are fearful of love and or commitment.......therefore the reason why someone must be in control of the relationship with regards to Sex or commitment?!!
     
    #18 D_Circumcisus Skinless, May 6, 2010
    Last edited: May 6, 2010
  19. HiddenLacey

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    Whew:eek: Your mind races worse than mine. I think that if the relantionship is a good relantionship with people who truely love and understand one another then compromise will not effect either of them in a negative way. Simply put your sick as heck and feel like your going to die your girlfriend wants sex.... more than likely she can suffer for a few nights until you feel better. Because she would rather put your needs first in this case because they are more important at the moment.

    IF you believe in the idea that you can find one person that you are truely meant to be with then you would feel the same if the situation was reversed. The real problem in my personal opinion which I know I have even been guilty of.... is settling in a relantionship that you know is not correct for you. This is why people cheat. Your not going to stay with someone that never fills your cup. Eventually, in a month, a year, 10 years... your going to leave that person.... or continue down a road of self-made misery.

    Unfortunately life seems to be about compromise. There are some who never give in until they get what they want and there are some who give up and give in. Of course it's not just about sex. It's about everything from what you share as your dinner to where you go on vacation. I've found it's hard to find someone you care more about than the things you want. And I don't just mean material things. It basically comes down to being comfortable enough with who you are and what you want to wait and find someone that wants the same things. At that point "compromise" will not really matter to you more than having that person as a permanent part of your life.
     
    #19 HiddenLacey, May 6, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: May 6, 2010
  20. Attila the Hung

    Attila the Hung Active Member

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    To the OP, I`d say your friends view of relationships is a bunch of crap, he obviously has quite a bit to learn still when it comes to one if that is how he feels imo.
     
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