Men control the commitment in the relationship. Women control the intimacy.

[B_BoysAreToys]

Not true, I've had bfs where I was the one that was starved for sex. I am very sexual girl though but I thought guys were supposed to be horny all the time

 

[Bbucko]

This comment totally bothered me. As if a relationship is some kind of power struggle and these things "commitment" and "intimacy" are to be used as weapons.

Your observations are correct. Whoever said that sees relationships in terms of conflict and compromise instead of anything beneficial or rewarding. I'm gonna guess that this person is either single or miserably attached.

Actually, in my relationship, sex is controlled by the party who wants it the least.

This is also true in my experience, every time.

 

[ScorpioSlut]

Nah totally not true. I heard a quote one time but cannot recall who said it.....But the one who loves least controls the relationship. I firmly believe in this. It is rare that the love in a relationship is equal and whoever loves the least will determine the course that relationship takes whether it be cheating, marriage, divorce, etc.

 

[blah2889]

Compromise is a revenge tool used by a partner to get their way in the end, a massive guilt trip.

 

[Lou Pole]

Compromise is a revenge tool used by a partner to get their way in the end, a massive guilt trip.

You don't need to have a guilt trip or revenge to compromise. I don't know of any real relationships that don't involve some sort of compromise, whether it be friendship, work, team sports, or romance. Life is about compromise, and the sooner you (the plural you, not the singular you; stupid English language and its lack of a vous-equivalent pronoun) accept compromise as part of life, the sooner you can have healthier relationships.

 

[D_Petherick_Poundlouder]

Trying to break down human relations in two sentence is absolute shit.

 

[D_Circumcisus Skinless]

I am single by choice! and I'm not interested in "giving in and settling" nor do I believe in control, and as for being Horny.....yes I am!, but that doen't mean I'm suppose to be stupid and Blind to Manipulations to be self-serving...just to get a Nutt!!!, and yes I do have a problem with using love or the notion of commitment, and btw.....not miserable either.

I have money, career, education so I spend my time helping others who are not doing so well, I have been raising my child as a single parent...alone!...I'm physically strong and strong willed, quick witted, nice looking, most have spent a life time trying to control me, and I strongly resent that, to the point of rebellion!!!.

Women, friends, family all have done it, so it has been my opinion, that most people are just afraid to be alone, no wait!.....most are just simply AFRAID PERIOD......and I don't have that particular malady!.

I have a lust for life, that is extreme at best...I became like this after staring death in the face and brought back to the living! only to see with clearer Eye's for the first time, then only to realize how petty, shallow and trivial people can be, and for those you think this is a cry for love on some emotional meltdown......wrong!...Love has not been on my mind my mind since, I.......now get ready!, I divorced my ex and was awarded custody of my infant son!

She did an excellent job in knocking that "CRAP" out of my mind for good, so it seems! now for the really good part...again not searching for real answers to life and love, or commitment, nor am I needing a reason or rhyme to compromise, or true love......??, just wanted to know what people thought, concerning the issue of how compromise is used as leverage, when it comes to commitment and control, It didn't occur to me that this is a hot button issue, mainly because it is not an issue of mine, nothing more than curiosity!

Especially since I've needed a warm body to lay next to just for a moment, then take my Ass home, to take care of my disabled son!!!!

 

[HiddenLacey]

I am single by choice! and I'm not interested in "giving in and settling" nor do I believe in control, and as for being Horny.....yes I am!, but that doen't mean I'm suppose to be stupid and Blind to Manipulations to be self-serving...just to get a Nutt!!!, and yes I do have a problem with using love or the notion of commitment, and btw.....not miserable either.

I have money, career, education so I spend my time helping others who are not doing so well, I have been raising my child as a single parent...alone!...I'm physically strong and strong willed, quick witted, nice looking, most have spent a life time trying to control me, and I strongly resent that, to the point of rebellion!!!.

Women, friends, family all have done it, so it has been my opinion, that most people are just afraid to be alone, no wait!.....most are just simply AFRAID PERIOD......and I don't have that particular malady!.

I have a lust for life, that is extreme at best...I became like this after staring death in the face and brought back to the living! only to see with clearer Eye's for the first time, then only to realize how petty, shallow and trivial people can be, and for those you think this is a cry for love on some emotional meltdown......wrong!...Love has not been on my mind my mind since, I.......now get ready!, I divorced my ex and was awarded custody of my infant son!

She did an excellent job in knocking that "CRAP" out of my mind for good, so it seems! now for the really good part...again not searching for real answers to life and love, or commitment, nor am I needing a reason or rhyme to compromise, or true love......??, just wanted to know what people thought, concerning the issue of how compromise is used as leverage, when it comes to commitment and control, It didn't occur to me that this is a hot button issue, mainly because it is not an issue of mine, nothing more than curiosity!

Especially since I've needed a warm body to lay next to just for a moment, then take my Ass home, to take care of my disabled son!!!!

I hope that you didn't take offense to anything I said. I only said it with the best of intentions. I'm sorry that you have had a hard time. And I'm sure your son makes everything worth while to you. Just don't let what one person has done to you make you jaded against someone else that may or could love you and your son one day more than anything else in the world. And I'm saying that with a good heart.

 

[Drifterwood]

If she wanted it 4x a day, you'd be the one controlling sex.

Or the one with walking sticks.

All things that people say are true to a cetain level.

:smile:

Then there is accepted compromise.

 

[D_Circumcisus Skinless]

I hope that you didn't take offense to anything I said. I only said it with the best of intentions. I'm sorry that you have had a hard time. And I'm sure your son makes everything worth while to you. Just don't let what one person has done to you make you jaded against someone else that may or could love you and your son one day more than anything else in the world. And I'm saying that with a good heart.

I understand and my response was not directed to you, it just struct me funny by the response of others in this thread who assumed I was reaching out with a plea for help, when and if, memories serve me right, that this was a discussion of thought and practices....I am a Card-Carrying Alpha-Male, NSA has been my battle-Cry for sometime now, but I also think, feel.....if only numb, yet I feel the numbness! I don't cry,I don't make excuses for my life, honest to a fault, yet people are always trying to make me do things for their own benefit rather than let me come to my own conclusion/terms for and with the reason I would want to be with them, regardless, if it's for Sex, friendship or love on any level....sometimes I have fantasies about being on a Deserted Island all by my self where I don't have to deal with others "issues" or any issue at all and think living in the world would be so much better!, someone was speaking to me in a bar the other night, I just wanted to sit and drink and be quite with my thoughts, they asked why are you so quite and what's on your mind(me) I replied, World Peace, and they stopped trying to talk to me! I only said this to make them leave me alone, because every time I'm there i'm being forced to be their friend, at least thats what it seems like to me.

you are a kind person the world needs more of people like you maybe just maybe, myself and people like me would and will desire to be open and let others in.........May God thank you for caring!