Men don`t cry.

B_Hung Jon

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Part of what it means to be a man is being strong. Whether it's exhibiting physical strength or emotional fortitude, endurance in front of obstacles, stamina in life, courage, whatever. Men should be able to take the heat.

I'm not saying men should not cry ever. But they need a good reason to cry. What constitutes a good reason is open for discussion.

I, for instance, have had three harrowing experiences during which I thought I was surely going to die. And I'm VERY proud of the fact that I only broke down and cried during one of them, my first time. Nobody can take that away from me.

Yes, crying can be a sign of emotional health and healing. But NOT CRYING under duress can be a sign of health, courage, fortitude.

Why would anyone want to criticize a dude for not crying? :cool:


Because it means that the guy is not in touch with his feelings and doesn't know himself very well. Not having the ability to cry might also mean that he doesn't care about other people, including his partner or his children. It doesn't matter when a person cries. If a guy is integrated as a human being, he cries when his feelings arise in him. He doesn't hold them in like some robot. The only reason men hold back tears is cultural. In most latin cultures, males cry, hold hands with each other, are affectionate and loving in their family life and with their friends. It doesn't mean they're weak or uncourageous. As I said before, it means they are full human beings.
 

Calboner

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Because it means that the guy is not in touch with his feelings and doesn't know himself very well. Not having the ability to cry might also mean that he doesn't care about other people, including his partner or his children. It doesn't matter when a person cries. If a guy is integrated as a human being, he cries when his feelings arise in him.

Bullshit and more bullshit.

First piece of bullshit: the jargon of "being in touch with one's feelings"--as if feelings were persons distinct from oneself with whom one is in communication. "Been in touch with your feelings lately?" "Yes, I got a nice postcard from one of them the other day."

Second piece of bullshit: the assumption that a man who does not cry lacks self-awareness or self-knowledge. Nobody is readier to give vent to his feelings than a child: I would hardly consider a child a model of self-awareness; quite the contrary. In fact it takes self-awareness to control one's feelings.

Third piece of bullshit: the idea that not crying in front of other people shows a lack of concern for them. I would say that it is just as common for people who cry in front of others to be self-absorbed manipulators, even--or perhaps especially--if they are unaware of what they are doing. The worst manipulators of other people are the ones who do it by instinct and without self-awareness, through the display of emotions of distress and hurt.

Fourth piece of bullshit: "It doesn't matter when a person cries. If a guy is integrated as a human being, he cries when his feelings arise in him." Every socially competent adult, male or female, knows better than this. There are plenty of situations in which crying will have very bad consequences for you and perhaps for others who depend on you. E.g., if you hold a position of responsibility and go boo-hooing when the going gets tough for you, you are not going to hold that position for very long.
 

RideRocket

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Do men cry? Yes. Do men cry publicly? Probably not. I have gotten teary eyed from some movies/tv shows but I havent outright cried from them, I dont cry from pain, and I just generally dont cry in front of people. I am not trying to be a tough guy, I am always just the optimistic happy guy. I prefer to be the shoulder that is cried on than be the person that is crying. I let my sad emotions out when I am alone.

Ditto. I would add that even in public I've gotten teary eyed because of sad events/circumstances (i.e - funerals), but I've never outright cried. Definitely agree with "I let my sad emotions out when I am alone."
 

dylz

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i cry when i read a moving book or listen to a great piece of music. but then again most people who have definitions of "real men" dont include me in it. personally i dont use definitions of what a "real man/woman" is or should be, though.

as far as what i find sexy, i would say either extreme is quite unattractive, but if i were forced to choose between a complete stoic and an emotional wreck i would probably choose the former.
 

B_doogie888

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Honestly, a guy who cries under any circumstance is just a huge vagina. I've cried only once in my adult life, and it was after watching Black Hawk Down, and I felt like a huge fucking pussy.
 

Catharsis

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Honestly, a guy who cries under any circumstance is just a huge vagina. I've cried only once in my adult life, and it was after watching Black Hawk Down, and I felt like a huge fucking pussy.
have you ever experienced the death of a close, immediate family member?
 

D_Colon Farrell

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This is a topic I'm torn on both sides. It totally depends upon the situation and surroundings to me. At a movie theater, no, at home maybe a single tear. With someone you know well and something you're passionate about it's cool. With a tight bud when your discussing a lost friend or something deep, totally cool. Hearing a song that reminds you of a good bud or your dad at a bar with a few too many that night (yep, this ones me) I think it's cool to show some tears but don't sob.

Showing your feelings as a man is never easy. Best thing to do is just do it in a way that fits your personality and forget what others think. Those who judge don't know you or are not your true friends anyway.

One too many beers brought out the "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy" side of me. :redface:
 

D_Colon Farrell

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Yes. It's one thing to be upset, but to wallow in it and bawl like a worthless pussy isn't helping anyone, including yourself.

Amen. Many times you have to shut up and nut up to get through tough times, especially when family or friends are counting on you to be the solid stone they can stand upon. Not always easy to do but it's a big part of being strong and there for them.
 

B_Hung Jon

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Bullshit and more bullshit.

First piece of bullshit: the jargon of "being in touch with one's feelings"--as if feelings were persons distinct from oneself with whom one is in communication. "Been in touch with your feelings lately?" "Yes, I got a nice postcard from one of them the other day."

Second piece of bullshit: the assumption that a man who does not cry lacks self-awareness or self-knowledge. Nobody is readier to give vent to his feelings than a child: I would hardly consider a child a model of self-awareness; quite the contrary. In fact it takes self-awareness to control one's feelings.

Third piece of bullshit: the idea that not crying in front of other people shows a lack of concern for them. I would say that it is just as common for people who cry in front of others to be self-absorbed manipulators, even--or perhaps especially--if they are unaware of what they are doing. The worst manipulators of other people are the ones who do it by instinct and without self-awareness, through the display of emotions of distress and hurt.

Fourth piece of bullshit: "It doesn't matter when a person cries. If a guy is integrated as a human being, he cries when his feelings arise in him." Every socially competent adult, male or female, knows better than this. There are plenty of situations in which crying will have very bad consequences for you and perhaps for others who depend on you. E.g., if you hold a position of responsibility and go boo-hooing when the going gets tough for you, you are not going to hold that position for very long.


Your attitude is exactly what is fundamentally wrong with American males. As long as men and women like you have these backward and unaware ideas, we as a people will be the continual laughing stock of the planet. Manipulation has nothing to do with emotions unless the person is unconscious...like a child or a dissociative adult. Being in touch with one's feelings doesn't mean acting out. It means knowing what is arising in your mental and emotional states in order to integrate yourself as a full human being.

Now maybe you're used to telling people to their face that their ideas are bullshit, to use your compassionate language, but that's not what I'm used to in intelligent conversation. To me you just proved your barbarian status, which seems to be more and more common on this site of late.
 
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Adomfg

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Men shouldn't cry unless it's something very serious like a relative dying or something like that.

And if your going to cry, do it somewhere private.
 
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NEWREBA

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Honestly, a guy who cries under any circumstance is just a huge vagina. I've cried only once in my adult life, and it was after watching Black Hawk Down, and I felt like a huge fucking pussy.

Doogie 888, I think talking about my vagina in the way you have is disrespectful to all women. Why would you use "vagina" as a negative word? Or "pussy" for that matter? Do you mean that vaginas are bad or terrible things?

PLEASE EXPLAIN! :eek: