Men don't turn down sex!

[Kitterina]

Why is it when a guy turns down sex, their partner gets all bent out of shape?

I've had this happen on both sides, but the worst was when I didn't want it from this one girl. (this was a while ago) I guess what made it worse is that we had already slept together a few times so being turned down was unbearable. It wasn't that she was horrible or anything, just that I wasn't in the mood for it. Well, she flipped out and got all emotional so I spent the next hour trying to console her. I should have just had the sex.

I guess a man is supposed to be ready 150% of the time. And when he's offered he should be grateful for this wonderful gift he's being allowed. Has anyone else gone through this?

 

[eldeld]

Why is it when a guy turns down sex, their partner gets all bent out of shape?

I've had this happen on both sides, but the worst was when I didn't want it from this one girl. (this was a while ago) I guess what made it worse is that we had already slept together a few times so being turned down was unbearable. It wasn't that she was horrible or anything, just that I wasn't in the mood for it. Well, she flipped out and got all emotional so I spent the next hour trying to console her. I should have just had the sex.

I guess a man is supposed to be ready 150% of the time. And when he's offered he should be grateful for this wonderful gift he's being allowed. Has anyone else gone through this?

I guess I wonder how your turned down the sex. Did you turn it down in a female-friendly way or did you just be a man about it (that is- abrupt and direct)? Woman have different emotional needs and reactions. Did you turn sex down in a way that reflected sensitivity, reaffirmed your love and helped keep her dignity intact?

 

[hypolimnas]

And when he's offered he should be grateful for this wonderful gift he's being allowed. Has anyone else gone through this

At first I was amazed at how someone can seem quite sane when they proposition you. Then when you say no (politely and considerately) they can still turn vicious and nasty.

I took early retirement from being used as a human dildo. I have had times when I have felt it would just be easier to do it-- get it over and done with, and then to make a fast get away.

Saying no gets easier, a recent thread here had some good tips.

 

[Knight Attrition]

I think women are used to being pursued so they start to believe that everyone wants to have sex with them at all times. I think their ego can become dependent on this so if/when the fallacy is proven wrong it is a crushing blow to their self worth. Just my 2 cents and I'm sure that many on here will disagree.

 

[B_ScaredLittleBoy]

lol if I suggest sex to a girl they think I'm using them just for it. Cos I want it all the time. I don't think I've ever said no. To my own detriment at times. Nearly drowned in my own sweat a few times.

 

[Ethyl]

Women are constantly barraged with the male point of view about sex. One of those supposed points of view is that men want sex all the time and no straight man in his right mind would turn down sex with his partner. So if a man does turn down sex with his partner, she may wonder if she did something wrong or her partner is no longer attracted to her.

This is why I often chuckle when reading through so many posts about men who say they have an infinite amount of stamina and most women can't keep up with them. My experience has led me to believe that the opposite is usually true.

 

[Mr. Snakey]

My girlfriend and i never say no to eachother. That is the secret to a good relationship:smile:

 

[No_Strings]

This is why I often chuckle when reading through so many posts about men who say they have an infinite amount of stamina and most women can't keep up with them. My experience has led me to believe that the opposite is usually true.

Try me.


I don't mean to sound offensive to the OP, but I think anyone who needs an hour of consolation after being turned down sex once(male or female), has emotional problems or mucho sexual ignorance?

If it was every night for a month, then yeh something is probably awry. Otherwise, shouldn't it just equated to be the same as not being in the mood for a certain cuisine or movie?

 

[naughty]

Try me.


I don't mean to sound offensive to the OP, but I think anyone who needs an hour of consolation after being turned down sex once(male or female), has emotional problems or mucho sexual ignorance?

If it was every night for a month, then yeh something is probably awry. Otherwise, shouldn't it just equated to be the same as not being in the mood for a certain cuisine or movie?

Why cant he just not be interested? Period.

 

[B_horribleperson]

all u had to do was say you had a headache and dont want to have sex tonight

 

[anon265]

Why is it when a guy turns down sex, their partner gets all bent out of shape?

I've had this happen on both sides, but the worst was when I didn't want it from this one girl. (this was a while ago) I guess what made it worse is that we had already slept together a few times so being turned down was unbearable. It wasn't that she was horrible or anything, just that I wasn't in the mood for it. Well, she flipped out and got all emotional so I spent the next hour trying to console her. I should have just had the sex.

I guess a man is supposed to be ready 150% of the time. And when he's offered he should be grateful for this wonderful gift he's being allowed. Has anyone else gone through this?

If your body doesn't feel like sex, it doesn't feel like sex. A reasonable person should understand that. I too would be interested to hear the words and tone of the refusal. "Honey, my body's not feeling like sex tonight, let's take a bath or go to bed early" would be a lot different from, say, "leave me alone, I don't feel like it."

You should not have just had the sex. Sex under pressure is awful.

No, he shouldn't have to be ready ALL the time. We're people. We're ready when we're ready.

Certainly you should be grateful. Any time a woman (or anyone for that matter) grants you access to her body it is a very big deal. Whether your relationship has lasted 30 minutes or 30 years, access to her body is a massive display of intimacy and trust, that (hopefully) she doesn't give everyone. It should be treated as a privelege.

Sorry about that last bit. I didn't mean to imply you didn't think that way, it's just something I believe very strongly in.

 

[HazelGod]

I'm confused as to why a man who identifies as 100% Gay is having issues turning down his girlfriend for sex?

 

[B_big dirigible]

My experience has led me to believe that the opposite is usually true.

That's fer sure. The business of being a dancing bear, expected to run through the entire repertoire almost constantly, gets wearing. I certainly can't do it.

Just as importantly, I don't want to. If my ex-GFs had had their ways, there wouldn't have been time for me to do anything else - not even important stuff, like taking out the garbage. Thank gawd they sometimes got sore, otherwise there'd have been no respite.

 

[D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah]

Unfortantly most women are emotional and they will take being turned down as a personal insult. I think these women (girls) are the ones with self esteem issues and dont want to be told or think they arent wanted. It has nothing to do with the sex but the rejection is their problem.

And as women we are told men always want sex, so to be told we arent wanted for whatever reason can be a shock.

Note: some women are so hung up in themselves and horny at times that they can forget men also get tired, stressed, etc which decresses their sex drive

 

[hp7]

I don't know that I've ever turned down sex, since I've only ever been propositioned a few times. There was one woman who sent me a nude pic in response to my personal ad, and another who was trying very hard to get me to talk dirty to her on the way home from dinner, but neither one of them actually invited me up, and both of them gave me the willies (the first was an ex-stripper and kind of a hustler, the second struck me as a bunny-boiler).

If I've ever been outright propositioned by a woman, it's been a vanishingly few times that I've recognized it and taken it seriously.

 

[invisibleman]

Why is it when a guy turns down sex, their partner gets all bent out of shape?
I guess a man is supposed to be ready 150% of the time. And when he's offered he should be grateful for this wonderful gift he's being allowed. Has anyone else gone through this?

Well, maybe, you both have dissimilar sex drives. Or you aren't into her as much.

Maybe she expects sex from you since you are her boyfriend. Maybe you should sync up your sex drive along with her by scheduling time for sex. Find out when the both of you are most horny. Schedule it that way.

If you REALLY want to piss her off and get her more bent out of shape, schedule a time for sex and when it comes time--you decline. (I hate it for you if EVER do that.)

Then, again, you should really talk with your woman about this sex issue. You have to be honest in how you feel. Tell her. (You should be asking yourself: "Why aren't you wanting sex when she wants it?" Tell her your answers in detail so she will fully understand.)

 

[EagleCowboy]

What's bunny-boiler?

Yeah, women are funny about that. Most see it as a kind of rejection and don't know how to handle that so they naturally get bent out of shape. Most women aren't used to dealing with rejection of any kind like us guys are.

Why don't we ask the women here what they would really do if their guys just flat out told them no to sex for whatever reason. What say you ladies?

EVERY X-girlfriend I've had, every one of them got bent out of shape when I told them no. Forget the fact that I was working 2 jobs and/or going to school. I was tired sometimes. When I was doing the 2 jobs and school thing, the one that I dated the longest got quite upset and just didn't seem to get or see that I was just flat-out tired. She thought she would "punish" me by telling me that I'm going to sleep on the couch that night. After she went to bed, I got in the car and left. Really pissed her off.

I've only had ONE that didn't get pissed off or bent out of shape and understood why I didn't want to at that time.

 

[invisibleman]

Well worse case scenario--she could get temp on you. She could call in a stunt dick. depending how twisted your girl is, she would get your best friend or one of your closest family (male) members to stunt cock.

 

[hp7]

"Bunny-boiler" is a reference to Glenn Close's character in Fatal Attraction, where she killed Michael Douglas' character's daughter's rabbit and cooked it up in a stock pot.

This woman was very aggressive and very persistent, and oblivious to the fact that she scared the crap out of me. On what may or may not have been our second date, we met at a cafe so I could see what was wrong with her laptop computer and she started snuggling up to me as I started work (turned out to be a crashed HD). I was already kind of uncomfortable with her, so that was kind of the breaking point -- I kept her from getting too close for the rest of the date, which really ticked her off, but as I found out a few months later, didn't manage to turn her off.

Oddly enough, when she asked me out she was standing in my face telling her preference in penis size. Spooked as I was, she was very hot and could probably tell I thought that by looking at my pants.

 

[Love-it]

I have on occasion turned down sex when my wife asked if I wanted to make love because there were underlying currents on her part of guilt or issues that she was attempting to assuage with sex. I want to make love with her when she wants to make love, not for other reasons. I would say that these instances have been beneficial to our relationship because we started to discuss underlying issues.