Men in their 20s, what do they want?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Femme, Oct 4, 2005.

  1. Femme

    Femme New Member

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    Hello =))))

    Well, I'm 19. The man I have a mutual attraction with is 26.

    He has the typical life a 26 y/o man has, I suppose...
    He lives alone, finished university and is luckily working in his profession, he has a car, more or less stable...visits his family every few weeks...goes out w/ friends on weekends. He's a very decent person.

    I'm in university, still living with parents...very behind in some ways (I don't even have a driver's license) but very much ahead in others.

    Question is...what do men at that age typically want in a woman? I realize everyone's different and every relationship is unique. However...there are tendencies.

    What do they want, sexually? He's not a virgin...from conversation I know he's had 2 serious girlfriends..so I assume he's had at least 2 different partners.

    If you guys could please give me an idea of what you want..the more detail the better..;)

    I suppose the attraction of an older man to a younger woman (feels strange to call myself a woman even) is the innocence she has. Maybe I am innocent in the sense that I had only 1 boyfriend, a very serious one though, I'm not a virgin...but I had sex maybe 20 times in total. And as we all know, the first 10 times probably are just trials.

    Anyway...your answers would be much appreciated. :loveya:
     
  2. Rikter8

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    Ive dated a few early to mid 20's guys, and generally they dont have a clue of what life has in store for them.

    Ive found that they want:

    Sex
    Booze
    Party
    More Sex
    Kegs
    Did I mention sex?
    No responsability

    There ARE exceptions to this though, as I was mature, and Im sure that there are others.

    If he's got his Shit together, then he might be a great catch. But I wouldn't be putting out early. Id save it to make sure it was right for both of you.

    Also, theres about 7 years difference between you and him... Are you sure that your both on the same wavelength for compatability, or are you horny wanting a stiffy?

    C
     
  3. Femme

    Femme New Member

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    Putting out early...yes, I wasn't going to do that. I'm sure of my feelings, they're not just sexual. But the mind wanders ;)

    Yes 7 years is a big difference, but it allows for us to both have qualities in each other that we like...I personally can't stand immaturity in a guy. I suppose he wants the "youthful, energetic" type. Or again, the innocence.

    I don't know...
    but I'm not planning on having sex with him quite yet!
     
  4. Dr Rock

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    who lives in the east 'neath the willow tree? Sex
    ... nah, too easy
     
  5. mordecai17

    mordecai17 New Member

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    ... nah, too easy
    [post=348919]Quoted post[/post]​
    [/b][/quote]


    Hahahahaha
     
  6. dolf250

    dolf250 New Member

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    I am not too sure how helpful this response will be to you. You are asking what men want. You have to get to know him to know what HE wants and not what MEN want. Some men want overweight women and some want an anorexic. Some men want independence and some would like someone to come home to all the time. Some want an independent woman and some want a stay at home wife to cook and clean.

    When it comes to sex, some want a tiger in bed and some want someone who is a little less demanding. Hell, some men want women, and some men want men. My best advice is get to know him and find out what he wants. If it is what you have to offer- great. If not move on (there is no sense trying to change who you are at your age to fit “what men want.”)
     
  7. B_hungrick

    B_hungrick New Member

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    Hey Femme, Dolf250 has said it really well. Also at 19, you might want to cool it a little bit. You're a young girl even though you seem mature. I think the most important thing you can do with regard to this guy is to find out all you can about him, not just what he wants. The reality is we all change, and what he wants won't be the same now as in the future. The same with you. Take your time. You have a lot of life in front of you. All the best to you.
     
  8. spl98006

    spl98006 New Member

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    Add 7 years to his age, 8 to yours, and you've just described myself and my boyfriend.

    A couple of years ago, he went back to "university" (he lives in Canada, and that's what they say up there) after working full-time for several years. In that same time period, my career has gone into fast-forward mode, I have bought a house, etc.

    In many ways, we have grown in opposite directions the past two years, and yes, it has put a strain on us. It has affected the way we spend our time together, it has affected the way we deal with money issues, and it has definitely affected the way we plan for "someday" when we will live together. We are just starting to be able to deal with our new lifestyle differences comfortably.

    If I could pass on the lessons we have learned, they would be:

    (1) Communicate! If something is bothering you, if you have a question weighing on your mind, if he just isn't "getting it," bring it up! And insist that he do the same, but do recognize that sometimes, guys take more coaxing to open up -- kind of like women requiring more foreplay! :9

    (2) Realize that your lifestyles are different. He has to accept that some weekends, you will be busy with homework, and you have to accept that some nights when you are free, he will have to go to bed early so he can get up for work the next day. Similarly, you should both recognize that working professionals often have more money than time, whereas with students it is usually vice-versa, especially if you are still being supported by parents. (Self-sufficient students, of course, are a different story.)

    And one final thought: it has been my observation that most guys really don't figure out what they want out of life until 25-27. Most guys I know, including almost every one of my friends, my brother, and my dad, admit this was true for them. I know it was certainly true for me: I changed my career, my geographic region, and my predominant sexual orientation all in that time period.

    So there may just not be a clean answer to your question.


     
  9. DC_DEEP

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    Most excellent advice, spl! Honesty and communication are essential - a healthy, happy relationship will not exist without them. If either of you feels you cannot communicate, then it is not meant to be. If you can communicate, much of your angst will fall by the wayside.

    And to expand on point #2: Not only are your lifestyles diffferent, but you are different people - with some mutual and some differing needs, wants, desires, ideas, passions, plans, goals, et cetera.

    Keep in mind that as a couple, you ideally should be three entities - you, him, and the couple-as-one.
     
  10. jay_too

    jay_too New Member

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    Perhaps, you should ask the related question: "What do I want?"

    I am 26. What I want today in a realtionship is substantially different from my hopes and expectations of a few years ago. When I was 18/19 and could remember the glow and comradeship of my senior year in highschool, I was looking for a lifetime commitment in an ideal world. By the time that I was 20 and was trying to establish relationships with girls at college, I had become jaded. I had been "used" too many times, and sadly, I had adopted some of the same techniques in my relationships.

    I have been in a monagamous relationship for almost two years now. Today, if asked, I would say life is more than sex and toys; however, I am not certain that 5 years from now, my response might not be "Sex, sex.....and more sex." My expectations have changed significantly over the years; if the past is an indication of the future, I can expect more changes.

    While I might flirt with a 19-year old, I doubt if I could enter into a relationship with one. True, I might like the attention of a hottie; but I do not want to raise a girlfriend. In my opinion [and experience], the difference between 19 and 26 is much greater than between 26 and 36. A lot of learning comes during the first half of the 20's.

    Good luck.

    jay
     
  11. Dr. Bubbles

    Dr. Bubbles New Member

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    Jay has an excellent point and has crafted his response well....

    At 19, you have not fully experienced the world and all it has to offer. Granted, you appear to be a very mature young lady but experiences and expectations take on many different mask. This guy has definitely seen more, done more and probably will expect more than what you might be accustom. Naturally, the age difference will warrant that.

    Speaking to you from a female perspective... we are socially designed to want a man to nurture us, take care of us, give us a family, etc. etc. etc. This socialization occurs at a very young age and is generally something I don't think parents, siblings, or other family members cognitively and directly intend. It just happens. With that said, your interest in him to provide those things may not have the deepest connection that you might assume. Sure, a young beautiful woman is on top the list for guys (YES, I made a generalization). They enjoy the attention as much as we do, but when all is said and done, it is imperative you take care of yourself and your needs... Flattery is something we all crave - just be careful to whom you share it.

    Now, I am not saying that your interest is in vain. Who am I to say such a thing, especially considering that I don't know all the variables involved. I just caution you. A hurt heart is something that takes a lot of time to recover from and likewise, genearlly means a long time to trust again.....

    Best of luck, hun......

    bb
     
  12. Steve26

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    As usual, Jay makes excellent points. I agree especially that the difference between a 19-year-old college student and a 26-year-old professional is immense. Like him, at age 26 (that's 5 years ago for me) I would not have considered a relationship with a 19-year-old ... just too little in common, two entirely different stages of life.

    Guys can be all over the map in terms of maturity and stability at 26, since the 20s are a decade of tremendous change and "growing up." It sounds like your guy is on the stable side (visits family every few weeks, is gainfully employed, lives alone, etc.) He may be looking to settle down and meet a wife, if not now then almost certainly within the next few years. You will still be a university student for several more years. I raise this just to suggest that at some point what each of you wants in a relationship may grow disparate, if it is not already. IMHO, 19 is young to be getting together with someone who may very well be looking for a Mrs.

    Still ... I second what virtually everyone here has said: We can't say what this guy wants; you will need to find that out on your own. Good luck!

    Steve :happy:
     
  13. wibbledooklang

    wibbledooklang New Member

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    This is almost something only you two can figure out for yourselves not other people. You could say im in the same position as you, but its not a guy im dating, its a very beautiful young lady. There is a considerable age difference for us, 13 years i think. But isnt age only a number??? Im 19, but i can guarantee you that im very mature. Maturity isn't something you can define at a certain age, its different for any male, some have it some dont. I hope everything works out between you two.

    Best of Luck,
    Farmer Brown
     
  14. Femme

    Femme New Member

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    First and foremost I'd like to thank everyone for their replies. Even those of you who have reminded me of the obvious differences people in those age groups tend to have, and that I should focus on the uniqueness of the situation instead of asking people on a public forum what to do.

    I agree wholeheartedly that we are different. The years of observations he has on him, the independence he is forced with, not because of unfortunate circumstances, but simply because IT IS TIME, the way he knows that he has to count solely on himself for many things...yes, they psychologically make him very different from me.

    And what do those psychological differences put on the plate in terms of what he wants in a partner? Yes yes, every man is different.

    I'm very thankful that there are some 26 y/o men in here that can voice their views, please..

    From what I observe (and I agree this can be false), he is not systematically looking for a wife. He doesn't jump at every girl he meets, in hope that maybe she's the one. On the contrary, I've seen him meet many new women...and I suppose it is his age and experience that allows him to smile and put aside those young, beautiful women that are still very immature and dare I say stupid. Not that his face displays all this, but his behaviour very clearly demonstrates he isn't interested.

    His interest in me took time...

    While our immediate surroundings are different, we have very similar views on several things. We're both very reserved people. We don't have one night stands or make out w/ smbdy just for the hell of it. We both refrain from discussing issues like politics, religion, people's choices...partially out of courtesy, but also because it seems we're both in the same state of mind. We have our ideas, but know they don't mean much. We need more life experience.
    Both of us enjoy nature, the company of friends, very simple passtimes...
    We seem to like the same literature.

    He's a gentleman...which softens up his very prominent masculinity..which I love.
    As for myself..well, I am just becoming a woman. I am discovering its beauty and advantages (I choose to not see the disadvantages), I am realizing more and more just how this world works. I need somebody experienced to trust and open more of the world to me. I need smbdy who will point out my mistakes, b/c he's made them already...and not be irritated and think I'm stupid, but rather watch w/ a sort of amused air. And that's what he does.

    What people will say here about when men in their 20s want in bed, I will not use as a guideline for anything. If we become intimate my intentions are to follow his guide, if anything, and my heart. But I'm simply curious!
     
  15. jonb

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    ... nah, too easy
    [post=348919]Quoted post[/post]​
    [/b][/quote]
    Which is exactly what they want.
     
  16. D_Coyne Toss

    D_Coyne Toss New Member

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    This is what i want

    - love
    - cuddling
    - respect
    - protection
    - complicity
    - sharing passions and feelings
    - sex

    however, just be yourself with him, it is the only way to conquer him and make him yours for all your life.
     
  17. Love-it

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    From what I can remember I was looking for a woman who was intelligent, honest and who could love and respect me for who I was and wanted to be. I certainly wasn't a grown up at that time, still waiting for that to happen 30 years later.

    I have always thought that women, in general, mature sooner than men, they certainly seem to have the capacity to form a long term relationship before men of their own age group.

    I asked my wife her opinion of me when we met, she was 26, I was 25, she said I was an opininated ass but since I loved her I had potential.
     
  18. D_Elijah_MorganWood

    D_Elijah_MorganWood New Member

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    Regardless of what a man in his 20's SAYS he wants....
    ....he just wants to fuck.

    Play bouncey-bouncey until you both get sick of it and move on. You're 19 for God's sake.
     
  19. Knight

    Knight New Member

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    I'll be 20 in January and I just want a nice girl, doesn't have to have a car. I don't have a car...Someone I can talk to, get along with and just feel at ease and comfortable with. I'm not even bothered about sex (*gasp*). I enjoy having a girl as it has a very calming, focussing effect on me. When I don't have a girl to love and care for, I end up with 'poems' or songs or 'poem songs' like this:

    You make me love you
    You make me cry
    Say you feel something deep inside
    But all too often you're out with other guys
    Giving them love and telling me lies

    I want you to love me
    I want to make you cry
    Just to see some emotion in your eyes

    You make me happy
    You make me sad
    Yet you say this is the best you've had
    How good can it be living at emotional extremes
    Where I don't know how I feel and nothing is as it seems

    I want you to be happy
    I want you to be sad
    I don't know which is good or bad

    You make me
    You break me
    Til I'm not really sure
    If I should just get back in bed
    Or walk right out the door
    See what you do to me?

    Anyway, this is my newest one, I've done a few since I've been at uni (haha). They would be songs but I don't think the words quite flow and I cant play guitar. Everyone wants different things. Sometimes I want an older woman, 32 years old and stuff... :p

    I'm off now, be back in another few days :)
     
  20. Dorset

    Dorset New Member

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    Don't worry about the age thing, your mental ages are more important and with the man being 26 and the woman 19 then that probably puts you just about level

    Plus, you said that he's had 2 serious girlfriends - If we assume that he didn't cheat on them then I think it's probably safe to say he is a mature man who is looking for the real thing.
    You wouldn't get 2 women hang around for that long with an boozed up idiot who spent more time with his mates than her

    If you're still unsure, ask your mates. Their judgement is less likely to be as clouded as yours and will give you an honest gut feeling about what he's after from you :happy:
     
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