Men intimidated by toys?

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah, Aug 15, 2007.

  1. D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

    D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah Account Disabled

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    I was talking with a friend of mine yesterday about vibrators when she mentioned she didnt own one and never had. I offered to buy her one, as i think all women should have a vibrator at some point in their life, but she kindly refused and said as much as she would like to know what they are like her husband probably wouldnt be happy about it.

    All the men ive known have loved the idea of women playing with toys and watching whilst they use them, so all i can think is that possibly her husband would be intimidate by it and the thought that she could get more pleasure from a vibrator then from him.

    Do men like this still exsist and is it common? It seems such an insecure and neanderthal way of thinking on his behalf
     
  2. ManlyBanisters

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    I've yet to come across (pun intended) a man who didn't like my toy cupboard. Sex toys are not the exclusive preserve of women. Most of the toys I have have been bought for me by men, more recently Mr.B and I shop for them together. He makes better choices than I do! Appart from lingerie and costumes - men, in my experience anyway, really aren't very good at buying underwear (or sex-wear*) for their women.

    But toys - I find it bizarre if there are still men who would be intimidated or turned off by toys. They are missing out on so much fun.

    * most of the stuff I have wouldn't pass as underwear - it all jingles or squeaks too much!
     
  3. dongalong

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    I have bought dildos and vibrators to use with some exgirlfriends but they were usually smaller or similar in size to my willy. I had one lover who owned a realistic John Holmes dildo which measured 12"x8.5"!!!! Now THAT was rather intimidating at first, but rather exciting to use on her. I don't know of any human male that can match that size (which is obviously inflated from the porn actor's dimensions).
    When she first showed it to me, it did crush my ego somewhat!!!:eek:
    Luckily she was well trained at kegelling so she still felt tight and I still managed to give her lots of pleasure, although the orgasms didn't come quite as quickly!!!:cool:
     
  4. D_Barzillai Whackingsauce

    D_Barzillai Whackingsauce Account Disabled

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    Lee_M, First off I don't think it's fair to view his thinking patterns as "Neanderthal." Especially if it's an insecurity. Who knows where it comes from. Second I suppose, yes men do still exist like that. (I think toys in sex are great but that is me) But who is to say what his sexual upbringing has dictated to him, what the breadth of his experience is? Work on helping your friend speak to her husband about feeling secure, and that it is safe to try new things. That is does not mean he is inadiquate, or lame in bed, that a worry about this is not neanderthal and caveman like, but OKAY to feel this way. And try not to come on too strong with your point of view (him thinking like a Neanderthal) it will only add to the tension. It's his sexual preference, it's what he feels comfortable about in bed, and that's what it's about.You have to work with that. I assume she knew what type of lover he was when they married. She might be okay with his limits and he with hers. Should we view your thougths as "Neandethal" beause you feel uncomforable about doing someting in the bedroom? No We should try to see that point of view. Maybe add to it, make someone feel safe for trying and in the end if it does not work out then you have to move on. There is no point pushing it onto someone if they are just going to reject it, and make sex uneasy. Sex is about pleasure. That's it. And as a couple they need to find what works and what does not work. Together. If she brough toys into the relationship, and he knew that she was into them when they got together, then it would be very said for him to change mid stream, after the marriage asking her to stop using the toys as it made him uncomfortable. But I can only assume they know where they stand when it comes to bedroom antics. Just my two cents.
     
  5. D_Maurice Mountlilly

    D_Maurice Mountlilly Account Disabled

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    my girlfriend has that toy as well,along with about every other guy in porn.straight and gay. i love watching her use all the didldos and vibrators she has...
     
  6. rich-9.8

    rich-9.8 New Member

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    I love toys! My wife doesn't like the big dildos anyway, but clit stims and other things are fun for both of us. It's strange to think that someone could worry about getting more pleasure from a toy than their partner though. That would be more symptomatic of problems in the realtionship than a cause.

    And as I once read, the only time a vibrator goes down on you is when the batteries run out; the only time they come in a box is when you buy them!
     
  7. geek0

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    i actually had a bf who ddint like it at all he found it a complete turn off but i think it was insecurity on his part, the dildo was huge compared to him i think that was mostly the issue :rolleyes: he refused to elaborate properly so im just guessing.
     
  8. stamrod

    stamrod New Member

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    I think that if a woman has a toy much bigger than their male partner, then most of the time, it will make them uncomfortable. But, in this day and age, I think most men can get over it. I had a similar experience as dongalong, and I got over it. But, I was a little put off by it at first. A good guy just wants to please you, so if he sees something like that, he's thinking to himself, "If it takes that much to get her off, what can I possibly do?"
     
  9. LemacST

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    Well said.
     
  10. Eva

    Eva New Member

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    I've dated a few guys who were intimidated as hell by my toy collection. I don't even particularly have anything of an outrageous size--a few buzzers, a rabbit, a pyrex wand....

    I had a boyfriend once who also insisted that whenever I "helped" him try to get me off, it was insulting. Keep in mind, all I did was put my hand over his lightly and reposition his fingers the fraction of an inch they were off target. It wasn't like I was slapping his hands away and then fucking myself with a hairbrush because he was such an insurmountable failure. This is the same guy who didn't want me to masturbate ever because it insinuated that he was "less of a man" because I needed to get myself off when he wasn't there. He didn't last long. Figuratively and literally.

    I've also had a few guys who were freaked out if a vibrator touched them. As if a bit of vibration on the head of his cock would suddenly make him gay. I had one who even said it felt excellent but he wanted me to stop cos he didn't want to "do all that gay stuff." Again--didn't last long.

    My general rule these days is: love me, love my toys. Fuck me, fuck me with my toys.
     
  11. LemacST

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    I wouldn't be bothered if a girl had one of those small, sleek dildos or a vibrator, but I think I would feel strange if she had a really big dildo.
     
  12. B_Veronica_Divine

    B_Veronica_Divine New Member

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    Well damnit... when I belt up my 14 inch curved black "Goliath" brand dildo...

    ...he'd better be fucking intimidated or I'm wasting my time.

    (Or I've found the best man ever...hmmm....)
     
  13. B_All4show

    B_All4show New Member

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    First of all I would like my wife to try a vibrator, but she is too shy / prudish. That being said, I am sure you can understand why men could get intimidate by a large dildo.

    But there is something more. I think many men would surmise that the vibrator would be used for masturbation (with out him arround). This too can be acceptable to most men. But now couple this with the fact that in many long term relationships most women deny their men sex frequently or a pattern has be established that he only gets sex a few times per month. The thought of your wife masturbating while deny you sex is not so great. I think most guys think nothing of masturbating themseleves, but most never turn down sex.

    Make sense?
     
  14. Eva

    Eva New Member

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    Psssst.... the spare key is under the mat. Just let yourself in.... :tongue:
     
  15. B_HallWildcat

    B_HallWildcat New Member

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    One of the biggest turn on's for me is watching my GF use her vibrator on herself. When we have sex, she usually orgasms at least two or three times for my every one time, so there isn't much of a problem there in terms of me being able to get her off. But to get her off lets say about three times during sex will take at least thirty minutes or so, but when I watch her use her vibrator, or when we have phone sex and she is using it, she can get herself off seemingly as much as she pleases, probably somewhere around three or four orgasms every ten or fifteen minutes.

    Watching and listening to her bring herself to a steamy climax is one of the sexiest things I've witnessed. I've seen her have orgasms many times during sex, but during sex, there are so many other distractions that make it harder to really take in the show the other person is really putting on for you.

    When I watch her masturbate, I can sit there and just watch; see her cheast heaving as she breathes, see her hair flip around as her head writhes, watch her bite her lip, watch her eyes roll back in her head, watch her nipples get rock hard, watch her free hand touching herself all over, watch her body start blushing bright red as she screams when she cumms, and just as she is catching her breath, she starts cumming again. whew, its enough to make me crazy.

    Because right at that moment, she is probably just about as wett and horny as she'll ever be. She has just taken care of just about all the foreplay necessary, she's had enough clitorial orgasms to wet her appetite, but now she wants to be fully satisfied and penetrated by my big throbbing cock, to give her the G-Spot and Full Vaginal Orgasms that she now NEEDS.

    Why any guy would ever turn down a situation like this, or be intimidated at all by the girl using a vibrator is beyond me. Just realize that the vibrator isn't replacing anything you have to offer her, its just adding to her fun!

    Am I right?
     
  16. No_Strings

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    What can be intimidating about a toy? They're for fun and enjoyment, both the males and females'.

    No reason not to embrace a little variety into the bedroom, no reason at all. :smile:
     
  17. shaved and trimmed

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    My wife and I have been having fun with Clone-A-Willy kits lately. We've made chocolate casting of my penis and silicone ones with a vibrator inside it.
    It drives me wild to watch her sucking on a chocolate molding of my dick. Not to mention watching her get off with the vibrating dick.
    GOT TO LOVE TOYS!!!
     
  18. Osiris

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    That is the attitude more men should have Strings. I'm not intimidated by my wife's toys. hell I even bought her a few. Problem with most guys is they don't communicate. Prime example...

    I know this couple, filthy rich and spend like crazy. The girl in this couple goes out and buys a Sybian. Well they are notorious for naked pool parties and one time the women started taking turns on the Sybian. Us guys were getting plowed and we wnet and played poker. Jump ahead a few months and same female (who was originally a friend of mine before getting into the relationship) asks if my wofe and I would do a threesome with her since her man stopped sleeping with her. I was like WTF!?!? I take her man out for a drink and he tells me that she spends more time on the Sybian than with him.

    To cut to the chase, yes she rode it numerous times a day, but he was ignoring when she'd get off it and go rub up on him. Yeah she had an orgasm, but she wasn't through. Guys need to learn to communicate and look for signs (blunt and subtle).

    The couple? Finally got married and have a new baby.

    Toys are NOT a replacement fellas, they are the opening act sometimes.
     
  19. socoken

    socoken New Member

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    I like a woman with toys, and have bought close to a dozen for various girls over the years. I think they are great fun to use together, or even just to curb her appetite when Im not around.

    The only thing that intimidates me about them, is a woman who uses the vibrator a lot on her clit might desensatize it a little and make it tougher for me to get her off from oral, but I have only encountered that to a slight degree.
     
  20. Fire Agate

    Fire Agate New Member

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    i'd use toys on my girl. i have no problem with it:cool:
     
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