Men sexual need

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Gisella, May 29, 2006.

  1. Gisella

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    I was reading an article about sexologist insisting that is normal for a man to be unfaithful...and when a man has sex with a new woman for the first time his amount of sperm triples and spermatozoa increases 5-6 times and they get 2-4 times quicker too...:cool: (what a party going on inside! Very impressive!)

    Wow...how many women do men need to satysfied their need ???

    And how many of you guys who are in steady good relationship have this urge to have a new woman for at least a night stand once in a while ? And trully do not feel remorse about that because it was just sex and it doesn't matter at all?

    Thanks!
     
  2. Hockeytiger

    Hockeytiger Active Member

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    Wow, ok this is a tough one, but a good question. First of all, I think you have come the wrong conclusion about what the sexologist said. I hope the author was implying that it is normal for a man to have unfaithful urges. That does not equate to unfaithfulness being normal. Do you understand that difference? It is key to understanding this. Yes, deep down, very deep down, I have an instinct fuck every woman I come into contact with. And remember, when dealing with instincts, societal norms are irrelevant. What I’m getting at is that those instincts don't give a shit whether she wants it or not. Similarly, when I have to stand in line for something, a very deep part of me doesn't want to. It wants me to shove my way to the front and give a good ass kicking to anyone who doesn't like it. Obviously I have never done such things, but the instincts are there. They aren’t very strong. Society has done a very good job at socializing proper norms upon me. But that doesn’t mean those instincts still aren't there.

    It isn't a question of how many women, it is more a question of how often these feeling come up. The best way to handle them is to make sure that sex does not get boring. As long as it is exciting and fun, it will seem “new”, and therefore the urges won't be all that strong.

    I’ve been married for ten years now, and I have desires every so often to be with another woman for a quick lay. When I get those feelings I talk to my wife and we plan a VERY wild weekend.

    I will admit I did stray once. I was still playing hockey at the time, in the minors, in the South, and my wife was finishing up her doctorate in Boston. We hadn't seen each other in about four months. Between her interviews and my road trips, we just couldn't get our schedules to work. The team trainer was a woman and I was rehabbing a knee at the time. After practice one day I talked to a couple of my teammates about how sexually frustrated I was and I think she overheard. Later that day during one of our rehab sessions she ended up giving me a handjob. She initiated it. I didn't. But in the end, I’m not sure it really makes any real difference. I still let her do it. Yes I do feel remorse about it, even several years later.

    Because we are dealing with instincts it isn't very easy to express them. I hope this helps some.
     
  3. Dr Rock

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    who lives in the east 'neath the willow tree? Sex
    i'll let you know when i get there
     
  4. Gisella

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    :biggrin1:

    :cool: Hmmm...and I thought because of testosterone a male would need instintivaly lots of women...

    I do understand that you cant and wont let animalistic instints lead the way but... and about the need a men feels inside if he could have his desires saciated freely without forcing himself in no one and being locked away?

    :confused:
     
  5. pichulon

    pichulon New Member

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    I get into that mode if single. When I have a GF, her prescence, both phisicall and mental prescence takes care of that wild instinct.
    Men want a mate, and, like women, look for it. Yes, orgasm for the first time w a new partner is explosive , provided there is real attraction , you are right , 100% correct.
    But I do not think men need to go for that once a guy finds a woman that "rocks his world".
    I am learning that guys are closer to girls mentally, and, girls are closer to guys mentally speaking ,dont' you find this idea to be true???
     
  6. Gisella

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    I do understand that men want a mate like women do but still some/many men after a while or longer while in a steady relationship with a woman that "rocks his world" still will or want to taste another or others women just because of need of sex variety...:confused:

    Its very good to be faithful to someone but i think there is a bigger difference in between a bf/gf relationship usually shorter life and commitment than wife/husband longer commitment relationship....i think.

    Than it may get bored after a while to some/most men be with the same woman and having sex with the same woman...:confused: and about stronger urges of testosterone most men have?

    I think most men are not faithful to their long term partners...because they cant...

    :confused: I think.
     
  7. dong20

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    I think you are wrong on both counts, but especially the latter, no one forces anyone to be unfaithful, male or female they choose to do it.:rolleyes:
     
  8. Gisella

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    :confused:

    Excuse me Dong...if i gave the impression about "forces"...i just want to understand if is true the sexologyst insisting that is normal to a men to be unfaithful.

    I understand that testosterones is very very strong hormone in a male...but im not a men to know if is so ! But i know when i have testosterones surges in myself i go very very horny...and my amounts of it do not compare with what a men have in them!

    Well, i do have my pre-conceived ideias...based i grow up in macho land where is common to males have a wife and a lover or lovers on the side to...

    I just want to understand thats all...i dont know!:wink:
     
  9. pichulon

    pichulon New Member

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    Gisella.:
    Normal men are not unfaithfull. Testosterone makes us horny, as it does women too. To be horny is not aquivalent to feel cheating urges.
    Some cultures feed the machista outlook. That is a cultural thing. I talked to a mexican guy at work once, and he told me that to a mexican, his maleness is proven by the amount of kids he can seed around. Very irresponsable and primitive way of looking at things.
    Some countries in the Middle East treat women like objects, like posessions, and, a manly man in those places probably has several women totally controled and abused, represed. That behavior is not born in testosterone, but in stupid man made philosophies.
    The cultural component of a person, his inner core believes, and, the state of communication he has w his wife, will create a path of action.
    Testosterone creates urges, but those urges are supposed to be directed towards your wife.
    Cheating is the consecuence of the break down of a relationship . A relationship will not be destroyed because of the testosterone component of a guys blood, and the urges , ( sexually speaking ) . A relationship could be destroyed by cheating, caused by a lack of comunication, or, low values on the person cheating. You can marry a dog, but you can not teach a dog trigonometry.
    did I make sense??/:confused:
     
  10. stud_hunter

    stud_hunter New Member

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    Didn't I see a study that said nowadays more women cheat than men? I think I saw that. Either way, I think guys get a bad rap on this one. Plenty of women cheat too.
     
  11. Gisella

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    I do agree Stud...

    But those sexologist say that is normal to men to cheat...i do think much more men cheat than women do.
     
  12. Gisella

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    Yes for sure u make sense and i understand cultural behavior differences...

    But still deep inside just tell me: Can u be faithful to only a woman all of your married life? I think most men cant...

    And i dont think it takes to much work to a faithful man cheat his wife...if the "right woman" try to seduce him he goes with the urge.

    :rolleyes:
     
  13. D_Claude Hopper

    D_Claude Hopper New Member

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    Here's my take. As a species in the natural world, men AND women aren't designed to live past 50. Without the benefit of all of our modern and wonderful marvels, we'd all fall apart by then. So, asking people to be faithful for their entire lives, which is now in the 70's or so in years is probably really pushing it. People were DONE breeding by 40 for a LONG LONG time. Granted, there were and always will be exceptions. But because of this, I think we're generally only ready to take on 20ish years of monogomy at a time. We're another higher primate, people. And we act it. Cheating is partly instictual. Sure we've suppressed it, and I can't sit here and condone it, but simply put: People are always looking for new opportunities to procreate (or at least try). It's in our nature. Love is great and all, but it's conditioned.
     
  14. Hockeytiger

    Hockeytiger Active Member

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    Ignoring issues of ethics, both legal and moral, I'd have to say that it is a matter of maturity, at least for me. Guys, when younger, lack some maturity when it comes to sex. It is the need to fuck rather than the need to be intimate that drives us. As we emotionally mature, it shifts somewhat. Don't get me wrong, I'm still very much driven by the need to fuck, but I need the intimacy as well. When I was younger the intimacy was more or less necessary, depending on my age. The younger I was, the less necessary it was.

    I will shamefully admit, to a certain extent, when I was in my mid teens, I was much more interested in fucking than loving my first girlfriend. That doesn't mean that I didn't love her, I just loved her as much as I could at that age.

    To answer your question let me put myself back at that age, and I will ignore all ethical issues and safety, (My girlfriend's father was on the police force, and even at that age I was smart enough to know not to hurt a girl whose father had a legal right to kill me. :tongue: ) I'd probably fuck every girl I could get my hands on. Frankly, a few of my teammates did just that. Masculinity back then was partially determined by the number of girls you fucked. However, that was then, this is now.

    Just this weekend I was out of town on a business trip and while at the hotel pool a VERY hot woman was quite interested in me. She flirted with me for some time. I had all the opportunity to have a quick affair, and my wife would never have known. I wanted her badly. In fact, after I went back up to my room, I spent most of the night fantasizing about all the things I wanted to do to her. It would have been exciting to be with someone new. Why didn't I do it? Partially it was out of fear of destroying the awesome relationship I'm in. But there was very little risk of that. Another reason was because I knew that it would ultimately be a disappointment. Apart from the excitement from being with someone new, there isn’t a thing she could do for me that my wife couldn't do better. Whatever pleasure I got out of it would have been fleeting. Ultimately, I think the reason I didn’t comes down to the fact that I'm a bit of an old fashioned guy. I believe in personal honor. (Yeah I know, I'm quaint.) By having the affair I'd be dishonoring my wife and perhaps even more importantly, I'd be dishonoring myself. As I mentioned in the earlier post, I already dishonored myself once, and I will spend the rest of my life living with that. I have no desire to compound that mistake.

    I agree with Dong, it is a choice.

    Honestly, I don't think testosterone or being "macho" has anything to do with it. Lord knows I lived in a world dominated by both. I could be wrong though. I think it is a matter of societal expectations. If society defined my masculinity by the number of women I fuck, I'd probably be more willing to engage in adulterous behavior. As any man would, I want to be well regarded by my male peers. If having a mistress would improve my standing among them, I'd be more likely to have one.

    Let me provide a comment to your last point. In order to get a normally faithful man, in a culture that values faithfulness, to cheat, there needs to be something missing in the relationship already.
     
  15. Gisella

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    Thank u John T and HockeyT for your inputs...:smile:

    Wow...i'm learning a lot! Thanks again for sharing!
     
  16. Dr Rock

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    who lives in the east 'neath the willow tree? Sex
    i dunno; i don't have time to find a new woman every time i wanna get laid.
     
  17. rob_just_rob

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    The few occasions I was unfaithful, it was because there was something very wrong with the relationship.

    Sure, I have urges to have sex with other women - I look, I fantasize - but that's as far as it goes. I know what it feels like to be cheated on in a previously-happy relationship, and I don't want to make anyone else feel like that.

    Two other comments - first, I have much less of a problem with having sex with a cheating woman. That's not to say I don't have a problem with it, ever, but how she handles her relationship is her business, not mine. And if not with me, she'd cheat with someone else, anyway. It's too late to close that barn door.

    Second - After ending a relationship, I have this brief feeling of euphoria that I am free to have sex with any woman I want, and I walk around with a constant semi-erection, looking at women like a starving man at a buffet :tongue: . Of course, after about a week or so, reality sets in (in the form of the realization that I can't, after all, have sex with any women I want :confused: ) and the euphoric feeling ends. Maybe the euphoria is the previously-repressed cheating desire?
     
  18. Riven650

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    The sexologist you read an article by might have said that it's 'normal' for men to be unfaithful Gisella, but it is just as easy to argue that it's 'normal' for women to be unfaithful. I remember my wife telling me that she read somewhere that since it has been possible to test DNA it has been found that a large proportion of children are not sired by their mother's husbands - ie. their real father is one of the mother's other lovers. I'd argue that it is 'normal' for both men and women to have strong urges to have sex with other people. One day research might reveal whether men or women are actually less faithful but I wouldn't want to bet on the relult as I think it would be very close indeed.
     
  19. SpeedoGuy

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    The urge? Occasionally. Acting on that urge? Never have. I just don't have infidelty in me.
     
  20. dong20

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    Have you met most men? Yes they can....and with respect I don't think you can speak for most men..

    I think suggesting men cheat so easily is to do men (by unjustly stereotyping) and women (by re-enforcing said stereotypical view of men) a disservice.

    Maybe you just met the wrong men. :confused:
     
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