Men Should Always Be Able And Willing, Right ?

jumbo747jet

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Hi, guys.

I'm pretty sure I am far from the only male who for the longest time felt that as a man I was expected to always be able and willing to have sex. I actually believe that I didn't begin to question this belief until I was well into my 40ies, which in hindsight seems very late.

For whatever reasons, I was under the impression that as a man I should always want to have sex when the opportunity presented itself. Even bad sex is better than no sex, was pretty much my motto.

Having this belief meant that I, in my current way of thinking, was acting in a inappropriate way. This usually happened when alcohol was in the picture, for instance being approached by some woman I for a fact knew was already in a relationship.

I somehow thought that being approached, the only way to react was to be flattered and "comply" with her wishes. As a man I was expected to want to have sex when approached pretty much regardless of the circumstances.

Thinking back, I went with women who if approached by today, I would turn down, either for being too drunk, too "forward" or just not my "type" (whatever that is).

Having turned 50, this was something that I started to think about and I wonder how many younger guys out there still think or feel the way I did when I was younger.
 

boatnik

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Well, I'm not a "younger guy", but I'll share my experiences.

For many decades starting in my 20's I have always attracted a lot of female attention (although I've never understood why). Everything from sly flirtations and come-on's to downright open propositions. Being a fairly shy person this often made me feel uncomfortable and I would find a way to change the subject or otherwise beg-off.

Also, I am not necessarily attracted to someone just because they are a woman. I can't exactly describe it, but I know it when I feel it. And with most woman, I don't feel it. It has to be a special "something". I have long been famous for turning down way more woman than I've ever said yes to. (And thus I have innocently and naively hurt and/or angered a lot of women.)

Furthermore, being shy and socially uncomfortable, I have never approached a woman directly with a relationship in mind - every relationship I have ever had with a woman was initiated by the woman.

So definitely no, I have never felt ready, willing and able to have sex just because the opportunity presented itself.
 

ronin001

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This philosophy has done terrible things to how men are perceived.

Women presume / suspect that a man - their man , is always horny . Sooo if he walks around the corner and the opportunity presents itself, he will definitely go for it. Leads to distrust and suspicion , should he work late, get a flat tire on the way home Etc.

I have declined a few sure fire invitations in my life, with only a few regrets. Alcohol involved , she was just out of a relationship, she was still in a relationship, she was married, she was crazy, heard she was a stalker, she was looking for another Baby Daddy, extra clingy - without sex, pretty; but not attractive, attractive but some vain part of my brain, said no thanks, She dated a friend previously, sister of a friend, overly religious as in being in a cult that used women to lure in men with resources

Few instances where I was lucky enough to have an off button for my penis

As for age, as I matured I began to enjoy quality over quantity,
 

halcyondays

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Able and willing are different questions.:)

It's not like human males drop one packet of gamete every 28 days, lol, or go into the rut once a year or when females are in season. Making 300-500 million sperm a day (all screaming to get out of our bodies) and backed by testosterone levels which barely fluctuate, human males are almost always able--as nature created us.

Willing? Well... everyone has the right of refusal.

I'm not younger than you either. When I was young I went with almost every woman who approached me. I don't regret hooking up with any of them except a few who became crazed stalkers.

I can't say I've ever felt obligated. Nor have I felt flattered every time it's happened. I know what I like when I see it and can be as choosy as anyone. :cool:
 
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Gj816

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There have been times that looking back in retrospect I was as @boatnik said, shy and naive. Didn't really realize that the various women were actually serious when they were offering sex to me and on some level I wasn't attracted to them. I always wanted or felt that I needed to have done sort of feelings for them or they really tripped my trigger.

Others just weren't what I was looking for. They were a friends latest conquest, friend of the family, co worker and such. However, once in a relationship I was always ready willing and able to have sex at a moments notice. I was always under there impression like the OP even bad sex was good sex. Sex was sex. A means to empty my sack until the next time.
 
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dreamer20

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In my youth I thought to myself "No sex before marriage, you're too young to be engaging in sex, you don't want to catch any STDs" and "you are not financially able to care for yourself - much less a <love> child". My parents were proud that I was so disciplined. Among my peers there were some males and females who, unlike me, were eager to have sex. I didn't comply with the few females that wanted sex then. I simply refused them. A male schoolmate of mine, I shall refer to as "Red", two- timed and impregnated two girls. Once at his home, his mother asked me "Why don't you have a girlfriend < as Red has>?" "Don't you like girls?" I was mystified as to why she couldn't see how her son was no example to follow.

...for instance being approached by some woman I for a fact knew was already in a relationship.
I somehow thought that being approached, the only way to react was to be flattered and "comply" with her wishes. As a man I was expected to want to have sex when approached pretty much regardless of the circumstances.
Thinking back, I went with women who if approached by today, I would turn down, either for being too drunk, too "forward" or just not my "type" (whatever that is).
Having turned 50, this was something that I started to think about and I wonder how many younger guys out there still think or feel the way I did when I was younger.

You could just as easily have been flattered and turned those women down - but you already know that. For me, as well, being older does mean being able to look back at many things in hindsight and think of how things may have turned out differently. Nevertheless I have no regrets and accept that the past is dead and gone.
 
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perthjames

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Hi, guys.

Having turned 50, this was something that I started to think about and I wonder how many younger guys out there still think or feel the way I did when I was younger.

The biggest change I've seen in my life since turning 50s is being "more responsible" about who I have sex with. In the last few years, I've had a deep realisation I was "exploiting" some people for only sexual purposes, and this wasn't a good thing. In all honesty, they were probably only having sex with me for the same reason, just sex. But the biggest change for me has been to decide this wasn't a good thing for me. Undoubtedly, I'll have sex again, for only sexual reasons, but I'm thinking a bit more about it.
 
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jumbo747jet

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The biggest change I've seen in my life since turning 50s is being "more responsible" about who I have sex with. In the last few years, I've had a deep realisation I was "exploiting" some people for only sexual purposes, and this wasn't a good thing. In all honesty, they were probably only having sex with me for the same reason, just sex. But the biggest change for me has been to decide this wasn't a good thing for me. Undoubtedly, I'll have sex again, for only sexual reasons, but I'm thinking a bit more about it.

Yes, I guess it's a case of maturing, taking more responsibility not only for yourself but for others