Men who are pussy whipped by their wives

[ManlyBanisters]

Dunno about that, Earl... Want to hear from a divorced woman? :saevil:

I think Phil is wrong to use the word 'most' is in posts in this thread. There are, undoubtedly situations as he describes - but I don't believe that it holds true for the majority of modern western couples. Perhaps he and his wife gravitate towards couples like themselves, with a similar dynamic - or perhaps it is all a matter of perspective.

I can tell you now if you were to ask my ex 'who controlled the household' when we were married he would say that I did. He would tell you that I decided when dinner got cooked, what got cooked, when bedtime for offspring started, what day was shopping day, when the dog got walked, when the bills got paid, which got dealt with first, and many other things of that nature. And he'd be right on that. What he'd be conveniently forgetting was the 3 years of me asking his opinion and for his input and being told 'not now' / 'you deal with it' / 'you decide' / 'I don't care'. After 3 years (no exaggeration, by the way) I stopped asking.

Another thing he'd be conveniently forgetting is that I would carefully budget both money and time to allow for the hobbies that he may well have felt I wasn't interested in but, guess what, carpentry and toddlers don't mix and toddlers don't look after themselves. And yes - I would get pissy when he took a turn in the kitchen and would put things away in different places because regardless of his intent I ended up doing 95% of the fucking kitchen chores and therefore shit DID need to be where I could find it (not to mention reach it, he was 10" taller than me). I learnt pretty fucking quick when tidying his workbench or borrowing a screwdriver to put things back where the fuck I found them or, if I didn't know, to ask.

(This, by the way, was the same pattern both during the times he was the only bread winner AND during the times when I was the only bread winner. That made no difference.)

So from his perspective I was controlling his life - from my perspective I was doing what needed to be done because he wouldn't do it. I'm not saying that that is the case for every husband who feels controlled, I'm certain it isn't - but that was our situation.

So often it is a matter of perspective.

 

[Not_Punny]

Hear, hear. MB has said it all.

Phil, I love ya, but you are missing the boat so completely.

I tell you what the deal is: Men are GUILT RIDDEN.

To live in today's culture with all the "must-have" gadets, the woman has to work outside the home -- AND STILL HAS TO CARRY OUT ALMOST ALL THE WORK INSIDE THE HOME.

And men do NOT want to give up their toys, creature comforts and slack time, so they "allow" the women to do almost everything around the home/house despite the fact that the woman also works, and often makes more money!

Women are not monsters.

We simply have a society where men would rather NOT WORK as hard as the women have to.

 

[D_Bob_Crotchitch]

Hear, hear. MB has said it all.

Phil, I love ya, but you are missing the boat so completely.

I tell you what the deal is: Men are GUILT RIDDEN.

To live in today's culture with all the "must-have" gadets, the woman has to work outside the home -- AND STILL HAS TO CARRY OUT ALMOST ALL THE WORK INSIDE THE HOME.

And men do NOT want to give up their toys, creature comforts and slack time, so they "allow" the women to do almost everything around the home/house despite the fact that the woman also works, and often makes more money!

Women are not monsters.

We simply have a society where men would rather NOT WORK as hard as the women have to.

Not in all cases. I talk to a lot of men who help with the housework, still do all the outside stuff, go to work everyday, help pay the bills, run errands. My bro does most of it. Maybe if his wife did her share, she wouldn't be 3 times as big as she was when they first got married. My bro who is younger than me wouldn't look 10 years older.

Oh well, it's his life not mine.

 

[Not_Punny]

Not in all cases. I talk to a lot of men who help with the housework, still do all the outside stuff, go to work everyday, help pay the bills, run errands. My bro does most of it. Maybe if his wife did her share, she wouldn't be 3 times as big as she was when they first got married. My bro who is younger than me wouldn't look 10 years older.

Oh well, it's his life not mine.

Yes, there are cases where the man actually DOES do a lot of work.

But I believe there are more cases where the man THINKS he does a lot of work... but if you asked the woman what the man does around the house, she'd probably laugh (or bitch) her head off.

Me, personally, I don't know a single couple where the workload is balanced.

Remember -- men don't WANT to work more than they have to.

 

[D_Bob_Crotchitch]

Yes, there are cases where the man actually DOES do a lot of work.

But I believe there are more cases where the man THINKS he does a lot of work... but if you asked the woman what the man does around the house, she'd probably laugh (or bitch) her head off.

Me, personally, I don't know a single couple where the workload is balanced.

Remember -- men don't WANT to work more than they have to.

Nobody wants to work more than they have too. The only work his wife really does is some of the laundry. She doesn't like the way he folds the towels. She told me this herself. I think a lot of people perceive they do more of the work than the other one does. Sometimes it's true, sometimes it's not. My dad was a mess maker and butt sitter. My sister was too. My mother and I did all the cleaning. If you finished cleaning the kitchen at midnight, they'd show up and mess it up. argggg I
don't want a lot of posessions. It means more work and less time to live life. I was the servant at home. They'd even call me to change the channel. Sheesh. You couldn't even use the restroom in peace.

Personally, I'd rather be on that dining tour of Houston. I sure could go for some of that cheese stuffed ravioli in tomato basil sauce. The people invited to attend will start off with a low number, and we'll gradually add more. That way, I can be sure we'll weed out the less fun people, and can have people to hold my arms, legs, and stick a spoon in my mouth to keep me from going off on somebody.

 

[B_Jennuine73]

It's all a matter of perspective. I am a married woman, 11yrs in November.

I can't really use my marriage as an example of the power dynamic because we have lived/live a "different" lifestyle than most.

Being married, it is a give and take. One of the partners is better at doing some things than the other, so that's their job. Balancing the budget, cleaning, laundry, yardwork...the list is endless. I have things I am responsible for, and things he is responsible for.

Making blanket statements about women ruling the roost is not accurate, neither are the statements about men being lazy, stupid or whatever.

Each gender is going to have something to complain about the other. A wife is going to bitch about something her hubby does, and a man will complain about something his wife does. Isn't that normal? It's all perspective, sometimes being outside looking in gives a person better perspective, and sometimes it doesn't.

 

[D_Bob_Crotchitch]

It's all a matter of perspective. I am a married woman, 11yrs in November.

I can't really use my marriage as an example of the power dynamic because we have lived/live a "different" lifestyle than most.

Being married, it is a give and take. One of the partners is better at doing some things than the other, so that's their job. Balancing the budget, cleaning, laundry, yardwork...the list is endless. I have things I am responsible for, and things he is responsible for.

Making blanket statements about women ruling the roost is not accurate, neither are the statements about men being lazy, stupid or whatever.

Each gender is going to have something to complain about the other. A wife is going to bitch about something her hubby does, and a man will complain about something his wife does. Isn't that normal? It's all perspective, sometimes being outside looking in gives a person better perspective, and sometimes it doesn't.

APPLAUSE! I hope you have a long and happy marriage together.

BTW I hate it when they leave the toilet seat up. You have to put it down before you can wet on it.

 

[2322]

My sister's fiance has a running joke with other guys in the family regarding how he handles my sister:

"You're right, I'm wrong, and I'm sorry."

Apparently that works every time.

And another thing..... most women I know HATE it when their husband pitches-in with common chores not involving traditional men's chores. The men screw it up, do things the wrong way, aren't thorough enough, and generally get underfoot. Even guys my age. My advanced-thinking excoworker Derek once came home to find his wife vacuuming the carpet after he did it just the night before. Her explanation? "Thank you for being so thoughtful but you missed a few spots." You can't win sometimes.

 

[yesitsbig]

Some men like to be dominated by a woman, and some women like to dominate men for some strange reason. Maybe their mothers were that way, I don't know. But I never met a woman, whores too, who didn't like being treated like a lady.

Men who marry dominating women do it for a reason. I don't know if he's pussy whipped...maybe he wants some kind of mother figure or he has some mother fetish. I lived long enough to know that there are some weird fuckers in this world, even people you look at as normal might be the strangest fuck.

In most "normal" relationships, I say that loosely, men are the physical dominators, naturally aggresive. Women are aggressive too but in a different way, not so physical like men. Women can get very verbal about things, and sometimes men have to say "Shut the fuck up!" Anyway, I think in "normal" relationships both men and women are good for each other - where one is deficient the other fills the void.

 

[The Dragon]

This is not really the issue. Most men learn early in a relationship with a woman that she wants CONTROL of everything...

Its not that I don't want to help out around the house.... its that I am not interested in being told that everything I do is wrong. I have had women tell me I am wiping up a mess incorrectly.

Men's attitude toward that is simple... you want it done your way? then you handle it.

Its that simple.




Some men do not, that is true... but then, MOST men I know with children are the primary money earners. They work like dogs to make sure the family has the money they need. And often, they work themselves into an early grave.

I get a little sick and tired of hearing women complain how little men contribute to the family... when, in fact, working long hours and focusing on a career that has the promise of significant increases in earnings IS SUPPORTING MY FAMILY.

Keeping the lights on, the fridge full, and clothes on everyone's backs... paying for the gas sucking SUV, the karate lessons and the little league equipment, the Internet, computers, gameboys and spa treatments for Mom is absolutely supportive of the family.

Truth be told... if Mom needs help taking kids to all the events she has scheduled in their lives... she should QUIT scheduling so many damn events and let the kids entertain themselves. Stop inventing more work.

This persistent denigration of male contribution is a large part of the problem.

Many women in the US have become very difficult to live with. Its become a huge control issue, and a de-valuation of everything male...

I know several men who married European women ( not mail orders brides, women they actually met abroad) as their second or third wives... and they all have the same experience... that a European woman is far easier to live with than their American wives... because European women are not convinced that all men are always wrong...nor that everything masculine is worthless.


You can actually buy T-shirts and posters such as the "Evolution of Authority"... which shows a series of footprints showing an ape's foot, then a man's bare foot, then a man's shoe print, then a woman's stiletto shoe print.
Or the one that states, "if a man says something in the forest, and there's no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong?"

These kind of jokes are popular and funny because they accurately reflect our society today.

By and large... American women today have no real idea how controlling they tend to be. How critical and demeaning they are toward the men in their lives.

Yawn!!
Yet another predictable "Phil" rant about the evils of women kind.
Phil my dear you are an utterly boring little shit.

 

[Qua]

Phil, I love ya, but you are missing the boat so completely.

Yawn!!
Yet another predictable "Phil" rant about the evils of women kind.
Phil my dear you are an utterly boring little shit.

Actually, Phil's sentiments nearly completely matched the lecture on the subject by my (married, female) human development professor last semester. Who is both a woman and a Ph.D psychologist and sociologist; eminently qualified to talk on the subject, no? Phil didn't miss the boat. I was going to comment on how that "rant" was actually spot on my upper level HD classes' opinions on the subject, particularly the bit about men giving up on doing housework because it is frequently never done to satisfaction, but I thought it unnecessary until he was dismissed as a woman hating shit because of it.

That's rule #1 of being a man; don't tell women their grievances might be reciprocal.

 

[got_lost]

So Qua... are you intimating that Phil, rather than being a 'women-hating shit' is a woman-tolerant, supportive male?

I think not!

Where the subject is about 'pussy whipped' men, he's just given a back-flogging, self-flagellation, 1950's spiel on how hard it is to be a husband and sole bread-earner and that the 'little misses' should be eternally grateful to him for going out and earning the money to put the food in her mouth, the fuel in her car and the diapers on her (not their ) childs bottoms!!

Oh wow!!! How dare the wife/mother of american children deign to move beyond the shackles that tie her to the kitchen sink?!

It's a different chapter in the book on 'marriage counselling' than the 'pussy whipped' men one.

IMHO the most pertinant and insightful posts in response to the OP were from Oh_Yeah and MB.

Dynamics of family life have changed in the last 30 - 40 years with those families/couples where they both work. Yes women have careers these days. Therefore the archetypal 'ungrateful' housewife as so eloquantly described by Phil is a rarity these days as she is also holding down a career herself.

So yes it's harder/different for the male as he should be sharing more of the familty duties and responsibilities that used to be down to the wife/housewife.

But does this put them in the 'pussy-whipped' category?

*shrugs*

There are loads of women out there waiting for their husbands to come home, hoover the carpet thoroughly, put the dishes away in the right place and do the laundry the way she and he likes it.

You don't, they don't. Whether it's because 'they' don't care where stuff goes or if the jobs are done well... or if they just know that if they cock it up enough times, they won't get asked anymore.... maybe just like when they were kids and their Mum asked for help... Who knows... they do. Not us.


Y'all be making some pretty offensive generalisations!

 

[Qua]

^nah, never said he was a woman-tolerant, supportive male, but calling his frustrations somewhat more valid than women who dismiss him as completely off his rocker would like to think. Sure he put it in blunt, quasi-1950s chauvinist terms, but

"This persistent denigration of male contribution is a large part of the problem."

or

"By and large... American women today have no real idea how controlling they tend to be. How critical and demeaning they are toward the men in their lives."

Can you deny these?

Modern socio-political thought is pussywhipped. Even if men still "control society and business" the righteous indignation is always on the part of women, or else you are a sexist.

 

[got_lost]

Now who's being the chauvinist!?!?

Even if men still "control society and business" the righteous indignation is always on the part of women, or else you are a sexist.

I cannot talk for american women as I am not one, however, 'persistant denigration' of the American male sounds like the american male has given up too many of their responsibilities, lost control and is blaming womankind for the reason they feel inert and unequal.

Why don't they work out for themselves, what they can do to improve the situation and why it really has got that way in their own lives rather just blame their wives for their emasculation?

 

[Qua]

They can't, or else they're being chauvinistic control freaks. And I hope you saw the painful irony in your calling me a chauvinist there...

I'm done with this subject. I don't hate women; I count girls among my closest friends, and often relate to them much better than men. However, I will not enter into any relationship that becomes a dominance struggle. It's no good for either party, and far from a solution being reached, a consensus on fault can never be reached.

 

[SpeedoGuy]

Its interesting that this thread started off as a discussion about henpecked men and then it gradually morphed into multiple rants against men.

 

[facetious8]

I gotta say, I love this discussion! I think about this sorta thing (about relationships in general, not just about married people) all the time, so it's nice to see all the interesting points you all have made.

Neither gender can be blamed for failed relationships or unhappy marriages. I think it comes down to expectations, personal connections, and security.

I find it interesting how a dominant woman might gravitate toward a submissive man, or vice versa. Some people on here made the point about a couple balancing out one another, and I think there's some truth to that. Two dominant people would spend all their time arguing about who is right or wrong, while two passive people would never get anything done because they couldn't make a decision. It seems like there's gotta be some sort of balancing out in a healthy relationship, but often, the two people are on way opposite ends of the spectrum.

Then, so many people are insecure in relationships, which leads to the whole "who are you with? what are u doing? where are u at?" situation. Honestly, if a person feels the need to keep tabs on their significant other to such extremes, then they shouldn't be with that person... there's obviously a trust issue. If a person wants to cheat or get into something, they'll find a way to do it regardless. So, I think that healthy relationships display a strong amount of security between both people. If trust is there, then you shouldn't have to worry about what the other person's doing.

I definitely don't envy my friends who are either "whipped" or have that insecure bf or gf. I just don't understand it, and I don't understand why people put up with such nonsense. Personally, I walk away from stuff like that... no yelling, no stress... I just walk away. I have no tolerance for all that. The things people endure to be in a relationship sometimes trips me out.

 

[got_lost]

Its interesting that this thread started off as a discussion about henpecked men and then it gradually morphed into multiple rants against men.

You reading the same thread as me?!

It hasn't morphed into 'multiple rants' against men other than those brought up by men?

The OP asked for some female perspective and it was given, imho, constructively and maybe a tad defensively inlight of the 'women bashing' that had gone on previously.

For the things that went wrong in my marriage, I accept my portion of the responisbility.

Do men?

 

[bspompey]

let's face it when you are with someone you have to think of their opinion. I admit I'm bad at being in a relationship but when you have to trust and rely on someone you're gonna feel a bit 'pussy whipped' sometimes. being single is easy you do what you want, being in a relationship you 'try' and do what you did when you were single. still the grass is always greener....

 

[Jovial]

I thought pussy whipped meant you were addicted to the sex so much that you would do whatever the women wanted. People seem to be talking about women bossing the men around, but not because he wants sex.

As far as men not helping around the house, usually the women marry the men knowing they are this way, knowing that they are not capable of doing a good job cleaning, etc. But then the women complain about it a few years later. I see it all the time. Young women have it all figured out. They love their guy and figure things will just work out. Try to tell them that the guy their marrying is childish and they don't want to hear it.

I'd bet that most of the time when the woman starts picking on the guy for not doing the housework correctly and stuff like that, it means that she doesn't like him for other reasons. She is just expressing her frustration in this way.

That's the perspective of a male, but I think men can be blamed for some failed relationships.