Mental Illness?

[joyboytoy79]

Hello All,

This is the very first thread i'm starting (other than my introductory post), and i'm sorry to do it with such heavy subject matter.

I've noticed a lot of people on this site who've large issues with insecurity. In fact, i was recently reading a post by a lad who i think is QUITE attractive and has a lot going for him, and he seems to think his life is shit. I know from personal experience that strong issues of self-confidence are often an indicator of underlying mental illness.

I thought it might be healthy to start a thread about this rather common problem and share some of our personal experiences. There are many misconceptions in society about MI, and it is often belittled. Let's keep this thread as possitive and supportive as possible, please.

I shall start:

My own experiences with MI started when i was very young. By the time i was 16 i had somewhat regular panic attacks, and was developing a mad case of social anxiety disorder. I was misdiagnosed 3 times, with various maladies, all of which were treated with horrible meds that, i think, made me sicker than better. By the time i was 25 i had attempted suicide 3 times. I am currently doing well, and am being treated for Unipolar Depression.

When they hear of my history, people often say things like "but you're so (cute, smart, successful, etc) why could you possibly be so sad?" If only it were always that simple! In fact, every time i heard something like that it only made me feel worse! I've learned though, that responce comes from benign ignorance, and he best thing to do is educate people, and so, i do!

Anyway, i could go on for hours about my experiences: i want to hear from you. Have you been diagnosed with an MI? How have you handled it? What advice do you have for others?

 

[D_Gunther Snotpole]

Ah, joyboytoy, you are so oddly, unaccountably uplifting.

I've been diagnosed with depression, then bipolar disorder, even (and very improbably) with attention deficit disorder.

Depression was the only one that really fit ... and it was fairly severe at one time (long ago). I had antidpressants and even ECT (shock therapy), though this last doesn't indicate severity so much as the fact that my therapist of the day was ECT-happy ... gave it to everyone, for everything.

For some time, I have not been consciously depressed at all. Get the 'blues' from time to time, sure, but sluff those off as any 'normal' person might.

So I happen to have done well, though I know recurrences are always possible.

For some reason, I was never quiet about any of this. Would talk your leg off about it ... which made people treat it as an appropriately weird hobby for the Rubester.

I don't frankly remember the pain of those days much. But when I talk to a depressed person, I do try to match their tone, and then, once or twice, bring them up with me ('up' only because I'm not depressed). Sometimes that works, I find.

MI should be every bit as acceptable as physical illness, imho. And, though progress is slow, I do think we are moving some little way in that direction.

I thank jbt for raising the issue.

He is a really sensitive one, isn't he?
*smooch*

 

[davidjh7]

Well, I have posted abit here and there----basically, I just never learned how to be happy. I have been depressed, sometimes severly to the point of catetonia for many hours, but most of the time, I'm "functionally depressed". I do my work, fullfill my obligations, etc. I work hard to keep my sense of humor, because much of the time that's all that keeps me going. I first attempted suicide at about 11. I did not succeed.. I made half assed attempts a few times since, when it seemed I had nothing left. But I had responsibilites to keep, and it would have been shitty to dump them on undeserving friends and/or relatives. I have had some very happy moments in my life, and some increadibly sad, like everybody else. I have seen psychologists and psychiatrists, tried a few happy pills, which had zero effect on me. My condition, self caused or not, has of course cost me relationships, and caused some bad situations. But like everybody else, you get through your bad days, and hope for a better one. Since my self esteem is pretty low, i that I feel basically no inherent self worth, I have spent most of my life working to help others, to help justify my existence. I know some people are better off for my being there, and I know some people are alive because I was there. That gives value to my life, and is thus one of the things that gives me the most satisfaction. OK--enough whining, but you asked ...:biggrin1:

 

[Bryan_Lyte2]

I'll admit I've been suicidal once, with no abition to carry out. It was those few people in the chat room, here that talked me, not back to rationality, but to reason. A point where I could rationalize the reasons for going on.

Depression and adult atenttion defecit disorder. I diagnosed myself as having depression 5 years ago and still not treated for it. My aunt (who has studied and obtained license for psychology) diagnosed me with AADD A year ago, and it makes since. (I never sit still).

 

[Nelly Gay]

Hello All,

This is the very first thread i'm starting (other than my introductory post), and i'm sorry to do it with such heavy subject matter.

I've noticed a lot of people on this site who've large issues with insecurity. In fact, i was recently reading a post by a lad who i think is QUITE attractive and has a lot going for him, and he seems to think his life is shit. I know from personal experience that strong issues of self-confidence are often an indicator of underlying mental illness.

I thought it might be healthy to start a thread about this rather common problem and share some of our personal experiences. There are many misconceptions in society about MI, and it is often belittled. Let's keep this thread as possitive and supportive as possible, please.

I shall start:

My own experiences with MI started when i was very young. By the time i was 16 i had somewhat regular panic attacks, and was developing a mad case of social anxiety disorder. I was misdiagnosed 3 times, with various maladies, all of which were treated with horrible meds that, i think, made me sicker than better. By the time i was 25 i had attempted suicide 3 times. I am currently doing well, and am being treated for Unipolar Depression.

When they hear of my history, people often say things like "but you're so (cute, smart, successful, etc) why could you possibly be so sad?" If only it were always that simple! In fact, every time i heard something like that it only made me feel worse! I've learned though, that responce comes from benign ignorance, and he best thing to do is educate people, and so, i do!

Anyway, i could go on for hours about my experiences: i want to hear from you. Have you been diagnosed with an MI? How have you handled it? What advice do you have for others?

When I had time off work with clinical depression one of my female colleagues loudly said "what have you got to be depressed about"?
Some months later she was diagnosed with M.S.
I was very regal and sent her flowers and a nice letter ...
I did not suggest jogging or any other vigorous physical exercise would help her condition when she phoned to thank me for my "great kindness".
Depression is "unseen".
Hence the ignorance!
If you are having a bad day and somebody comments better to say that you have toothache as that way you will get sympathy and respect.
Sad but true ...

 

[KoolKat]

i went through a really bad bout of depression, trying to deal with everything in my head, and well u guys who can remember a few months bak will know how i dealt with it and the downfalls it had.

i still get like it at times, i have bad anxiety problems to the point where i physically wanna throw up when i do things im uncomfortable about, like first week at uni, even going to work now i have been there 3 months i still get nervous sick feeling walking threw the doors.

thats just me tho, im getting better tho now that i have accepted myself and such.

matt

 

[D_Sheffield Thongbynder]

I have been fortunate in never having severe depression or any other of the problems mentioned on this thread so far, but that hasn't excluded me from the suffering. A very close friend committed suicide a few years ago, and not any of us (family and friends) had an inkling that he was sufffering from depression for years. The letter he left behind included private thoughts to me, and not a day goes by that I don't think about his death and wonder why I wasn't able to detect his depression. This is a good thread, JBT and I hope to learn something that may help me put this back in the inner recesses of my mind instead of continually trying "to figure it out." Did those of you who had these bouts with MI successfully hide it from others?

 

[B_dxjnorto]

now, I simply don't care what others think about the way I look, or who I am, I'm me, deal with it.

Right on.

 

[D_Sheffield Thongbynder]

I hid it all for a very long time, as well as the events that caused it. As far as everyone was concerned I couldn't have been happier, my life was as close to perfect as you could get. In actual fact I'd spent the past 11 months locked in my bedroom, only allowed out to keep up appearences, being beaten daily to the point where I'd lose conciousness, and thats just to mention the "nicer" parts of that year. Its amazing what you can hide from those close to you when you want to, (or need to because of fear and all those other reasons you don't tell people things)

How did you accomplish that, and why did you do that instead of seek help or confide in someone?

 

[BlackCock85]

Meh I'm a depressed lil fuck, and I'm insecure oh well I believe things will get back in order.

 

[D_Sheffield Thongbynder]

Thanks for the explanation, K. You're obviously a survivor. What a journey you've had!

Like I said, for the entire 11 months I was living with him, I was locked in my bedroom, he'd take the handle off the door so there was no way out, locks on the windows too. When I was allowed out, he was with me the whole time and it was usually only once a month to see his or my family.

I wasn't allowed make-up and always had to wear big thick jumpers so that no one could see any bruising. I ended up pregnant and didn't find out until I was well gone 5 months ( I bled the whole time but thats another not very nice story as to why I didn't come out as bi-sexual until a few months ago)

I tried to call my father once, I remember running out of the room when he came home in a particularly foul mood, but he smashed up the phone before it had chance to ring. My punishment that day was one of the worst I'd had.

In short, it was impossible to get help.

I was luck though, I got out in the end. My son was 1 week old and I'd just heard one of the most terrifying comments of my life. He went out after a nasty encounter and I smashed the bedroom window and ran for it after jamming the lock so he couldn't get in. The fire brigade came and got my son out whilst my parents came and got me and him, the police picked him up at his fathers house just down the road.

Not all are as lucky, and its not always possible to get the help you need.

(Sorry to go into so much detail, but saying "I just couldn't" didn't seem very appropriate)

 

[joyboytoy79]

I have been fortunate in never having severe depression or any other of the problems mentioned on this thread so far, but that hasn't excluded me from the suffering. A very close friend committed suicide a few years ago, and not any of us (family and friends) had an inkling that he was sufffering from depression for years. The letter he left behind included private thoughts to me, and not a day goes by that I don't think about his death and wonder why I wasn't able to detect his depression. This is a good thread, JBT and I hope to learn something that may help me put this back in the inner recesses of my mind instead of continually trying "to figure it out." Did those of you who had these bouts with MI successfully hide it from others?

Well, Colonel... I think it's a lot like Nelly said: it's unseen. You can't look at a person with depression, or bi-polar, or OCD, or OCPD, or any of the myriad of disorders and see it! I don't know about most of the people here, but i learned from a young age that nobody wants to hear when you are "down," especially if you can't provide them with an easy answer about WHY you are down. The easy thing to do then, is put up a happy facade. Of course, the happy facade becomes harder and harder to maintain, and actually becomes a burden in itself, adding stress to an already weakened mental infrastructure, until you break.

I have always had a strong bond with my mother. I can talk to her about almost anything. And still, the first time i attempted suicide she was dumbfounded. She thought that i had been "cured" when i was medicated for Panic Disorder. We later learned that the medication i was given (paxil) can actually CAUSE suicidal thoughts in teens! But the simple truth of the matter was, i only told her how horrible i felt about one millionth of the time, and then, only when i could find some small thing to blame the feelings on. I simply didn't know how to tell her (or anyone else) "I feel like shit and i don't know why."

Your friend probably felt the same way. From what i've learned from others, what i went through is pretty common. He probably felt as though he was a burden. He probably didn't let ANYONE know how he felt because it would be "too much" for his friends and family to bear. It is very important that you don't blame yourself. It isn't our duty as human beings to each person we encounter "are you really as happy as you seem to be?" *hugs* to you, my friend.

 

[D_Sheffield Thongbynder]

Im not a survivor, im just your typical stubborn woman sticking around to annoy the masses with my pointless ramblings :wink: hehe (It's good to have a sense of humour)

K, if your sense of humor is intact after all that, my hat's off to you.

 

[joyboytoy79]

Like I said, for the entire 11 months I was living with him, I was locked in my bedroom, he'd take the handle off the door so there was no way out, locks on the windows too. When I was allowed out, he was with me the whole time and it was usually only once a month to see his or my family.

I wasn't allowed make-up and always had to wear big thick jumpers so that no one could see any bruising. I ended up pregnant and didn't find out until I was well gone 5 months ( I bled the whole time but thats another not very nice story as to why I didn't come out as bi-sexual until a few months ago)

I tried to call my father once, I remember running out of the room when he came home in a particularly foul mood, but he smashed up the phone before it had chance to ring. My punishment that day was one of the worst I'd had.

In short, it was impossible to get help.

I was luck though, I got out in the end. My son was 1 week old and I'd just heard one of the most terrifying comments of my life. He went out after a nasty encounter and I smashed the bedroom window and ran for it after jamming the lock so he couldn't get in. The fire brigade came and got my son out whilst my parents came and got me and him, the police picked him up at his fathers house just down the road.

Not all are as lucky, and its not always possible to get the help you need.

(Sorry to go into so much detail, but saying "I just couldn't" didn't seem very appropriate)

You are obviously and EXCEPTIONALLY strong person! I'm so glad you made it trough, and so sorry you had to deal with a monster like that in the first place. Your current partner is lucky to have you. I know you probably don't see it that way, but he is. A person with your strength could only make a relationship stronger!

 

[naughty]

JBT,

Thanks for starting this thread. I have always wondered how many of our members suffered from depression or a related disorder. It is not for the weak that is the truth. I have dysthymia the chronic low to moderate form of depression. Sufferers are usually functional but might get the label of moody, cranky, spacy, different. After trying Zoloft and Prozac which were fabulous and brought my mental clarity back where it should be I had to stop because of the side effects. I wonder how many of you also suffer from Gastrointestinal problems as well? the GI system has the largest need for seratonin to function correctly so it isnt a stretch that if you are having low moods you might be having GI problems as well. I just recently decided that I need to go back to see my therapist again. I have been feeling somewhat out of sorts for a while and I think he very well may be helpful.

 

[hypolimnas]

This is the very first thread i'm starting (other than my introductory post), and i'm sorry to do it with such heavy subject matter.

I don't really have anything much to add here myself except my experience as a friend. I don't feel it is particularly heavy actually, more just like talking about experience of daily life.

My understanding is that anxiety and depression are very common, and often under diagnosed. Many people will have some period in their life when they are unwell for a time and need treatment/support.

In my work I have worked alongside some very interesting people, usually near the top of the food chain (within the company/organisation structure), who are way outside the realm of the psychologically healthy. Actually their obsessive begaviour/bullying is often undiagnosed, and actually rewarded in a perverse kind of way. They can make life very unpleasant for everyone else.

Also, perhaps we can feel inadequate if we can't help someone we care about. I think that I have at times. I still feel that I could have done more for 2 friends with anorexia, one when I was at school, one, a bf, more recently. Of all the illnesses that I have come across in my life, this is probably the one that I have found most challenging, in terms of trying to work out how to love, and support a friend. I do wish I could have done more in both of these friendships, I still hope they know that I did my very best to be a loving friend to them.

Anxiety and depression are most common, and many people make it through, or are succesful in finding strategies to live a good life. I think talking about things, and listening without judging, can be the hardest but most fruitful approach.

I have a couple of friends who suffer from depression and they say the best thing to do is to leave them when they are in a funk, so I just wait until they are ready to socialise a bit more. Other people I know feel better with a little company and some good laughs. For me it has been about really thinking about my friends, and getting to know how they would like to be loved/supported.

I am not very externally empathetic on an emotional level, and tend to show my caring through trying to be thoughtful, open and objective. I prefer to use analysis, strategy and logic in many situations, which some people find quite a helpful perspective. I am not very judgemental, until I get bored, but that is another story.

We will all probably come across people in our lives who have had mental health issues at some stage, many of us will experience it ourselves. These things are important to talk about, although it can be tricky. Someone who I went to school with for many years recently told me of her illness she has had all her life. I feel much better understanding her so much more now. She is intellectually brilliant, and a very talented musician. We have an even greater friendship, and I can now understand many things that happened in the past which I could never work out.

I believe also that we can become too concerned with ourselves at times, and remember hearing an eminent specialist (in chemical treatments for depression) suggesting that 95% of his patients would feel better by doing something to help someone else. It made me think. This is not to diminish the need for treatment/intervention, but only to say that there can be a bigger picture as well.

One generalisation I would make is that I often advise people with mental health issues to be very careful about who they have in their lives, I believe it can make all the difference, as with everyone really.

Well this has been quite a rant, I actually woke up at 5.00 a.m. to deal with a massive painful erection (I was quite annoyed with my penis actually), and should have gone straight back to bed after dealing with it... Anyway thanks for the thread/posts. It was more interesting than I thought it was going to be.:smile:

Ok I'm off back to bed, now whose bottom will I think of as I doze off.....???

 

[yhtang]

JBT,

I wonder how many of you also suffer from Gastrointestinal problems as well? the GI system has the largest need for seratonin to function correctly so it isnt a stretch that if you are having low moods you might be having GI problems as well. I just recently decided that I need to go back to see my therapist again. I have been feeling somewhat out of sorts for a while and I think he very well may be helpful.

A very good point. We just found out that my 73 year old mother had been suffering from depression (due to the seratonin problem) for the past 5 years. It manifested itself with the GI problem. In fact, it was her new Gastroentrologist who suggested that this might be the problem. Her previous gastroenterologist died and a younger fellow took over the practice.

Until her treatment for depression began, life was difficult for us children around her. I had to take time off (with massive pay cut - ouch!) to look after her and the family. Why? If the family is not perceived by her to run like clockwork, it gets up her nerves... which sets off a gastric problem which sends her into a depression... It was a never ending cycle.

We never once thought it could be depression - we are comfortably well off as a family - and did not realise that the cause was seratonin. I personally always assumed that depression was cause by some psychological problem.

Well, I now know better, and seeing what some of you had gone through, I take my hat off to you guys and have only admiration for your sense of perseverance and survival.

 

[Heather LouAnna]

As a child I was diagnoses with ADHD. It had not travelled into my adult years.

I worked in a mental hospital for two years, and after awhile it became fairly easy to deduce what people's illnesses were without looking at their charts. While dating a borderline personality bi-polar mixed guy, I took birth control which also made me bipolar (all forms of birth control). I wasn't not diagnosed by a doctor, but it was quite apparent that that's what it was.

Around that time, my boyfriend and I would have violent fights, break up and get back together frequently and we were quite promiscuous with other people. We also drank like fish. I received a DWI and he received an open container charge. Once I quit working at the mental hospital and stopped the birth control, the mood swings have stopped entirely and I'm completely stable and level headed now.

I'm also fairly certain that I still have boderline personality disorder, but a disorder is something that interferes with one's daily life interactions. My "disorder" does not pose a problem to me or others. I'm that "guess what crazy shit Heather did yesterday" friend. They all live vicariously through me.

 

[naughty]

Wow,

This is probably why so many people do not want to take the meds prescribed to them. You really do not know what can happen as a result.
I happen to have worked for someone who was Bi-polar with ADHD and her husband as a part of his plan to get rid of her hid her meds. Then secretly video taped the disentegration. Amazing.

As a child I was diagnoses with ADHD. It had not travelled into my adult years.

I worked in a mental hospital for two years, and after awhile it became fairly easy to deduce what people's illnesses were without looking at their charts. While dating a borderline personality bi-polar mixed guy, I took birth control which also made me bipolar (all forms of birth control). I wasn't not diagnosed by a doctor, but it was quite apparent that that's what it was.

Around that time, my boyfriend and I would have violent fights, break up and get back together frequently and we were quite promiscuous with other people. We also drank like fish. I received a DWI and he received an open container charge. Once I quit working at the mental hospital and stopped the birth control, the mood swings have stopped entirely and I'm completely stable and level headed now.

I'm also fairly certain that I still have boderline personality disorder, but a disorder is something that interferes with one's daily life interactions. My "disorder" does not pose a problem to me or others. I'm that "guess what crazy shit Heather did yesterday" friend. They all live vicariously through me.

 

[naughty]

Yes,

It is more than a notion. I am so glad they have finally come up with a medication that addresses the physical consequences of having depression. It is a total body experience.

A very good point. We just found out that my 73 year old mother had been suffering from depression (due to the seratonin problem) for the past 5 years. It manifested itself with the GI problem. In fact, it was her new Gastroentrologist who suggested that this might be the problem. Her previous gastroenterologist died and a younger fellow took over the practice.

Until her treatment for depression began, life was difficult for us children around her. I had to take time off (with massive pay cut - ouch!) to look after her and the family. Why? If the family is not perceived by her to run like clockwork, it gets up her nerves... which sets off a gastric problem which sends her into a depression... It was a never ending cycle.

We never once thought it could be depression - we are comfortably well off as a family - and did not realise that the cause was seratonin. I personally always assumed that depression was cause by some psychological problem.

Well, I now know better, and seeing what some of you had gone through, I take my hat off to you guys and have only admiration for your sense of perseverance and survival.