Mental Illness?

[Nelly Gay]

Hello All,

This is the very first thread i'm starting (other than my introductory post), and i'm sorry to do it with such heavy subject matter.

I've noticed a lot of people on this site who've large issues with insecurity. In fact, i was recently reading a post by a lad who i think is QUITE attractive and has a lot going for him, and he seems to think his life is shit. I know from personal experience that strong issues of self-confidence are often an indicator of underlying mental illness.

I thought it might be healthy to start a thread about this rather common problem and share some of our personal experiences. There are many misconceptions in society about MI, and it is often belittled. Let's keep this thread as possitive and supportive as possible, please.

I shall start:

My own experiences with MI started when i was very young. By the time i was 16 i had somewhat regular panic attacks, and was developing a mad case of social anxiety disorder. I was misdiagnosed 3 times, with various maladies, all of which were treated with horrible meds that, i think, made me sicker than better. By the time i was 25 i had attempted suicide 3 times. I am currently doing well, and am being treated for Unipolar Depression.

When they hear of my history, people often say things like "but you're so (cute, smart, successful, etc) why could you possibly be so sad?" If only it were always that simple! In fact, every time i heard something like that it only made me feel worse! I've learned though, that responce comes from benign ignorance, and he best thing to do is educate people, and so, i do!

Anyway, i could go on for hours about my experiences: i want to hear from you. Have you been diagnosed with an MI? How have you handled it? What advice do you have for others?

I gather now "Prozac" (like Valium, Mogadon, etc) has been proved to be addictive and you suffer withdrawal symptoms .

 

[Lordpendragon]

Tallguypns,

I just noticed that my cock is bigger than your brain. You should amend your stats.

 

[tallguypns]

I think my stats are fairly accurate. Based upon my IQ and what's considereed average, and the average penis size and such, I believe my 8.5" fairly accurately narrows the field down of those who's brains are bigger than mine.

 

[DC_DEEP]

I gather now "Prozac" (like Valium, Mogadon, etc) has been proved to be addictive and you suffer withdrawal symptoms .

While most of the tricyclic (Elavil, Tofranil, etc.) and (selective-)serotonin-reuptake-inhibitor (Prozac, Zoloft, Paxil, etc.) antidepressants do have some side effects, and do cause some symptoms when discontinued, they aren't addictive in the traditional sense. Benzodiazepines, on the other end of the scale, usually can be physically addictive, and those would include some drugs like Valium, Xanax, and Vistaril.

In my 12-year odyssey to find effective treatments for headaches (alternately "diagnosed" as migraine, cluster, tension, and "chronic daily headache syndrome"), primary care doctors, neurologists, and headache clinics used a veritable pharmacopia on me. They tried anti-seizure meds, blood pressure meds, heart rhythm meds, and antidepressants. The worst results I got from the antidepressants was from Paxil. I caused me to grind my teeth at night (and I'm in the process of getting the broken molars fixed right now at an out-of-pocket cost of about $14,000). When I stopped taking it, the side effects were very pronounced and disorienting (every time I moved, it felt like the ground was moving, too, and there were visual disturbances) and lasted about 2 or 3 weeks.

Bottom line is, keeping open communications with your doctor and following instructions EXACTLY are extremely important. But also important is to realize that sometimes you have to stand up to your doctor. If side effects are absolutely unbearable, and they don't go away after a couple of weeks, you should insist on a different course of treatment. Likewise if you have been on the treatment for 3 months with no improvement at all. It is always a balancing act.

 

[SoFla8]

Paxil, Serzone, Wellbutrin...All of them at one time or another. Paxil made me gain about 45 pounds within 9 months. I ate like a horse! None of the meds ever altered my sex drive, BUT I couldnt climax. The only thing that ever altered my sex drive was the depression...and that was a matter of wanting to do anything.
The meds were effective and i needed them. I could probobly use a small dose of an antidepressant daily, but the side effects suck.

 

[joyboytoy79]

Kind of going along with what DC Deep was saying:

A lot of doctors are honestly unfamiliar with current medical thinkings in the field of psychiatry. The old idea that depression is caused mostly by a lack of serotonin is now largly defunct. Setotonin does play a large role in the symptoms of a lot of people with clinical depression. But, it's not nearly as common a culprit as once thought. This is why a lot of people have HORRIBLE side effects from SSRI's without much benefit. Recent studies have shown that there are usually multiple synaptic defficiencies going on. Some of us don't experience serotonin deficiencies at all. I know for me, SSRIs gave me headaches, nausea, cramps, fatigue, dizziness... and on top of all of that i still felt less needed than pond scum.

If your doctor has you stuck on the SSRI and trycyclic regimin, and you're getting nowhere, have a talk with him/her about some other neurotransmitters. See if he/she even knows they exist! Neurepinepherine, Dopamine and Gaba are the big guns at the moment, and drugs that target the reuptake of them are steadily coming out. Also, if you find the right drug, and it's doing what your body needs, the side effects shouldn't be debilitating. Most of the time the debilitating side effects are from a complete drug miss-match.

 

[D_Gunther Snotpole]

Neurepinepherine, Dopamine and Gaba are the big guns at the moment, and drugs that target the reuptake of them are steadily coming out.

The things you learn here.
Tnx, jbt.

 

[snoozan]

Okay, first, I'm a little disturbed "JBT" that you have to jerk off every two hours-- after all you spend days in my house... I'm going to have to steam clean the entire guest room now.

I'm bipolar. I actually met JBT in a partial hospitalization program two years ago. It was a really bad time for both of us. I was pregnant and misdiagnosed as anxious and depressed when I was most likely manic. Serotonin drugs which tend to work on anxiety and depression made me worse, and there's not much a pregnant woman can be on meds-wise. It was the worst time of my life and I don't know how I survived days like I was let alone the months that I did. I cried all day, all the time, for months. And it was largely the cause of all the crazy pregnancy hormones and some hormone supplements I was taking for the pregnancy.

But, good things came of all that awfulness-- a very wonderful friend and an amazing litttle boy who is uniformly happy and sweet.

I don't know what the future holds for me. I do know I've been changing meds now for two years and am still having symptoms even though I am functional. But I feel okay right now, and that's good.

I'm so glad to see everyone talking about this. The stigma of mental illness is one of the hardest things on those of us that suffer from it.

Snooz

 

[Nelly Gay]

I'm so glad to see everyone talking about this. The stigma of mental illness is one of the hardest things on those of us that suffer from it.

Snooz[/quote]

Even Doctors fail to empathise with depressives, etc.
Part of the whle "pull yourself together" viewpoint !
Better to be an alcoholic or drug addict as the medical profession treats you more kindly ...
Clinical depression is nothing to do with circumstances as you can be rich, beautiful, clever and popular and still feel blue .
One imminent Doctor suggested I try vigorous exercise such as jogging at a time when I was virtualy catatonic ?

 

[snoozan]

I have dealt with professionals like that as well. I had a nurse once tell me to accept my position as a wife and a mother and stop being so weak... Another social worker telling me that if I gave my soul to God I'd be better... A doctor told me I was a drug addict because I was asking to change meds...

I was floridly manic. There is NOTHING that can stop mania except medication or it burns out on its own. No God, no acceptance, nothing. I understand when you're in a so-so state where you ARE slightly functional that exercise and diet and all that can help get you feeling better. But when you're severly depressed, manic, psychotic, etc., you can't pull out with taking a jog. That's preposterous. I think a lot of times doctors minimize how bad their clients really are doing. I don't know if it's because they see it so routinely and they've gotten habituated to seeing wrecked people, they just don't understand the depths because they've never been there, or if they just don't care.

I can remember one time I cooked dinner, which was a box of macroni with hot dogs in it, and it was like running a marathon. It can get that bad, and I hate to admit that sometimes. That the best I could do at one time in my life was cook a box of macaroni. That I was so profoundly ill. Giving birth was 100 times less painful than cooking that box of macaroni. I remember when I was in labor with pitocin and no epidural thinking, I've endured so much mentally, this is a cakewalk. I still however, got an epidural when I realized I didn't have to prove to anyone that I was Ironwoman.

I somehow still have parts of me that think my illness is simply weakness, or at least, my fault, but I know better.

 

[joyboytoy79]

Even Doctors fail to empathise with depressives, etc.
Part of the whle "pull yourself together" viewpoint !
Better to be an alcoholic or drug addict as the medical profession treats you more kindly ...
Clinical depression is nothing to do with circumstances as you can be rich, beautiful, clever and popular and still feel blue .
One imminent Doctor suggested I try vigorous exercise such as jogging at a time when I was virtualy catatonic ?

Yes, we all love those zany pDocs, don't we? "I see you have a hard time getting out of bed in the morning... you should exercise more, it will help with that." "But, uh, Doc, how am i supposed to get out of bed TO exercise???" They often just don't get it.

One of the worse parts for me is when a medical proffessional approaches me as if i'm an attention greedy child. When i'm sick, really sick, i don't seek attention from anyone. I become reclusive. And then... when i'm dragged out of the house, the nurse at the ER treats me like i'm an attention whore??? UGH! It's frustrating to say the least!

PS. All three times i've been to the ER for "chrisis intervention" i have been treated exactly the same. ALL THREE TIMES, in three different states.

 

[naughty]

THank you, guys!

THere are days when I just want to not stay in the bed, but get under the bed. The idea of then having to go to work, take care of an elderly parent, or go deal with any of the organizations that I am a part of causes major anxiety. I feel like can I run fast enough fool them long enough to get home and crash or hide. Depression is not for the weak. It is like being a soft boiled egg without the shell to cover you. Sometimes I even look at my posts here and say to myself, "You used to be able to spell and punctuate! " LOL! Dealing with critical, intolerant or treacherous people really then makes me want to hide because I think to myself, "If they only knew what it took for me to get up this morning let alone do anything else." THE HOURS really was so telling for me. It was a true vision to me of what it is like at least in the life of women.

 

[B_Hickboy]

I no longer suffer from insanity. In fact, I now enjoy it a great deal.

 

[dcstiffey]

Well, Colonel... I think it's a lot like Nelly said: it's unseen. You can't look at a person with depression, or bi-polar, or OCD, or OCPD, or any of the myriad of disorders and see it! I don't know about most of the people here, but i learned from a young age that nobody wants to hear when you are "down," especially if you can't provide them with an easy answer about WHY you are down. The easy thing to do then, is put up a happy facade. Of course, the happy facade becomes harder and harder to maintain, and actually becomes a burden in itself, adding stress to an already weakened mental infrastructure, until you break.

I have always had a strong bond with my mother. I can talk to her about almost anything. And still, the first time i attempted suicide she was dumbfounded. She thought that i had been "cured" when i was medicated for Panic Disorder. We later learned that the medication i was given (paxil) can actually CAUSE suicidal thoughts in teens! But the simple truth of the matter was, i only told her how horrible i felt about one millionth of the time, and then, only when i could find some small thing to blame the feelings on. I simply didn't know how to tell her (or anyone else) "I feel like shit and i don't know why."

Your friend probably felt the same way. From what i've learned from others, what i went through is pretty common. He probably felt as though he was a burden. He probably didn't let ANYONE know how he felt because it would be "too much" for his friends and family to bear. It is very important that you don't blame yourself. It isn't our duty as human beings to each person we encounter "are you really as happy as you seem to be?" *hugs* to you, my friend.

I am going to make an astute observation here and one that not many like. I myself like many of you have been diagnosed with a clinical disorder that is now in remission. Several years ago I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder stemming from an abnormally abusive childhood. Today, with the help of meds and psychotherapy, I am perfectly fine. That experience drove me to pursue a PhD in Clinical Neuropsychology.

The one myth that I see floating around on this string is that depression and some other disorders are "invisible". That is simply not the case. In order for any mental health problem to be diagnosable it must interfer with your social, occupation, or educational environments (most often 2 or more). Many of you do have problems and it is great to share becuase the biggest problem with mental illness is not that it is invisible but that it is hidden because of its stigmatic nature.

Rule number one is psychology is NEVER self-diagnose or let a friend or family member diagnose you. You guys rock and if you have a problem go see someone who is qualified to help you in an unbiased manner.

Darrell

 

[naughty]

Guilty as charged!

DCStiffey, I suppose now I tend to be able to spot someone who is having certain types of problems and through the course of conversation 9 times out of 10 they have usually been diagnosed with that particular problem. I use it for my own gauge. When I know that I can cut them a bit a of slack knowing that they are trying to work through something just as I am. It is a shame though that people do not get treatment that they sorely need because they are afraid of being stigmatized and having it used against them. I know that I am surrounded by colleagues who could benefit from counselling and perhaps medication that reek havoc in the workplace because of their undiagnosed ( often) and untreated issues.

I am going to make an astute observation here and one that not many like. I myself like many of you have been diagnosed with a clinical disorder that is now in remission. Several years ago I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder stemming from an abnormally abusive childhood. Today, with the help of meds and psychotherapy, I am perfectly fine. That experience drove me to pursue a PhD in Clinical Neuropsychology.

The one myth that I see floating around on this string is that depression and some other disorders are "invisible". That is simply not the case. In order for any mental health problem to be diagnosable it must interfer with your social, occupation, or educational environments (most often 2 or more). Many of you do have problems and it is great to share becuase the biggest problem with mental illness is not that it is invisible but that it is hidden because of its stigmatic nature.

Rule number one is psychology is NEVER self-diagnose or let a friend or family member diagnose you. You guys rock and if you have a problem go see someone who is qualified to help you in an unbiased manner.

Darrell

 

[Nelly Gay]

I have dealt with professionals like that as well. I had a nurse once tell me to accept my position as a wife and a mother and stop being so weak... Another social worker telling me that if I gave my soul to God I'd be better... A doctor told me I was a drug addict because I was asking to change meds...

I was floridly manic. There is NOTHING that can stop mania except medication or it burns out on its own. No God, no acceptance, nothing. I understand when you're in a so-so state where you ARE slightly functional that exercise and diet and all that can help get you feeling better. But when you're severly depressed, manic, psychotic, etc., you can't pull out with taking a jog. That's preposterous. I think a lot of times doctors minimize how bad their clients really are doing. I don't know if it's because they see it so routinely and they've gotten habituated to seeing wrecked people, they just don't understand the depths because they've never been there, or if they just don't care.

I can remember one time I cooked dinner, which was a box of macroni with hot dogs in it, and it was like running a marathon. It can get that bad, and I hate to admit that sometimes. That the best I could do at one time in my life was cook a box of macaroni. That I was so profoundly ill. Giving birth was 100 times less painful than cooking that box of macaroni. I remember when I was in labor with pitocin and no epidural thinking, I've endured so much mentally, this is a cakewalk. I still however, got an epidural when I realized I didn't have to prove to anyone that I was Ironwoman.

I somehow still have parts of me that think my illness is simply weakness, or at least, my fault, but I know better.

Snoozan
Sadly, Doctors are scared of depression and have the highest suicide rates of any professionals (especially psychiatrists).
Physician cure thyself ....
The private sector is NO better.
See on posting on the psychiatric intervention in the private sector.
I would prefer AIDS or cancer to mental anquish.
A gay paper suggested meeting friends for a coffee, vigorous exercise or clothes shopping as a surefire cure for depression ?!!
Doh !

 

[Nelly Gay]

I am going to make an astute observation here and one that not many like. I myself like many of you have been diagnosed with a clinical disorder that is now in remission. Several years ago I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder stemming from an abnormally abusive childhood. Today, with the help of meds and psychotherapy, I am perfectly fine. That experience drove me to pursue a PhD in Clinical Neuropsychology.

The one myth that I see floating around on this string is that depression and some other disorders are "invisible". That is simply not the case. In order for any mental health problem to be diagnosable it must interfer with your social, occupation, or educational environments (most often 2 or more). Many of you do have problems and it is great to share becuase the biggest problem with mental illness is not that it is invisible but that it is hidden because of its stigmatic nature.

Rule number one is psychology is NEVER self-diagnose or let a friend or family member diagnose you. You guys rock and if you have a problem go see someone who is qualified to help you in an unbiased manner.

Darrell

On this note kindly see my posting on private sector psychiatric care ....
Moreover, the original psychiatrist I saw in 1983 whom I found to be incompetent has now been struck off (but only after many complaints from fellow specialists and after 2 years of disasterous diagnoses.
Seemingly they other medics were tired of picking up the pieces.
His name is mentioned all over the internet in the worst context and he is facing litigations galore ....
"Unbiased".

 

[snoozan]

The one myth that I see floating around on this string is that depression and some other disorders are "invisible". That is simply not the case. In order for any mental health problem to be diagnosable it must interfer with your social, occupation, or educational environments (most often 2 or more). Many of you do have problems and it is great to share becuase the biggest problem with mental illness is not that it is invisible but that it is hidden because of its stigmatic nature.

Darrell

Though I think what you are saying in general is a good idea (never diagnose yourself, seek professional help), I think I need to clarify what makes mental illness invisible, and why I disagree with you-- that it can maifest in ways that are invisible to even the person with the mental illness.

You are accurately stating the DSM criteria (interferes with social, occupational, blah etc.) but many times those of us that are mentally ill, before we are diagnosed, have been so ill for so long (some for our whole lives), that we have built our lives around coping with our illness. People that are mentally ill and successful tend to be extremely flexible and have some ingenius methods for coping with the "normal" world. Many of us don't even know that we are constantly working around being MI until something happens where we can no longer use our coping skills to get around it anymore. Because of this, I think being mentally ill can be invisible to anyone, even the most astute observer. And, just because something becomes diagnosable via the DSM criteria doesn't mean it hasn't always been there.

Also, I think when people refer to mental illness as an "invisible" disease, what is meant is that people with mental illness don't look sick. No cast, no wheelchair, no coughing or sneezing, no swelling, no fever, nothing visible. Most of the time, you can't tell just by looking and interacting with someone that is mentally ill that they are sick, or how sick they are. The physical symptoms are subtle and not easily observable. The sickest I've been in my live was when I was pregnant. Because I was very mixed manic and very agitated (and felt horrible), I lost about 30 pounds. My skin was glowing from the pregnancy. My hair was thick and shiny. I looked great and people constantly commented on how good and radiant I looked. A lot of people simply didn't get that I could possibly feel bad because I looked so good. It was baffling to me. Many people need visible, tangible evidence that someone is sick or they just aren't able to really believe it. They truly just don't get it.

Still, I agree, it's always best to seek professional help.

Snooz

 

[D_alex8]

I hope you will forgive me, JBT, for a somewhat tangential and rambling post, but this thread is the closest one, thematically, to the subject I feel like posting about today; namely, phobias. There is common currency here insofar as, being outwardly invisible to others, they tend to be met with a look of blank-faced incomprehension, or else 'laughed off' as some kind of quirky thing that has no impact on one's life. Furthermore, in my experience, the feeling of having 'good days' and 'bad days' is very real.

My personal phobia relates to... telephones. Actually, there is a clear catalyst to this over-riding fear in my life, so it is not wholly irrational in origin, although its continued effect on my life pushes it into the phobic arena. Between roughly the ages of 13 and 16, I had a great-aunt who suffered from an extreme form of dementia. She would telephone me between 50 and 90 times daily. Day in, day out. The fuckin' phone never stopped ringing during those years. And it was always the same call; she had no knowledge of having telephoned previously. Picking up the phone and giving the same set of answers became something I got used to during those years prior to her death.

Since then.... my relationship with the telephone has taken a real turn for the worse. Even though I try to battle it and to rise above it the whole time, I have bad days. Bad weeks. Bad months. Times when a ringing phone just gets shut in a drawer, rather than answered. Or shoved under a mattress to muffle its damnable noise. Anywhere, so that I don't have that overwhelming, all-encompassing sense of fear which relates to pushing the 'speak' button and actually having to talk into the thing. My heart pounds, my blood pressure rises, I find myself yelling at the thing to stfu. And still the little cuntshite rings. A former landlord was most bemused, when I was moving out of a property a few years back, when he discovered the phone had not merely been detached from the wall, but completely dismantled into about 10 pieces and placed inside a cupboard. Those were dark days indeed.

But the past two years have been pretty much of a low-point for me phone-wise as well. No matter how often I tell people to please email me, rather than phone; they don't fuckin' get it. If I don't pick up, they only then send me pleading emails, telling me to answer my damn phone. When I respond that I can't, they write back even more firmly, saying: "Pick up the damn phone already!". And so on. They are confused especially if they've spoken to me on a "good day" in the past, because they know that, if they've gotten through to me on such a day, I am incredibly animated and lively on the telephone. They can't get around the fact mentally that not every day is that way. They think that, because I've "given good phone" one day, so I can do exactly the same the next day. But I simply fuckin' can't.

"Sorry if I scared you by phoning, I should have said that I would in advance," they write to me. But advanced warning isn't what it's about. It's simply that some days, nothing on Earth could get me to press that 'speak' button. I'd rather destroy the phone than speak into it. Logical? No. Something I battle constantly, head-on, to try to overcome it? Yes. Not least because I love people, and I love talking with people. And this damn thing inhibits my ability to do that, in one communications medium at least. And that frustrates the hell outta me too ... people think I'm wilfully ignoring them; when that isn't what I want to be doing at all.

So, of course, I'm constantly trying to overcome it... and occasionally I really believe that I have done. I've deliberately put myself in situations where I've had to speak on the phone with numerous people each day, in an attempt to leave my fears behind. And for a while, it's worked; no, more than that, it's felt like a fuckin' party of interactive joy for as long as it's gone on! But then, suddenly, another bad day/week/month hits, and I'm back to square one.

Man looks at ringing phone. Ringing phone looks at man. Man kills phone. :biggrin1:

I rambled. But today's one of those bad phone days (as was yesterday, and the day before that too), and I thought I might as well type if I can't speak.

"Caller, your time is up. Please hit the post button".

 

[dcstiffey]

On this note kindly see my posting on private sector psychiatric care ....
Moreover, the original psychiatrist I saw in 1983 whom I found to be incompetent has now been struck off (but only after many complaints from fellow specialists and after 2 years of disasterous diagnoses.
Seemingly they other medics were tired of picking up the pieces.
His name is mentioned all over the internet in the worst context and he is facing litigations galore ....
"Unbiased".

I hear you....trust me not everyone is a professional. Psychiatrist however are the worst clinicians to see. They tend to focus to much on the medical aspects of a disorder rather than psychological aspects/reprecussions. If you ever try therapy again try a psychologist or a marriage and family therapist.