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7"24

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Well I can tell you I am not the type of person to just go fuck some random
person, I have never been like that. I am an honest person who will never cheat on someone, I want a life long partner. Sex is sex to me, it's the same thing with just different people, I want someone I can share 100% of myself with, and feel like they are the only person I need In this world. I don't care what statisitics say, I still go 100% into a relationship. Fuck it. Hope for the best if it doesn't work out oh well it wasn't meant to be. I just feel so alone in the world sometimes when I see couples that are genuinely in love with each other, that's all I want out of life. Not being straight really sucks sometimes.
 

B_Nick8

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7"24;3766251 said:
Well I can tell you I am not the type of person to just go fuck some random
person, I have never been like that. I am an honest person who will never cheat on someone, I want a life long partner. Sex is sex to me, it's the same thing with just different people, I want someone I can share 100% of myself with, and feel like they are the only person I need In this world. I don't care what statisitics say, I still go 100% into a relationship. Fuck it. Hope for the best if it doesn't work out oh well it wasn't meant to be. I just feel so alone in the world sometimes when I see couples that are genuinely in love with each other, that's all I want out of life. Not being straight really sucks sometimes.

Being straight has absolutely nothing to do with it. You're either the kind of person who commits to a person and a relationship and doesn't cheat or you aren't. I had two long term relationships of 7 years each in my twenties and into my thirties, this "danger period", and never cheated on either of my boyfriends because I'm not made that way. In each case, for various reasons, the relationship didn't survive, but when it ended, we still remained the best of friends because we truly loved each other.

You have to realize that your relationship is in its infancy. And your boyfriend is very young. Think about it. Not many people get married for life at 18. That's not to say it won't work, but you need to take things slowly, carefully and gently, with eyes wide open. You are both very new to this and by this I don't mean gay life I mean sex and relationships and life in general. I wish you both all the best.
 

7"24

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Thanks man. I understand what you are saying. It's tough for me because this is my first true love. How do I play it cool and not be worried about things like this when I don't want to lose him. I mean I'm doing a decent job but in my mind I still worry about things, and second guess myself all the time. This is a huge deal for me because I have had straight long term relationships and this one makes me feel so different. It's out of my element lol
 

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7"24;3766251 said:
Not being straight really sucks sometimes.

You've just lost me completely here. There is no direct correlation between being gay and being less monogamous. While I couldn't deny that, for a variety of reasons, monogamy is less of an issue for many (perhaps most, eventually) gay men, I personally know of several long-term, mutually-exclusive MM couples.

I was monogamous during my second relationship (and I was 19 at the time), and my most recent relationship (which lasted nine years), though my last ex occasionally strayed. It certainly wasn't his occasional forays that caused me to end things, it was decent into addiction for prescription pain meds to the point where he no longer bore any resemblance to the man I'd met and fell in love with.

The reasons why straight relationships tend to favor monogamy is because of marriage vows and the responsibilities of raising kids, as well as a preference for the practice. But straights, either married or in domestic partnerships, engage in both open relationships and, of course, cheating. When gays are given the right to marry, they are no less monogamous than their straight counterparts. When our relationships are considered inferior burlesques of MF marriage by society, there's a genuine tendency to internalize such bigotry. But it's hardly inevitable.

Gays have no franchise on a disdain of monogamy, though they tend to be more open about it. Generalizing about such things is definitely a case of the grass being greener; trust me: it's not.
 

7"24

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I said not being straight sucks, because I can't show any public affection to my boyfriend. It had nothing to do with gay people cheating more then straight people. I do feel a large portion of the gay community is looking for sex not serious relationships but that all depends on age and location etc. I guess. I also meant not being straight sucks for the fact that it is a straight dominant society it is much easier to be straight then gay. That's jus a plain fact. Why should I even have to explain my sexuality to anyone.
 

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7"24;3766436 said:
Thanks man. I understand what you are saying. It's tough for me because this is my first true love. How do I play it cool and not be worried about things like this when I don't want to lose him. I mean I'm doing a decent job but in my mind I still worry about things, and second guess myself all the time. This is a huge deal for me because I have had straight long term relationships and this one makes me feel so different. It's out of my element lol

The jealousy is a sign of insecurity and vulnerability. Nine times out of ten, jealousy is not justified by reality. You seriously need to chill.

I'll also just add that I began post #24, and was interrupted for several hours. I should have revisited the thread and seen that Nick8 said essentially what I did, with his own unique flair and habitual eloquence. I did not mean to pile on.
 

7"24

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Its cool Bbucko. So the question is if the jealousy is a sign of insecurity and vulnerability. How can I improve that? I am chill, I just want to make sure I am making the right decisions and that's why I open up to this community. I like hearing other viewpoints.
 

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7"24;3766682 said:
I said not being straight sucks, because I can't show any public affection to my boyfriend. It had nothing to do with gay people cheating more then straight people. I do feel a large portion of the gay community is looking for sex not serious relationships but that all depends on age and location etc. I guess. I also meant not being straight sucks for the fact that it is a straight dominant society it is much easier to be straight then gay. That's jus a plain fact. Why should I even have to explain my sexuality to anyone.

You're not under any responsibility to explain or justify anything to anyone except yourself and your BF. You're adults in an adult relationship.

Personally, I dislike PDAs, no matter who's doing it. I'm not ashamed of anything, but the whole hand-holding thing makes me uncomfortable even if I'm strolling down Commercial St in Provincetown or Wilton Drive down here. I just don't like it (for me: others can do whatever they like). And heavy petting in a public venue that's not a bar just makes me queasy. I guess it's that flinty, rock-ribbed New Englander in me, but seriously: get a fucking room.

MM, FF or MF: it's just not seemly to make out in a public space. And I say that as an exhibitionist and a hedonist. PDAs are just so not my thing.
 

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7"24;3766696 said:
Its cool Bbucko. So the question is if the jealousy is a sign of insecurity and vulnerability. How can I improve that? I am chill, I just want to make sure I am making the right decisions and that's why I open up to this community. I like hearing other viewpoints.

I've found that the times in my life when I've been actively jealous have been when I felt that I had everything to lose if the relationship were to head south. When I've been confronted with signs of infidelity and I feel like a complete equal to the other (or felt that I had the upper hand), I might be angry over the lie, but I'm not jealous of what I think he might have done.

As this is your first MM relationship, you're vulnerable and as you've said...

7"24;3766436 said:
This is a huge deal for me because I have had straight long term relationships and this one makes me feel so different. It's out of my element lol

...so it's logical that you're investing a lot of emotional capital in seeing this work out. But the flip-side is that you're opening your heart in a way you never have before (at least in terms of objects of your affection), which is stressful and fraught with complicated emotions you'd be better able to cope with if you could relate this more to your MF LTRs. As I'm not truly a bisexual, I don't understand the dichotomy/difference between MM and MF relationships, though I can appreciate that you feel that this is unique and singular in your experience.

All I'll say is that you shouldn't treat this any differently from how you'd approach a similar situation with a woman. IMO you need to release this relationship from the burden of being some sort of paragon of your same-sex attraction. Personally I think it's unfair to the both of you and the relationship itself.

Believe me, I've been in love more times than I'd care to count right now. I understand that racing-heart hyper-emotionalism that comes with such intense feelings. But you've also gotta understand that you're much more experienced in such things than he is: he's 18, for gawd's sake. He's just now learning things you take for granted as common experience. That doesn't mean that he's incapable of the sort of relationship structure you require, but he needs to understand what all that entails, on his own. You can only coach so hard: in the end, it's up to him to get it, embrace it and make it his own wish as well.

That's a lot to expect of someone who's 18 and just beginning on his journey into and through adulthood. I won't deny you the right to make it a requirement to the durability of the relationship, but you can never be too explicit and direct about its importance in any ongoing relationship with you. He'll either agree or he'll rebel/test your limits. That's what teenagers do, no matter how socialized or "mature" they may appear.
 

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Personally, I dislike PDAs, no matter who's doing it. I'm not ashamed of anything, but the whole hand-holding thing makes me uncomfortable even if I'm strolling down Commercial St in Provincetown or Wilton Drive down here.

Honestly, Patty, I was unaware of this but I will continue to insist on holding your hand, and putting my arm around you and kissing you, just as always. Thank heavens you're well-bred enough not to flinch in public, well, at least as I've noticed.

Love,


Cathy
 
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Bbucko

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Honestly, Patty, I was unaware of this but I will continue to insist on holding your hand, and putting my arm around you and kissing you, just as always. Thank heavens you're well-bred enough not to flinch in public, well, at least as I've noticed.

Love,


Cathy

Quite frankly, I'm much more comfortable with arm-in-arm than hand-holding. Social pecking is one thing, too: facesucking is best not done in public, IMO.

Exceptions are made capriciously and at will, as is my wont :wink:

PS: I'm Cathy at least as much as you are, Patty :cool:
 

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We are definitely not having a lot of problems. I simply get paranoid over a few things and come here for advice. We are both in love but I am also coming to terms with my ow sexuality so it's a lot of different things. I can assure you things are good.