7"24;3766696 said:
Its cool Bbucko. So the question is if the jealousy is a sign of insecurity and vulnerability. How can I improve that? I am chill, I just want to make sure I am making the right decisions and that's why I open up to this community. I like hearing other viewpoints.
I've found that the times in my life when I've been actively jealous have been when I felt that I had everything to lose if the relationship were to head south. When I've been confronted with signs of infidelity and I feel like a complete equal to the other (or felt that I had the upper hand), I might be angry over the lie, but I'm not jealous of what I think he might have done.
As this is your first MM relationship, you're vulnerable and as you've said...
7"24;3766436 said:
This is a huge deal for me because I have had straight long term relationships and this one makes me feel so different. It's out of my element lol
...so it's logical that you're investing a lot of emotional capital in seeing this work out. But the flip-side is that you're opening your heart in a way you never have before (at least in terms of objects of your affection), which is stressful and fraught with complicated emotions you'd be better able to cope with if you could relate this more to your MF LTRs. As I'm not truly a bisexual, I don't understand the dichotomy/difference between MM and MF relationships, though I can appreciate that you feel that this is unique and singular in your experience.
All I'll say is that you shouldn't treat this any differently from how you'd approach a similar situation with a woman. IMO you need to release this relationship from the burden of being some sort of paragon of your same-sex attraction. Personally I think it's unfair to the both of you and the relationship itself.
Believe me, I've been in love more times than I'd care to count right now. I understand that racing-heart hyper-emotionalism that comes with such intense feelings. But you've also gotta understand that you're much more experienced in such things than he is: he's 18, for gawd's sake. He's just now learning things you take for granted as common experience. That doesn't mean that he's incapable of the sort of relationship structure you require, but he needs to understand what all that entails, on his own. You can only coach so hard: in the end, it's up to him to get it, embrace it and make it his own wish as well.
That's a lot to expect of someone who's 18 and just beginning on his journey into and through adulthood. I won't deny you the right to make it a requirement to the durability of the relationship, but you can never be too explicit and direct about its importance in any ongoing relationship with you. He'll either agree or he'll rebel/test your limits. That's what teenagers do, no matter how socialized or "mature" they may appear.