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Discussion in 'Sex With a Large Penis' started by Vagetarian, Apr 16, 2011.
Mishap during sex. funny or embarassing share your stories
Well, queefs and bleeding on my cock are pretty much it for me lol.
We were having a threesome, years ago in the back seat of a morris "mini" minor. Cramped and very awkward then accidently tore his frenullum, (the stringy bit of foreskin joining where the throat of the cock meats (sic) the head) whilst frantically sucking him off, blood everywhere. that quickly put a halt to it, drove home and had to call out a young doctor to check it and got some very dirty looks from him......
shit.... a lot
I have dozens of stupid sex stories. The trouble is deciding which to tell first. I feel like I once started a thread on this topic, but I can't find it. So, I'm bumping this one, because we could all use a laugh.
Did I ever tell you about the time a dude sealed my asshole and blew in, causing me to immediately fart in his mouth? We were both pretty mortified for a few moments before we laughed hysterically.
Naturally, I have many memories of falling off the bed. Did I tell you about the time we fell off the bed and broke some glass cups from the nightstand, and couldn't figure out how to get up because the glass was everywhere?
What about the time in my late teens (19) when we didn't hear his mother pull into the driveway? We were in flagrante dilecto on the living room rug. I hid behind a large piece of furniture because while he could slip into shorts and tee before she got the door open, my clothes were more complicated. I pretended to be waiting for a chance to jump out and scared her, and she pretended to be fooled. I had, unfortunately, left my shoes and purse in the vestibule. She knew the whole time.
There was the time we lost the condom inside me. I thought he fished it out with his fingers. I knew I was uncomfortable for a couple of days, but I thought he scratched me retrieving it. He thought I knew he failed and got it out myself. I had very mixed feelings when I finally reached in and pulled it out during a bathroom break at work. That could have ended badly. We never used a condom again for the rest of that relationship. What made me look for it? Not only did I still have that weird, uncomfortable feeling, but it shifted, and then I could hear it!
What about the time I accidentally bent it, and after he came we found out he was bleeding through his urethra? I kept trying to convince him to let me take him to hospital. Once we were sure it was fine, we were able to both laugh about it. Then, we tried out another round, found it still working perfectly, (so perfectly) and laughed some more.
Some here know about the time his LVAD freaked out and we both got a dose of current from the defibrillator. Shocking. LOL
A few days later, we got frisky and out of hand in his hospital bed and got busted by a very nice nurse because it turned out that I was laying on the call button. Jeebus. I still blush about that one.
Once, we were getting away with a hand job in a movie, but he started bucking his hips and I had to stop because I'm certain this other dude caught on. So awkward. If he just would have kept still!
Tried out ocean sex, but the saltwater felt gritty and oddly dry. Half a stroke in we both frowned, and laughed about how quickly we both wanted to stop.
I can't tell you how many horns I've honked with my ass.
I'm sure I have more. Share goofy sex stories.
Having a nice doggie style fuck-session with a girlfriend, really getting in to it, maybe a little too much--accidentally pulled all the way out and went to ram it back in but hit the wrong hole . . . A 6.5" cock jammed unceremoniously into your girls ass is not conducive to continued fun . . . (I didn't know she knew words like that . . .)
This has happened with both my ex wife when I was married and with my current girlfriend.
I love eating pussy and do it a lot.
It's happened a couple times with my gf where I'll be eating her pussy and it feels so good that she farts lol
Pretty sure it's accidental but with my wife she would do it on purpose.
Especially when she was on all 4's and I was eating her. Nose right against her asshole lol
I was getting a blowjob one night and a migraine decided to show up just as I was about to cum. It was blinding and I fell off the bed. My head bounced off the floor which made the pain even worse. The poor guy freaked out because he thought I'd had a stroke or something.
Orgasmic migraine. Ouch.
I have a seizure disorder. I'm lucky. It's mild.
But it takes over one side of my body, and mimics an orgasm. So I'm told.
My ex husband once had to save himself from too many back arches. I'd bent him.
I've had many, but the absolute worst was a black eye from getting slapped with a penis
That happened to my wife once !lol She was sitting I was standing for a hands free bj, she let it pop out of her mouth and it sprang up and got her right in the eye. Next family dinner she had to explain to her father how I gave her a black eye. To this day he will randomly ask if I'm still hitting his daughter!
Don't get me wrong this may have happened but I have a first cousin that has muay thai training and some mild punches in the face from the hands ( that have bones ) are not enough to cause a black eye, let alone a boneless cock hitting an eye from a very close range. So you have to excuse my disbelief.
So my wife and @nailz faked it.....Ok.
Lol no. I just find it hard to believe that's all.
Edited to add : hard not impossible. Also both of you and @nailz and her BF should be a bit more careful next time a BJ session happens.
We were going at it pretty hard when her laptop slid off the shelf above her bed and landed on her head.
He sneezed. squeezed me out, I shot over his butt, door opened and the dad looked in.... busted!
Eyes are sensitive things, and something hitting it in just the wrong way can easily cause an injury. I've gotten black eyes from the lightest hits during cheerleading practice.
Why am I even answering you? All you ever seem to do is troll and argue with people.
I've been here a year and a half and until now I've never been tempted to add anyone to my ignore list.
I appreciate your reply. I just want to make it clear once more, I am not trolling you, I real am not. I just state my opinion on different topics, arguing is healthy and leads to productive conversations and better understanding . Don't you think? Also I reached out to you twice in order to communicate more and get the way you think , with no response from your end. Trolls don't do that. Just saying.
Could you possibly be any more patronizing?