Mishap during sex. funny or embarassing

[Fencepost]

I said that I find it " hard " to believe that a cock slapping the eye can cause this damage when a mild blow in muay thai can't. A blow comes with bigger force than a cock accidentally hitting the face, on a second post I said it's not impossible, So I didn't rule it out , a post providing further clarification would be enough to put my doubts to bed, but this post never came , accusations of trolling came instead . My intention was to state that. I wasn't trolling, as said it's a matter of interpretation. If you still believe I'm trolling I'm sorry for that, it wasn't my intention, sorry No2 if some of my posts come out this way. I really am.


As for a funny story.. Well I was in my room with my GF some 4 years ago I was trying anal for the first time and I failed spectacularly, my now EX shouted about me not being able to enter. My flatmate heard her, safe to say my friends make fun of me at times to this day.

Buddy, you need to stop explaining yourself, and re-explaining, and re-re-explaining. In normal society it is very annoying. I am just giving you friendly advice. I am not attacking. I don't know if you have a trifle of Asperger's, or some sort of inner struggle, but you come across as a pain sometimes. Be aware of how people perceive you. Quite frankly, it is irrelevant if they understood you differently than you intended. It is how it comes across. We do not have body language or facial expression here, by which to judge personal communication. Take a chill pill. Back off, friend. Take a breath. You are likely an OK human being, but just don't go on and on and on in your posts and follow-up posts. One response/rebuttal is sufficient. If that does not work, then let it go.

 

[soren10]

Buddy, you need to stop explaining yourself, and re-explaining, and re-re-explaining. In normal society it is very annoying. I am just giving you friendly advice. I am not attacking. I don't know if you have a trifle of Asperger's, or some sort of inner struggle, but you come across as a pain sometimes. Be aware of how people perceive you. Quite frankly, it is irrelevant if they understood you differently than you intended. It is how it comes across. We do not have body language or facial expression here, by which to judge personal communication. Take a chill pill. Back off, friend. Take a breath. You are likely an OK human being, but just don't go on and on and on in your posts and follow-up posts. One response/rebuttal is sufficient. If that does not work, then let it go.

i'm so glad for your post and your advice , i'll do that in the future.. thank you very much..!!!

 

[Fencepost]

i'm so glad for your post and your advice , i'll do that in the future.. thank you very much..!!!

You are most welcome, sir. I meant my words in all sincerity.

 

[Scarletbegonia]

no-matter how many times you say i'm trolling, will not make it true also this " trolling " thing gets thrown around so easy in forums, that it kinda has lost it's meaning and sometimes gets mixed up with simple statements and opinions. anyway lets get this thread back to " normal ".

Fine. Do you prefer stalking or gaslighting?

 

[AlteredEgo]

Not my event, but relayed to me by a friend: He was fucking his wife- small girl, big boobs, her on top riding up and down. On the up stroke she came disconnected, and then descended hard- bending his dick sideways. He said the agony was so bad, he literally lifted her off and threw her against the wall (fortunately no injury- just stunned). His dick had a huge blood blister ballooning out the side, which he grabbed tightly. They managed to get to the emergency room. Straight into surgery to slice (oooggghhh!), drain and stitch. He said it took over three weeks to heal. Before it happened, he said he was 8" long. After he healed, it was 5" but much thicker. I cannot verify the truthfulness of his words, as I did not witness the event, nor did I see the aftermath. But, it makes a good story.

When I bent my partner in the story I posted above, he had momentary pain, but had been quite numbed by alcohol. When we were ready to bask in the afterglow, I found his blood on me. I was unsure whose it was until I checked the condom which also had blood in it, clearly making it his. Sure enough, a thick, dark stream of veinous blood was oozing out of his tip.

Panicked, I was fully dressed and sufficiently groomed to leave the house in under two minutes, and I begged him to let me drive him to the hospital. He kissed me. "Step one. Don't panic. Please get undressed. I like it when you're undressed."

We crammed into his little bathroom and he attempted to urinate into the toilet. Nothing would come out at all, though he said he felt a lot of pain at that point. The pain increased, and then was relieved as a huge, cylindrical clot emerged, followed by a forceful stream of urine.

We tried to relax, and he continued to urge me to stay naked with him, and forget the hospital. I was supposed to leave already, and had a three hour drive to get home, but I stayed, of course. We hydrated. I failed to convince him to put ice on it. In time he tried to urinate again, and that try was uneventful and easy. The pain was gone, and we were eager to test drive it and see if it really was mended. It was a smashing success. He fucked me like he had something to prove, until I was in a post-coital coma on top of him. Everything worked. Before I fell asleep, we checked him out, and had a good laugh about it, and about what he would have said at the hospital. I think there might have been one more round when I awoke. I remember wishing I didn't have to leave.

 

[AlteredEgo]

Fine. Do you prefer stalking or gaslighting?

I would prefer that people stop with the off-topic posting, especially in response to him, at this point.

I know you have another anecdote in you.

I know I've told about the time a FWB tired of awaiting my attention while I recorded my track of a podcast, and engaged me in anal sex that I only thought I was getting away with until the producer asked what was all the rustling noise distorting the end of my track. However, there was another time, same partner. I was working my phone sex gig from his place so we could have a little playtime right after. He decided to get involved with one or more of my calls and tell my humiliation clients a bunch of the stuff they like to hear about real women being exclusively for real men, yadda yadda. During one such session, he tired of waiting, initiated sex, and inspired an enthusiastic response from me, and from the caller. Oddly, I don't really remember this well. He remembers better. Maybe we were drunk.

 

[Scarletbegonia]

Not much of a mishap, but funny.

I was installing a light and sound system at a mid sized church. It's in an old auditorium. Beautiful building. Smells like paste wax.
The sound is sublime, with our system.
Now my friend was waiting when I arrived, we'd finished a gig at the venue an hour before.
We really did finish the job, but then, well seven years of mild to serious flirting exploded.
We blessed that stage with our own living waters, and some knee and hip skin.
Next night at the venue, the boss noticed that both of us had scrapes all over.
Luckily, there was no rule about fraternization.

I never wore shorts or a shorter skirt to work again. (I always changed between tech work and front of house)

 

[easytwist]

This has happened with both my ex wife when I was married and with my current girlfriend.
I love eating pussy and do it a lot.
It's happened a couple times with my gf where I'll be eating her pussy and it feels so good that she farts lol
Pretty sure it's accidental but with my wife she would do it on purpose.
Especially when she was on all 4's and I was eating her. Nose right against her asshole lol

I laughed when I read this because mine's done the same, not while being eaten out, but right after I've pulled out (vaginal). Happens to people a lot I would imagine. I've farted during sex.

 

[Karl95]

I lost a shoe once.

 

[ItsAll4Kim]

I lost a shoe once.

I think I saw it by the side of the road.

 

[lapdog2001]

I'm sure I've shared these stories in other similar threads, but here they are:

With my first sexual girlfriend (18+) I had so much pent up horny-ness that I initiated sex every chance I could. Learning that she was almost always in the mood, and eager to fuck meant that we had many very "enthusiastic" sex sessions. My bed at the time had those old fashioned wooden slats that held the box spring up on the bed rails, so you know where this is going. Having the mattress and box spring collapse while going at it, laughing but never breaking stride until we were done.

Another woman, another time in my life, and another bed in a new bedroom with hardwood floors. The bed had felt pads on the bottom of the 'feet' to protect the hardwood. During our first sex session in that bed in that room we noticed that we seemed to be moving, and we were! We laughed, and then put even more energy into our thrusting. After our orgasms, I hopped out of bed and we were now 3 feet away from the wall! While that was fun, we put rubber floor protectors on the feet of the bed so we would have to always move it back after sex!

 

[rope9839]

The first time I was with one woman, she had carefully lined up several candles across her bookshelf head board. As luck would have it, a couple of candles fell off on to the bed and we suddenly realized we were in a bed with smoldering sheets. It wasn't a raging flame, but it stopped everything in its tracks as we dealt with it.

 

[AlteredEgo]

I lost a shoe once.

Wait. What?!

The first time I was with one woman, she had carefully lined up several candles across her bookshelf head board. As luck would have it, a couple of candles fell off on to the bed and we suddenly realized we were in a bed with smoldering sheets. It wasn't a raging flame, but it stopped everything in its tracks as we dealt with it.

Woah.

 

[braalian]

I've had some cheap beds collapse a couple times. Once one of the metal leg thingies at the head of the bed bent suddenly, making the bed like a ramp, sending myself and the guy I was with tumbling down.

And the very first time I gave a blowjob the other guy did not warn me when he was about to shoot and, being caught by surprise, I of course choked and gagged and quite a bit of it came squirting out my nose. Yeah, it was super sexy

 

[littleguyhugedick]

We broke the bed once

 

[1Cody]

When I was making love to my wife she was moaning loudly, thrashing, moving back and forth and up and down. Writhing is the best description. She screamed a few times, kicked her leg up. I was trying to ride her. I was like wow! she is really getting into it. Suddenly, I got a cramp in my hamstring. I wasn't finished and the pain was unbearable. I kept going and finally came. Soon as I came I started rubbing my hamstring and I asked her, "you ever get a charlie horse or cramp when you are making love?" She looked at me and did that exasperated, "Huuh!" sigh. I was like what? She just looked at me. I burst out laughing. I couldn't quit. I told her, "I thought you were just getting into it." She was having a cramp, when I caught a cramp.

 

[SlamminSammy]

I've had many, but the absolute worst was a black eye from getting slapped with a penis

Damn, how big was the cock?

 

[SlamminSammy]

We broke the bed once

I've done that, awesome.

 

[nailz]

Damn, how big was the cock?

this big

 

[sizehungry]

A lady who didn't have her cab fare , made me an offer one night , which i accepted . We were going for it full on , when the door was wrenched open by a couple of fellow cab drivers . Lost my hard on immediately . I was as filthy as hell on them , pair of pricks , and , sadly , never saw her again after i dropped her off .