missed opportunities (for sex with strangers)

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Meniscus, Jul 22, 2007.

  1. Meniscus

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 1, 2007
    Messages:
    3,258
    Likes Received:
    28
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Western Mass.
    I'm not sure which forum this belongs in, so I'll put it under "relationships."

    Over the years, I have occasionally stumbled across the opportunity to have sex with a stranger. At least I think I have. I was never entirely sure, and I think it's because of my lack of certainly that it's never happened. I'm wondering if this has every happened to anyone else, and if so, how you handled it.

    The best example I have of such an encounter took place many years ago when I was young, insecure, and inexperienced. I was home from college visiting my parents, and on weekdays I entertained myself by renting videos while my parents were at work. One day I was walking to the video store to return a couple of movies, and I saw this young, fit, athletic, smokin HOT guy in his back yard exercising, shirtless, wearing only a pair of skimpy shorts. I thought it was a strange occurence, but I was delighted to get a chance to see such a good looking guy working his body. I also felt a sad longing, for in that moment, I thought he was everything I could ever want in a man, but I also felt unworthy of him, completely inadequate. I was sure a guy like that would never, could never, want someone as ordinary as me. So I watched him as discreetly as possible, trying to enjoy the view as much as I could, while also trying not to stare, not to let him know that I was watching. Frankly, I was worried about a hostile reaction if he noticed me looking. "What the fuck are you looking at, fag." Don't mind me, I'm not ogling you, I'm just out for a walk, minding my own business.

    Then--and this was terrifying--he spoke to me. I don't remember what he said. Probably something perfectly simple and ordinary like "How's it going?" Yikes! I probably replied with a simple, "Fine, thanks" but then he made it worse: He kept talking to me! Eeek! What do I do? I think he asked me what I was up to. I told him I was going to the video store and he said, "Oh, is there a video store around here?" so I'm wondering if he just moved in, or if he was just visiting, and I said, "Yeah, it's just down the road there on the corner."

    Throughout this encounter, I just knew that he chatting me up with the goal of having sex with me. I just didn't get the impression that this was ordinary small talk, that he was just being friendly and trying to meet the neighbors. But I wasn't sure. What if I was wrong? I wished I knew what to do or say, how to keep the conversation going, how to help him move things in the direction that we both wanted it to go. Ah, but it was pointless. He couldn't really want me. He had the wrong idea of what I looked like naked. He couldn't tell how pale and scrawny I was because I was wearing pants and a loose jacket. He was probably hoping I had a body like his. I was sure that as soon as the clothes started coming off, he'd be disappointed. "Oh, you're not what I expected at all."

    Not knowing how to make the conversation last, and lacking the confidence to do so, I said, "Well, nice talking to you" and walked away. He watched me go, his disappointment obvious. (Or was I just imagining the whole thing?) I never ran into him again, though I walked down that street many times. I've always regretted walking away.

    That example was much longer than I intended, so I'll make my second example briefer. A couple of years ago I was out for a walk and I saw this handsome guy in his front yard with his dog. The dog came up to me so I petted him and talked to him. I asked the guy the dog's name. We chatted briefly. I sensed his interest. If I had know how to draw out the conversation, I suspect he would have invited me in. "Hey, would you like a beer?" or something like that. But, as before, I didn't know how to keep the conversation going. "Well, nice talking to you."

    And I walked away.
     
  2. Onslow

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2004
    Messages:
    2,496
    Likes Received:
    3
    So you wanted to do it with the dog? You wanted to share a beer with the dog? (and people say I'm strange)


    As to me and missed opportunities~~they are rare, I usually go for it and deal with whatever the results are.
     
  3. dolfette

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2006
    Messages:
    11,901
    Likes Received:
    25
    chances to fuck strangers...

    for women, this is called "leaving the house".

    but i've never had any real regrets over missed casual sex.

    interesting post though.
     
  4. dolfette

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2006
    Messages:
    11,901
    Likes Received:
    25
    i always feel like the thrill, the imaginings of what it might have been, are far better than the likely reality...so a walk away.

    not just with sex these days but with the whole relationship thing too.

    maybe i delude myself to support my own cowardice.
     
  5. DC_DEEP

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2005
    Messages:
    9,029
    Likes Received:
    12
    I'm probably the only male who will voice this opinion, but the idea of casual/anonymous sex, or sex with strangers, just does not appeal to me.
     
  6. Onslow

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2004
    Messages:
    2,496
    Likes Received:
    3
    Which gives you a better chance at staying alive and deadly-disease free~~and in the words of Martha Stewart, 'That's a good thing'.
     
  7. DC_DEEP

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2005
    Messages:
    9,029
    Likes Received:
    12
    :biggrin1: True enough, Onslow. For me, though, I discovered early on that it's generally a person's personality that I find sexually attractive. You can't get much of an idea of a personality with a stranger.
     
  8. rob_just_rob

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 2, 2005
    Messages:
    6,037
    Likes Received:
    9
    Location:
    Nowhere near you
    I don't know about sex, but I frequently have had the experience of meeting a woman who seemed inordinately friendly or chatty for no particular reason, and then realizing about 4 hours later that she might have been flirting with me.
     
  9. B_big dirigible

    B_big dirigible New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2005
    Messages:
    2,739
    Likes Received:
    0
    "Missed opportunities" are generally indistinguishable from "narrow escapes".
     
  10. BJT

    BJT New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 30, 2005
    Messages:
    285
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Wisconsin
    Yup same here, I never pick up on it until later in the day.
     
  11. braumeister

    braumeister New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2007
    Messages:
    116
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    exiled to New England
    I think I've lost count at this point of the number of my missed opportunities.
     
  12. earllogjam

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 15, 2006
    Messages:
    5,027
    Likes Received:
    21
    Hindsight is 20/20. :rolleyes: I've been there.

    I'm pretty flirt blind too. Are there really chatty overly nice people who are naturally that way with no ulterior motive? Or am I just jaded?

    One of the causes of being flirt blind is probably that I don't think I'm very appealing to most folks. Why would they be coming on to me? Flirting is not in the realm of everyday conciousness for me.
     
  13. earllogjam

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 15, 2006
    Messages:
    5,027
    Likes Received:
    21
    Truthism?
     
  14. rob_just_rob

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 2, 2005
    Messages:
    6,037
    Likes Received:
    9
    Location:
    Nowhere near you
    I have yet to fully shake the idea that it's incredibly unlikely that attractive women would flirt with me.
     
  15. earllogjam

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 15, 2006
    Messages:
    5,027
    Likes Received:
    21
    It's always easier for me to recognize when a chick is coming on to me but it is insanely difficult when a guy does it in a "non-gay" place. My gaydar is somewhat lacking also. The two go hand in hand.
     
  16. Principessa

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2006
    Messages:
    19,494
    Likes Received:
    28
    Gender:
    Female
    I'm sure there are more men that share your opinion...but they are busy wanking right now.:redface: :tongue:


    I have had that happen with men as well. The reason I usually don't pick up on it until hours later when relating the story to a girlfriend is because for whatever reason I consider the guy to be 'out of my league.' :redface:
     
  17. SpoiledPrincess

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2006
    Messages:
    8,167
    Likes Received:
    29
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    england
    A woman could practically sit on my ex husband's face and he still wouldn't realise she'd been flirting :)
     
  18. 50%more

    50%more New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 5, 2006
    Messages:
    363
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    So Fla
    Same here.

    NJ I like your new avatar.
     
  19. MovingForward

    MovingForward Member

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2006
    Messages:
    855
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    There has been plenty of time I have made eye contact with a guy and if we don't do it soon after it is a lost cause because I lose the excitement. Like I was at gay pride and a guy made eye contact with me smiled, and continued to stare so he kept looking and finally came over. It really turned me on, and he asked me what I was doing in an hour, and I told him hopefully something with you. So he asked me to meet him at this bar, but when I got to the bar there were any more cute guys than the guy I had seen. Anyway I went home happy, that I didnt cheat on my partner.
     
  20. mickstl

    mickstl New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 20, 2006
    Messages:
    235
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Arkansas
    earllogjam wrote:

    Of course we've never met, but your posts are thoughtful and you're smokin' hot. If we ever meet -- I'll be sure to not be ambiguous :)

    Mick
     
Draft saved Draft deleted