I'm not sure which forum this belongs in, so I'll put it under "relationships."
Over the years, I have occasionally stumbled across the opportunity to have sex with a stranger. At least I think I have. I was never entirely sure, and I think it's because of my lack of certainly that it's never happened. I'm wondering if this has every happened to anyone else, and if so, how you handled it.
The best example I have of such an encounter took place many years ago when I was young, insecure, and inexperienced. I was home from college visiting my parents, and on weekdays I entertained myself by renting videos while my parents were at work. One day I was walking to the video store to return a couple of movies, and I saw this young, fit, athletic, smokin HOT guy in his back yard exercising, shirtless, wearing only a pair of skimpy shorts. I thought it was a strange occurence, but I was delighted to get a chance to see such a good looking guy working his body. I also felt a sad longing, for in that moment, I thought he was everything I could ever want in a man, but I also felt unworthy of him, completely inadequate. I was sure a guy like that would never, could never, want someone as ordinary as me. So I watched him as discreetly as possible, trying to enjoy the view as much as I could, while also trying not to stare, not to let him know that I was watching. Frankly, I was worried about a hostile reaction if he noticed me looking. "What the fuck are you looking at, fag." Don't mind me, I'm not ogling you, I'm just out for a walk, minding my own business.
Then--and this was terrifying--he spoke to me. I don't remember what he said. Probably something perfectly simple and ordinary like "How's it going?" Yikes! I probably replied with a simple, "Fine, thanks" but then he made it worse: He kept talking to me! Eeek! What do I do? I think he asked me what I was up to. I told him I was going to the video store and he said, "Oh, is there a video store around here?" so I'm wondering if he just moved in, or if he was just visiting, and I said, "Yeah, it's just down the road there on the corner."
Throughout this encounter, I just knew that he chatting me up with the goal of having sex with me. I just didn't get the impression that this was ordinary small talk, that he was just being friendly and trying to meet the neighbors. But I wasn't sure. What if I was wrong? I wished I knew what to do or say, how to keep the conversation going, how to help him move things in the direction that we both wanted it to go. Ah, but it was pointless. He couldn't really want me. He had the wrong idea of what I looked like naked. He couldn't tell how pale and scrawny I was because I was wearing pants and a loose jacket. He was probably hoping I had a body like his. I was sure that as soon as the clothes started coming off, he'd be disappointed. "Oh, you're not what I expected at all."
Not knowing how to make the conversation last, and lacking the confidence to do so, I said, "Well, nice talking to you" and walked away. He watched me go, his disappointment obvious. (Or was I just imagining the whole thing?) I never ran into him again, though I walked down that street many times. I've always regretted walking away.
That example was much longer than I intended, so I'll make my second example briefer. A couple of years ago I was out for a walk and I saw this handsome guy in his front yard with his dog. The dog came up to me so I petted him and talked to him. I asked the guy the dog's name. We chatted briefly. I sensed his interest. If I had know how to draw out the conversation, I suspect he would have invited me in. "Hey, would you like a beer?" or something like that. But, as before, I didn't know how to keep the conversation going. "Well, nice talking to you."
And I walked away.
Over the years, I have occasionally stumbled across the opportunity to have sex with a stranger. At least I think I have. I was never entirely sure, and I think it's because of my lack of certainly that it's never happened. I'm wondering if this has every happened to anyone else, and if so, how you handled it.
The best example I have of such an encounter took place many years ago when I was young, insecure, and inexperienced. I was home from college visiting my parents, and on weekdays I entertained myself by renting videos while my parents were at work. One day I was walking to the video store to return a couple of movies, and I saw this young, fit, athletic, smokin HOT guy in his back yard exercising, shirtless, wearing only a pair of skimpy shorts. I thought it was a strange occurence, but I was delighted to get a chance to see such a good looking guy working his body. I also felt a sad longing, for in that moment, I thought he was everything I could ever want in a man, but I also felt unworthy of him, completely inadequate. I was sure a guy like that would never, could never, want someone as ordinary as me. So I watched him as discreetly as possible, trying to enjoy the view as much as I could, while also trying not to stare, not to let him know that I was watching. Frankly, I was worried about a hostile reaction if he noticed me looking. "What the fuck are you looking at, fag." Don't mind me, I'm not ogling you, I'm just out for a walk, minding my own business.
Then--and this was terrifying--he spoke to me. I don't remember what he said. Probably something perfectly simple and ordinary like "How's it going?" Yikes! I probably replied with a simple, "Fine, thanks" but then he made it worse: He kept talking to me! Eeek! What do I do? I think he asked me what I was up to. I told him I was going to the video store and he said, "Oh, is there a video store around here?" so I'm wondering if he just moved in, or if he was just visiting, and I said, "Yeah, it's just down the road there on the corner."
Throughout this encounter, I just knew that he chatting me up with the goal of having sex with me. I just didn't get the impression that this was ordinary small talk, that he was just being friendly and trying to meet the neighbors. But I wasn't sure. What if I was wrong? I wished I knew what to do or say, how to keep the conversation going, how to help him move things in the direction that we both wanted it to go. Ah, but it was pointless. He couldn't really want me. He had the wrong idea of what I looked like naked. He couldn't tell how pale and scrawny I was because I was wearing pants and a loose jacket. He was probably hoping I had a body like his. I was sure that as soon as the clothes started coming off, he'd be disappointed. "Oh, you're not what I expected at all."
Not knowing how to make the conversation last, and lacking the confidence to do so, I said, "Well, nice talking to you" and walked away. He watched me go, his disappointment obvious. (Or was I just imagining the whole thing?) I never ran into him again, though I walked down that street many times. I've always regretted walking away.
That example was much longer than I intended, so I'll make my second example briefer. A couple of years ago I was out for a walk and I saw this handsome guy in his front yard with his dog. The dog came up to me so I petted him and talked to him. I asked the guy the dog's name. We chatted briefly. I sensed his interest. If I had know how to draw out the conversation, I suspect he would have invited me in. "Hey, would you like a beer?" or something like that. But, as before, I didn't know how to keep the conversation going. "Well, nice talking to you."
And I walked away.
I've been there.
