missed opportunities (for sex with strangers)

[JMeister]

Menicus,

Are you looking for sympathy, tips to address future situations or both?

I have been there sooooooo many times it's depressing when I think about it and unfortunately I have good memory for things like this.

 

[wishihadone]

Many years ago (1976) I was a navy recruit in Chicago walking around the city in my white uniform, the one day of leave before graduation from boot camp. I was young, naive, and rather confused sexually (secretly attracted to men, however found it unimaginable that I coulde have these feelings) Long story short - this handsome middle aged guy came up to me and offered to buy me a drink and then come to his room. I really wanted to - but was "terrified" and said i had to get back to base now or i would get in trouble. I basically ran away from the situation. I was a virgin - and never had anything physical with anyone -let alone a guy.

Several years later (1980), a young man saw me playing the piano through the glass door of my first floor apartment. It wa a hot Washington DC evening and I was only wearing a pair of gym shorts. The guy rang my doorbell - introduced himself and said he was visiting Washington from San Francisco. he said I had a nice body and wanted to come into my apt to listen to my music. I felt rather scared about this - knowing he wanted sex - so I told him that I wasn't interested. (even though I really was)

I have thought about these situations periodically though the years. Wondering whether I should have responded to these guys. My next thought then has been - since this was the pre-AIDs time and the second guy - was in 1980 when AIDs hit the news - whether my fear protected me from getting infected. Anyway - my mixed feelings turn to feeling thankful if in fact I may have avoided a disease - (few people wore condoms in those days )- I am failrly certain condoms would not have been in the equation if I had gotten together with either of these guys.

 

[SpeedoGuy]

I have yet to fully shake the idea that it's incredibly unlikely that attractive women would flirt with me.

Exactly the same here. That's why I've probably unthinkingly missed "opportunities" as well.

 

[earllogjam]

earllogjam wrote:
Of course we've never met, but your posts are thoughtful and you're smokin' hot. If we ever meet -- I'll be sure to not be ambiguous

Mick

Aw Schucks mickstl. I think I can get used to this flirting thing. :smile: That isn't a banana in your pocket is it?

 

[Meniscus]

Thanks for the replies, everyone. I really appreciate it. It's late now and I really need to get to bed, but I'll try to write again tomorrow and respond more fully.

Menicus,

Are you looking for sympathy, tips to address future situations or both?

I have been there sooooooo many times it's depressing when I think about it and unfortunately I have good memory for things like this.

I've actually been wondering myself why I posted this. I had a thought earlier today, but it's escaping me now.

As for whether I'm looking for sympathy, I'm not looking for pity so much as mutual understanding. It's nice to know that other people have had these sorts of experiences and that these missed opportunities are not figments of my imagination. It's also nice to know that other people also don't always know how to take advantage of these moments, or don't even realize that they'd had one until after the fact.

 

[Meniscus]

Of course we've never met, but your posts are thoughtful and you're smokin' hot. If we ever meet -- I'll be sure to not be ambiguous

Mick

earllogjam, gotta say I agree with Mick on this.

 

[DC_DEEP]

A woman could practically sit on my ex husband's face and he still wouldn't realise she'd been flirting

That's funny, Princess. There are so many straight guys who think a lady is flirting if she throws a drink in his face!

 

[Male Bonding etc]

"Missed opportunities" are generally indistinguishable from "narrow escapes".

I don't always agree with Big D, but perhaps I do this once. Certainly, I've never had the gaydar properly functioning most of the time, and I've been very picky about the women I've been with... pretty much avoided the ones who've openly flirted with me (and there've been a fair number of those).

 

[Meniscus]

To everyone who mentioned being "flirt blind," I've had that happen to me, too. I also have the problem of not having fully functioning gaydar, especially when in a non-gay setting. I was at a party once and had this great conversation with a really nice guy, who also happened to be very cute. It was one of those long conversations that never seems to end because you both enjoying it so much and you never seem to run out of more things to talk about. Throughout the conversation I was thinking he was the perfect guy for me. When it started getting really late, I said, "Well, it's been really great talking to you, but about time for me to get home. Bye." He seemed really disappointed that I was leaving. At the time it puzzled me. Later on it occured to me that he might have been interested in me, too. Oops. Alas, I never saw him again.

wishihadone, those are great stories, exactly what I was looking for. I can understand wanting to pursue one of these rare opportunties, but I also understand running away from them. Thanks so much for sharing your experiences.

So you wanted to do it with the dog? You wanted to share a beer with the dog? (and people say I'm strange)

Well, he was a very cute dog. His human wasn't bad, either.

chances to fuck strangers...
for women, this is called "leaving the house".

Oh sure, rub it in. For guys like me, these opportunities only come along once or twice every few years.

I'm probably the only male who will voice this opinion, but the idea of casual/anonymous sex, or sex with strangers, just does not appeal to me...it's generally a person's personality that I find sexually attractive. You can't get much of an idea of a personality with a stranger.

Actually, I mostly agree with you, at least about anonymous sex. I can't say that I've never had casual sex, but in most cases I've had a date with the guy first and and least gotten to know him a little.

I don't desire sex with strangers and I don't seek it out. But every know and then--not often, once every few years--a chance seems to present itself. I don't ever do it because there are too many uncertainties and I have too many insecurities, and because I just don't know what to do or say get beyond casual conversation. But sometimes I wish I was less inhibited.

i always feel like the thrill, the imaginings of what it might have been, are far better than the likely reality...

"Missed opportunities" are generally indistinguishable from "narrow escapes".

You may both be right. Maybe one day I'll find the courage to go through with it and find out.

 

[D_Roland_D_Hay]

I think I can also classify myself as flirt blind and not wanting to misinterpret the situation. I tend to be very outgoing and talk to a lot of people. I have been in situations that I wasn't sure if it was a sexual attraction or if it was just flirting. I guess it didn't happen for a reason, but later in the day or a couple of days later, it would hit me that I was being hit on....

I really think it boils down to me not being real sure. I would hate to initiate something that I misinterpreted--could be very embarassing!

 

[Draconis71]

Ahh, good old college, back in 91/92....
"flirtblind" was the word...
was a friend with one of the girls... I've seen her shoot down guys, right, left, center... Wouldn't talk to most of them, because, according to her, they were too crass... More interested in looking at her chest than her face, when talking to her.
I'd have guys, constantly asking me to set them up with her.
Anyways, last day at college, before we were both moving out, she just blew up in my face, pissed as all hell that I didn't ask her out. She'd been waiting for me to ask her out for those 2 years.
I figured I'd be shot down, like every other guy.
And, damn, she had one hell of a body.
I shoulda seen the signs, or at least recognized some of the physical ones.. Ah, well, young and naive at the time is my excuse... Current one is old and naive, now.

 

[24cm_member]

Yup same here, I never pick up on it until later in the day.

I've got the same problem...
lol.

 

[24cm_member]

Ahh, good old college, back in 91/92....
"flirtblind" was the word...
was a friend with one of the girls... I've seen her shoot down guys, right, left, center... Wouldn't talk to most of them, because, according to her, they were too crass... More interested in looking at her chest than her face, when talking to her.
I'd have guys, constantly asking me to set them up with her.
Anyways, last day at college, before we were both moving out, she just blew up in my face, pissed as all hell that I didn't ask her out. She'd been waiting for me to ask her out for those 2 years.
I figured I'd be shot down, like every other guy.
And, damn, she had one hell of a body.
I shoulda seen the signs, or at least recognized some of the physical ones.. Ah, well, young and naive at the time is my excuse... Current one is old and naive, now.

That happened to me TWICE in high school. Both girls at different points during my graduation weekend came up to me and asked my why I hadn't asked them out. I replied, why didn't you make it more obvious? Guys at that age (and my current age) are denser than lead. Sometimes we need to be smacked in the forehead or we ain't getting it. They were both girls I would've liked to have dated, one was picked as valedictorian and the other was on the soccer team. Oh well.