Mixed orientation and monogamy

[aninnymouse]

Honestly.

There are many different ways to express your desires. Say, if you were a bisexual man, married to a woman, there are other ways, aside from having sexual relations with other men, to express your desires and explore your sexuality. Same for a bisexual woman married to a man.

It all depends. How high of a value do you place on monogamy? If you know that that is something that is paramount in a relationship, that you want to have a monogamous relationship, no matter how realistic or unrealistic in the eyes of some, then that's what you should explore.

If you're comfortable with an "open" or polyamorous relationship, go for it. However, this is something that you have to agree on with your partner, just like the "talk" about okay, we're dating, is this casual, or serious.

It has to be part of the boundaries you set out at the outset, and I don't see it being any different in a couple where one or both is bisexual, or a heterosexual couple.

There IS a polyamorous side to human nature, even though Western culture has a tendency to be very proscriptive of it. I think one has to be mindful of that, even if monogamy is the ideal that we aspire to.

 

[Drifterwood]

It has to be part of the boundaries you set out at the outset, and I don't see it being any different in a couple where one or both is bisexual, or a heterosexual couple.

When would you say the appropriate time is? First date, second date etc? I vaguely remember a thread in the WIF where most women were saying that they wouldn't want a "bisexual" male partner, however you decide that on percentages.

As the Dragon says, men seem cooler about this for some reason, as they also appear to be with regard to their partners having sex with other men. It may be a fantasy for some to have the threesome FFM, and whilst I have done this many times, it never crossed my mind when I had a GF who was wholly bi rather than bi sex curious.

 

[The Dragon]

Seems like a wasted opportunity, Drifter.

Anyone with a modicum of tact would be able to engineer a conversation about desires and unfulfilled fantasies.

 

[Drifterwood]

Never crossed my mind when I was in my twenties. I was happy with bucket loads of one on one dirty sex.

 

[The Dragon]

Never crossed my mind when I was in my twenties. I was happy with bucket loads of one on one dirty sex.

I was very much the same..these days do enjoy my dirty one on one rumpy bumpy..but alas, poor jaded me..I think I would like a number of bi playmates.

 

[Kotchanski]

It has taken me a very long time to be comfortable enough with my sexuality to understand it to the point where I can discuss it properly, so I shall give this a go, but if I'm confusing, please ask questions and don't bite me!

Though it wasn't always the case, I am now in a 100% monogamous relationship (married for almost 9 years) though I consider myself slightly over the 50/50, edging towards women.

My husband is very much of the opinion (as was I when he considered himself bi, which is no longer the case) that as long as everything is out in the open, and no one is sneaking around behind the back of the other, then no cheating has taken place. He would ask that he always be considered the more important part of my life, as my husband and would expect to have some form of say in the matter should he have issues with the woman in question, but that's about it.

As I said at the start though, it has been a very long road of self discovery. Until very recently, I would never have considered finding myself a female partner of any description, yes I felt a need to be with women, and yes I knew he'd have no problem with it, to me however at any point while I was still discovering myself and with anyone I didn't consider special, it would have been cheating, and I still hold that belief now, though no longer have to deal with my own confusion. If there was someone special, I would pursue it with his full support and within any boundaries he set.

 

[Countryguy63]

Honestly.

There are many different ways to express your desires. Say, if you were a bisexual man, married to a woman, there are other ways, aside from having sexual relations with other men, to express your desires and explore your sexuality. Same for a bisexual woman married to a man.

It all depends. How high of a value do you place on monogamy? If you know that that is something that is paramount in a relationship, that you want to have a monogamous relationship, no matter how realistic or unrealistic in the eyes of some, then that's what you should explore.

If you're comfortable with an "open" or polyamorous relationship, go for it. However, this is something that you have to agree on with your partner, just like the "talk" about okay, we're dating, is this casual, or serious.

It has to be part of the boundaries you set out at the outset, and I don't see it being any different in a couple where one or both is bisexual, or a heterosexual couple.

There IS a polyamorous side to human nature, even though Western culture has a tendency to be very proscriptive of it. I think one has to be mindful of that, even if monogamy is the ideal that we aspire to.

^^This^^

It has taken me a very long time to be comfortable enough with my sexuality to understand it to the point where I can discuss it properly, so I shall give this a go, but if I'm confusing, please ask questions and don't bite me!

Though it wasn't always the case, I am now in a 100% monogamous relationship (married for almost 9 years) though I consider myself slightly over the 50/50, edging towards women.

My husband is very much of the opinion (as was I when he considered himself bi, which is no longer the case) that as long as everything is out in the open, and no one is sneaking around behind the back of the other, then no cheating has taken place. He would ask that he always be considered the more important part of my life, as my husband and would expect to have some form of say in the matter should he have issues with the woman in question, but that's about it.

As I said at the start though, it has been a very long road of self discovery. Until very recently, I would never have considered finding myself a female partner of any description, yes I felt a need to be with women, and yes I knew he'd have no problem with it, to me however at any point while I was still discovering myself and with anyone I didn't consider special, it would have been cheating, and I still hold that belief now, though no longer have to deal with my own confusion. If there was someone special, I would pursue it with his full support and within any boundaries he set.

and ^^this^^ are both great views and explanations :smile:

 

[helgaleena]

I think most people are not in touch with themselves sexually, and need to learn to be comfortable with their own makeup. Some say that part of being a teenager is to feel like you don't fit, and struggle to do so, no matter what it is you think you are supposed to fit...

But to continue the left-handedness analogy, oh so many cultures still stigmatize using the left hand for things like writing or eating, and punish lefties who can't supress it. The number of left-handed people in the world is not as large as the number of gay people, something like 6%-- however it may be more if the amount of handedness supression is lessened world-wide.

As a left-handed melanin challenged bisexual, I've always been a minority and had to learn to live with it; no matter how wonderful the alchemists thought hermaphrodites were, it's not much solace in middle school gym class.

So the monogamous models of popular culture, popping out grist for the production and consumption, are not always the way we are wired. No kidding!

 

[MarkLondon]

How about bi-gamy? Having one male and one female partner? Is that possible, and would it work?

 

[Drifterwood]

How about bi-gamy? Having one male and one female partner? Is that possible, and would it work?

It does for some people. You just have to be brave and break a few conventions. I am sure that there was a documentary not too long ago, which is why I may have been thinking about this again. I can't find a link to it at the moment. :frown1: